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PODCAST

Austin Anderson Show

Austin Anderson

Austin Anderson has been doing stand-up since 2001. He never wanted to start a podcast. He just wanted to be funny and mysterious, like God intended. But then a high-level booker broke his heart and said, “If you want to keep doing stand-up, you need a podcast.” And so, against his will, and with great reluctance... this is: The Austin Anderson Show. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

comedy stand-up

All Episodes

24:26

Pallet People, Diddy Pardons & The Death of Travel |...

Austin Anderson Show ·

2025/11/07

Austin Anderson dives into the wild edges of reality—starting with the strange tribe known asThe Pallet People, drifting into a cigarette ban in the Maldives, and then crash-landing in the madness of celebrity pardons and modern travel hell. It’s a full-blown back porch rant about America’s weirdest headlines, where Dan Aykroyd’s penis nose meets Trump’s possible Diddy pardon and ends with a heartfelt sigh for the days when airports didn’t feel like crime scenes.Grab your nicotine patch and sense of

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23:13

NATO, Alfredo, and the Death of Affordability | Ep. 56

Austin Anderson Show ·

2025/11/06

Austin Anderson dives headfirst into the absurdities of modern life—starting with a John Cena action flick that somehow turns into a NATO propaganda film, then spiraling into a breakdown of how dinner for three at a steakhouse now costs more than a used Honda Civic. It’s a full-blown rant about inflation, hidden restaurant “administration fees,” Elon Musk’s trillionaire dreams, and why John Travolta is still the coolest man alive with a cigarette. Half comedy, half therapy session, all chaos. Hosted

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23:06

America’s Meltdown, Simon Cowell’s Face, and Johnny...

Austin Anderson Show ·

2025/11/05

This one starts with Dick Cheney’s death and somehow ends with Simon Cowell turning into a Botox chipmunk and Johnny Depp’s dog committing farmyard murder. Along the way, I rant about California’s new electric boat insanity, New York politics, health insurance rage, and the general feeling that America’s been smashed like a plate glass window. It’s a full episode of disbelief, dark humor, and the kind of honesty you only get when the country’s on fire and you’ve still got a squirrel chase to

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22:16

AI Voices, Fake Pregnancies, and Christian...

Austin Anderson Show ·

2025/11/04

Austin talks about pastors moonlighting as business coaches, AI croons like 1950s soul singers, and a Scottish woman fakes a pregnancy for nine months with a doll and a straight face. From Toyota Corolla backseat surgeries to the moral decay of social media meltdowns, this episode ricochets between holy outrage and hilarious disbelief. It’s spiritual confusion, dark comedy, and Midwestern sanity all rolled into one big sermon of “what the hell is happening?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy

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27:47

The Squirrels Have Gone to Hell | Ep. 53

Austin Anderson Show ·

2025/11/03

California has officially lost its mind. The trees smell like vomit, the squirrels are decapitating rodents, and Gavin Newsom looks like he moisturizes with the souls of small business owners. Austin dives deep into this week’s apocalyptic headlines — from carnivorous squirrels to a Mexican mayor’s tragic stand against the cartels — all while reflecting on the eternal struggle between self-control and seasonal pie. There’s wisdom, chaos, and way too much talk about nipples. Welcome to November

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28:50

The Wheelbarrow Ghost and the Haunted House That...

Austin Anderson Show ·

2025/10/31

Austin’s back with a Halloween special that starts with a full-blown roast of Tim Burton and ends with two real-life ghost stories that’ll make you sleep with a nightlight and a loaded BB gun. From the cursed clay faces ofThe Nightmare Before Christmasto an old Millard railroad house filled with ghosts, dead railroad workers, and one very freaky five-year-old who said, “They’re always watching us.”It’s small-town horror, 90s nostalgia, and pitch-black comedy rolled into one haunted hayride through

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23:58

Even the Trees Hate Gavin Newsom, Radioactive...

Austin Anderson Show ·

2025/10/30

In this chaotic October episode, Austin Anderson covers everything from California’svomit-smelling treesto Putin’s radioactive tsunami weapon to Trump literally being gifted a golden crown. Somewhere in between, a chicken lays an egg live on air, Nero burns Rome naked, and Amazon doubles down on Satan. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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29:16

Will Smith’s Midlife Crisis Song, Conor McGregor...

Austin Anderson Show ·

2025/10/29

It’s Wednesday, and the world has officially gone off its meds. Will Smith just dropped a song called“I Like Pretty Girls”— and it sounds like a man trying to convince himself he’s straight. Meanwhile, a Detroit pastor publicly shames a woman for not giving him two grand… and Tyler Perryrewards himwith a hundred thousand bucks. Because of course he does.Then we tumble headfirst into Conor McGregor’s new faith journey (bare knuckles and all), Anthony Hopkins hearing the literal voice of God, and a

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23:59

The Gold Ballroom, the SNAP Fast, and Glenn Beck’s...

Austin Anderson Show ·

2025/10/28

Donald Trump’s turning the White House into a golden ballroom while Tic Tacs cost more than gas, SNAP recipients are told to fast for gender politics, and Glenn Beck’s out here hoarding “America’s soul” in tornado-proof mountain vaults. Meanwhile, Gavin Newsom’s smiling like a spirit-cooking vampire, Bad Bunny’s headlining the Super Bowl in Spanish, and I’m just trying to breathe through my allergy-riddled throat in the middle of a wheat field. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more

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24:28

The Food Hangover, Face Tattoos & The Fall of America...

Austin Anderson Show ·

2025/10/27

After a weekend of apple crisp, cookies, and deep regret, Austin dives headfirst into a sugar-fueled rant about Halloween gluttony, the collapse of common sense, and why face tattoos might be the final sign of the apocalypse. Between government shutdowns, Gavin Newsom’s presidential ambitions, and ICE raids in Chicago, he still somehow finds a moment of faith — right in the middle of a church prayer circle. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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31:39

Pimp Ma Ma Da, Pepperoni Face, and the Disney Lies...

Austin Anderson Show ·

2025/10/24

Today we kick things off talking about how Disney scarred an entire generation of kids with dead parents, witchcraft mice, and singing hyenas. Then we swerve—literally—into the story ofPimp Ma Ma Da, the fur-coated guardian angel who appeared after a teenage car wreck involving pepperoni, panic, and poetic justice. From there we dive into ladybug invasions, fly-filled farmhouses, a cop who shot himself to impress his ex, haunted houses in Chicago, and why Halloween is the best and worst time of

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26:48

The Pope, the Ice Cube, and the Robot Apocalypse |...

Austin Anderson Show ·

2025/10/23

What do you get when the Pope blesses a block of ice, Jelly Roll takes a holy shower at the Christian Music Awards, and Elon Musk builds a trillion-dollar robot army? A normal Thursday onThe Austin Anderson Show.In this episode, Austin spirals from theology to Fight Club prosthetics, from George Washington dodging bullets to scientists wanting to bomb AI servers. We’ve got fake Meatloaf tits, mosquito invasions in Iceland, and a heartfelt tribute to the most noble bird on God’s green earth: the

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26:57

The Legend of the Naughty Monster | Ep. 45

Austin Anderson Show ·

2025/10/22

It’s story time onThe Austin Anderson Show, and today we’re heading back to a haunted farmhouse in Omaha, the birthplace of a nine-foot monster, an old man, and one of the funniest nights in haunted house history. From the rise and fall of Haunted Hollow to Trump’s rumored pardon of Diddy, the Saudi picnic-cloth mafia, and the AI Tai Chi scam that won’t stop stalking Austin’s feed.He rants about how Halloween got too hardcore, the internet lost its innocence, and how maybe the only way to survive

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25:59

If Trump Pardons Diddy, I’m Becoming a Preacher | Ep. 44

Austin Anderson Show ·

2025/10/21

It’s only Tuesday and Austin’s already fired up. In this episode, he dives headfirst into the chaos of Trump possibly commuting Diddy’s sentence—yeah, that Diddy. From Hollywood hypocrisy to Christians worshipping politicians, from Y2K nostalgia to streaming service brainwashing, Austin rants his way through America’s moral circus with his usual mix of fury, humor, and accidental theology.He covers it all: the insanity of celebrity pardons, the collapse of culture, and the strange comfort of a good

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29:11

Deadly Car Wreck, Pumpkin Sacrifice & Bleeding Frat...

Austin Anderson Show ·

2025/10/20

Welcome to Episode 43 of The Austin Anderson Show, where we open with a fiery highway fatality and somehow end up clapping for a child being eaten by vines inPumpkinhead.I hosted a fraternity gala where rich people even salt-and-pepper their food with class, learned about a tradition that involves full nudity and frozen ball blood, and realized that 1960s photos lied to all of us, those suit-wearing gentlemen were streaking around sororities like feral raccoons.Also: Pumpkinhead casting is insane

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30:53

Human Brains in Jars & Stingy Jack: Welcome to the...

Austin Anderson Show ·

2025/10/17

Today we dive into a lighthearted topic: SCIENTISTS GROWING MINI HUMAN BRAINS IN LABS AND PLUGGING THEM INTO COMPUTERS LIKE WE’RE ONE step away from Shredder building Krang in a jar. We talk Nazi scientists running NASA, bio-computing horror, and the legend of Stingy Jack, the original Jack-o’-Lantern scammer who got booted from both Heaven and Hell for being too clever and too cheap to pay for drinks.Plus, potato lanterns, Trump’s missile parade, the greatest October weather of all time, Duncan

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23:51

Stolen Garfield Cats, Demon Movies & The Rise of the...

Austin Anderson Show ·

2025/10/16

Broadcasting straight from the chicken coop like a deranged homesteader with Wi-Fi, this episode goes off the rails fast. We cover a legendary high school road trip that ends with a stolen Garfield cat being returned to a haunted farmhouse, why we should ban Halloween movies that casually summon demons in our living rooms, and the horrifying invention of the human washing machine that proves Wall-E wasn’t fiction—it was prophecy.Somewhere in there we also rally behind a 58-year-old man playing

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21:57

Katy Perry Didn’t Go to Space & The Legend of the...

Austin Anderson Show ·

2025/10/15

Today’s episode is a ride straight through the downfall of civilization, starting with the fake celebrity space race (looking at you, Katy Perry), a detour through Justin Trudeau’s Halloween costume phase, a visionary proposal to merge Gavin Newsom and Trudeau into a new progressive Siamese gender, and then straight into Berlin’s underground where thePiss Goblinapparently lives his best life.We also sprinkle in witches sexually assaulting broomsticks, Sam Altman turning AI into OnlyFans, rock &

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26:41

Mudslides, Hot Tub Politicians & Hamburger Helper...

Austin Anderson Show ·

2025/10/14

California is sliding into the ocean, Alec Baldwin is still out here body-counting everything except himself, Democrats are throwing Roman bathhouse fundraisers in inflatable hot tubs during a shutdown, and America’s new recession indicator is whether women are buying lipstick or Hamburger Helper.Meanwhile, Trump is fighting AI, his own reflection, and possibly sacrificing his son for eternal life. Earthquakes in New York, mudslides in LA, and politicians bubbling in hot tub sin soup. Welcome to

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32:23

Fall Mornings, Mr. Hollywood Stories & $2 Gas Dreams...

Austin Anderson Show ·

2025/10/13

It’s Monday, October 13th, fall is in the air, and I’m out here ranting from a half-demolished farmhouse. I just got back from the annual hunting trip I had to leave early because I had to come home and be an adult. Meanwhile, teenagers are out here slamming playground equipment because they’ve never paid a bill in their life.Today I get into Diane Keaton news, Jack Nicholson hating his own neck so much they filmed a bed scene vertically like some kind of geriatric Batman stunt, Kevin Spacey being

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