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PODCAST

The Fifth Column

Kmele Foster, Michael Moynihan, and Matt Welch

Your weekly rhetorical assault on the on the news cycle, the people who make it, and occasionally ourselves. Kmele Foster (Freethink), Michael Moynihan (Vice), and Matt Welch (Reason) talk and laugh and drink their way to at least quasi-sanity in a world gone mad, often with the aid of clean and articulate guests. Weekly Members Only subscription edition often comes with listener mail and professional-quality (if inappropriate) singing. Analysis. Commentary. Sedition. www.wethefifth.com

news & politics

All Episodes

21:46

Members Only #230 - Horseface Wham-O

The Fifth Column ·

2024/10/22

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.com* Dave in the Hall * Dead in the garden * All the dictators * His kampf* McDonalds troofer * Can Trump be funny?* People don’t care about what we care about* A friend attacks* BHO was a great candidate* Wham-O, Sandusky, and the kids Freak Off* On “Neighborhood Bully”* Never say “grande”* What plagiarism counts

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91:32

#475 - How to Survive a Baier Attack

The Fifth Column ·

2024/10/17

* Old wine, old bottles * Bret Baier v. Kamala * He finally asked Matt’s question. Or was it Kmele’s question?* On not answering questions* The wisdom of Bill Clinton* Back to the politics of the 90s * We always come back to it: late night is awful * Weed reparations * We always come back to it: fascism* Please come back, archive.org* Shutting down CBS?* Why the media being stupid is actually really important* Ted v Colin* Micklewaithe v. Trump This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss

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19:22

Members Only #229 - Second Sunday Rebroadcast:...

The Fifth Column ·

2024/10/15

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.comA rebroadcast* Military propaganda for the kidz!* Jewish Columbus* A new history of communism * The brainworm burrows in again* The Italian * Obama’s code switch * There are meaningful differences between *these men** Polling problems* The brothers Menendez* Sarah, live from Folsom* Chomsky’s Cuba book* Are there still meaningful policy differences between the two major partie…

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113:33

#474 - Frankly, She Loves the American People

The Fifth Column ·

2024/10/10

* Yes, Michael J. Fox actually actually has Parkinson’s * The MAGA hat incident* We got a journalist around here…he’s asking a lot of questions* Choppin’ it up with 60* Young morons embrace violence* German American Bund at MSG 2.0!* Bob “Silent Coup” Woodward * Look, he was actually unfairly treated* Schultz interviews Trump* It was Jeff Gerth, actually* A tale of two natural disasters* The natural disaster of a Kamala interview* Running out the clock: “Frankly, I love the American people”* Debate

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18:13

Members Only #228 - Some Like It Hot

The Fifth Column ·

2024/10/08

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.com* A very brief baseball convo. Relax.* Kid (and adult) anxiety* Don’t kill on snek* The science of Trump’s brain?* The worst of all the excuses* Oliver’s dad and the JJ Rule* The Big Dance on OpenLibrary, btw* Fatherhood songs* Phones, kids, rabbit holes* Pete Rose was the best…and the worst* On Kris Kristofferson* On Megyn and Moynihan

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104:53

#473 - Something For Everyone to Hate

The Fifth Column ·

2024/10/04

* The title is correct: everyone will hate something in this episode!* Moynihan is dying?* GPT as your GP* Choc and Chiclet * $$$ for TV* J.D. says Trump won in 2020* Jack Smith could have asked Moynihan * You hate him. But not enough.* A goomba union boss is going to choke America out* Rich and “working class”* Create jobs! End EZ-Pass!* Remembering the execrable Harry Bridges* Why is the government still mailing free Covid tests?* (MM fact-checks himself)* Lebanon and beyond This is a public

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20:59

Members Only #227 - Killing Nasrallah, Inshallah

The Fifth Column ·

2024/09/30

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.comKmele’s voice is craggy; Moynihan is on the precipice of illness; Hasan Nasrallah has been delivered to a fiery “paradise,” last seen with his hand up own skirt, desperate to locate 70-odd sexually inexperienced coreligionists. Also: * Pat’s “thugocracy” * Hockey fights. * Johnny Turkey* Your legacy is one bad Twitter prediction* Ranking the least badly governed…

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106:24

#472 - The Ruhling Class and Palestine's Parachute...

The Fifth Column ·

2024/09/26

* The return of the Boss POC * The veep sits for an “interview”* That’s all she had to do…* Will Michael Cohen be assassinated?* Not if he escapes the country (and his family)!* The return of Tennessee* 10 days in an uncomplicated land* That conflict is just like all things I care about (except it’s nothing like the things I care about)* Disassociating yourself from the freaks and terror supporters* So we finally got to Diddy* Sure, he’s a monster! But the Mann Act?? This is a public episode. If

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27:14

Members Only #226 - A Nest of Idiot Vipers

The Fifth Column ·

2024/09/21

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.com* When you think you’re right about everything * Alternate episode title: Candace Owens Discovers a New Fact Every Day—This Time, She Didn’t Blame the Jews* “The incentive for her is to be more mentally ill, because she seems to be doing quite well by losing her mind in public”* It will be like leaving a 70’s cult * Nude Africa has gone offline :(* Nobel laureates …

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94:05

#471 - Do You Know the Importance of a Skypager?

The Fifth Column ·

2024/09/19

Yet again, AI has done a bang-up of summarizing a Fifth Column episode, which mostly covers the insane economic policies of both idiot candidates and why members of Hezbollah are having their balls blown off. But according to the half-sentient supercomputers, the lads discuss how “Melania Trump's new book is a focal point, with humorous commentary on its content and implications.” True enough. And also, there is apparently some conversation about how “evidence is often disregarded in political

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22:16

Members Only #225 - The Assassin's Creed

The Fifth Column ·

2024/09/16

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.comFirst: Our remote recording software uses AI to create text “soundbites” from every episode episode. They are best ignored. But this week, it came up with this: "Music is crazy.""This is about Indians.""I want to be black.""You must have a white wife."Yes, all of those important issues are discussed. But the conversation is mostly about the latest faile…

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96:11

#443 - Good Wars, Bad Candidates, and the Department...

The Fifth Column ·

2024/09/07

* This tattoo definitely wasn’t a horrible mistake * Matt has dementia* Pim Tool: tool of the FSB?* The $400,000 plagiarist* Brain “interference” vs. election “interference”* Did Trump acknowledge that he lost in 2020?* The childcare word salad* Plastic straw journalistic DISGRACE* Having principals versus having “a position”* Dumb neo-Nazi realizes he’s been cheated* More on the rise of junk history * An overlooked bit of Tucker’s controversial interview* Hitler was very, very, very evil. And the

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29:45

Members Only #223 - Making Martyrs of Revisionist Rubes

The Fifth Column ·

2024/09/06

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.com* Illness fakers* Medium fakers* Ok, so let’s warm up with some music stuff * Does any band have a perfect four-album run?* “I’ve read a lot of books on WWII!!”* On the Martyr Made controversy* Baby Irvings* The bad guys are the good guys, and they have no agency* “The Holocaust was basically a housing issue…”* The Theresienstadt “documentary”* The “terror” bombings* Incidenta…

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79:05

#442 - Kamala Speaks! Tim's Grammar! Bash Backlash!

The Fifth Column ·

2024/08/30

* Kamala finally submits to an interview* A Cascade of Disappointment)* A softball interview* Flip, flop, flibbedy flop* Wasted questions * Just a question of grammar* Code switch that racist wall * Trump in the cemetery * Trump in the bible * Trump impressions * Noel, Liam, Kmele * Matt and Moynihan reveal a secret, racially segregated text thread This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

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55:31

#441 - And now...the Coronation (w/ Alex Thompson)

The Fifth Column ·

2024/08/22

It’s the final night of the convention and in the hours before everything kicks off, the lads convened at the Substack loft to chat with Axios’s Alex Thompson, our old pal and arguably the most plugged in political reporter in America. We could offer some conversation bullet points but…just trust us. This is a really good one. Alex dishes on his reporting about the campaign to dislodge Biden’s from ticket, the enormous and quiet political power of the Obamas, and the behind-the-scenes war between

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76:30

#440 - Fear & Loathing in Chi-town (w/ Mike Pesca)

The Fifth Column ·

2024/08/22

Moynihan, Welch, and Kmele’s Chicago misadventures continue in this dispatch, recorded just before night three of the 2024 Democratic National Convention. Joined by the incomparable Mike Pesca (host of The Gist), your favorite podcast triumvirate dissects the week’s events so far, their implications for the 2024 presidential race, and the future of the Democratic Party. Plus, a brief meditation on proper etiquette when dining at celebrity steakhouses—with a pair of reformed gangsters.Recorded:

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98:12

#439 - The Return of the Sexiest Guest Alive (w/...

The Fifth Column ·

2024/08/09

Why waste time with discursive show notes when you can just say two very simple words? Steve Kornacki. One of People’s “Sexiest Men Alive” returns to the Fifth (for his fourth appearance??) to breakdown the latest polls, prognosticate on what happens to the Republican Party if Trump loses, and subtly reveal that he might be a degenerate blackjack player. Just listen. It’s a good one. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes,

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22:28

Members Only #220 - The Hottest Country Ever Invaded

The Fifth Column ·

2024/08/05

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.com* An ethereum veep bet (Note: U.S. customers are banned, so no $1,000 on Shapiro bet was made) * Watching the Olympics* Supporting Ukrainian athletes for non-political reasons* Lil’ Moyn is still in it to win it* An old, prescient email…* “What did I do?” - Gerald Ford* The drug excuse is not that convincing, TBH * Dave, Buster, and Trump* Yeah, no, it’s not going to be…

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108:23

#438 - The Tsarina Has Abdicated. The Audie Murphys...

The Fifth Column ·

2024/08/02

* Anything happen since we left?* La Bubblewrap * The media will do it for you* Everyone will forget about that NABJ appearance* Every journalist in that room is Audie Murphy* Who’s black?* Not in defense of Thomas Eagleton (soz) * The polls changed so let’s attack Nate Silver for noticing * Every one in politics is “weird”* The child will never fly coach again * The honorable resistors * JD Vance’s amazingly stupid economic ideas, which he cannot actually believe* The end of the Venezuelan

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105:39

Steve Albini on Music, Meaning, and the Cosmos...

The Fifth Column ·

2024/07/27

In April 2023, while producing a documentary series for The John Templeton Foundation (JTF), I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing legendary punk/rock musician and producer audio engineer Steve Albini. Portions of that interview appear in the sixth installment of the doc series (which is phenomenal, and you should watch every episode immediately), but most of our conversation has remained unreleased—until now.On May 7th, 2024, Steve passed away at 61 after an illustrious and influential life

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