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PODCAST

Bruno"s You Don"t Have To

Feeling pressured to get married, buy a house, have kids, and post it all in matching outfits? You don’t have to. This podcast is for overthinkers, quietly panicking 40-somethings, and anyone questioning life’s so-called milestones. Join Bruno—a newly single 47-year-old with a sharp tongue, dry humor, and zero patience for societal BS—as he unpacks expectations about relationships, dating after divorce, parenthood, and success. Expect candid stories, uncomfortable truths, and a reminder that it’s

society & culture

All Episodes

00:05:26

How Bruno Broke Up With His Punctuality Problem

Bruno"s You Don"t Have To ·

2025/09/09

For 25 years, Bruno had a toxic relationship with time. It started with his first job out of college, navigating DC traffic for a boss who believed the solution to being late was simply "leave an hour earlier." This ingrained a deep-seated anxiety about punctuality that followed Bruno for decades, amplified by partners and a society obsessed with the clock. It became a residual behavioral response, a constant low-level stress humming in the background of his life.But what if time isn't

en

00:03:56

Why I Hate the Beach & Your Kids Eat Sand

Bruno"s You Don"t Have To ·

2025/09/02

Join us for a brutally honest and hilarious take on beach parenting from a dad who freely admits he can't swim. In this 4-minute comedic monologue, our host shares the reality of family beach trips: carrying 55,000 tons of equipment only to watch your kids eat sand, setting clear water boundaries with children, and the liberating honesty of admitting your limitations.From explaining why shower dizziness disqualifies you from fighter pilot duty to establishing the "I'll only go in the water to pee or

en

00:03:35

Your Kid Doesn’t Need a Gift Bag

Bruno"s You Don"t Have To ·

2025/08/12

Feeling pressured to get married, buy a house, have kids, and post it all in matching outfits? You don’t have to.This podcast is for overthinkers, quietly panicking 40-somethings, and anyone questioning life’s so-called milestones. Join Bruno—a newly single 47-year-old with a sharp tongue, dry humor, and zero patience for societal BS—as he unpacks expectations about relationships, dating after divorce, parenthood, and success.Expect candid stories, uncomfortable truths, and a reminder that it’s okay

en

00:00:32

You Don’t Have To Listen Twice a Week

Bruno"s You Don"t Have To ·

2025/08/07

Big news, loyal listeners (and the three people who accidentally subscribed)! Bruno’s cutting back—but don’t worry, it’s not on carbs or caffeine. Starting now, we’re dropping just one glorious, unhinged, irreverent episode a week. Why? Because twice the nonsense was making the internet unstable—and Bruno’s vocal cords deserve hazard pay.Tune in every Tuesday for your weekly fix of unsolicited opinions, minor revelations, and stories your therapist would raise an eyebrow at. Less is more. Except

en

00:03:16

Sex, socks, and substitute teachers.

Bruno"s You Don"t Have To ·

2025/08/05

In this brutally honest and darkly funny episode of Bruno’s You Don’t Have To, Bruno reflects on his hilariously awkward first sexual experience. From losing his virginity (and his sock) at 17, to confronting the pressure of teen sex in the 90s, to getting a number from a 24-year-old Spanish substitute teacher named Maria—this one dives into modern masculinity, sexual expectations, porn culture, and the confusing mess of growing up male. It's a cringe-laced coming-of-age story you won't

en

00:03:01

From Theme Parties to Nation of Islam Pies: An...

Bruno"s You Don"t Have To ·

2025/07/31

Bruno’s latest episode proves that three minutes can feel like a rollercoaster. He starts by warning you not to take him seriously, then dives into stories that reveal exactly why. Raised in a lily‑white town in GOP‑heavy New Jersey, he watched the one Black student get pulled out of class and later set 14 cars on fire. In college, he hosted a themed “ghetto night” party and learned the hard way what microaggressions really are. Moving to Washington brought run‑ins with Nation of Islam vendors on

en

00:02:51

Father Joe Sweats For Your Sins, and Jeremy Piven...

Bruno"s You Don"t Have To ·

2025/07/29

Are award shows just a bunch of buddies giving trophies to each other? Bruno thinks so, and he’s not afraid to say it. On the 20th episode, we’re tearing down the pretense of formal ceremonies and building something new from the ground up. Hear how a memory of a sweltering church service inspired a rebellion against inefficiency and how that led to the creation of an award for indie podcasters. This is a story for anyone who’s ever felt like an outsider, bent the rules to get something done, and

en

00:04:20

How to Accidentally Hire 👨‍🦲ϟϟ as Security

Bruno"s You Don"t Have To ·

2025/07/24

Ever roomed with a punk, tattoo‑seekin’ straight‑edge kid and accidentally partied with some 👨‍🦲s? Same. In this episode Bruno recounts college chaos: misfits, frat boys threatening basement beatdowns, a topless tattoo parlor call, even a surprise gun cameo. Spoiler: it’s like hiring a diabetic to guard a bakery 🍩. If your week needs some wiseass nostalgia + absurd edge, this one’s your ticket. Play clean, listen dirty.”https://linkt.ee/Brunos_Podcast

en

00:03:59

Retirement Is a Lie and So Are Cats

Bruno"s You Don"t Have To ·

2025/07/22

Bruno loves dogs. Bruno does not want another dog. In this barkingly honest episode, he unpacks a $3.79 adoption in China, blood on the floor, cat piss on trampolines, and a fantasy about fishing for stripers in Nova Scotia with a camper and a loyal companion. It’s not about dogs. It’s about freedom, failure, and the very real threat of being eaten by wolves if you pass out in the rubble.A deep dive into pet regret, cat warfare, and the American fantasy of escape via pickup truck, this is Bruno at

en

00:03:36

Turns Out He Wasn’t Being an A$$h0l3—It Was Just Puberty

Bruno"s You Don"t Have To ·

2025/07/17

In this sharp, honest, and occasionally NSFW-mouthed rant, Bruno reflects on the chaotic beauty of parenting through puberty. From shouting matches about jackets to overthinking mashed peas in the freezer, this episode hits every note between regret and relief.Bruno realizes the yelling, the frustration, the slammed doors—it wasn’t personal. It was puberty. His kid wasn’t trying to be a jerk. He was just drowning in hormones, and Bruno—like a lot of us—was too caught up in being “right” to see

en

00:03:00

Weed Moms, Cultural Pressures & Judgy Dads

Bruno"s You Don"t Have To ·

2025/07/15

A minivan, a mom, a dispensary pickup—and a kid in the backseat. Bruno spirals into cultural expectations, Catholic guilt, and the weird stuff old ladies say about babies. It’s sharp, reflective, and ends with infused pre-rolls.Parenting norms, dispensary culture, family expectations, humor, and social commentary - all in under 3-minutes.

en

00:04:47

Uncle Lester Ruined Your Daughter

Bruno"s You Don"t Have To ·

2025/07/10

This week on Bruno’s You Don’t Have To, we unpack the wild truth: every parent screws up their kid somehow. From New York Times savings calculators to $60K-a-year keg parties, Bruno wonders why we try to make everything perfect for kids when nothing ever is.College debt, childhood trauma, Uncle Lester, and one poor boy’s broken understanding of cows—all in under five minutes.You’ll laugh, cringe, and maybe rethink that 529 plan.

en

00:06:26

When Kids Don’t Get Punched in the Face

Bruno"s You Don"t Have To ·

2025/07/08

Are we raising a generation that can’t take a punch—literally or metaphorically? In this brutally honest four-minute rant, Bruno dives into the parenting paradox: how did our boomer parents mess us up so badly that we became the soft, overprotective ones?With stories from the frontlines of middle school discipline, awkward co-parenting moments, and one surprisingly strategic cell phone call, this episode questions what happens when kids never face consequences, conflict, or even a rainy walk home.If

en

00:03:24

Sex, Love, & Rainbow Sprinkles

Bruno"s You Don"t Have To ·

2025/07/03

Ever had the talk in a Dodge Caravan on the Jersey Turnpike after a Devils game? No? Well, Bruno did—and now he’s passing the awkward torch to the next generation. In this hilariously honest episode, Bruno dives into the cringe, chaos, and crucial conversations of parenting in the age of TikTok and Pornhub.From blowjob rumors at school to ordering bubblegum ice cream with rainbow sprinkles in front of cute teenage girls, this is a raw (but sweet) meditation on fatherhood, sex education, masculinity,

en

00:03:56

Like, Uh… Finding the Path

Bruno"s You Don"t Have To ·

2025/06/30

What do high school English class, Tropic of Cancer, and a sketchy dirt road in the woods have in common? Bruno, apparently.In this episode of Bruno’s You Don’t Have To, we dive into literary trauma, questionable curriculum choices, and one man’s midlife detour—both metaphorical and very, very literal. From being the only kid actually reading in class (and getting in trouble for it), to trusting Google Maps into the muddiest moment of the week, Bruno reflects on risk, rebellion, and what it means to

en

00:03:44

Rebels, Rules, and the Last Day of School

Bruno"s You Don"t Have To ·

2025/06/26

Bruno reflects on structure, scheduling, and why sometimes rules just suck. From resisting podcast “management” to supporting his daughter’s refusal to stand in a silent line on the last day of school, this episode asks: When is it okay to say “nah, I’m good”?

en

00:03:11

Stack Those Pallets, Pop Pop!

Bruno"s You Don"t Have To ·

2025/06/24

A fast-talking, expletive-laced journey through nostalgia, tech panic, and the accelerating pace of change. Bruno muses on how kids today are different (or not), why our parents bitched about us too, and how we’re all just trying to keep up with the robots before they win.

en

00:04:17

The Hallway Smells Like a Whore

Bruno"s You Don"t Have To ·

2025/06/18

Sweet, stale, and soaked in bad decisions—that’s the scent of this episode. Bruno paints a picture of two people dragging what’s left of their lives into a cheap motel, as chaos hums behind every door. It’s dark, poetic, and 90% fiction (just like the rest of this pod). Come for the imagery, stay for the heartbreak. Or skip it. You don’t have to.

en

00:04:13

From Santa to Socially Awkward Dad: Notes on Fumbling...

Bruno"s You Don"t Have To ·

2025/06/14

In this episode, Bruno takes us on a wildly uncomfortable trip down memory lane—from his first-grade debut as Santa (complete with a doll as big as he was and a mic stand that didn’t survive the performance) to modern-day social anxiety at his son’s graduation. It’s a masterclass in how childhood stage trauma sticks with you for life, how small talk feels like combat, and why sometimes you just want to grab ice cream cake and escape.

en

00:03:27

Divorce, Guilt Trips & Costco Shirts

Bruno"s You Don"t Have To ·

2025/06/12

Dive headfirst into a three-minute rollercoaster where ancient tragedy crashes into suburban absurdity. Bruno traces the Hero’s Journey from Suicide Alley to Overdose Lane, unpacks Sophocles’ Oedipus-level drama, and lands squarely in the fluorescent aisles of Costco—where “I don’t need more button-downs” somehow becomes a four-hour guilt trip. Equal parts mythic deep-dive and laugh-out-loud family therapy, this episode unravels how mom’s “baby boy” radar never shuts off… and why 15 new dress shirts

en

27 results

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