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PODCAST

Welcome To Patchwork

Christian, Dion and Josh

**Nominated for "Best Comedy" at the Australian Podcast Awards 2018 & 2019** Have you ever wondered if it’s acceptable to bring food to someone"s house and take it back home if no one has eaten it? Well if you have, then you’re in good company. Christian, Dion and Josh are Welcome to Patchwork: An Australian comedy podcast that thinks too hard about the monotony of life. By debating the obvious, challenging social conventions and improvising sketches, we"re more concerned with the crumbs than the

comedy improv

All Episodes

71:35

Patch #150 Livestream - Is This How You Celebrate 150...

Welcome To Patchwork ·

2025/09/16

After eight years, 150 episodes and approximately one and a half Bibles worth of words, Christian, Dion and Josh gather to celebrate the tangled quilt they’ve been slowly unravelling since 2017. This very special Patch, recorded live on YouTube on September 10, 2025, is best experienced by watching rather than listening. Here's a link to the YouTube livestream recording. How have three friends managed to keep a podcast going for nearly a decade without ever truly learning how to knit, sew, or

en-AU

5:10

Patch 150 YouTube Livestream Promo (September 10 at 8pm)

Welcome To Patchwork ·

2025/08/19

No regular Patch this week—but for good reason. We’re gearing up for our Patch 150 Livestream, happening Tuesday, September 10 at 8pm (AEST) on YouTube. Expect some Patchwork trivia, lots of nostalgia, and plenty of technical difficulties. It’s part episode, part celebration, and all Patchwork. Pop it in your calendar, jump on our socials for the link, and come join us live—you might even need to cancel your dinner plans.Support the show:

en-AU

35:32

Patch #149 – Do You Know How Loudly You Chew?

Welcome To Patchwork ·

2025/08/05

We begin with Josh’s so-called “worst idea ever”: a heated debate about monitor timeout settings that morphs into a discussion about energy saving, screen burn, and whether you can feel your password in your fingers. Then Dion unveils a mysterious crack on his phone’s screen protector—but can’t recall how it happened. Josh is appalled. Christian is strangely sympathetic. Later, we find ourselves in a crowded venue with Josh, hyper-aware he’s blocking a

en-AU

38:19

Patch #148 - Do You Panic When A Ball Rolls Your Way?

Welcome To Patchwork ·

2025/07/22

With Dion back on the mic, we begin by questioning his curious choice to take place his call in another room but on speaker. This quickly turns into a debate about phone etiquette, hands-free habits, and whether Dion’s long-standing fear of mobile radiation is paranoia or just good prep. We also examine the strange acoustics of speaker mics, the performance of whispering taxi drivers, and the phone-in-bra technique favoured by certain mums. Next, we tackle the strange panic that sets in when a

en-AU

40:03

Patch #147 - Patch Full O' Scraps

Welcome To Patchwork ·

2025/07/08

From coughing fits to crusty sourdoughs, this episode is made entirely of scraps - old notes, fleeting thoughts, and the kinds of ponderings that once felt too small, too odd, or too unworthy to make the cut. But today, they shine. In this rapid-fire, patchwork-style patch, we discuss: The weird intimacy of bringing a list of topics to dinner Why Christian thinks fridges have made us forget the meaning of "fresh" Is putting found items higher really helping the original owner? Emojis vs. "haha" -

en-AU

32:31

Patch #146 - Do You Bring Your Bins In On Time?

Welcome To Patchwork ·

2025/06/24

Christian finally gets his ear pierced — but what does it mean to permanently alter your body? Is it self-expression, a longing for transformation, or simply an overdue homage to a bodybuilding uncle from childhood? Meanwhile, Josh is quietly seething at his neighbours who refuse to bring their bins in — but is it really about the bins, or about the unspoken social contract we all silently agree to uphold? When is it okay to make a fuss? Why do some people seem completely unaware of the

en-AU

34:50

Patch 145 - Do You Trust Friends To Look After Your...

Welcome To Patchwork ·

2025/06/10

With Dion away, Christian and Josh settle in for a two-hander that begins with Christian’s recent holiday — and the logistical challenge of who would feed the cats. Christian reveals he enlisted six different friends (including Josh) and provided an extensive PDF detailing every aspect of Moe and Gus’s care. We unpack the line between thoughtful preparation and over-engineering. Is it helpful or excessive to include things like backstories, indexes, and optional enrichment

en-AU

44:49

Patch #144 - Are You Confident Licking An Ice-cream?

Welcome To Patchwork ·

2025/05/27

We begin this patch with Josh recounting a recent trip to the Great Australian Beer Spectacular and Dion arriving at the wrong venue, shitting himself. Which kicks off a discussion about lateness, accountability, and how best to communicate when you're running behind. Should you send an ETA, or photographic proof of your position? Is sharing a live location too passive? And do you owe other people in the queue an explanation when a friend joins you at the front? Christian posits whether his

en-AU

42:08

Patch #143 - Should You Answer An Unknown Number?

Welcome To Patchwork ·

2025/05/13

How do you answer a phone call from someone you know? Christian insists on full name protocol, Josh still lives in landline times, and Dion’s trying to avoid getting deepfaked by AI. We discuss phone etiquette, voicemail anxiety, and the emotional scars of group chats that never end. Then it’s off to Plenty Gorge, where Christian wears sensible activewear and Josh casually turns up in jeans. We question what counts as a hike, how many hills justify a sweat, and whether bringing water on

en-AU

17:42

Patchwork Explains: How does Australian voting work?

Welcome To Patchwork ·

2025/04/28

In this Patchwork Explains mini-patch, Christian and Josh sit down to chat about how to cast a formal vote in the 2025 Australian Federal Election. If you've ever wondered how preferential voting actually works and what voting above or below the line for the Senate actually means, then listen on!Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchworkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

en-AU

34:42

Patch #142 - Where Do Mice Sleep?

Welcome To Patchwork ·

2025/04/01

Christian’s car is on empty, Josh’s brain is on husk, and Dion thinks a mouse has a mortgage. Christian kicks things off by pushing his car well past the fuel light, trusting the mysterious dot-dot-dot to get him home. Josh prefers a more conservative two-thirds–full approach, and Dion shares his experience of running out of petrol almost within reach of the bowser. We compare our refuelling habits, quietly question each other’s life choices, and try to remember what side the

en-AU

32:57

Patch #141 - Do You Dread Waking Up In The Morning?

Welcome To Patchwork ·

2025/03/17

Dion has finally succumbed to caffeine dependency, and Christian and Josh interrogate his new addiction. What makes a good coffee order? Why does Dion refuse to learn the difference between a flat white and a cappuccino? Meanwhile, Christian grapples with existential dread every morning, and Josh suggests he simply “get in the shower.” We question whether professional athletes should thank water runners, why tennis demands silence while Formula 1 drivers scream for their lives, and

en-AU

35:22

Patch #140 - How Much Pizza Should You Order?

Welcome To Patchwork ·

2025/03/04

In this Patch, we crown pizza as the best party food for a large group of people before trying to define some rules around quantity, presentation and flavour. Christian feels that hosts must announce the arrival of the pizza to the party, Dion reflects on the pathetic image of guests hovering around unopened pizza boxes and we collectively ask if any other food could act in pizza's place. Josh then recounts a supermarket stakeout involving a would-be Heineken slab thief, and we ponder the ethics of

en-AU

36:42

Patch #139 - Have You Ever Walked Away From A Queue?

Welcome To Patchwork ·

2025/02/17

Dion and Christian argue over whether someone can feel proud of arriving to a location on time. Josh tries to share a frustrating experience of being stuck in a queue that wasn't moving at the Australian Open but neither Dion or Christian can understand what he's saying. After some translating, we discuss the circumstances that might make someone leave a queue early and whether those circumstances change when waiting in a phone queue. Finally, Dion asks Josh and Christian to really consider whether

en-AU

36:41

Patch 138 - Do You Have Unreasonably High Expectations?

Welcome To Patchwork ·

2025/02/04

We're back with Season 10! Misdelivered packages, passive-aggressive laundry, and the correct way to clean a percolator. This week Dion's Rooibos Challenge for a Fridge Friend takes a turn for the ethically ambiguous. Josh reveals the depths of his percolator cleanliness standards, and Dion confronts Christian on his plan to install roller shutters and 24/7 security cameras in his new home. Are they a symbol of suburban bliss or too Italian? Plus, a typically spirited debate on the concept of

en-AU

37:20

Patch #137 - Should You Mow Your Neighbour's Nature...

Welcome To Patchwork ·

2024/12/17

After 27 weeks, 3 additional kilos and no ageing, Dion is back in the Patchwork Studio! He tells us some brothy stories of his culinary experiences and recalls an awkwardly silent breakfast experience at a hostel. We then discuss what factors make for a positive hostel experience - is atmosphere or cleanliness more important? Does that answer change if some of the other guests absolutely stink? Christian gets frustrated at the volume of zippers and we try to invent a better closing mechanism for

en-AU

33:19

Patch #136 - Do You Read The Other Messages In A...

Welcome To Patchwork ·

2024/12/03

After countless people telling him to get one, Christian has finally purchased an air fryer and won't shut up about it! But what really is an air fryer? Is it just small oven? Is small oven better cook reddit? As the discussion develops, both Christian and Josh lose the ability to form full sentences but manage to discuss the research and development behind air fryer pre configured modes. For your main course, how much do you give a coworker departing a workplace? Josh poses this question to

en-AU

31:29

Patch #135 - Are You Good At Napping?

Welcome To Patchwork ·

2024/11/19

After another lengthy break, Josh and Christian are back in the WTP studio and the first thing they can think to talk about is how podcast consumption aint what it used to be. It's all content, content, content these days! Maybe if we posted a little more regularly, we would actually have some content to turn into clips. Christian kicks off the 'content' by recalling a recent interaction with a colleague/friend of Josh's who claimed that she was 'good at napping'. Christian was stunned. Isn't

en-AU

35:49

Patch #134 - Can You Handle Silence In Conversations?

Welcome To Patchwork ·

2024/09/03

We have wiped away the emotional cobwebs of the Depression Sessions and are ready for a little more unstructured fun. Christian picks up on Josh's brute force attempt to bring colour to the podcast before we both become self-conscious of our most overused phrases. We quickly move onto discussing workplace attire and some of the characters in our workplaces. Is there anything wrong with wearing an oodie to work? Is wearing a suit antiquated? Christian reflects on the clever parenting technique his

en-AU

35:40

Patch #133 - The Depression Sessions (Frankly Mr Chatly)

Welcome To Patchwork ·

2024/08/20

On a cold Monday night in August 2024, tired from just existing, Josh and Christian decided to record Patch 133, "The Depression Sessions" aka Frankly Mr Chatly. For any first time listeners, this is not the Patch for you. Christian and Josh reflect on winter and the sadness of realising that you're already half way through the year. Christian and Josh then exchange some stories from a night out the week before; Christian looks like a little boy, Josh accidentally made a back zipper on his

en-AU

31 results

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