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The 100 Word Stories Podcast

Laurence Simon

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1:05

George the Scout

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/06/07

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. The ship's captain sent George out on a lot of "scouting missions." Which were really just to get rid of the accident-prone George. George would wander the place around for several days, looking for treasure, but he always ended up finding trouble. Even though it was a huge relief to the crew not to have George on board and screwing things up. Eventually, George would return, chased by an angry mob. "Pull the gangplank and raise anchor!" shouted

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1:12

George memorials

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/06/06

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He has no gravesite. No, he wasn't buried at sea. His body was burned, and the ashes scattered. That way, there would not be a grave for his followers to revere. Over the years, many memorials to George have been built. Piles of flowers, greeting cards, and stuffed teddy bears. Cheap candles in cheap tin holders. And the authorities have torn them all down. Shadowy figures meet in dark alleys. Exchanging secret handshakes, speaking secret

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1:08

George the good pirate

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/06/05

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He was good to animals, though. He didn't eat meat, and avoided products that exploited animals, such as milk or cheese. His clothes were all natural fibers like hemp, not leather. When he wasn't out at sea, he volunteered at a sanctuary for parrots that had been rescued from cruel pirates. Rehabilitating as many as he could back into the wild, while caring for those who were too injured or domesticated to go back to their natural

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1:20

George stares

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/06/04

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He seemed distracted, looking out over the rail and staring at... nothing. Only George knew what he was looking at... the memory of a beautiful woman, walking naked on the beach. But he said nothing. He just stared. So, the rest of the crew looked out over the rail and stared. Nobody noticed the British Navy frigate closing in from the other side. However, as they approached, they saw the pirates all staring, and they too stared that way.. No

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1:14

George on CNN

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/06/03

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. CNN's Jeanne Moos did a profile on George, but made him out to be a complete assclown of a pirate. George was furious. "I do not fall overboard that often," he growled. "And I only dropped my cutlass twice." He filed a complaint, which the network ignored. So, George took a CNN crew hostage and demanded a ransom and retraction. "Go ahead, kill them," said the CNN executives. "They're worthless." George posted their callous response on

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1:15

George pirate qualities

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/06/02

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Write a list of all the things that come to mind when you think of the word pirate. George is none of those. Not a single one of them. Unless, of course, you are crazy. Then, I'm sure George will be a few of the things on your list. So will a cockroach, a bowl potato salad, the Planet Neptune, and the smell of freshly-washed bedsheets. Yes, you can read more George stories. Would you like to draw me a picture of George? Okay. Here's a crayon. Go

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12:33

Weekly Challenge #997 – Pack

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/06/01

RichardLisa Lizzie Serendipidy Tom Norval Joe Planet Z The next topic is You stink! LISA We’d just gone out for some smokes. That was all. It’s not like there’s much else to do when the powers out is there? It was a hot day – tempers had been frayed. Then the air con stopped working. Alarms started beeping down the street. I tried a light switch and nothing! They called us animals in court. Like we’d hunted in a pack. Scapegoats is what we were. They were making an example

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1:31

George the king of comedy

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/05/31

... and that's 20 years.George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. "You're the Jerry Lewis of pirates," grumbled his exasperated captain. The rest of the crew laughed. Except for Frenchy, who said that George was no Jerry Lewis. George looked up Jerry Lewis in the encyclopedia and learned about a technique called "video assist." Directors could watch instant reviews of shots instead of waiting for the crew to develop and print the daily footage. George tried it with his performance But

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1:16

George and the groupies

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/05/30

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. To pirate groupies, he was pirate enough. Oh, you've seen them, there at the taverns and bars, hanging out at the docks. The beer might be free, but the price you pay is an STD, or even worse, a long-term relationship. Pirates who settle down just aren't the same. They can't just go out on adventures and looting and pillaging, no matter how much they want to. They've got familiars, mortgages, bills to pay. Which makes the urge to get back to the

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1:25

George does laundry

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/05/29

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Especially on laundry day. If there weren't any open washing machines, he'd dump someone's finished load out on the floor and toss in his own. How dare they make him wait? It's called a timer. Even though the washing machines said liquid only, he'd fill the little detergent drawer with powder. And he'd overload the machine, cramming as much as he could in there. No available dryers? Another finished load tossed on the floor. The worst of it was

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1:15

McGeorge

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/05/28

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate. Fear consumed him, and when faced with a decision, any decision, his inner dialogue drowned out any course of action. George stood there, eyes wide open, but seeing nothing. Hearing none of the angry voices around him, the hands grabbing his arms and trying to shake him out of his paralysis. Endless ”What if?” rolled around in his mind, and the crowd around him grew angrier and angrier, cursing and swearing. The girl at the register looked past

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1:14

George and the eclipse

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/05/27

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. The captain was always looking for things for George to do, other than pirate stuff. When the captain learned of an upcoming solar eclipse, he sailed into the total eclipse path. "George, I know what you can do," he said. "We don't have time to sail to Walmart to get those special eclipse filter glasses. Can you scrounge the cargo hold and make some for us?" George tried. And, well... After the eclipse, the crew were covering their eyes and

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1:29

George thanks God

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/05/26

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. After a long and difficult week, George muttered "Thank God it's Friday." The clouds parted, a light shone down, and a voice boomed "YOU'RE WELCOME!" The light faded, and it began to rain. George was left confused, frightened, and wet. "What the fuck just happened?" said George, shaking and holding on to the railing to keep from fainting. George looked around, but there was nobody there to ask: "Did you see that? Did you hear that?" It was just

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10:51

Weekly Challenge #996 – PICK TWO: What’s that...

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/05/25

RichardLisa Lizzie Serendipidy Tom Norval Joe Planet Z The next topic is Pack RICHARD --- Snooze --- What's that beeping? Mostly still asleep, brain barely functioning, it slowly dawns on you: The alarm is going off. Clumsily, you fumble for the hateful thing at the side of the bed, hitting the snooze button, before crashing back into the pillows for the next ten minutes. It's not like this in the movies. No -one ever hits snooze in films. They either hurl the offending

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1:16

George the sculptor

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/05/24

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He spent an unusual amount of time exploring the arts and humanities instead of hunting for treasure. Where other pirates would loot a museum, he'd walk the halls, listening to the tour guide, appreciating the art, and admiring the brush strokes and chisel angles. He tried his hand at sculpture, creating a pirate figure out of butter. It won second place at the State Fair. Proud of his work, he brought it back to the ship. His crewmates spread

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1:11

George and the avocados

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/05/23

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He fell for lots of scams. One time, he took a pamphlet from a group at the airport, and he ended up on an avocado farm wearing an orange robe. He enjoyed harvesting avocados, but missed being a pirate. So when the farm was raided by pirates, he asked if he could join them. It was his old crew. "No," they said. "We've been doing great without you." The last sack of avocados they hauled away was unusually heavy. Safely aboard, George crawled out

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1:12

George the garage sale addict

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/05/22

GEORGE WAS A PIRATE, BUT HE WASN'T A VERY GOOD PIRATE. INSTEAD OF RAIDING TOWNS AND SHIPS FOR USEFUL THINGS, LIKE FOOD AND AMMUNITION AND SUPPLIES, HE'D LOOT FLEAMARKETS AND GARAGE SALES, AND HAUL BACK A PILE OF JUNK. "THERE'S NOTHING QUITE LIKE THE FEEL OF A CLASSIC WEIGHTED KEYBOARD WITH SPRINGS AND INDIVIDUAL KEYS," SAID GEORGE, TAPPING THE KEYS AND HEARING THAT SATISFYING LOUD CLACK. "YOU DON'T GET THAT WITH THOSE THIN APPLE KEYBOARDS OR THOSE CHEAP PLASTIC ONES." "WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING

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1:26

George the storyteller

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/05/21

George had two tickets to The Moth. Nobody wanted the other ticket, so he went alone. He thought he was signing a guestbook, but it was the speakers list. When they called his name, George was confused, but they pushed him to the stage. He adjusted the microphone, took a sip of water, and said: "I am a pirate, but..." He hesitated, sipped more water, and said "But I'm not a very good pirate." He told stories for hours, the timekeeper just as mesmerized as the crowd. When George finished, no

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1:51

George’s escape room

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/05/20

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. After he was fired from his job, he built a pirate-themed escape room. Customers were thrown into a locked room and told that they were being held until someone paid the ransom. "This is lame," said a customer. "Where's the puzzles? Let us out!" Only when George got the money were they told they'd won, and were released. Pretty soon, George's escape room got a reputation as a scam. But before the cops could arrest him, George escaped, and had

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1:21

George the demon pirate of Fleet Street

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/05/19

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He always felt guilty about the men that his shipmates killed in battles. So, when the ship docked in London, he'd load a cart with their bodies and take them to Sweeney Todd's barbershop in Fleet Street. "I'll clean them up so they look nice and presentable for their loved ones," said the barber. "Now sit down and let me clean you up. On the house." Afterwards, George would load the cart with dozens of Mrs. Lovett's meat pies. "My best

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