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PODCAST

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom

Marcy Larson, MD

When pediatrician mom of three, Marcy Larson"s 14 yo son, Andy, was killed in a car accident in 2018, she felt like her life was over. In many ways, that life was over, and a new one forced to begin in its place. Come alongside her as she works through this journey of healing. She discusses grief and child loss with other grieving parents and those who work to help them in their grief. This podcast is for grieving parents and well as those who support them.

health & fitness mental health

All Episodes

59:38

Episode 23: Connor's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2020/02/06

Today's episode of Always Andy's Mom is, for me, one of the most emotional episodes I have had to date. Connor's mom, Nan, describes him in a way that reminds me of Andy. He was the middle child of three, all born two years apart with extremely close relationships with his siblings. The bond between Connor and his mother was also very similar to my relationship with Andy. My husband and I always laughed that Andy was 'my' kid in a way that the others were not. I understood Andy, his emotionality,

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57:19

Episode 22: Alec's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2020/01/30

Today, I talk with Tara, Alec's mom, whose story is actually more similar to mine when compared to any of my guests so far. Alec, like Andy, was an energetic, emotional, full-of-life middle school boy who died as an 8th grader (although Andy was only 5 days from 9th grade). Alec was an extremely athletic kid who thoroughly enjoyed his one mile walk to the middle school each day. Never in a million years, did his mother think that one day while on this morning walk, Alec would be hit and killed by a

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01:03:51

Episode 21: Dustan's Dad

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2020/01/23

Today on Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom, I have the pleasure to speak with Dustan's Dad, Jason Colyer. Dustan was a very special young man who accomplished much during his short life of 23 years. He and a few of his high school friends started an organization called DC Strong, a charitable organization that works to help kids who are battling childhood cancer. They provide care packages for pediatric cancer patients that 'fit their unique personalities.' Dustan's dream was that this would become

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54:25

Episode 20: You're NOT going crazy!

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2020/01/16

'I think I'm going crazy. I'm going crazy. I am definitely going crazy!' These are the thoughts that would go through my head starting several weeks after Andy's death and peaking about 6 months afterward. Now, thankfully, these weren't actual voices that I was hearing, but that voice in my head, the one that used to motivate me to try something hard, was now always negative. I think that I used to start almost every conversation with my therapist along these lines. "I am going crazy." Her

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01:03:31

Episode 19: Caleb's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2020/01/09

Today, as I publish this episode, Crissy's beloved son, Caleb, has been gone for 150 days, having died by suicide last year on August 12th. Undoubtedly, these has been the longest, worst days of Crissy's life, of her whole family's life. I didn't even know whether to ask her to share when her grief was still fresh and raw, but she really wanted to tell her story for two reasons. First of all, she wanted to share when she was still early because most people on my show and in books, etc, are much

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59:08

Episode 18: Andy's Dad - A New Year

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2020/01/02

'Happy New Year' is a phrase that has been said a lot over the past day and a half all over the world. I used to throw that phrase around, too, along with 'Happy Holidays' and 'Merry Christmas.' Nowadays, I don't say those phrases nearly as often. In fact, I think that only time I wished anyone a happy new year was when I said it almost in jest to Eric when recording this podcast. I am so thankful for this holiday season to be over and for it to be January 2nd. I am so relieved to have people stop

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01:01:11

Episode 17: Messages of Hope

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2019/12/19

To be honest, last Tuesday when I was scheduled to meet with other grieving mothers to record this episode, I was not feeling very hopeful at all. As I share in the episode, the days prior to this had been filled with many tears. Although I had tried to do my best to prepare for the holiday season, I felt like I was failing. I had been doing my best to follow Gwen's recommendations that she discussed in our Surviving the Holidays episode. It didn't seem like enough. My whole family sat down the day

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01:00:46

Episode 16: Grief Reiki

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2019/12/12

Until a few weeks ago, I had never heard of the term, reiki. I noticed that I was being followed by a woman on Twitter, @GriefReiki. I began following her back and noticed that she and I would often post things that were very similar. She would retweet something and I would as well. As this continued to occur, I thought that maybe I should look into her a bit more and try to find out what 'reiki' is. First of all, I looked up the definition of Reiki online and found the following: 'a healing

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01:17:14

Episode 15: Alexander's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2019/12/05

On today's episode of Losing a Chid: Always Andy's Mom, I talk with Alexander's Mom, Nancy. She is one amazing lady with an amazing sense of humor. I have to apologize right away for the length of the episode. I usually try to keep episodes just under an hour, but this one goes fifteen minutes past my normal limit! As much as I tried to edit it down further, I just couldn't do it. Believe it of not, I already took off 20 minutes of awesome conversation, hoping that Nancy will forgive me. By far, I

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01:05:42

Episode 14: Derek's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2019/11/28

Today is Thanksgiving Day here in the United States, a day in which we are supposed to feel grateful and thankful for all that we have. For a grieving parent, feeling thankful seems like a foreign concept, a distant memory. After Andy's death, those grateful feelings are slower to come. They can still be there, but they are buried under the heaviness of grief. Although everyone thinks about being thankful on Thanksgiving, there is another half to this word. The giving half is often overlooked. Even

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01:00:50

Episode 13: Camilo's Dad

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2019/11/21

On today's episode of Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom, I talk to Camilo's dad, Doug Van Doren. Since recording the first episode with my husband Eric, I have only spoken with women, so it was nice to get another dad's perspective. We discuss the societal differences in how men and women are expected to grieve. Although all parents experience feelings of helplessness after the death of their child, Doug thinks that these feelings are especially difficult for a man. Men are expected to be 'doers'

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57:09

Episode 12: Surviving the Holidays

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2019/11/14

On today's episode, Gwen and I discuss the struggles of getting through the holidays with a heart that is grieving and broken. Grieving is hard work with days that are good and other days that are terrible. Triggers come. Sometimes the triggers are out of the blue and sometimes they are expected. Family gatherings and holiday traditions are so difficult after the death of a loved one in your family. I know that last year after Andy died, I felt completely lost. I really had no idea what to do. I

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55:25

Episode 11: Nathan's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2019/11/07

On today's episode, I talk with Michele Shedd, Nathan's mom. Michele knew from her 20 week ultrasound that her infant son had a condition that would not allow him to live more than a few hours at most. Despite this fact, she and her husband made the difficult decision to continue on with the pregnancy even though there was an increased risk to her health. She said that she felt her mothering instinct kick in, and she was determined to protect little Nathan for as long as she could. A second thing

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51:30

Episode 10: James' Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2019/10/31

On this the last day of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, I have a guest who understands this loss in ways that most people never will. Jessica Tosh lost her infant son, James, after just 2 months of life. Young James was never able to leave the hospital, but Jessica has been working to use her tremendous love for James in ways that spread that love to others. At Jessica's 20 week ultrasound, she and her husband learned that one of James' legs was far larger than the other. The doctors

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57:10

Episode 9: Brooke's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2019/10/24

On this episode of Losing A Child: Always Andy's Mom, I talk with Brooke's mom, Judy Breen. Unlike most of my previous guests, Judy's daughter, Brooke, died as an adult in her 30's. She was married with three children of her own. I admit that initially I felt jealous of Judy and other parents who lost their children when they were grown and out of the house, but I now realize that this comes with its own set of problems that I will never face. Although I will never have Andy's children to be able to

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58:43

Episode 8: Eric's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2019/10/17

Kim Harm's 19 year old son, Eric, looked like he had everything going for him. He was a smart, talented jazz pianist who had just finished his first semester at Columbia University. He had been elected to the student council, was getting excellent grades and had a girlfriend he adored. Two weeks into the second semester, his girlfriend broke up with him, and 45 minutes later, he died by suicide. Kim and her family, as well as so many friends, were devastated. For Kim, this was the third suicide in

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01:08:43

Episode 7: Jenny and Angie's Sister

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2019/10/10

On today's episode, I speak with my dear friend, Michele Thorson. Michele and I became friends shortly after I moved to Grand Rapids, 15 years ago. Michele's mother had recently died and my mother had died about 10 years prior to that so I was able to offer some comfort to her in her grief, and she was able to offer friendship in a place where I knew no one. Fairly quickly into our friendship, we learned that we had even more in common than we initially knew. Cancer was unfortunately a big part of

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54:49

Episode 6: Jack's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2019/10/03

In today's episode, I speak with Jack's mom, Anna Whiston-Donaldson. Jack died in 2011 at the age of 12 in a freak flash flood while playing at a neighbor's house. Anna had (and still has) a very popular blog post at the time entitled An Inch of Gray. After Jack's death, the family's whole world was turned up-side-down. As we all know, each family member had to find different ways to try to cope with their grief. For Anna, this meant continuing to write her blog. She said that 'her readers kept

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01:00:12

Episode 5: Gwen - The Early Days

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2019/09/27

Today's episode is the first of several where Gwen and I discuss specific topics related to grief. We decided to start at the beginning, those horrible first few days after the death of a child or another loved one. Originally, I planned for this to be Episode 7 of Always Andy's Mom. As I began to listen to it again, I knew that it could not wait. This is such an important topic, and so many people can benefit from hearing Gwen's insights. Experiencing the death of a close loved one and having to

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59:24

Episode 4: Seth's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy"s Mom ·

2019/09/22

In this Episode of Always Andy's Mom, I talk with Jolynn Van Wienen and hear the story of her son, Seth. Seth was killed in 2007 when he was 10 years old. He was struck by a car while he was running across the street following a soccer game. Jolynn's journey through her grief has been long and hard, but she again is able to feel true joy in her life. For Jolynn, it is her strong faith in God that has been able to get her through each day. She talks about the day of Seth's death being the day that he

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