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Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life

Dr. Lisa Damour

Parenting a tween or teen? Buckle up. Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life tackles the questions that keep parents up at night — academics, friendships, mental health, screens, meltdowns, and more. Every week, psychologist Lisa Damour teams up with a different expert to answer a real parent"s real question — no fluff, no judgment, just practical, evidence-based advice you can actually use. Dr. Damour and her colleagues also turn their attention to the emotional rollercoaster of raising kids — the

kids & family parenting

All Episodes

30:17

175: Encore: Should I Track My Teen’s Location?

Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life ·

2024/06/25

It’s easy to track kids using cell phone technology. But is it a good idea to do so? Today's technology allows us to know a lot more about our kids than our parents ever knew about us. While parents might track their teens for supervision and safety reasons, teens often long for more independence and privacy than tracking allows. Dr. Lisa explains why this tension is an expectable, healthy part of adolescent development and unpacks two key questions: What, exactly, does tracking accomplish? And does

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34:26

174: The Making of "Inside Out 2"

Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life ·

2024/06/11

Dr. Lisa and Reena explore the making of Disney-Pixar's "Inside Out 2" with special guest, Dr. Dacher Keltner, a UC Berkeley psychologist renowned for his research on emotions. The discussion begins with Lisa explaining her role in the film, highlighting how Riley, now 13, navigates the new emotions of adolescence. Dr. Keltner shares insights on selecting the original five emotions and introduces the sequel's new characters: Anxiety, Envy, Embarrassment, and Ennui. Dr. Lisa draws on her expertise in

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31:27

173: S.U.N.: Lisa's Three Keys to a Happy Summer

Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life ·

2024/06/04

How can families make the most of their summer? Dr. Lisa says it’s all about the S.U.N.: "S" for sleep, "U" for unplugging, and “N" for nature. Dr. Lisa and Reena explore why it's essential to find time during the summer months to rest, disconnect, and spend time outdoors. They offer practical tips for family digital detoxes. Their conversation unpacks the research on the psychological benefits of being around nature and how summer offers the perfect opportunity to embrace it all. Dr. Lisa also

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28:23

172: Encore: Should I Kick My Kid Off TikTok?

Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life ·

2024/05/28

When should you consider limiting your child's use of TikTok? A parent seeks advice on managing a tween’s use of the popular social media platform. Dr. Lisa and Reena discuss the appeal of TikTok and address the concerns that many parents have. Reena asks several key questions including: What are the downsides of consuming short-form video content, much of which seems to be mindless? How and when should parents set boundaries around TikTok use? And if parents are really worried about their kid’s

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30:20

171: Should I Snoop on My Teen?

Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life ·

2024/05/21

How do parents balance their wish to know about their kids’ lives with their teens’ right to privacy? Dr. Lisa and Reena talk through the tension of respecting teens’ autonomy while staying informed as parents, particularly in the context of teenagers keeping personal journals. A letter from a thoughtful mother of four teenagers raises important questions about navigating boundaries and fostering open communication. Dr. Lisa explores the ethical implications of secretly reading a teen’s journal and

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31:04

170: How Should I Deal with My Angry, Disrespectful Son?

Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life ·

2024/05/14

Dr. Lisa and Reena unpack the complexities of dealing with an angry and disrespectful son. In response to a letter from a concerned parent, they address how to navigate power struggles and they detail effective strategies for managing disruptive behavior. Dr. Lisa explores the underlying dynamics at play and offers insights as to why the son may be acting out. She discusses the potential pitfalls of punishment and explores alternative approaches to discipline that prioritize repair, connection, and

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32:25

169: How Do We Move Our Family Without Damaging Our...

Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life ·

2024/05/07

Dr. Lisa and Reena tackle the challenge of making a big move with kids. A parent writes in with concerns about her kids' reactions to the news of the move and asks how to best support them through the transition. Dr. Lisa provides insights on how parents can prepare kids for moving and offers age-specific strategies for helping children cope. Dr. Lisa and Reena discuss the importance of validating emotions, maintaining predictability, and involving children - when possible - in decision-making. Dr

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35:24

168: Teens and Sleep, with Journalist & Author Lisa...

Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life ·

2024/04/30

Sleep is essential for mental and physical health, but most teens don’t get nearly enough of it. Special Guest Lisa L. Lewis, journalist and author of "The Sleep-Deprived Teen: Why Our Teenagers Are So Tired, and How Parents and Schools Can Help Them Thrive," joins Dr. Lisa and Reena to answer listener questions about teens and sleep, tech use, summer bedtimes, school start times and more. Their conversation unpacks the results of the Stanford Sleep Study, and Reena finds out how Lisa L. Lewis

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33:27

167: Weed's Legal. How Do I Talk With My Teen About It?

Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life ·

2024/04/23

How can adults steer teens away from marijuana in states where the drug is now legal? A parent writes in asking for guidance on raising teens in a community where pot use is wide-spread and normalized. To complicate matters, the parent uses recreational cannabis at home but worries, appropriately, about how early experimentation with the drug could compromise her teens’ safety and well-being. Dr. Lisa and Reena address several crucial questions: What are the risks associated with adolescent

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32:35

166: My Kid Is Being Bullied. What Should I Do?

Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life ·

2024/04/16

How do you respond when your child is being bullied? A concerned parent writes in about her 12-year-old daughter who is being taunted by three older boys on the school bus. Dr. Lisa unpacks the dynamics of bullying and answers several key questions: What’s the difference between conflict and bullying? Why do kids bully? What is the impact of being bullied? How and when should adults step in? The conversation addresses the step-by-step process adults should consider when addressing bullying in order

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32:23

165: How Do I Support my Heartbroken Son?

Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life ·

2024/04/09

A parent writes in about her 17-year-old son who is reeling from a tough breakup with his long-time girlfriend. As the teen faces the transition to college and grapples with intense sadness his parents have several questions: Should they be concerned about his reaction? How can they support him, especially when he shuts them out? And must high school sweethearts part ways before college? Dr. Lisa describes the many ways that adults can help teens cope with heartbreak including offering empathy,

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32:09

164: Why Is My Kid Hooked on Luxury Skin Care?

Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life ·

2024/04/02

Dr. Lisa and Reena respond to a letter from a parent who feels uneasy about her ten-year-old’s sudden interest in expensive skin care products. The parent finds herself stuck between two bad options: buying her daughter products that are costly and unnecessary, or being at odds with her daughter because she refuses to do so. Dr. Lisa and Reena unpack the many forces that come together - some new, some age-old - to drive the current trend of tweens and teens taking an interest in high-end skin care

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30:52

163: Encore: My Kid Looked at Porn. What Should I Do?

Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life ·

2024/03/26

It’s not always comfortable to talk with our kids about pornography - but it’s something all parents need to do. Indeed, research shows that 12 is the average age at which kids first encounter pornography, and that by age 18, 79% of teens have been exposed to violent porn. Dr. Lisa and Reena address how it is that so many kids end up seeing pornography and the harms associated with viewing it. They also provide clear, actionable guidance on raising this delicate subject with kids and what to say

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33:48

162: How Do I Talk with My Teen about Fentanyl?

Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life ·

2024/03/19

Illicit fentanyl has contaminated the drug landscape and is causing record deaths among young people. How should parents talk with their teens about this fast-moving crisis? What can we say to help keep our kids safe? In this critically important episode, Dr. Lisa and Reena are joined by Ed Ternan and Marcia Lee Taylor of Song for Charlie, a national non-profit dedicated to raising awareness about the dangers of fentanyl. Ed, who tragically lost his 22 year-old son to a counterfeit prescription

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26:17

161: How Do I Get my Teens to Want to Spend Time with...

Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life ·

2024/03/12

A concerned parent seeks Dr. Lisa's guidance on building and maintaining a connection with her teenage son. Despite efforts to spend quality time together, most family activities are met with resistance. The parent wonders if it’s normal for her 15-year-old son and, more recently, her 11-year-old daughter, to hold their parents at a distance. Dr. Lisa and Reena explore the challenges of enforcing family time and suggest alternative approaches that can work. The episode answers several key

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31:55

160: Can I Require my Teen to Be on Birth Control?

Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life ·

2024/03/05

A devoted parent seeks advice on whether her 15-year-old daughter should be on birth control. Despite having open discussions about many topics, the daughter - who is in a long-term and intense heterosexual relationship - refuses to discuss contraception. Dr. Lisa weighs in on how to talk with teens about readiness for physical intimacy, and how to get teens to be open to awkward, (but necessary) conversations about their developing love lives. Reena asks if fifteen is too young to be having sex and

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27:23

159: Should I Worry That My Teen Is So Introverted?

Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life ·

2024/02/27

When should parents be concerned about a teen who resists making social plans and chooses to hang out at home instead? A parent writes asking if she should be worried about her introverted son. He excels academically, has a job, and exercises regularly, But he chooses to spend weekends at home playing on his phone or working on his computer. While he has friends, he rarely initiates plans with them and makes up excuses for not joining their activities. As the end of high school approaches, his

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36:43

158: Practical Optimism with Dr. Sue Varma

Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life ·

2024/02/20

Can we boost our sense of happiness and overall well-being? Why do some individuals not only survive - but thrive - in the face of life's challenges? Dr. Sue Varma, a psychiatrist and cognitive behavioral therapist joins us on the publication day of her new book, Practical Optimism: The Art, Science, and Practice of Exceptional Well-Being to answer these questions and more. The conversation explores Dr. Varma's 4 Ms of mental health - mood, mastery, meaning, and mindset - and addresses what Dr

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29:36

157: My Kid Has Diagnosed Herself on TikTok. What...

Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life ·

2024/02/13

There’s a growing concern shared by many adults: How do we help teenagers make sense of mental health misinformation on social media? Dr. Lisa and Reena respond to a letter from a parent worried that content on TikTok has led her teenage daughter to diagnose herself with OCD and ADHD. This episode explores the potential benefits and risks of learning about mental health through social media, how self-diagnosing can - at times - be harmful to teens, and how talking in diagnostic terms plays out in

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28:42

156: Is There a Gentle Way to Drop a Friend?

Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life ·

2024/02/06

An incredibly thoughtful question from a 14-year-old in the United Kingdom helps us look at the complexities of teen friendships. The letter writer asks about the challenge of wanting to distance from a friend without being unkind. Should teenagers be encouraged to have candid conversations with friends about their feelings, or is there a more nuanced approach that minimizes hurt feelings? How do we teach kids to be compassionate while establishing personal boundaries? Dr. Lisa and Reena discuss the

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