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PODCAST

Stellar Firma

“Build your planet, keep in line… also clones."Stellar Firma is a weekly Science Fiction, Comedy podcast following the misadventures of Stellar Firma Ltd."s highest born but lowest achieving planetary designer Trexel Geistman and his bewildered clone assistant David 7. Join them each episode as they attempt to take listener submissions and craft them into the galaxy"s most luxurious, most expensive and most questionably designed bespoke planets.However, with Trexel"s corporate shark of a line

comedy science fiction

All Episodes

23:54

Episode 17 - Cardinals and Comfy Chairs

Stellar Firma ·

2019/05/24

Episode 17Cardinals and Comfy ChairsPLANET - 512908- ➿Cardinal Fang requests an unexpected planet with a comfy chairConsultant Recommendation; Error, file overwritten and locked.Original Consultant Recommendation; Featureless ball. Reclining Chair. Multiple cupholders.Content Warning for:Comedic violenceEmotional abuseAlcoholismCardinal Fang!Special thanks to Gilligan Mungus for this episode's Planet Brief Submission and this week's Patrons: Sierra Tyrrel, Maltriestrei, Erin Kanani, Jonas Hallstrom,

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19:10

Episode 16 - Puppets and Partnerships

Stellar Firma ·

2019/05/17

Episode 16Puppets and PartnershipsPLANET - Team Building ExerciseCitizen Line Manager H. Piltz (ID 63277482) conducts a team building exercise day with Citizen Employee T. Geistman (ID 362884) and Bio Facsimile David 7 (ID 95847335).Exercise Results: Error 404 Teamwork not foundContent Warning for:Sudden yellingComedic violenceAlcoholismThis week's Patrons: Eric Zagar, El Addams, John C. Worsley, Lauren, Katie Nolan, Jonathan Clark, Danielle Goldstein, Patrick Perry, Hilary Merline, Anton and Ken,

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20:35

Episode 15 - Moisturiser and Measures

Stellar Firma ·

2019/05/10

Episode 15Moisturiser and MeasuresPLANET - REVIEWCitizen Line Manager H. Piltz (ID 63277482) reviews the performance of Citizen Employee T. Geistman (ID 362884) and Bio Facsimile David 7 (ID 95847335).Line manager recommendation; Restrict Consultants access to moisturiser. Reciprocity via Vent Torment. Alternative foot application. Returned damaged Graph Friend. Bathin is dreamy. Deploy the “Party Ender”. Megatron-Polar Alliance noted. Teamwork Needed.PLANET - REVIEWContent Warning for:Comedic

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23:41

Episode 14 - Seals and Accountants

Stellar Firma ·

2019/05/03

Episode 14Seals and AccountantsPLANET - 512907- 𐆖Lorek Brynison, King of the Armoured Polar Bears of Svalbard, requests a planet of snow and ice where they can be safe from the consistent planetary ruination of humanity.Consultant Recommendation: Frost ball. Business rivers. Abundant coastal relaxation points. Seal catering. Heated accountants.Content Warning for:Comedic violenceEmotional abuseAlcoholismSpecial thanks to Bryn for this episode's Planet Brief Submission and this week's Patrons:Zach

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26:15

Episode 13 - Raves and Catering

Stellar Firma ·

2019/04/26

Episode 13Raves and CateringPLANET - 512906- ⭂Psilax Bromius requests a party planet with a strobe moon for the purpose of raving. Consultants are invited to the planet warming along with any cult followings.Consultant recommendation; Dancefloor planet surface. Dual purpose dance moon with chillout core. Nibbles provided via hatchway. Robot catering staff. Party end initiated by mooncrash.Content Warning for:Comedic violenceEmotional abuseAlcoholismChild abuseIllegal drugsMild perilSpecial thanks to

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22:07

Episode 12 - Denizens and Goobrication

Stellar Firma ·

2019/04/19

Episode 12Denizens and GoobricationPLANET - 512905- ⬳Bathin, Great Duke of Galactonium, requires a plant in which to store precious stones and requires that the denizens therein can only be moved by transporter.Consultant recommendation; Nesting safes. Denizens residing in mechanisms. Goobrication (Patent Pending). Dogs in chutes. Bathin is an idiot.Content Warning for:Comedic violenceViolence to animalsEmotional abuseAlcoholismSpecial thanks to Paul Gregory for this episode's Planet Brief

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22:17

Episode 11 - Vents and Labyrinths

Stellar Firma ·

2019/04/12

PLANET - 512904- ⟴Serafina Mouchet requests a planet to demonstrate their wealth and aesthetic sense and requires that it also conceals their location so that no-one can locate them. The use of a mangrove-lined river labyrinth is mandated.Consultant recommendation; Mangrove labyrinth with help from a Graph Friend™. Decadent gondoliers. Gold where possible. If in doubt, computers. Vents = safety.Content Warning for:Comedic violenceEmotional abuseAlcoholismMinor gaslightingSpecial thanks to Emma C.for

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25:43

Episode 10 - Tokens and Orphans

Stellar Firma ·

2019/04/05

Episode 10Tokens and OrphansPLANET - REVIEWCitizen Line Manager H. Piltz (ID 63277482) reviews the performance of Citizen Employee T. Geistman (ID 362884) and Bio Facsimile David 7 (ID 95847335).Line manager recommendation: Better containment. Reciprocal violence. Amends required to marmalade orphans. Accidental achievement does not count as achievement .Content Warning for:·Comedic violence·Emotional abuse·Alcoholism·Accidental death·Manslaughter·Childhood traumaSpecial thanks to this week's

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25:30

Episode 9 - Lava and Marmalade

Stellar Firma ·

2019/03/29

PLANET - 512903-ỢBerthenoldimothy von Wittlesteinium VII, club historian of the Intergalactic It’s-probably-not-a-good-idea-to-touch-that Club requests a lava planet that you can swim in and contains a lava slide spanning the entire planet.Consultant recommendation: Buyer beware. Legal disclaimers. Ultra Lavatron Slide. Orbiting safe zone. LavLev protection. Thermal chaps. Marmalade creche.Content Warning for:Comedic violenceViolence to AnimalsEmotional AbuseAlcoholismSpecial thanks to Macy Grant

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20:10

Episode 8 - Pillows and Cults

Stellar Firma ·

2019/03/22

Episode 8Pillows and CultsPLANET - 512902-⭄Hypnos Soulbiter requests a planet were even the most insomniac of non-sleepers can lay a weary head but warns that the sleep may be permanent.Consultant recommendation; Golden pillows floating. Brass bells chiming. Monster lurking. Dreams eaten. All hail Hypnos Soulbiter ###ERROR, HERESY REDACTED### ALL HAIL THE BOARD.Content Warning for:Comedic violenceEmotional AbuseAlcoholismSpecial thanks to Kate Onyett for this episode's Planet Brief Submission and

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22:01

Episode 7 - Trash and Mysteries

Stellar Firma ·

2019/03/15

Episode 7Trash and MysteriesPLANET - 512901-🜃Lady Wimr Ikipidsah requests a planet where all the lost and found items of the universe end up. All of the items are mysteriously grouped together making a whole continent of odd socks from all the species of the universe that have feet.Consultant recommendation; Trash collecting black holes. Unknowable sorting system. Self-continenting socks. Fun trash sorting activities provided gratis.Content Warning for:Comedic violenceViolence to AnimalsEmotional

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23:19

Episode 6 - Pranks and Robots

Stellar Firma ·

2019/03/08

PLANET - 512900-🝘Megatron_46 requests a planet dedicated to the consumption of rare delicacies and the native species of the planet must be unfeasibly aggressive in everything they do.Consultant recommendation; Prank based planet. Psychically traumatised animals. Planet-wide dining table of massively varying scale. Laser weapons for guests to kill and cook their food. Prank - self evident.Content Warning for:Comedic violenceViolence to animalsEmotional abuseAlcoholismEmotional traumaSpecial thanks

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20:13

Episode 5 - Fear and Feet

Stellar Firma ·

2019/03/01

Episode 5Fear and FeetPLANET - REVIEWCitizen Line Manager H. Piltz (ID 63277482) reviews the performance of Citizen Employee T. Geistman (ID 362884) and Bio Facsimile David 7 (ID 95847335).Line manager recommendation: Fewer larvae fatalities, lower ego, no armed pets, less idolatry, feet in mouth.Content Warning for:Comedic violenceEmotional abuseAlcoholismAccidental deathAccidental genocideManslaughterElectrocutionSpecial thanks to this week's Patrons: stickyshoelaces, RJ, sarah randlett, Iryka

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27:02

Episode 4 - Bowels and Dogs

Stellar Firma ·

2019/02/22

Episode 4Bowels and DogsPLANET - 512899-ꝄLead Singer of The Winter Lettuce Collective requests a Planet to reflect their brilliance including a sky mood ring.Consultant Recommendation; Pod category planet in the shape of a lettuce. Pod contains a library of all the clients achievements. Grand atrium with optional memorials to murder and accidental death. Dogs with/without knives. Internal clouds with laser projections to display moods. Constant questions to establish moods.Content Warning

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22:50

Episode 3 - Gods and Trousers

Stellar Firma ·

2019/02/19

Episode 3Gods and TrousersPLANET - 512898-ꜾMitsy Van Schuten – 4th wife to the President of the Mars Concordant requests a planet dedicated to cute animals with particular focus on the fauna of old earth.Consultant Recommendation; Stock biome variation display planet. Planet in synchronous rotation with star to create dark side and light side. Light side: living animals to be hunted with provided weaponry. Dark side: dead animals to be resurrected with provided weaponry. Clients to be as

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21:14

Episode 2 - Studs and Blood

Stellar Firma ·

2019/02/15

Episode 2Studs and BloodPLANET - 512897-ꝘBurn Market the 23rd Earl of Armica requests a planet dedicated to the production of Holovision programming with suggestive names included for landmarks.Consultant Recommendation; Category 4 sized planet. Divided into rectangles for each production. Suited to blood sports and dramatic productions. Wild climate variation to provide jeopardy. Suggestive names included in a brown paper bag.Content Warning for:Comedic violenceEmotional abuseAlcoholismSpecial

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20:31

Episode 1 - Troughs and Goo

Stellar Firma ·

2019/02/15

Episode 1Troughs and GooPLANET - 512896-ACitizen Employee T. Geistman (ID 362884) is paired with new Bio Facsimile David 7 (ID 95847335). Client Nurturer 163 of the Superfluous Tentacle requests a hatchling world for the breeding of young.Consultant Recommendation:Trough shaped world.Seas: Boiling.Entrance via cushioned chute.Egress via teen spaceport.Ceremonial daggers provided for all.Content Warning for:Comedic violenceEmotional abuseAlcoholismSpecial thanks to Bec Savage for this episode's

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1:45

Season 1 Teaser

Stellar Firma ·

2019/02/05

TrailerRecyclingCitizen Employee T. Geistman (ID 362884) submits Bio Facsimile David 6 (ID 95847336) to summary slurriment and recycling.Content Warning for:Comedic violenceEmotional AbuseIf you'd like to support the show join them be sure to visit www.patreon.com/rustyquillCreated by Tim Meredith and Ben MeredithProduced by Lowri Ann DaviesExecutive Producer Alexander J NewallPerformances:Trexyl Geistman: Tim MeredithDavid 6: Ben MeredithEditing: Alexander J NewallMusic: Samuel DF JonesArtwork:

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0:39

Season 1 Ad Spot

Stellar Firma ·

2019/02/05

Season 1 AdSpotEmployee introduction and disciplinary actionCitizen Employee T. Geistman (ID 362884) submits Bio Facsimile David 7 (ID 95847336) to standard disciplinary action.Content Warning for:Comedic violenceEmotional AbuseIf you'd like to support the show join be sure to visit www.patreon.com/rustyquillCreated by Tim Meredith and Ben MeredithProduced by Lowri Ann DaviesExecutive Producer Alexander J NewallPerformances:Trexyl Geistman: Tim MeredithDavid 7: Ben MeredithEditing: Alexander J

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