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PODCAST

Paleo Bites

Welcome to Paleo Bites, the weekly podcast hosted by Matthew Donald where we make dumb jokes, reference pop culture, derail like crazy, and oh yeah, discuss and rate dinosaurs and other prehistoric animals. Each episode Matthew and a rotating set of guest co-hosts talk about a different genus of primeval critter, explain basic stats, exchange plenty of banter, barely fact-check, and at the end, rate the creature one out of 65 million for any reason, including but not limited to sexiness, mana, and

comedy natural sciences

All Episodes

26:52

Maiasaura, the Good Mother Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2024/03/12

(image source: https://pixels.com/featured/maiasaura-and-nest-phil-wilson.html) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lawrence Mack discuss Maiasaura, a real mommy of a dinosaur in that it was the first one with direct evidence of parental care. A real nurturer, Maiasaura. I could use that. No, I don’t have mommy issues. From the Late Cretaceous, this 30-foot saurolophine hadrosaurid seemingly put leaves on its eggs and fed them with its beak when they hatched, which is nice. Again, I could use

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25:25

Simbakubwa, the Great Lion

Paleo Bites ·

2024/03/05

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simbakubwa) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Laura Owsley discuss Simbakubwa, possibly the largest terrestrial mammalian predator of all time and the true holder of the title of Lion King. Naaaaaants ingonyamaaaa bagithiiiii baba sithi uhm ingonyamaaaa! Disney, making children scat faux Swahili since 1994. From the Early Miocene, this 10-foot hyaenodont had a slashing bite and could potentially bring down giant elephants and rhinos. The ultimate

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29:59

Australopithecus, the Southern Ape

Paleo Bites ·

2024/02/27

(image source: https://bit.ly/3T1rkyC) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Ben O’Regan discuss Australopithecus, one of our definitive ancestors and the first to walk upright, which is kind of a big deal. I don’t think I could handle walking on my knuckles all day, so thank you, Australopithecus. From the Late Pliocene, this 4-foot-tall hominid ate fruit and meat and overall just kinda aped about. You ever watched the Planet of the Apes movies? Then you’ve seen Australopithecus. Please ignore the

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27:35

Megalosaurus, the Great Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2024/02/20

(image source: https://dinosaurpictures.org/Megalosaurus-pictures) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Megalosaurus on this very special day, as exactly 200 years ago on this date Megalosaurus was officially the first described dinosaur, marking two centuries of dinosaur knowledge! Awesome! Oh yeah, the animal is cool too, whatever. From the Middle Jurassic, this 30-foot theropod used to have hundreds of different species in its genus before settling with Megalosaurus

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28:16

Basilosaurus, the King Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2024/02/13

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basilosaurus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Allen Brooks discuss Basilosaurus, a ginormous flesh-eating whale with a bulbous body and tiny back legs. Bet you didn’t know your mom was featured in this podcast, huh? From the Late Eocene, this 60-foot cetacean had a dinosaur-esque name due to its serpentine-esque body, which I think shouldn’t be allowed. Only dinosaurs should end in ‘saurus’ just as only mammals should end in ‘therium’! None of this

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26:13

Proa, the Prow of Val de Arino

Paleo Bites ·

2024/02/06

(image source: https://metode.org/issues/monographs/the-dinosaurs-of-the-maestrat-basin.html) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Laura Owsley discuss Proa, a dinosaur who lived in Spain and is on display in a huge museum there called Dinopolis, a place I have promptly scheduled on my calendar to visit on a moments’ notice! Oh wait, plane tickets are expensive. Damn. From the Early Cretaceous, this 22-foot iguanodont was chosen by our production team by using a random dinosaur generator because

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22:42

Simocyon, the Short-Snouted Dog

Paleo Bites ·

2024/01/30

(image source: https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/article/the-other-pandas-thumb)Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lexi Ryan discuss Simocyon, a creature that looks like a cougar and whose name says it’s a dog but is more closely related to red pandas. That’s a running joke on this show, I swear. “It looks like a baboon, eats like a llama, but its closest relatives are actually… cuttlefish.” From the Early Pliocene, this 7-foot carnivoran mammal is from a previously wide-ranging family

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26:07

Paranthropus, the One Alongside Man

Paleo Bites ·

2024/01/23

(Image source: https://www.science.org/content/article/one-ancient-human-relative-use-early-stone-tools) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Ben O’Regan discuss Paranthropus, one of our ancestors’ relatives that didn’t fully make the transition into cavemen and died off before they could see what humanity would become. They were the lucky ones. From the Late Pliocene, this 4-foot-tall hominid used simple tools like sticks and rocks and plucked fruit off of trees and basically were just monkeying

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26:40

Ambulocetus, the Walking Whale

Paleo Bites ·

2024/01/16

(image source: https://dinopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Ambulocetus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Allen Brooks discuss Ambulocetus, a walking whale that might not have actually walked all that much, but boy it could swim! So a whale then, basically. A whale with feet. Ehhh. From the Late Eocene, this 10-foot cetacean swam through the rivers of Pakistan and chomped fish, crocodiles, small mammals, and whatever else dared get in its way. I bet I could take it though, personally. How hard could it

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27:38

Coahuilaceratops, the Horned Face of Coahuila

Paleo Bites ·

2024/01/09

(image source: https://dinosaurpictures.org/Coahuilaceratops-pictures) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Coahuliaceratops, one of the few dinosaurs we have evidence of from Mexico due to something… explosive happening there at the end of the Cretaceous that wiped out most of the fossils. And no, it wasn’t the aftermath of a burrito dinner. From the Late Cretaceous, this 16-foot chasmosaurine ceratopsian had the longest horns of any member of its family, so that’s pretty

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17:51

Coelurosauravus, the Hollow Lizard Grandfather

Paleo Bites ·

2024/01/02

(image source: https://sciifii.fandom.com/wiki/Coelurosauravus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Coelurosauravus, the reptiles’ first of many, many attempts to get the hell off the ground and into the air. It seems like reptiles might be playing a geologic time scale level game of The Floor Is Lava. From the Late Permian, this 1-foot neodiapsid was unfortunately one of the losers of the Permian extinction event, where the whole world played a literal game of The Floor Is

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29:32

Prognathodon, the Forejaw Tooth

Paleo Bites ·

2023/12/26

(image source: https://bethzaiken.com/royal-saskatchewan-museum-prognathodon) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lexi Ryan discuss Prognathodon, a very unmerry creature that only has its episode released near Christmas due to the predetermined release schedule. Jingle bells! Chomp. From the Late Cretaceous, this 45-foot mosasaurid was smaller than its more famous cousin but had a far stronger bite, which means it could open presents real easily… yeah, I’m forcing this Christmas theme upon it. It

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27:13

Pakicetus, the Pakistani Whale

Paleo Bites ·

2023/12/19

(image source: https://eartharchives.org/articles/the-evolution-of-whales/) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Allen Brooks discuss Pakicetus, the very first cetacean and thus very first whale, so that’s neat I guess. Evolution and stuff. Intermediary fossils. Woo. From the Early Eocene, this 5-foot artiodactyl had many features of both land-dwelling and aquatic animals, which sounds indecisive if you ask me. Land or water, pick one! I mean, I suppose it eventually did. So that’s good I guess

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18:00

Eurapteryx, the Broad-Billed Moa

Paleo Bites ·

2023/12/12

(image source: https://a-dinosaur-a-day.com/post/185693540635/euryapteryx-curtus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Don Hall discuss Euryapteryx, another one of those giant birds the Maori people had to deal with when they migrated to New Zealand. They had a rough time. The birds, not the people. From the Early Holocene, this 3-foot-tall ratite laid relatively giant eggs and was hunted to extinction by the humans. Because humans. We’re a blight upon the earth. COVID-19 was a nice try, nature,

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22:33

Megamonodontium, the Giant Trapdoor Spider

Paleo Bites ·

2023/12/05

(image source: https://novataxa.blogspot.com/2023/09/megamonodontium.html) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Megamonodontium, the most nope nope to have ever noped. A giant spider lunging in a hole in Australia? Nope, nope, nope. From the Late Miocene, this 2-inch spider trapped and ate giant dinosaurs and sunk its venomous fangs into the necks of cavemen… okay, not really, it more likely hunted insects and small vertebrates and was overall just another harmless animal, but

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22:01

Tropeognathus, the Keel-Jawed One

Paleo Bites ·

2023/11/28

(image source: https://dinosaurpictures.org/Tropeognathus-pictures) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Ben O’Regan discuss Tropeognathus, a genus split off from Ornithocheirus, well-known from that Walking with Dinosaurs episode where one of them was too old to get laid. From the Early Cretaceous, this 25-foot-wingspan pterosaur lived in Brazil alongside frugivore Tapejara, also depicted in that same episode where one of them got sprayed on by water too much to get laid. Quality television, that

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16:38

Anzu, the Mesopotamian Bird Demon

Paleo Bites ·

2023/11/21

(image source: https://www.deviantart.com/tuomaskoivurinne/art/Saurian-Anzu-778336693) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Don Hall discuss Anzu, a dinosaur that looks so damn much like a bird it’s hard to believe it’s not in the clade of theropods that evolved into them. Them dinos really wanted them feathers. From the late Cretaceous, this 13-foot oviraptorosaur lived alongside some famous heavy-hitters like T. rex and Triceratops, and may I say the name Anzu really stands out among those, and

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13:35

Han solo, the Lone Chinese Trilobite

Paleo Bites ·

2023/11/14

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agnostida) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Han solo, an actually real genus and species of animal because paleontologists, believe it or not, are nerds. From the Early Ordavician, this 2-inch trilobite may not have looked like much, but it’s got it where it counts, kid. Yeah, we make a bunch of forced Star Wars references in this episode… oh, I’ve got a bad feeling about this. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our

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20:24

Platyceramus, the Broad Shell

Paleo Bites ·

2023/11/07

(image source: https://dontmesswithdinosaurs.com/?p=2122) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Platyceramus, the biggest clam in the entire paleontological record, which sounds like something one of those tourist traps on I-70 would claim to have if you ask me. From the Late Cretaceous, this 10-foot bivalve got eaten by giant turtles and had highly enlarged pearls within its shells… oh, now you’re interested, huh? Now that there’s money involved? I swear, late stage capitalism

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15:51

Zuul, the Destroyer of Shins

Paleo Bites ·

2023/10/31

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zuul) Happy Halloween! Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Frankyansteilert (the sewn-together bodies of previous co-hosts reanimated after their unfortunate deaths) discuss Zuul, a dinosaur indeed named after the Ghostbusters demon dog, because why not at this point? From the Late Cretaceous, this 20-foot ankylosaur had the biggest tail club of any of its kind in North America and had some fossilized scale imprints uncovered, which we definitely

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