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PODCAST

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

John Brandon, Jim Banks, Matthew Van Zandt, Vanessa

Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they"re the fun kind of dumb, and that"s what counts.

leisure video games

All Episodes

02:53:43

Mass Effect 3 Part 8 - The Reapers Are Basically A...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/03/20

Square Roots - Episode 356 We did it! Since starting in 2017 we have now played through all of the original Mass Effect Trilogy, the only Mass Effect games that exist. No, there was no such thing as Galaxy or Andromeda or that one iPhone 3D one either. Nope. Also: - Normal People Watch the Food Network - #JohnDunsWasRight - Are You Ready For Sequel Slam 2023? - Somehow The Reapers Have The Citadel - Everyone's Favourite Character Major Coates This Week: We finish Mass Effect 3! Next Week: We clear

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02:29:22

Mass Effect 3 Part 7 - A Romantic Canadian Evening

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/03/13

Square Roots - Episode 355 Johnny gets weird quasi-dates with straight guys flashbacks in this party filled, aquarium smashing, minigame loving chunker of BioWare's Mass Effect 3! Mass Effect lets its hair down and gets out of its ridiculous marching band outfit and finally lets you enjoy the world they've created, at least for this one DLC. There's evil betrayals! Clones! Gun toting Hanar! Grunt in the shower! And so much more! Also: - The Princess of Burnsville - Vanessa's Milky White Obsession -

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02:26:13

Mass Effect 3 Part 6 - A Genetically Perfect Butt

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/03/06

Square Roots - Episode 354 Sadly we don't get to dispatch Kai Leng in this episode, but we do get to meet some big ol' space bugs in this chunker of BioWare's Mass Effect 3! We get a lot of DLC lore about the origin of the Reapers, get to splish splash in some water, and Miranda gets to wrap up her Cerberus ties and crappy father issues in one biotic swoop. Also an exciting edition of Jim's Front Page Failure! Also: - Johnny Can't Tell if Jim Is Saying Horror Or Whore But Is Afraid To Ask - A Very

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02:22:14

Mass Effect 3 Part 5 - Pokemon Snap: Your Leaders May...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/02/27

Square Roots - Episode 353 In this slicing and dicing episode of Square Roots Kai Leng may be back, but mysteriously Johnny has disappeared! Does this mean way more political rants? Of course! But Jim, Vanessa and Matthew will guide you through Rannoch and the end of the Geth wars and then discover a very important artifact on Thessia! Also: - Way Too Much Political Talk - Full Page Failure: Death Match - The Crooshable Returns - The Illusive Man Has a Really Cool Idea - Sealed Shucker This Week: We

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02:33:58

Mass Effect 3 Part 4 - Wet From Everything

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/02/20

Square Roots - Episode 352 This may be our raunchiest episode in a while, so hide it from sensitive ears! On this chunker of Square Roots we go through some fun classic DLC in BioWare's Mass Effect 3 and reunite with Tali, unless of course you're BimJanks and Tali is Super Dead. Also: - English Sexy Talk - Aria Said F - Would You Dance To This Song? - Jim's Wild New Rules for Full Page Failure - Ashley Fell Asleep on a Hotdog - Downloadable Lesbian Content This Week: We finish the Geth Ship and do

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02:22:56

Mass Effect 3 Part 3 - Karlos the Thresher Maw

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/02/13

Square Roots - Episode 351 On this tragically romantic episode of Square Roots, Vanessa must choose - will she emotionally and physically bond with her snake boyfriend, or her himbo dummy human? PORQUE NO LOS DOS?! Also there's plenty of tough decisions on this Tchunker of BioWare's Mass Effect 3 like something about doing a genocide or not, or doing a different genocide or not, or watching fan favourites Dagg, Wreav and Padok Wiks sacrifice themselves. Also: - The Illusive Woman - Jim Is Afraid of

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02:43:27

Mass Effect 3 Part 2 - PRUNES

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/02/06

Square Roots - Episode 350 Shepherd takes some selfie hints from the 21st century in this action-packed chunker of Mass Effect 3! There's meeting a 50,000 year old Protheon, hot gossip with the lady Krogan, and seeing Jack's clothing journey. Also: - Your Favourite Mary Kate & Ashley Songs - The Pegger - New Game Plus Elementary School - Her Two Big Front Mounted Processors - Ensign Pringles Saves The Day - Bring Your Bits! Whatever! This Week: Extract Lady Krogan, Javik, Biotic School, and explore

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02:42:29

Mass Effect 3 Part 1 - Press Y to Yeet

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/01/30

Square Roots - Episode 347 Finally, on the second to last day of BioJanuWarey, we start Mass Effect 3! That's right. Shepherd, Wrex, Kaiden (or Ashley if you're a monster) and Doctor Chocolates are back in this action packed chunker. Also: - Mister BAMF Himself - I Thought We Were Doing ME Tonight! - Just A Regular Butt - The Pros and Cons of Chocolate Fountains - Future Teen Slang - I... Want... Clean... Faces This Week: It's BioJanuWarey and we play until The end of the Primarch Mission (Turian

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02:59:14

Xenoblade Chronicles Part 8 - Electronic Gil

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/01/23

Square Roots - Episode 347 IT'S A LONGO! This week on Square Roots we get a little mixed up and forget about Gadolt for the first chunk of the quest log, but then remember that his plotline totally ended. We also remind you why Santa Claus turned into a Frost Gigas, remember how to pronounce Melia, and, oh yeah, totally finish Xenoblade Chronicles! Also: - How Do You Not Have The Song? - Outfits With Wings On Them That Don't Make Any Sense - You Can't Spoil Real Life - Escalator Horror - Perhaps I

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02:09:01

Xenoblade Chronicles Part 7 - The Welcome Matts...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/01/16

Square Roots - Episode 347 Everything you want in a Square Roots episode happens today! It's more Xenoblade Chronicles and we're almost finished! There's really long dungeons! Someone not understanding where the chunker ends! Jim's Full Page Failure! Caution: staying past the end credits as the bonus clips get a little... blue. Also: - SCREE! Eyes emoji! Skeet skeet! - Does Comix Zone lick himself? - A Mechon Out of Water - The Return of Robo-Vanessa This Week: Explore the Mechonis Capital! Next

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02:03:38

Xenoblade Chronicles Part 6 - Full Page Failure

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/01/09

Square Roots - Episode 346 This week we start off with Jim's brand new trivia game: FULL PAGE FAILURE! After we get into this week's Quest Log where we get to finally, finally, walk on the blade of a giant sword! We also find a rare unfridging, find out more mysteries about Crosby Stills and Sass, and learn how to flirt by comparing a man to your missing boyfriend. Also: - Except for the Robot Dinosaurs - A Movie About Cannibalism - You Have To Watch This Gritty Murder - Jim's New Game - There's No

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23:06

Square Roots New Year's Day 2023 Special!

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2023/01/02

Happy New Year! The Squootses took this week off, so enjoy our resolutions for the year! Back to normal next week. Next Week: Defeat Sureny Telethia! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail

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01:45:18

Xenoblade Chronicles Part 5 - A Perfectly Normal Way...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/12/26

Square Roots - Episode 345 So many revelations this episode! A big beefy boi! Questionable allegiences! A mech made out of SOLID GOLD! This week on Square Roots we make our way out on the sword and possibly... to the other giant continental mech?! Also: - Carols for a Sick Friend - Vanessa the Boxing Day Gerenuk - Matt is a Dog Name - A Lady Mechon - Teeny Tiny Wings - A Real Kiera Knightley! This Week: Finish Up Valak Mountain after defeating Mumkhar! Next Week: Defeat Sureny Telethia! Our

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02:17:53

Xenoblade Chronicles Part 4 - Butt Gusting

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/12/19

Square Roots - Episode 344 Everyone is preparing to go up hard against their daddy versions in this exciting, explosive, full of wild mass guessing episode of Square Roots! In this chunker of Xenoblade Chronicles, we kill a blobby dinosaur dragon, meet all of Riki's family, and go up to the fanciest castle in the land. Also: - Yeah, Klonoa! - All Himbos and Bimbos - Gooching - Scared of Tim Robbins - Physics? I'm a Princess! - Don't Worry About It - Riki Loves Love This Week: We clear out the High

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01:23:15

Xenoblade Chronicles Part 3 - Glutes Are On Your Butt

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/12/12

Square Roots - Episode 343 Not only can you rescue a poofy in this week's chunker of Square Roots, but there's even a princess in peril AND a brand new Riku who is SO COOL. Also: - Vanessa Doubles Down on Making Babies Cry - That's How This One Came About, a new podcast! - Is Bishonen a Word? - Is the Elevator the Abs? - Clearly a Pube Swamp - Shulk and the Quest for the Four Glowies - Matthew's Wild Pronounciation of Anachronox - Alvis and the Chipmunks and Other Lazy Jokes - The Story of Riki

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01:47:19

Xenoblade Chronicles Part 2 - What Else Is Fresh...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/12/05

Square Roots - Episode 342 Now we're really getting into the thick of this exciting trek through the Bionis in Square Roots's second episode of Xenoblade Chronicles. There's so much to cover, from hungry robots to the annoying plot device of a child constantly getting in trouble. But maybe we'll love it! Also: - Vanessa chooses a fursona - Pickle fights - At Christmas We Tell the Truth - A WAP Dumper - Too Many Gigs - I Love Dune! - Breadcummies - Crosby Stills and Sass - It's Fun to Go

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01:31:38

Sqaure Roots vs Cyber Monday

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/11/28

It's that time of the year! We took the week off from Xenoblabies but not from you, dear listeners! This week we rank all 51 games that we have played on the show! Who will be number 1? Who will be number 51? Listen to find out!

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02:09:15

Xenoblade Chronicles Part 1 - You're Either a...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/11/21

Square Roots - Episode 341 Are you ready for a big, new Xeno adventure? I hope so. Welcome to a world of twinks and himbos, and midriffs exposed on EVERYONE. In this episode of Square Roots the gang is introduced to Shulk (short for She-Hulk), Reyn, and of course everyone's favourite character, Fiora! What's your levelling and equipment strategy for Fiora? What arts will she use? Also: - Land Man - The Toys to Life Pit - Not Smart Enough or French Enough - MetalStorm - Nip Flop! - Shulk's Spacious

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02:46:27

Live a Live Part 4 - 👁️👄👁️

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/11/14

Square Roots - Episode 340 Oh wow! It feels like we just started Live a Live, but now Live a Live is very finished. Did we all finish? Did anyone get the Armageddon ending? Did Johnny save his beefy boi? We deconstruct the very nature of JRPGs in this season of Square Roots's exciting conclusion! Also: - There's No Good Use for a Death Helmet - He's A Good Dad Now - Advanced Spacey - 2 Salty - Fisherman's Friend Is Not Code - Prithee Thou Art Mine Husbandth - Our Friend the Orange Dot - A Fun Prank

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02:41:03

Live a Live Part 3 - I'M A LOCAL BUSINESSMAN

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/11/07

Square Roots - Episode 339 Is it an Akira? No, it's an Ultraman! Is it an Alien? Sort of, but it's also a 2001! On this futuristic episode of Square Roots we dive into the murky future awaiting all of us in Live a Live. Will it have Final Fantasy Behemoths and Akira Bike Gangs? Probably. Also: - Ferrero Rochers All The Way Through - If Riker Doesn't Have a Beard, This Episode Is Gonna Be Weird - I'M A LOCAL BUSINESSMAN - The Loincloth / Balls Debate - A Stupid Dirty Slank - A TURTLE IS SICK?! - The

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