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PODCAST

Queer Relationships, Queer Joy

Keely Helmick & Melisa De Seguirant

We often hear so much about the struggles of the LGBTQ+ community. But on this show, we talk about all of the awesomeness within queer relationships! We"re here to de-center the cis, hetero, monogamous relationship escalator- and find out what"s working.

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

39:17

Goodbye For Now

Queer Relationships, Queer Joy ·

2024/07/01

Transitions are always bittersweet. We’re reflecting on the transitions we've experienced over the course of the podcast, the changes we've faced recently, and Melisa's departure from the podcast. You’ll hear— (04:00) Melisa’s challenges with sharing queer content online (07:26) Keely using ambiamory as a new label (22:17) Melissa's farewell announcement (24:25) Reflecting on the podcast journey (32:16) Queer Joys Connect with Keely: • Follow them on Instagram and TikTok •

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47:19

Queering Sex: Opening Up About Our Sexual Desires

Queer Relationships, Queer Joy ·

2024/06/07

Talking about sex in our own relationships can be difficult and uncomfortable—even for a queer sex therapist with a lot of practice. It’s vulnerable to talk to partners about our desires and the changes we feel around sex. That’s why we’re discussing how to talk to both new and long-term partners about our sexual desires. You’ll hear— (09:51) The challenges of talking about sex with our partners (15:47) Societal pressure around orgasms (22:31) How exploring gender and sexual labels can impact your

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41:01

Navigating Polyamorous Relationships in Smaller...

Queer Relationships, Queer Joy ·

2024/05/24

In small communities, whether that’s a small city or simply being queer and polyamorous, exes and old connections often overlap. We're discussing how to navigate these interactions and collaborate with our partners to establish agreements or guidelines for engaging with others in our social circles. We'll explore topics such as control, comfort and discomfort, preferences and requests vs rules, and ultimatums. These concepts can help us manage our partners' relationships outside of our own while

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51:01

Dating with Mixed Experience Levels in Non-Monogamy

Queer Relationships, Queer Joy ·

2024/04/26

Are you navigating non-monogamy as a newbie, feeling intimidated by those with more experience who have read all the books or had lots of partners? Or maybe you're the one with the experience, rolling your eyes at the fresh faces? We’re exploring the nuances of different experience levels in the context of non-monogamy because experience doesn't guarantee a great partner or ethical behavior, just as being new doesn't always lead to disaster. You’ll hear— (12:38) The nuances of being experienced or

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36:01

Finding Glimmers of Joy

Queer Relationships, Queer Joy ·

2024/04/05

How do we engage with the world around us and continue some form of activism or social justice while also finding moments of joy? We’re exploring this question to bring some optimism and mindfulness when it feels like the world is fire. You’ll hear (5:56) Finding joy in challenging times (8:37) Balancing activism with moments of joy and hope. (13:56) Finding hope and inspiration in small moments, or glimmers (19:43) Oxytocin and sex (25:23) Meaning, joy, and overstimulation in modern life (28:06)

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35:03

Differentiation in Relationships

Queer Relationships, Queer Joy ·

2024/03/26

Differentiation of self is like learning how to be your own person while still being part of a group, or a relationship. We’re unpacking this fancy psychological term by Bowen and applying it to dating to help you be connected with your own emotions while also being present for others. You’ll hear— (15:19) What “differentiation of self” is and why Melisa thinks it’s a fun term (18:38) Differentiation in the context of relationships (25:12) How to practice self-awareness in this process (29:47)

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38:45

Managing Change and Keeping Ourselves Regulated

Queer Relationships, Queer Joy ·

2024/03/08

How do we stay calm and adaptable in the face of life's ups and downs, especially in our relationships? We’ve talked before about regulating your nervous system, but after you’ve taken those first steps, let’s shift the conversation to building flexibility and adaptability. You’ll hear— (12:46) Finding reliability and stability during times of unexpected change (15:31) How to ground yourself to feel a sense of consistency (21:29) Creating relationship rituals (26:56) What to do if you struggle with

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44:45

From Married Friends to Roommates & Lovers

Queer Relationships, Queer Joy ·

2024/02/23

Raise your hand if you’ve ever had your queer awakening to your friend moonwalking in the office, the same friend that also officiated your wedding to another man. Anyone? Well luckily, we found that exact couple, Caroline and Amy Bouvin, and they’re here to tell you their unconventional but very queer love story. You’ll hear– (02:54) How Amy and Caroline became friends (06:44) Making out with girls while drunk (the signs were there) (10:37) Sobriety and moving in together (18:09)

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37:57

Rethinking Valentine’s Day & Leading With Love

Queer Relationships, Queer Joy ·

2024/02/09

It’s easy to dismiss Valentine's Day as this commericialized holiday full of red roses, hallmark cards, and cupid’s arrows. The real meaning of love gets buried under all the marketing hype. That's why we're all about redefining the holiday, making it more about genuine love and connection, as we like to put it, leading with love as we move through our relationships. You’ll hear (12:56) What it looks like to lead with love in daily life (18:23) When it’s not possible to lead with love (21:05)

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41:11

Regulating Your Nervous System

Queer Relationships, Queer Joy ·

2024/01/26

Everyone feels stressed and anxious from time to time, but high stress leaves an impact on your body, particularly your nervous system. Join us for an overview on understanding how to calm our nervous system and why its important for your relationship health. You’ll hear (15:24) The nuances of anxiety, dysregulation, and sensations in the body (18:59) Coregulating in relationships (21:23) Strategies to regulate stress and strengthen the vagus nerve (36:41) Queer joys Chat with us more about this

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46:05

New Relationship Energy

Queer Relationships, Queer Joy ·

2024/01/12

Ah, New Relationship Energy (NRE)–that magical, butterflies-in-your-stomach phase at the start of a new relationship, where everything feels exciting and your new person seems absolutely perfect. Maybe you're in this phase–love it or hate it–or maybe you're on the outside watching someone else experience this rush. Whichever side you’re on, we’re discussing how to navigate NRE. You’ll hear (10:23) How we experience NRE and how it impacts others (18:22) NRE in non-monogamous relationships

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39:14

What to Leave Behind & Bring Into the New Year

Queer Relationships, Queer Joy ·

2024/01/05

We love the energy of the New Year, especially as a time for embracing new intentions and releasing old patterns. Today, we’re sharing how we can slow down to evaluate relationships, trust our intuition over societal expectations, and use the winter season for reflection and leaving behind what no longer serves us. You’ll hear– (11:19) Slowing down & the process of transformation. (13:16) Rest, setting intentions, and personal growth during winter. (21:26) Goal-setting with attunement

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38:47

End of Year Reflections & Relationship Check Ins

Queer Relationships, Queer Joy ·

2023/12/15

In this end-of-year episode, we're taking a moment to celebrate the past two years of this podcast. It's hard to believe, but we're already at the midpoint of our current season and heading into a well-deserved mid-season break. As we wrap up another year, we're excited to dive into applying these end-of-year reflections to the realm of relationships. You’ll hear about Nervous system regulation in dating and relationships Connection and communication challenges in the digital age “Slow

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44:55

When to Seek Relationship Counseling

Queer Relationships, Queer Joy ·

2023/12/08

Let’s talk about relationship counseling! We've received questions from listeners about when it's time to think about couples counseling and how to make the most out of it. So, we’re exploring the nuances of couples therapy, its challenges, and its impact on addressing relationship issues. You’ll hear Why you might seek support during transitional periods How to get the most out of couples counseling When to decide it may be time to seek out relationship therapy Be sure to check out

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47:30

Performative Equity in Non-Monogamous Relationships

Queer Relationships, Queer Joy ·

2023/12/01

In relationships where multiple partners are involved, we may make gestures to promote fairness and balance. But, is true fairness achievable when certain hierarchies naturally exist in non-monogamous dynamics? We’re discussing how to navigate these inherent imbalances. You’ll hear How layers of hierarchies subtly exist within polyamorous relationships The importance of intentionality over guilt or obligation in approaching these conversations How to show self-compassion for those

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42:22

Slowing Down and Paying Attention

Queer Relationships, Queer Joy ·

2023/11/24

Slowing down in your relationships gives you the opportunity to make really intentional choices, with who you're connecting, how you're connecting, and what choices you're making especially during a time of pressure. In this episode, we’re exploring the dynamics of pacing and intentionality. You’ll hear The importance of prioritizing self-care during this holiday season How pacing new relationship energy can lead to a more sustainable connection Why attention and curiosity can revitalize

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44:57

Relationship Boredom and Spicing Up Connections

Queer Relationships, Queer Joy ·

2023/11/17

Are you feeling bored and wanting more from the relationship(s) you’re in? The thrill of the chase fades, routines set in, and suddenly, things feel a bit predictable? In this episode, you’ll learn ways to add that zest back into your relationships – and trust us, it's not just about spicing things up in the bedroom. You’ll hear Why relationships don't always have to follow a traditional "escalator" trajectory The role overstimulation in modern society plays in relationship boredom How

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55:06

Renegotiating Agreements in Non-monogamous Relationships

Queer Relationships, Queer Joy ·

2023/11/03

From defining relationship dynamics to navigating multiple connections, agreements ensure that everyone's values and desires are respected and honored. We’re joined again by Heather Simpson to talk about polyamory, agreements, and communication. You’ll hear about The importance of check-ins and agreements in non-monogamous relationships Having open and explicit conversations about sexual health & sexual preferences Why some relationships could benefit from a written agreement over a

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47:47

Staying For The Wrong Reasons: Long-term Relationship...

Queer Relationships, Queer Joy ·

2023/10/27

Relationships should be about developing connections, not just seeking stability. In this episode, we’re exploring the idea of being in a long-term relationship for healthy reasons, rather than relying on the other person for stability or other unfruitful reasons. You’ll learn How to know when you’re at the place where you’re ready to leave Why it’s important to create explicit agreements and consent in your relationship Where to find the balance between being selfish and selfless as a

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45:46

Polyamory, Platonic Relationships & Queer Fashion

Queer Relationships, Queer Joy ·

2023/10/20

Join us for a laid back conversation with fellow queer therapist, Heather Simpson as we delve into the world of queer polyamory, platonic relationships, and modern dating. You’ll hear about Fashion as a tool for queer self-expression and dopamine dressing Decentering romantic relationships and couples privilege Love is blind and polyamory in dating shows If you’d like to learn more about Heather and her practice, you can visit www.mindfulinquirytherapy.com. And if you’re looking for

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