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ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)

The mission of ESSAY is to serve as a source of information, experience, strength and hope to sexaholics, both inside and outside the rooms of Sexaholics Anonymous. Our vision is to provide a high-quality “meeting in print” that gathers together members from around the world. It can serve as a portable “extra meeting” especially for loners and for members who don’t have access to many meetings. In addition, Essay serves as an outreach tool to carry the message to those who have not yet found SA. We

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All Episodes

4:33

ESSAY December 2025 - Where Is Your Honesty? -...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/13

The Steps replace the addictive process with a Program of recovery. This happened almost 20 years ago, when I was just beginning this recovery Program. On my way to work, I was driving slowly when the vehicle behind me suddenly sped up and hit my car. It was a very minor collision, but I thought, “I can take advantage of this and get some money out of it. I’ll just say that he damaged the entire rear part of my car. I knew that the other damages had been caused previously and were in no way the

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2:50

ESSAY December 2025 - From Monsters to Brothers -...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/13

This member embodies the honesty necessary to make this amends from the heart. To every brother in SA who has treated me with respect and kindness, who notices the discomfort of being the only woman in an SA meeting or event, to those who strive every day to make SA a safe place for us, to those who have treated me like their daughter or sister, to the loving brothers who welcomed me in SA—thank you!

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3:14

ESSAY December 2025 - Healing the Wounds in My Life -...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/13

Her sponsor helped her admit deep resentment towards her adoptive mother. Rigorous is “an adjective that means extremely thorough, exhaustive, or accurate.” Rigorous honesty is a commitment to complete truthfulness in all aspects of life, even when it's difficult or has consequences. Phew. To become rigorously honest is a process that develops through the recovery process. This addict had no clue how to be honest at the start of her journey, and to be rigorously honest seemed impossible.

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2:19

ESSAY December 2025 - Can’t Leave My Heart Out of It...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/13

Honesty helps him take the Steps with sincerity of heart. Honesty starts with my heart. My head is going to think of all kinds of reasons to dodge the truth. When I was trapped in addiction, I listened to my head for reasons and excuses to continue to act out. I followed my head, but my heart was unsettled. With grace from my Higher Power, I found SA and began following my heart. My connection with my Higher Power is mostly through my heart.

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2:16

ESSAY December 2025 - A Lot of Courage - Nathalie V.,...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/13

Higher Power gives her the courage to turn her whole life over to the will of God. When I hear the words “rigorous honesty,” all kinds of things go through my mind: bringing the inside out, sharing with others, writing Tenth Step inventories, making phone calls, and sharing honestly and sincerely in meetings. In my recovery, it has already become clear that this is absolutely necessary.

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4:53

ESSAY December 2025 - Holding Nothing Back - Anonymous

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/13

He learned through the Program to be honest in every area of his life. Rigorous honesty with myself is the best medicine for the disease because my disease comes out of denial—lying to myself and others. Before lust, I learned to fantasize and make up fun stories. I took that into my daily life when I discovered I could just lie to avoid trouble or to deal with uncomfortable things.

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4:55

ESSAY December 2025 - Looking at the Sun - Kathie S.,...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/13

Completely exposed before God with a willingness for Him to take away her defects gave her a vital spiritual experience. I have been in SA for five years, and am three years sober. I have been working through the 12 Steps with my sponsor, from the Step Into Action book. I am well aware that there are other methods in practice in SA, but I can only relate my own story (which I guess is rigorous honesty). It is a very detailed, painstaking method, and very deeply soul-searching, often quite painful,

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1:52

ESSAY December 2025 - The Stark Reality - Paul Z.,...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/13

His Step One was seeing reality for the first time without the lies and admitting to himself that he was addicted. Rigorous honesty means the ability to share a feeling or situation with another person in a truly unbiased statement of fact. Addicts like to gloss over and shade the truth of events and characterize them from their point of view without consideration for the other party or the reality of the event.

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2:14

ESSAY December 2025 - An Honest, Teary Letter -...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/13

He stood at the turning point of his inventory and abandoned himself to God through complete honesty. Hi guys, I'm Abhinav, a grateful recovering lust addict and sexoholic, sober today one day at a time (ODAAT) from August 15 of this year by the grace of God. I started my journey with SA in April 2023, when a close person in my faith tradition suggested I attend a Twelve-Step program for my compulsive masturbation problem.

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4:06

ESSAY December 2025 - The Pursuit - Roland R., BC,...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/13

Practicing rigorous honesty has enabled him to grow in integrity in every area of his life. When I was in a treatment centre to deal with my addictions, they asked me to write down three words I would want to be written on my tombstone. I wrote Honest, Courageous, and Loyal. In writing this, I realized that honesty was at the root of all three. When I pledged to be rigorously honest, it meant I pledged to avoid even the smallest distortions, whether those were exaggerations, omissions, or

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5:20

ESSAY December 2025 - The Sure Foundation - Angelo...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/13

He found he could give himself entirely to this program on a solid foundation of honesty. When we read “How it Works” from the AA Big Book, I am encouraged by how little stands between me and recovery! Even being gravely emotionally and mentally disordered is not an obstacle (whew!). The one condition? To give myself to “this simple program” of the Steps.

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1:05

ESSAY December 2025 - Discussion Topic

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/13

Roland mentions in his article, "The Pursuit," how honesty was vital in his new relationship with his wife. How important has honesty been in your recovery? Have you needed help in identifying when you have been dishonest?

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2:39

ESSAY December 2025 - Melting the ice inside -...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/13

After years of being dominated by lust, this member is living life on a spiritual plane as a result of practicing the Program, with deep love for sponsorship. In my early childhood, I dreamed that something great was going to happen in my life. These were childish fantasies—on the level of a big castle, beautiful nature all around, a "prince," and a rich, heavenly life. As a child, I believed in my beautiful fairy tale.

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2:12

ESSAY December 2025 - Improvising - Winfried, Germany

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/13

God uses him to carry the message of recovery through his musical gifts. My name is Winfried, and I come from Germany. I have been sober since February 14, 2013, thanks to God's grace. I am an “amateur musician.” I always enjoyed improvising because there were no rules. I could play and press the keys that God showed me. Above all, it calmed me because there are no mistakes when I improvise. My playing cannot be controlled because there is no sheet music. That made me feel very free.

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2:55

ESSAY December 2025 - Where God Found Me - Hugo M.,...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/13

By presenting himself as he truly is, God meets him there with His love that transforms. It wasn’t on the mountaintop where God found me, but in the dust. Not in the polished image I tried to uphold, but in the disorder of my soul. Over these past three months of sobriety, I’ve come to understand something I once feared: that my weakness is not an obstacle to the sacred—it is the doorway to it.

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4:19

ESSAY December 2025 - Daily Surrender, Steps 10-12 -...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/13

He learned the difference between white-knuckling (reliance on self) and true surrender (reliance on God). When I was still deep in my addiction, I thought I knew how to interact with women: I performed, I craved, I hunted for the thrill of being wanted. I called it “romance” and “connection,” but really, I just wanted to be needed and admired. Lust, in every form, ran the show.

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2:20

ESSAY December 2025 - SA CFC - K. B., St Louis, USA

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/13

Daily Surrender, Steps 10-12 He learned the difference between white-knuckling (reliance on self) and true surrender (reliance on God). When I was still deep in my addiction, I thought I knew how to interact with women: I performed, I craved, I hunted for the thrill of being wanted. I called it “romance” and “connection,” but really, I just wanted to be needed and admired. Lust, in every form, ran the show.

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2:35

ESSAY December 2025 - A Deep Sense of Camaraderie -...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/13

2025 SA/S-Anon NW Regional Retreat I attended the SA/S-Anon NW Regional Retreat in Post Falls, Idaho. Gratefully, this was my fourth NW regional retreat, and as someone who lives on the opposite side of the country, each one has been a blessing. It was five years ago, at the suggestion of my then sponsor, that I got involved with SA meetings in Portland, OR, and I will be forever grateful for all the recovering sexaholics I have met there.

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1:24

ESSAY December 2025 - Marathon of Love

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/13

Last Saturday, September 20, the Group LA LIBERACIÓN from Bogotá, Colombia, held a nine-hour marathon meeting—a space to share, laugh, and enjoy time together as a group.

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2:25

ESSAY December 2025 - Let Go and Let God - Thomas P,...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/13

A retreat full of fellowship, fun, and growth while discussing difficult topics that led to unity in making SA truly a place for men and women together. Retreats are my favorite part of the SA program and a great way to meet fellows that I don’t normally see. This was my second retreat, and I enjoyed playing basketball, foosball, pool, ping pong, and cards until midnight (oh, and getting to grow deeper in my relationships with others and God).

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