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PODCAST

The Fifth Column

Kmele Foster, Michael Moynihan, and Matt Welch

Your weekly rhetorical assault on the on the news cycle, the people who make it, and occasionally ourselves. Kmele Foster (Freethink), Michael Moynihan (Vice), and Matt Welch (Reason) talk and laugh and drink their way to at least quasi-sanity in a world gone mad, often with the aid of clean and articulate guests. Weekly Members Only subscription edition often comes with listener mail and professional-quality (if inappropriate) singing. Analysis. Commentary. Sedition. www.wethefifth.com

news & politics

All Episodes

21:18

Members Only #219 - Pronunciation Racism and the...

The Fifth Column ·

2024/07/22

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.com* HOF weekend * The Talented Ms. Jewhater* Notes from the RNC* The black Republicans who don’t care about ideology * The 33 person BBQ in North Milwaukee * Losing their religion * The Great Resignation * “She’s not Joe Biden on foreign policy, buy who is…”* Why they hate us * There’s no Kamala bump * More Project 2025 nonsense * The rise of the mentally ill pundit * To win, Dems…

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64:03

#437 - Alive from the RNC!

The Fifth Column ·

2024/07/17

Moynihan calls in from GOP Ground Zero in Milwaukee. Kmele threatens to dish about Silicon Valley support for Donald Trump. Welch only slurs as much as Reince Preibus. Topics include J.D. Vance’s political philosophy, Joe Biden’s deteriorating public appearances, and—as ever—Kmele’s mangled naughty bits. Who the hell knows when the Adderall shortage will kick in, but we’re squeezing the last drops out of Moynihan’s productivity before the vape-seizures finally do him in. Let’s gooooo!!!! This is a

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21:35

Members Only #218 - Second Sunday Rebroadcast...

The Fifth Column ·

2024/07/16

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.comA rebroadcast of our increasingly popular Second Sunday edition, during which you, the listener, get to interact with the Fifth, berate them, flatter them, hit on them, and endlessly praise their wisdom and prescience. And thanks to all of you who showed up this week…so many, in fact, that we were forced to pay Zoom to increase the number of attendees. …

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76:16

#436 - Forget It. Joe Biden Has Been Cured Of Being...

The Fifth Column ·

2024/07/12

The lads make it through Biden’s presser, watch a bit of state television after, listen to the Mike Tyson’s Punch Out soundtrack, and limbo below the lowest bar in the history of low bars. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

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18:51

Members Only #217 - ☑ The Flag of the Fifth ☑

The Fifth Column ·

2024/07/10

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.com* Wizards of Transnistria * Checking the box* A festival of freedom?* More old stuff* France and the media * Brain dead v. Hitler * It didn’t end in 2008, but it proved a lot * What a dictator is… and isn’t* An accent free pass * The best video ever: Fuck you bloody

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59:28

#462 - SCOTUS Interruptus (w/ Damon Root)

The Fifth Column ·

2024/07/08

It’s an Independence Day Miracle (if a few days delinquent). As another US Supreme Court term draws to a close, we tap in with our favorite SCOTUS obsessive, Damon Root (currently Freethink/Big Think, previous Reason, and author of books you really should buy).We discuss Presidential absolute immunity, Chevron deference, the pitiful state of SCOTUS journalism, and the obviously-super-serious effort in the US Congress to impeach/pack/scorn the highest court in the land on account of its *various

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20:11

Members Only #216 - Unbearable and Untenable

The Fifth Column ·

2024/07/02

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.com* Miracles of indigenous science* Why is Matt talking about Kevin Costner so much?* Aaron Sorkin solves January 6th * Norm on Bob Uecker* Matt revisits his…bad night* The Biden sitch * James Carville on masculinity and “communities of color”* How do you guys manage to watch this crap?* QAnon all the time* Sam and Diane, but not funny * The block of humans called voters* “Total…

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43:12

Members Only 🔓 UNLOCKED 🔓 #215 - The Hindenburg...

The Fifth Column ·

2024/06/28

Oh dear. Yeah, that debate. Obviously. One would have to be a very successful, very delusional Substacker to think otherwise. But the night was about to get much, much worse. Moynihan, Welch, and Friend of the Fifth (former Rep.) Peter Meijer decided to record a quick reaction pod at 1am, after a collective 542 drinks. That…didn’t work. And that’s not what you are about to hear, although some devious editor appears to have dropped random clips of one particular Fifth host (Matt) into this episode,

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78:42

#461 - Trump/Biden II, Electric Boogaloo

The Fifth Column ·

2024/06/27

So our podcasting platform just launched an AI feature that scans your recording and automatically generates “show notes.” We gave it it try. These are the results, with a few important corrections.“The conversation begins with some light banter and discussion about rap music. [Human ed note: This was before we started, so it isn’t included in the episode, but it did feature Kmele speculating about John Lennon shooting Bob Dylan]. They then transition to talking about the upcoming presidential

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23:41

Members Only #214 - Sunday *Bloody* Sunday

The Fifth Column ·

2024/06/26

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit wethefifth.substack.comEvery second Sunday of the month, the lads fire up Zoom and do a (mostly) Q&A show for subscribers only. It’s very fun, often a bit messy and chaotic, and full of listeners expressing love, disbelief, dismay, and often delivering Strom Thurmond- like filibusters. So for you subscribers who couldn’t make it on June 9, we revive the Zoom recording just to…

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19:50

Members Only #213 - I Don't Know About Y'all...

The Fifth Column ·

2024/06/24

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit wethefifth.substack.com* Imagine if Bill Cosby was an Islamophobic dog* Cringefest in the Bronx* Jamal and AOC * Sleeve rolled up, stool in hand, unemployment on the horizon* AIPAC is everywhere!* Violent psycho extremists for peace* The war won’t end until Jake Tapper’s kids are properly harassed* Shift back to the center, Dems* Laying hands on homeless people* Homeopathy is fake, btw * Geniuses …

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78:02

#460 - The Return of Ol' Icy Balls

The Fifth Column ·

2024/06/21

After a very brief hiatus—apologies, but all is explained in the first five minutes of this episode—the lads are back. And there will be a flood of new content in the coming days, to make up for our testicular tardiness (also explained in the first five minutes of this episode). Also note: this episode was plagued by technical difficulties, but we hope, through the magic of editing, that you won’t notice.* The procedure * The politicization of late night continues apace* This is our territory* Alt

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89:05

#459 - The Horns of Hamas / Gentlemen Prefer Blondes...

The Fifth Column ·

2024/06/14

* Getting Drudged* Getting the spray* This new color isn’t working* Olivia amongst the Hamasniks in Union Square* Tearing up notebooks, airhorns in the ear…stuck in the middle of a protest * Hey hey ho ho shitty chants have got to go* Did any journalists reach out?* What if this was a Trump rally?* Legally blonde* You’ll be in a Trump camp * “Racial conspiracy theories” * I mean, you gotta understand where they’re coming from… This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other

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122:30

#458 - Free Everyone! Support No One!

The Fifth Column ·

2024/06/06

* Some unpopular opinions * Raise your hand if you’ve ever lied to the government* Fetterman and Real Time* Are you *addicted* to Marijuana???* Who are the victims here?* Excessive sentencing is bad, even for bad people * Victims: Alex Jones? Hunter Biden? DJT???* Biden is totally fine and thinking otherwise is the end of democracy* Joe Scarborough is the worst * Let’s all pretend that everything is normal, ok?* Scarborough casually defames two journalists* Washington Post loses a trillion dollars,

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17:00

Members Only #212 - Whatever It Is, I’m Against It...

The Fifth Column ·

2024/06/03

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit wethefifth.substack.com* No matter what it is or who commenced it…* MAGA Hawaii* Inflatable gallows * The eye of the horrible Stormy* It’s a bird! It’s a Qassam! No…it’s the Blonde Zionist!* Dronez: The Hunt for El Chigon * Listener email: Working class kid makes good. Will his kids go soft?* Your kids want to be rich* Back in my day…..* Bad IRA comparisons from supposedly smart people* Jerry Sein…

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148:58

#457 - The Witch Trials of Alvin Bragg, The End of...

The Fifth Column ·

2024/05/30

A double-album worth of great content this week. Start off with Moynihan talking to Matt and Kmele about his Free Press piece charting the collapse of Vice and him forthcoming piece charting the collapse of the Black Panther Party. Then the lads chat about the weirdness of the New York Trump trial, Israel in Rafah, and lots more. And stick around for Kmele’s conversation with the Lennon-McCartney, the Lieber and Stoller of podcasts, Matt Boll and Andy Mills, the duo who brought you The Witch Trials

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19:39

Members Only #211 - The Ann Landers Edition

The Fifth Column ·

2024/05/28

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit wethefifth.substack.com* The LP snoozer* Remembering that lady who said that gross thing about kids* You will never play in the NBA, baby* Zone of Interest redux, briefly* The Ann Landers portion begins * Should I stop being an academic and become a cop who lurks on dating apps?* The anti-Semitic date* I can’t be brave and call bullshit. So what do I do?* Well, it all depends * How to talk about…

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107:46

#456 - Hoops, Sneks, and Very Bad Doctors (w/ Aaron...

The Fifth Column ·

2024/05/24

* The most serious race controversy of 2024: that lady basketball player* “I mean, I've been a huge fan of Blackpink for years and I've never heard a single one of their songs.:* Snek and the Supreme Court * Everyone's wife is Ginny Thoma* The defense rests* Local news and crappy journalists * In defense of…Marilyn Mosby? * Israel and the ICC* Enter Sibarium: the UCLA Medical School controversy This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus

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111:30

#455 - Debate Me, Joe

The Fifth Column ·

2024/05/18

* At a party * At Fenway * Losers (which is apparently already a show)* Jake, Dana, Donald, and Joe* Cui bono? * How Joe wins* How Donald wins* The NY trial continues…* Mitt Romney would pardon DT* “Attacked our legal system”* The new Noem* Post-Donald, where does the party go?* How goes it in Ukraine? This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit wethefifth.substack.com/subscribe

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20:26

Members Only #210 - Odds, Bobs, Feminist Bank...

The Fifth Column ·

2024/05/14

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit wethefifth.substack.com* Italian bootlegs * Warm Fanta * Drinking on your European vacation * The Comfort of Strangers * Pre-internet travel* Jake Siegel: a moderate dissent…and Fifth reaction* Probability and the feminist bank teller* What happens when people call you bad names in public* 9 times out of 10, they were rapping* Awful media critics * What would CH do?* Steve Albini* “And the songs that…

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