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PODCAST

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast

Gary McFarlane helps you understand Sex, Porn & Love Addiction. This podcast dives into the neuroscience behind these issues, guiding you on the path to recovery. For more resources, visit: www.kairos-centre.com.Helping you better understand the neuroscience of the brain and sharing what we now better understand about the brain"s involvement, from childhood development. To help you effect change; find the real authentic you (whose truth self went off at a tangent in childhood); so that as you

education self-improvement

All Episodes

9:25

Those with Sex, Porn, Love Addiction patterns of...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/05/24

Interview by Damian Andrews of SHAIR.care: What it means to be a man (7)“Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest or them all”? How do you answer that question for you? Learn to love self, before you can love others.I use that thing called EMDR to work on the distorted image of self. (I am an Accredited EMDR Practitioner in the UK). What is this thing called EMDR? It is Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing. What a mouth full!I can talk about it til the cows come home, but you will still

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10:37

Templates get set up in early life, setting the stage...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/05/17

On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centreInterview by Damian Andrews of SHAIR.care: What it means to be a man (6)Have I said this already - "Childhood has a lot to answer"?Maybe just a few times hey! But are you getting it? Don't start at step 5 or 6 with a Recovery Programme or 12 Steps Support. They are absolutely needed, but not yet. Go back to first base. Step 1. Childhood developmental years.Can't find anything there? You had a lovely

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8:11

Childhood development holds the clues to tracking the...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/05/10

Interview by Damian Andrews of SHAIR.care: What it means to be a man (5)What’s a “Russian Doll” (or is it called a Babushka) got to do with Sex, Porn, Love Addiction?I thought you would never ask!“I haven’t bought into that nonsense “Big boys don’t cry”, when I was growing up”. At least, I don’t think so”!That guy called John Bowlby in the 1940’s dared to put together some suppositions that I didn’t like. How dare he put me in a box and think that he knows me. Yet, “Oh my goodness, that stuff he is

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6:41

Interview by Damian Andrews of SHAIR.care: What it...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/05/03

Men are “Wild at heart”. The book (by that title) by John Eldredge – maybe is on to something. (Worth a read guys - and gals).Where there are some things that were not done “good enough” during childhood development, the brain then sets about trying to fill the deficits. Sometimes with coping strategies, such that Sex, Porn and/or Love Compulsive activities enter the mix, after the game console or sports, ain’t doing it well enough. Sex/Porn/Love Addiction is always about self-soothing; escape; to

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8:00

Interview by Damian Andrews of SHAIR.care: What it...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/04/26

Podcast 3: Big up the womenSo much more practical in finding solutions. Teach us please ladies. We need you. Us men have become emasculated by a society. What does masculinity mean? Aren’t there two roles – Masculinity & Femininity? Aren’t they different? Don’t they complement each other, to create a balanced society? Too simplistic Gary?We need someone in our life to role-model the sexual type that belongs to each of us. Without it, so many are floundering on the high seas, trying to do the

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9:12

Interview by Damian Andrews of SHAIR.care: What it...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/04/19

Impediments to having great relationships Disruption in the bonding in early childhood development with the significant caregivers (usually parents), is a key factor. The male (a father) plays a very important role. Masculinity cannot be supplemented by a mother. It is not "do as I say", it is "do as you see me doing". The eyes take in the largest amount of information during the communication process.What gets set up in childhood, plays out in adulthood, in how we interact with

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8:13

Interview by Damian Andrews of SHAIR.care: What it...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/04/12

What is Man-ness?There is still a caveman instinct inside of us as men. Has the image got distorted as men try to metamorphize ourselves to fit what society tells us a man should be. Trying to fit what we are really not, is hard work. At some point there may be an increased desire to self-soothe and escape into cyberworld for a while – using sex, porn and/or other compulsive behaviours. Consider this poem:Children Learn What They Live by Dorothy Law NolteIf a child lives with criticism, he [she]

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6:41

Interview with Roman Mironov of NOFAP (4)

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/04/05

Root causes of negative impact on the brain, to cause it to gravitate to self-soothing behaviours?What do you think were the issues which caused your brain to gravitate to self-soothing from those negative impactful behaviours, during those early developing younger years of life (often before puberty)? Bullying, abuse, sexual abuse, parents arguing, witnessing domestic violence, over zealous punishment, comparison with a sibling, never good enough, not fit in, ostracised, parents’ separation and/or

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7:36

Interview with Roman Mironov of NOFAP (3)

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/03/22

Is porn bad or inherently bad for the brain?I don’t want to be seen as moralising about anyone’s personal values, ethics, standards or morals. What we do know is that experiments demonstrate that porn viewing can do permanent damage to the brain. (We are dealing with lots of porn use over lots of hours; no short periodical or ad hoc use).Once damaged in that way, it is permanent and the deficit cannot be repaired. (“A bit scaremongery Gary”). No, not really. Do your own research. Don’t believe me!A

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7:41

Interview with Roman Mironov of NOFAP (2)

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/03/15

This Insecure Attachment thing, has a lot to answer…..Stuff set up in childhood development, has its tentacles in how we are doing our adult lives and relationships. Picture the image of a “Russian Doll”; the layers of the Russian Doll has the smallest version deep inside. That represents the Inner child. Stand up the real you. Which one will stand up? Which one is the real you?The Inner child is deep in the layers seeking protection from ever getting hurt again; because of what the brain is

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9:06

Interview with Roman Mironov of NOFAP (1)

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/03/08

Don't think about having truly achieved sobriety until one year from the last acting out.“A bit arbitrary Gary. Rather too long, don’t you think?” My reply is that the compulsive and addiction behaviours usually have a few decades start on you. In other words, many clients have been doing the behaviours for decades – often since childhood development. A habit; a hamster wheel behaviour pattern; otherwise more therapeutically called a neural pathway - is well established. It is not going to be

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8:24

Interview with Marci Warhaft of "How to ruin your own...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/03/01

Getting help is not a sign of weakness.Repeated Negative patterns of behaviours, give a glimpse of a problem. I take me into the relationship and is me being me, doing life how I do life – “What’s the problem?”; the problem must be you.There is no problem if there is no problem; but when you know there is a problem – because life just is not working well for you - then you need to lift your head up and acknowledge that you may need a third party (a Therapist) to come alongside you. Do it – even

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8:20

Interview with Marci Warhaft of "How to ruin your own...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/02/23

You are not weaker and less robust than others. It is a lie.The behaviours are all about managing emotions, in response to issues in the past - still operating the same way in the present. Once repeat behaviours set in, you are on the hamster wheel and it is difficult to get off. What’s all this got to do with a 6 years old whose Action man or Barbie doll was stolen by the boy down the road or even about someone borrowing your tooth brush but not putting it back and you get so very (OTT) angry when

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8:24

Interview with Marci Warhaft of "How to ruin your own...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/02/16

dSeriously!!The highest download of porn during the day is between the hours of 9am and 5pm. (Let me spell it out -- OFFICE HOURS!)“That’s crazy!” Not so crazy for some. The brain has decided that the “Feeling-state” that it gets from the behaviour ie the lushness, is worth the massively high risk and trade-off. As human-beings, we tend to push the boundaries too far and a hand grenade explodes, leaving us fire-fighting and picking up shrapnel. What massive risks? The Feeling-state that was set up

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8:40

Interview with Marci Warhaft of "How to ruin your own...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/02/09

More about this thing called “Love Addiction”. What is it? What it is not.“Push you Pull me” is at work. “I want you, I love you…..but you're getting too close; you might finish with me, so I am getting jittery and so I am going to push you away, so I force us to end, so you don’t finish with me when I was not expecting it; that must never happen and catch me off guard”.Here is my definition of Sex Addiction which I use: "A pattern of sexual behaviours which pre-occupy your thoughts and

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8:18

Interview with Marci Warhaft of "How to ruin your own...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/02/02

Defining the difference between Sex addiction & Love addiction:Love addiction is all about trying to getting attention and a sense of feeling wanted, even if the attention is being paid for – since any attention is better than no attention. It has its roots in childhood development causing Insecure Attachment; a sense of rejection and loss – due to a disruption in the early years bonding with key parental figures.So, there is a searching out, using such activities as dating sites, chat sites,

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4:45

Sexual Intelligence: More science stuff (6)

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/01/19

Enough now - of this science stuff! Ok then, then is the last one - for now.Delayed childbearing and fewer pregnancies raise the risk of developing breast cancer in women. We are seeing 100% increase in the rates of breast cancer right now. Much more than in the past. Why?A female who has her first child by age 20, has half the chance of developing breast cancer, as opposed to a woman who has her first child at around age 30. At the end of 2020, breast cancer became the number one cancer diagnosis -

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7:11

Sexual Intelligence: More science stuff (5)

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/01/12

Let's focus on women - in this Episode: What females need to know about themselves: Early sexual arousal rate will influence later addiction to porn. Females are more vulnerable to succumbing to sex addiction where they experienced frequent sexual arousal at an early age.Alcohol consumption raises both sexes testosterone levels up to a point; but testosterone levels increase much more in females, with alcohol consumption. Females can then do out of character behaviours and become a very

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5:29

Sexual Intelligence: More science stuff (4)

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2024/01/05

Got to admit, this science stuff is interesting - if it is true!There are three areas in the male brain that is over twice the size of the female brain:1) The area that contributes to men having a roving eye and scanning the terrain for females; 2) A part of the hypothalamus (which is the seat of human sexuality); 3) The amygdala (which is the brain’s command and control area).All three react to testosterone - which is much higher in males than in females. There is a process which binds all these

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5:18

Sexual Intelligence: More science stuff (3)

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2023/12/29

A lot of compact info in this episode. I think my post bag is going to be very full this week with comments about.......!Remember, don't shoot the messenger.Men see promiscuity in a female as a deal breaker when seeking a life-long partner. If a man sees a woman as hard to get for sex, he will instinctively feel that she will more likely be faithful in the long term for partnership/marriage. For males, sexual loyalty and sexual integrity is the most praised and sought after asset and quality in

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