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PODCAST

The Save The Marriage Podcast

Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Learn how to save your marriage and improve your relationship. Stop your divorce and restore a loving relationship. Join Dr. Lee H. Baucom for this impactful podcast that can save your marriage.

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All Episodes

18:54

The Road to Divorce: 8 Stops

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2023/10/04

Just to be clear, people don't simply end up divorced. They don't go from a loving, connected marriage to a painful, hurting divorce. There are some stops along the way. As people progress along the path to divorce, they have some options along the way, to either take the off-ramp or jump back on the road. And the further along the road they go, the harder it is to turn around, to turn back toward the marriage. But what if I were to tell you that even at the last stop, things can still turn

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20:24

The 7 Stages of Disconnection

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2023/09/27

The shift from connection to disconnection happens when people (inadvertently) hit the Pause Button on their marriage. It isn't ill-intended. It usually just happens in the busyness of life. Still, relationships, in general (and marriages, in particular), do not do well being paused. Because they don't "pause." They atrophy and recede. (SEE MY PODCAST ON THIS RIGHT HERE) But being simply disconnected is not the end of the story. It is actually the beginning of the arc of disconnection. And yes, it

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20:32

Why You Aren’t Getting Started

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2023/09/20

Many people tell me how they WANT to save their marriage (they really, really do), but they aren't DOING it. They can't seem to get started with their efforts. Yes, they know the clock is ticking. Yes, they know it is important. But getting started... doesn't happen IF someone WANTS to save their marriage, then WHY CAN’T THEY GET STARTED? There are several typical reasons why people get stuck and can’t get started. And there are some issues beneath these reasons that must be addressed, one

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21:46

Are You Showing Up??

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2023/08/16

We all "show ourselves" in our interactions with others. Sometimes, we truly Show Up, bringing our best self to the relationship. Other times, we bring an angry/resentful presence to the table. Other times, it might be a cold/distant presence. And still other times, it might be a needy/desperate presence. As you may have guessed, an angry or distant or needy presence rarely serves the relationship or the improvement of a relationship. Maybe you think you are just responding to what is coming

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24:33

When Your Spouse Has Lost Hope

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2023/07/19

Has your spouse lost hope in your marriage's future? You want a warm and loving relationship, but it has had a rough patch. You see a way forward, but your spouse can't see it. If that is the case, then you need a way forward. The first stop is dealing with the hopelessness. How important is it? Incredibly important! Humans do not do well with feeling hopeless. Any bit of hope helps us to move forward. But when we lose all hope, we lose our way. We give up. We wander around. And we

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25:56

The Perception/Connection Trap

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2023/07/12

It is not about "communication," no matter what you hear (from friends or a therapist). Most people communicate just fine. They have another issue: perception. How they perceive each other, that is the bigger issue. And then the trap is laid. Perception and connection. They create a downward spiral (unless you escape it) that traps you into a fall into disconnection. I call it the Perception/Connection Trap. You have perceptions of each other (that are always at least partly fictional), and

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20:37

Apology ≠ Forgiving

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2023/07/05

We all have hurts from close relationships -- and especially in marriages. It is impossible to be in such an intimate relationship and not bump into each other (in hurtful ways) over and over. The problem is when the hurts don't heal. Bumps, they happen. Continued pain and hurt from the bumps, that doesn't have to happen. Yet, many times, I watch couples dragging the hurts around for way to long. Weeks, months, even years. Not noticing the damage that is happening to the relationship along

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26:52

The Blame – Shame Trap

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2023/06/28

Do you ever feel like you are dancing with your spouse... and not a fun dance?? Most of the time, couples get into habits. They both know the steps, and they just keep going through them, 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3.... No, the dances aren't particularly helpful. And yes, we keep dancing them, anyway! One dance that many couples fall into is the Anger-Blame-Shame 3-step. And that particular dance? It keeps on repeating. Except that the anger grows. So does the blaming. And so does the feeling of

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22:08

Derailed? Why and what to do…

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2023/05/31

When a marriage crisis hits, people kick into gear! They dig in and work on their relationship. Many times, they start to see results. Things are turning for the better. The relationship is warming. Things aren't quite so hostile. But then.... They get derailed. Thrown off-course. Lost in the crisis. Not surprisingly, any gains made are quickly lost. Things become even more tense and fractured. Why did they get derailed? Four reasons: Distracted, Distanced, Doubtful, and Discouraged. I

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22:48

Saving your marriage… 2 dangerous approaches

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2023/05/17

I just googled, “how to save your marriage.” There were 607,000,000. Over 1/2 a billion results! How do you sort through them? How do you find a real approach, from someone who knows what they are doing? It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack. And the problem is, some approaches do more harm than good. And many times, you don’t even know who it is that is giving you the information. What are their qualifications? How do they even approach it? I started my website in 1999 (THAT makes

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27:44

Changing… and proving it

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2023/04/26

Things hit a bad spot in your marriage… and your spouse isn’t sure about staying or leaving the marriage. Sure, it may have been a relationship issue, but you may be feeling blamed. It’s pretty common to go looking for the “bad guy” in any situation. And even if both of you are in pain and frustrated, you may be wanting to stay. While you may be able to point to things your spouse needs to change, you can probably see that approach is unlikely to get you very far. And noting the relationship

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26:41

Finding the Energy to Continue

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2023/04/12

“I’m just out of energy,” she told me, “I don’t think I can even try to save my marriage. Besides, what is the point?" Let’s face it: right now, many people are feeling exhausted and drained. And working to save a marriage can be tiring when the world is rightside-up. Much less when everything feels upside down! Many people feel pulled in so many questions… but when something is important… as important as marriage… why does it get shifted down? Relegated to the “left over energy,” if there is

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18:07

“I need space!” — that’s tough!

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2023/03/29

So many marital crises start with this phrase, "I'm not happy." In panic mode, a spouse reacts and things get worse. The next step is often, "I need space." But that is even scarier! And in panic mode, a spouse reacts and things get worse. Maybe an in-house separation. Maybe a full separation. Emotional separation becomes physical separation. All from a spouse stating an emotional state of concern: "I'm not happy." One part of dealing with a marital crisis is dealing with "emotional

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25:10

Enemies, Victims, or….

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2023/03/22

Roles. We all have them. We all play them. Some are "identity roles." They identify us in the role. For example, I am "son," "father," "brother," "husband." Some are "function roles." They identify what we do. For example, I am "coach," "therapist," "author," "speaker," and "podcaster" (among others). They tell you what I do, what role I play in life. Then there are "attribution roles." They try to describe why we do something. And it is in the arena of attribution roles that I want to

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26:21

Dragged Under

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2023/03/15

Every marriage crisis starts as a crisis of an individual. As it expands into the marriage, the question is whether you, the spouse, will get pulled under by the crisis. Have you ever tried to save a drowning person? This can be kind of like that. Get too close, and they will drag you under with them. Their desperation will overcome any sensible decision. Running purely on terror, they will flail, grab, and pull at anything that is nearby... and anyone. And when someone is in crisis, it can

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19:58

4 Failing Fears

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2023/03/01

You've decided to save your marriage. You start the process, maybe even make some progress. Then, BAM! You hit a wall. A wall of fear. Fears that sabotage your efforts, pull you back from your plan, get you to give up. But those fears do not have to be the end of your efforts. In fact, those fears need not do anything to your efforts. Fears and actions are not the same. Fears are fears. Whenever we base our actions on fears, we give them too much power. When you are working on saving a

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25:01

It Isn’t Just About Romance

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2023/02/15

Since Valentine's Day is passed and the hearts have come down in the stores (except in the clearance area), we can face a reality that confuses many people. “Our marriage is broken,” she told me. “We don’t have the passion anymore, so I don’t think we should stay married.” Missing passion… is it the end of marriage, or something else? Most relationships are sparked by infatuation. Call it passion or romance, but the desire to be with that person, that overwhelming attraction, is a

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22:35

Is a Marriage Intensive for You?

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2023/02/08

Recently, more and more people have been asking about "Marriage Intensives." If you aren't familiar, these are often week-end (and sometimes week-long) events with lots and lots of (usually therapy) sessions. The theory is that an intensive treatment is needed to save a marriage. Often (but not always), they are run by therapists. Either they come to you or you go to them. And then, you "hit it hard." You may do multi-hour, multiple times per day, sessions over the days you spend

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18:40

The Marriage Murdering Myth

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2023/02/01

There are lots of myths about marriage. But there is one myth that comes up over and over. In fact, the trap for this myth is set at the very early stages of every relationship. The question is whether you step into the trap or not. Will the myth trip you up and start the deterioration of your marriage? Or a better question: has it already damaged your marriage? How is the trap set? Think back to the beginning of your relationship. The early days. When you were so happy to have found that

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35:39

Sharing Power

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2023/01/18

It’s a partnership. Right? Right? Well, in any partnership, there has to be a way to make decisions. And how a couple makes decisions reveals how they balance power (or don’t balance it). Not every couple will balance it in the same way. But trouble comes when the two people in the couple are not both in agreement and on-board with how power is shared. Many arguments and disagreements are either fueled by or end in a power struggle. And when decisions are made without a feeling of shared

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199 results

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