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The 100 Word Stories Podcast

Laurence Simon

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1:14

George the pollster

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/09/19

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. His captain asked him how the crew felt, and George conducted a poll. "Your approval ratings are down," said George. "Maybe if we had a battle," said the captain. "That always boosts approval ratings for politicians." So, the captain set course for the nearest ship and they fought it. They won, but took heavy casualties. George polled the crew again. And the numbers were even lower. "But we won a battle!" said the captain. "Yes," said George

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1:10

George frees the slaves

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/09/18

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. When the crew raided a slave ship heading for the Americas, George insisted that they free the slaves. At first, the captain resisted the idea of letting a valuable cargo go, but in time George wore him down. "Okay, fine," said the captain. "But let's be realistic... we can't just release them in the middle of the ocean." "Then we'll teach them how to be pirates," said George happily. And George taught them everything he knew. It didn't take

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1:27

George is George

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/09/17

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. "What kind of pirate was he?" asks someone from the audience. The author thought about that for a minute. He'd established that George wasn't a very good pirate, so what did that make George? Average? Below-average? Awful? Horrible? Or did "very good" refer to his nature and character? If George wasn't very good, was he evil? The author hadn't meant to delve into ontology and the spiritual realm. "George is just George," he said. "Can I please

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1:21

George hangs

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/09/16

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate Somewhere, he'd read about people hanging themselves to get more out of sexual pleasure. So, George tied himself by the ankles to the boom and let himself dangle. Then, he tried to lower his breeches. Which, him being upside-down, was kinda hard to do. After a few minutes, he felt a warm stickiness hit him in the face. "Blech," said George. "That wasn't enjoyable at all," The captain was tempted to say "That's because you're supposed to hang

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2:01

George and the shitholes

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/09/15

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He'd been all over the world, and he'd seen some marvelous places. He'd also seen some horrible and awful places. Total shitholes. George preferred the marvelous and amazing places. Because those places had a lot of stuff he could plunder loot. There's not much you can plunder from a shithole. George felt guilty about it, and what he plundered from the marvelous places, he would give to the people in the shithole places. They'd thank him, but

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11:27

Weekly Challenge #1012 – Half-missing

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/09/14

Richard Lizzie Tom Serendipidy Norval Joe Planet Z The next topic is Random words RICHARD Pizza There's something deeply annoying about settling down on the sofa in front of the TV and reaching across to open the pizza box, only to find - horror of horrors - your pizza has half missing. Your eyes scan the room, searching for the culprit. It's not the kids. There's no tell-tale smudges of tomato on their cheeks; their hands are clean, and there's no crumbs on their clothes. It

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1:14

George’s fault

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/09/13

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He caused a lot of accidents, and the entire crew hated him. So, why didn't they get rid of him? Because they weren't much better than George. They just did a better job of hiding incompetence and blunders than George did. "It was George's fault!" they'd say. "George did it." Everyone agreed to blame George for everything. Cannon misfires, torn maps, bent swords, and lousy food. It was always George's fault. And when George would make a mistake,

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1:25

George and pronouns

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/09/12

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. While he plundered towns, he always said "sir" or "madam." But when he said "sir" to a transgender woman while looting her store, he caught hell for it. The local paper was filled with angry letters to the editor. Picket lines surrounded the ship. The captain sent George off to sensitivity training. Several weeks later, George returned and issued a public apology. The next time George pillaged that town, he called the transgender woman

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11:34

Weekly Challenge #1011 – Ending

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/09/07

https://youtu.be/uKWuwNjJsbsRichard Lizzie Tom Lisa Serendipidy Norval Joe Planet Z The next topic is Half-missing RICHARD --- Final thoughts --- I've always fancied doing that thing where you write a half-finished piece of prose foretelling your own impending demise, solely with the intention of leaving it on your bedside cabinet, for discovery on the eventual event of your death. "How did he know?" They'd exclaim. "Was it a premonition? Was it fate?" No, not at

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1:34

George the rapper

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/09/05

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. The other pirates sang sea shanties. George rapped. Badly. And not just White Guy Badly. Imagine Pat Boone rapping. No, imagine Bob Hope rapping. Cue cards and Alzheimers and that glassy, lost thousand-yard-stare. Well, George was worse. Much worse. "Yo, Scurvy Dog" was his first attempt at a song. They smashed his boombox. They threw his scratch turntables overboard. They tried to string George up by his microphone cord so many times, he

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1:22

George and the synagogue

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/09/04

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Every time his crew raided a town, he'd draw his cutlass and roar "The synagogue's mine!" His crewmates thought he was some kind of bloodthirsty anti-Semite, and they'd go "Sure, George, whatever you say." George would run to the synagogue, bolt the doors shut, and heave a sigh of relief. Sometimes, there'd be locals praying for protection from God, and George would try to reassure them that it would be okay. "Just help your neighbors rebuild,"

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1:31

George and the diversity officer

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/09/03

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. "It's because you're a white, straight, cisgendered male," said the ship's Chief Diversity Officer. "You're a privileged member of The Patriocracy." "When the shit did we get a Chief Diversity Officer?" muttered George. "Diversity is our strength!" shouted the officer, who shoved George overboard. "Go hate elsewhere!" While George swam for shore, the crew demanded living wages, unlimited vacation days, remote work, and a foosball table. Anyone

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1:19

George and rainbows

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/09/02

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. After watching The Muppet Movie, he tried to think about songs about rainbows. But the only one he could think of was the one that Kermit the Frog sang. So, he tried to write a sea shanty about rainbows. It didn't come out so well. It sounded like three cats fighting in an oil drum. George tried different musicians, but it always came out badly. He leaned on the ship's railing, watched a rainbow over the ocean, and hummed a happy tune. If only

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1:25

George decorates for Halloween

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/09/01

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Still, he tried his best, such as the time when he wanted to decorate the ship for Halloween. "We'll carve creepy pumpkins!" he said. The problem was, they didn't have any pumpkins. So, George painted the cannonballs orange and drew scary faces on them. And he cut up the sails into ghost costumes. "See?" George said. "We're ghosts! Ghostly pirates! Scary!" "Without our sails, we're dead in the water," growled the captain. "That's the spirit!"

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9:48

Weekly Challenge #1010 – PICK TWO Dictionary, Game,...

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/31

Richard Lizzie Tom Lisa Serendipidy Norval Joe Planet Z The next topic is Ending THOMAS The old dictionary sat open on the table, pages fluttering as if alive. Clara turned it into a game, pointing at random words and weaving them into stories for her little brother. Tonight, she landed on orchestra. She closed her eyes and described violins tuning, drums thundering, a conductor ready to give the charge. Her brother listened wide-eyed, as though he truly heard the music

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1:16

George has talent

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/30

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He didn't have much of skills or talent. At the first annual Pirate Talent Show, he arranged flowers. Well, weeds. He didn't have any flowers to arrange. And instead of a vase, he had a helmet. Pathetic, really. At the second one, he did bird calls. No birds showed up. "Why don't you do something more pirate-like," said his captain. "You know, swords or cannons or knot-tying." So, for the third show, George stuffed swords into a cannon and tied

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1:06

George gets his hair cut

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/29

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. You're not supposed to clip your nails or cut your hair on a ship. It's seen as an offering to the goddess Persephone. But Neptune is a jealous asshole, and hates it when you make offerings to other gods. So when George opened a manicure stand and barber shop below decks, the captain had George marooned. George set up a manicure stand and barber shop on the island. And the crew came ashore to have their nails and hair done. "Just a little off

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1:12

George gets on the right foot

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/28

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. There's a superstition about boarding boats with your right foot. Because the left foot is unlucky. The captain put a sign at the gangplank that said DO NOT STEP ON BOARD WITH YOUR LEFT FOOT. George, of course, kept boarding the boat with his left foot. "Oops," said George. "Sorry. My bad." And bad things kept happening. The captain handed the cabin boy an axe and peg leg to shake at George when he boarded. "Either use your right foot, or this

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11:02

Weekly Challenge #1009 – Advance

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/24

RichardLizzie Tom Lisa Serendipidy Norval Joe Planet Z The next topic is PICK TWO Dictionary Game Orchestra Appreciated Charge RICHARD Lawless Remember the good old days when the advance of technology was fairly predictable, we had good old Moore's Law telling us that computing power would double every two years, and that's pretty much how things worked. But, not any more. Now, with AI, large language models and quantum computing, who knows where technology will take us in

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1:19

George on horseback

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/08/23

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. For some reason, he'd taken to going everywhere on horseback. Which was fine when the ship was in port. Although the owner of The Five Skulls Tavern didn't take too kindly to the horse crapping all over his floor. It was when the ship was out to sea that things got difficult. Horses need a lot of hay and water, and there's only so much room on a ship. One morning, George woke up, and the horse was gone. But, instead of hardtack and gravy, supper

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