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PODCAST

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column

Toke up to this whimsical, narrated Cannabis Column that infuses contemporary observations from an old school perspective. The name Stoney Baloney says it all; a weekly grab bag of ingredients that"s sure to be infused with lots of salty flavors to make it taste delicious.

comedy

All Episodes

02:40

#194 - Dogtism

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/12/05

Autism is not funny. If you’re poking at a human being, that is. But if it’s an animal (or an insect, or a fish, etc.), you have license to say whatever you want because the concept seems ridiculous. It’s not an official veterinary diagnosis. Cannabis experiences the same plight, in that if there’s little scientific data to back up your claims of medical efficacy, they are generally shrugged off as unsubstantiated. So, no one can accuse me of making fun of something that’s not a matter of official

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02:45

#193 - The Triumphant Return of the Moustache

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/11/28

Since the first Caribbean pirate washed down his minnow stew with peppercorn spiced rum, the mouth mane has stood as a solid sign of masculinity. However, as hair trends wane and wax, the last thirty years or so have not been friendly to the man stache. Like, if you donned a thick one and a person caught a glimpse in their periphery, they might do a double take, curiously considering if they’d just witnessed a caterpillar nesting under a stranger’s nose. But the moustache is cool again. Now, this

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03:10

Episode #192 - I Miss Guitar Hero

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/11/21

Let’s face reality. The world is a much less rocking place now that a landfill somewhere is stacked with obsolete Guitar controllers. It’s kind of sad that gone are the days when all you had to do was turn on the television, throw a strap around the neck and instantaneously morph into an imaginary rock god. With a back flip of the head, an involuntary scrunch of the face, and one long high-pitched lick on the plastic fretboard, there was no denying that you were meant to headline MSG. That’s

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02:50

#191 - Grease Is The Word

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/11/14

Have you ever heard a dude say that he would still bed Mary Anne from Gilligan’s Island, even if she’s currently 110 years old? Well, the same goes for Sandy in Grease. In fact, if those rambunctious teenaged gearheads hadn’t soiled her white blouse, she might have remained a virgin. In my mind, she always will be. Youth is eternal in film. Because while Kenickie’s Roman hands and Russian fingers were exploring the back seat of the 1939 Packard with Rizzo, Danny was tuning up Greased Lightnin’

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02:50

#190--Bras Lie

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/11/07

Let’s be real, sometimes in life we want the white lie. We need the white lie. Because collectively it is better for us than the truth and we are ok with that. There is a rare agreement here that is universally approved because the benefit of all humanity is not worth compromising. And aside from the religious zealot who believes that God made us perfect in her image and that we should accept the consequences of growing old, we share equal responsibility in this allowance. Do you remember the line

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02:55

#189 - Black LICORICE IS VILE

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/10/31

I think it is the devil’s candy. Call me broken, but when the thought of black licorice enters my thoughts, I immediately picture the odd fuck from Lemony Snickets hiding a sinister grin behind his outreached hand that is gripping black licorice like it’s a bouquet of dying flowers. Or that miserable pedophile in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang who goes Richter when out sniffing for children. Is there one single redeeming quality about black licorice other than the fact that it is candy? At least that’s

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02:43

#188 - Two To Tango

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/10/24

We’ve all heard that it takes two to tango. But have you ever known anyone who ever tried tangoing? No, you haven’t. Is tangoing even a word? Everyone has tried to Limbo, but even though these two world renowned dances sound like they could be kissing cousins, their originations came from opposite sides of the world and have very little in common. In fact, tangoing appears to be a hell of a lot more difficult. Not that I’ve ever attempted it. Nor has anyone you and I know. To limbo, it’s all about

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02:40

#187 - The Leaning Tower of Pizza

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/10/17

I don’t know if the guy who invented Italy’s most important contribution to the world was smoking a pepperoni sized doob when he changed the course of civilization by going robust on the crust, but that champion put the chow in ciao. I mean, there are only so many ways you can embellish a burger, but with a pizza, the mouthwatering combinations are exponentially endless. Like, you could empty your takeout box of General Tsao’s chicken for a mound on the round, pop it in the oven to completion, and

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02:47

#186 - Traffic Magic

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/10/10

The moment your automobile doors are shut with the driveshaft engaged; the contest is underway. Regardless of who is behind the wheel of other vehicles competing for space on the road, your primary objective is to circumvent them to save precious minutes enroute to your destination. And although the unidentified drivers against whom you jockey for position are often good people in your own neighborhood, they have now become faceless adversaries crowding the track. Like the butts of cigarettes,

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03:11

#185 - Davey Dabs Is A Prankster

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/10/03

Davey Dabs can be absurdly ridiculous. And according to his roommates, Rachel the Ripper and the Swashbuckling Shatterbrain Shane, this can be the least enjoyable personality trait of this benevolent, dab sharing friend. Although Rachel will admit that his antics are often entertaining, but inconvenient. “Everyone has their trauma,” she empathizes, “and he’s still working through his, albeit sometimes in a dysfunctional way.” A forced giggle slips out as the face droops from an uncomfortable

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02:47

#184 - Marry The Ketchup

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/09/26

Anyone who’s ever worked in a restaurant knows that when you have two half-empty bottles of the world’s most popular condiment, you pour one into the other to make one of them appear fresh and new while the other gets tossed. It’s called marrying the ketchup. That’s a figurative term. But what if we made it literal. Because let’s face it, there are a lot of people on this planet who are unhappily married. And if they could run off with a bottle of ketchup to a tropical island for a glorious

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02:48

#183 - Dragon Ass

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/09/19

Dragon ass should not be confused with dragging ass. Dragging ass is something we all do when our energy is low, especially in the moments upon waking before the requisite black brewed stimulant sparks the body’s motor that consumes fuel and burps exhaust. We all know that feeling of lethargy. For so many of us, the first thirty minutes of the day is like boot camp. And if you happen to find yourself in a bizarre situation where that previously mentioned human gasoline called coffee is not

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02:31

#182 - The Happiest Place on Earth

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/09/12

If you missed going to Disneyland as a kid, there’s a part of you that feels like you got gypped. Maybe your parents provided a solid upbringing, but if you never felt those nervous butterflies before crossing the threshold into the Imaginarium where animation blends with real life, you may be more likely to compensate with unhealthy methods of coping in adulthood. Let’s be real. There just is no more imperative bucket list item for a youth. I mean, even if your only highlight was getting

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02:43

#181 - My Wifi Divorced Me

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/09/06

The union of marriage is a sanctimonious institution that has effectively been the glue that has bound our species for millennia. Without that legal commitment, which has basically stood as a contract between two people to agree to love each other til death do them part, we’d be an eight-billion-person planet full of nothing but singles ready to mingle. That’s a scary thought. And we all know that uninterrupted love to the very end is fairly unrealistic, but that’s why you’ve gotta lock that “right

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02:55

#180 - Worrying About The Wrong Shit

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/08/29

If you think about it, much of your precious time is spent future-tripping over things that have never happened, or most likely will never happen. Because in your mind, living with concern is a necessary means to survival, oftentimes spent devising some sort of escape strategy, calculating the risk of ill preparation. You even commiserate at times, stricken with worry over ‘what if’ and ‘when’. But, in reality, should the calamity actually take place, it will never affect your space. Now, you may

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03:16

Show #179 - Joint Effort

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/08/22

Friendship, it’s potentially the most imperative virtue in life. Because without some form of reflective exchange with another living animal, it’s nearly impossible to apply meaning to our existence. In fact, since our great grandfather times a hundred Erg the Nomad wandered the plains foraging for mushrooms and crunchy insects wiggling under Woolley Mammoth dung, knowing that another bone-wielding human had your hairy back has always been what keeps us going. Be it a person or a pet, we need to

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03:08

#178 - The Meditations of Davey Dabs

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/08/15

There are people in this world, most in fact, who toil through their humdrum existence with little reach outside the periphery of their familiar surroundings. And then there are those who impulsively thrust their bodies into random situations for the sole purpose of the experience that will inevitably fill the well of curiosity toward further tantalizing teases of possibilities. One of these rare participants is Davey Dabs. In his absurd stratosphere of rationale, that which fluctuates between

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02:40

#177 - Tacky Khaki

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/08/08

Khaki is a baby boomer color. They used to be into safaris. You see, fifty years ago they were the ultimate adventure, which is why these dust-colored outfits are made with waterproof panels and leftover mosquito net that blend with the Serengeti. Now, I’m not making fun of all boomers, just the one’s filling the gas tank to the Chevy Avalanche and grabbing a stick of jerky on their way to a jungle cruise. With all those pockets and hooks on their cargo pants and shirts, they think capturing that

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02:37

#176 - Sex Is Like Baseball

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/08/01

To be great at America’s favorite pastime, you only need to succeed three out of every ten attempts. We’re talking about getting hits in baseball here, not getting lucky between the sheets. However, for you men out there, the numbers are pretty much the same. For every ten times you try, if you get action three out of those, you’re doing better than most of your neighbors. Unless, of course, you live next to a college dormitory. Or a retirement community. Sorry for the visual. One reason why

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02:47

#175 - Wetting The Bed

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/07/26

I know, you’re wondering if this is a topic that really needs to be discussed. Or can we just bundle it up and toss it in the washing machine, pretending it never happened. And my response is that it does need to be discussed for two reasons. The first being because it’s good to create healthy discourse about things you are normally embarrassed to bring into public view. And two, because we’ve all peed the sheets. No one is ever proud of this unfortunate mishap, but it’s ok, everyone knows you

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313 results

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