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PODCAST

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Formerly the Parenting after Trauma podcast, internationally recognized children"s mental health expert Robyn Gobbel decodes the most baffling behaviors for parents of kids with vulnerable nervous systems. If you"re parenting a child who has experienced trauma or toxic stress or a child with a neuroimmune disorder, sensory processing, or other nervous system vulnerability, this show will let you know you are not alone. You can stop playing behavior whack-a-mole because Robyn offers you tools that

kids & family parenting

All Episodes

37:07

EP 243: Cool, Calculated- But Still in Protection Mode

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/10/28

Sometimes our kids look completely calm- even smug — while doing something that definitely isn’t a behavior of connection. But…they’re not melting down. They’re not screaming. They seem totally in control. Seems kinda like owl brain, yeah? But- it’s not. It’s protection mode, even if the behavior seems calm. In this episode, we’ll talk about how kids can use their thinking brain in the service of their protective brain. They might plan, plot, and problem-solve… but they aren’t int...

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36:55

EP 242: Why It's Hard for Your Kid to Take...

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/10/21

You ask your child what happened, and before you can finish the sentence, they’re already saying, “It wasn’t my fault!” Sound familiar? I know this is SO frustrating! But there’s a reason this is so hard, and it has everything to do with (of course!) the brain and nervous system. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why taking responsibility is an Owl brain skill that depends on reflection, regulation, and cause-and-effect thinkingHow Watchdog and Possum states block the ability to reflect and ...

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36:26

EP 241: Why Some People Resist Relational Neuroscience

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/10/14

Sometimes you share something about the brain—like how all behavior makes sense—and people push back hard. Maybe they dismiss it. Maybe they even get mad. It can feel confusing, because once you see the truth of relational neuroscience, it feels like such a relief. So why are some folks so resistant? In this episode, you’ll learn: Why resistance is often the nervous system’s way of protecting from grief, shame, or instabilityHow relational neuroscience challenges not just parenting practices ...

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33:08

EP 240: Window of Tolerance- What it Is and How to...

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/10/07

Sometimes, your kids can handle frustration or disappointment with ease, and other times the exact same challenge sends them into meltdown mode. This can feel really baffling! Why are they so inconsistent? Well, part of that difference comes down to their window of stress tolerance. In this episode, you’ll learn What the window of stress tolerance is and how it connects to your child’s Owl, Watchdog, and Possum brainsWhy widening the window matters for learning, relationships, and everyday ...

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45:14

EP 239: When Your Words and Feelings Don’t Match

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/09/30

Have you ever smiled while you were seething inside? Or told your child “it’s fine” when it absolutely wasn’t? That mismatch (incongruent affect, we’re gonna talk psychology mumbo jumbo) isn’t just confusing. It’s a cue of danger- to your child’s nervous system AND to yours! In this episode, you’ll learn: Why kids are biologically wired to trust their caregivers and what happens when their neuroception contradicts the words they hear.How “faking calm” backfires, and why matching energy wit...

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42:52

EP 238: Happy Birthday RKBBB- and a gift for you!

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/09/23

Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors turned TWO! 🥳 So, we’re having a party right here on the podcast. Parties have gifts, so I’m offering three “gifts” for you- a little help around three behaviors that are still SO BAFFLING! In this episode, you’ll learn: Why regression (aka “acting like a toddler”) is actually a sign of your child’s nervous system falling down the protection mode pathway, and a few ideas of how to respondWhat’s really happening when your child is inconsistent with

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46:35

{REPLAY} Is Understanding Behavior Just Excusing It?

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/09/16

Understanding behavior helps us actually solve the problem, leads to compassion, and actually helps behavior to change, but first we must understand why we are so afraid that understanding behaviors means we are excusing "bad" behaviors. In this episode, you’ll learn: The difference between understanding behavior and excusing behaviorWhy understanding behavior is importantWhat are our fears about understanding behaviorWhat leads to behavior changeThe importance of compassionate boundariesAppl...

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44:51

EP 237: Connection: A Biological Imperative (for...

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/09/09

Parents aren’t the only ones providing co-regulation — we need it too. In fact, connection is a biological imperative for every nervous system, including yours. When you’re raising kids with big, baffling behaviors, the imbalance in reciprocity can be exhausting, isolating, and even grief-inducing. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to do this alone, and there are real, meaningful ways to find the connection your nervous system longs for. In this episode you’ll learn: Why co-regulation isn’...

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40:53

EP 236: Rewriting the Nervous System Story

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/09/02

Your child’s behavior isn’t telling you the whole story. Their behavior is telling you just the story their nervous system is writing in that moment. This week, let’s continue my deep dive into my conversation with Deb Dana (episode 233), exploring how polyvagal theory offers us the hope of rewriting the nervous system story. We’re going to talk about the power of believing our children when they tell us the story of their nervous system and steps we can take to help them rewrite that s...

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32:28

EP 235: Parenting in Chronic Protection Mode

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/08/26

Parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems often means that parents and caregivers are living in a state of chronic chaos and danger. Even if the behaviors aren’t ‘that bad,’ it’s dysregulating to live with someone in chronic protection mode. In this episode, I take a closer look at how polyvagal theory helps us understand the nervous system’s longing for safety—even when life feels overwhelming—and how parents can increase cues of safety even in the midst of ongoing stress. In this...

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31:10

EP 234: Polyvagal Theory, Hope, Dysregulation, and...

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/08/19

What if dysregulation isn’t the problem? I know I know- that’s really hard to wrap our brain around! At least, it was for me. In this episode, I continue the conversation from last week’s interview with Deb Dana and take a deeper dive into one of her most powerful insights: that dysregulation is simply part of being human—and it’s the absence of repair that becomes the real challenge. But I think for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors, we need to pause and explore that a...

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57:48

EP 233: Polyvagal Theory as a Path to Hope:...

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/08/12

Polyvagal theory isn’t just a theory- it’s a way of living that can transform how we show up for our kids, ourselves, and everyone around us. I’m SOOOO excited to introduce you to Deb Dana! Together, we explore how understanding our nervous systems brings hope, deepens connection, and makes repair possible even in the messiest moments. In this episode you’ll learn: Why polyvagal theory is truly a theory of hope and how it can reframe your parenting challenges.How to increase cues of safety an...

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47:30

EP 232: Swearing- What it Means and How to Respond

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/08/05

When kids swear, it often feels jarring, disrespectful, or even threatening. But swearing isn’t about defiance or being a bad kid- it’s a clue about the state of your child’s nervous system. Swearing might mean your child is overwhelmed, dysregulated, or struggling to find their real voice. Of course, understanding the behavior isn’t excusing the behavior. BUT! When we understand where the behavior is coming from, we get much better and more effective ideas about how to address it. In ...

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55:39

EP 231: EMDR with Kids with Attachment Trauma with...

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/07/29

I’m so excited to introduce you to someone who has deeply influenced my work- Deb Wesselmann! Deb is a pioneer in integrating EMDR therapy with family therapy for children with early attachment trauma. In this episode, we chat about how Deb (and her colleagues) developed her attachment-focused EMDR model, why slow bilateral stimulation is so effective for complex trauma, and what it really means to create a secure holding environment for both kids and their parents. We also talk about the imp...

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39:47

EP 230: Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/07/22

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) isn’t about being overly sensitive. It’s about a nervous system that experiences rejection as danger. In this episode, I explore RSD through the lens of relational neuroscience, attachment, memory, and regulation. Whether you see this in yourself or your child, this episode will help you understand why rejection feels so big, and what actually helps. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why RSD reactions are so intense and how they’re rooted in memory and nervo...

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56:41

EP 229: NeuroRelational Healing with Guest Sara Sherman

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/07/15

Healing comes in all forms, including on farms, with horses, and of course, in relationship. My guest this week, Sara Sherman, is a graduate of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s Professional Immersion Program and the founder of Dandelion NeuroRelational Family Services in Minnesota. Sara and I have a delightful chat about what it means to bring relational healing to kids and families and how we can (and must!) think outside the box. Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/neur...

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40:01

{REPLAY} The Privilege of Parenting This Way (with...

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/07/08

{Replay of Episode 169 from March 2024} Parenting with co-regulating and seeing below our kids behaviors is actually a privilege we rarely talk about. It’s always a privilege, but especially when we consider different marginalized and oppressed identities that a lot of kids- and those of you listening- intersectionally hold. In this episode, you’ll learn The definition of privilege (it is NOT a criticism)The privilege of safety for folks with histories of traumaThe privilege of safety...

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58:49

EP 228: Supporting Kids who Live Part Time in a Home...

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/07/01

What do you do when your child lives part-time in a home where regulation, connection, and felt safety aren't present? In this episode, I talk with Sybil Cummin, a therapist specializing in working with families navigating coercive control. Sybil shares practical guidance for showing up as a steady, safe presence for your child, even when the other parent’s home feels unpredictable or unsafe. In this episode, you’ll learn: What coercive control is and how it impacts both children and the pare...

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36:06

EP 227: Nothing Works! Are you burned out on tools?

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/06/24

Part of why you keep listening to this podcast is for parenting tools and strategies, right?? So, what do we do when it feels like nothing is working?! What’s really going on when parenting tools feel useless and you want to shout “THIS ISN’T WORKING?! In this episode, you’ll learn: Why parenting tools “work” when they come from connection, not protectionWhat to ask yourself when it seems like nothing helps anymoreHow to know if your child’s needs have outpaced the support you can give on you...

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33:44

EP 226: The Power of Delight in Parenting Kids with BBBs

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma} ·

2025/06/17

I know- sometimes it feels impossible to feel delight toward your child. I get it! BUT! If you can find even micro-moments of delight, it can be very powerful for both you and your child. In this episode, you'll learn: How is delight related to secure attachmentThe science behind why it’s sometimes very hard to find delight in kids with vulnerable nervous systems How to intentionally look for and pause in moments of delightWhy delight doesn’t just help your child, but your ne...

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326 results

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