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PODCAST

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast

Gary McFarlane helps you understand Sex, Porn & Love Addiction. This podcast dives into the neuroscience behind these issues, guiding you on the path to recovery. For more resources, visit: www.kairos-centre.com.Helping you better understand the neuroscience of the brain and sharing what we now better understand about the brain"s involvement, from childhood development. To help you effect change; find the real authentic you (whose truth self went off at a tangent in childhood); so that as you

education self-improvement

All Episodes

5:33

Sexual Intelligence: More science stuff (2)

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2023/12/22

In all your getting, get understanding. What you can better understand, you have then moved it from the unconscious into the conscious. From the unseen, into the seen. Now you get a chance to go after it and effect change. It can never be the same again, because you know what you are doing! Get it?Remember, don't shoot the messenger.Sitting comfortably? Braced? Here we go then:Research in 2006 show that the younger the age that a females experiences arousal, the greater will be the number of

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4:53

Sexual Intelligence: Know the science stuff

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2023/12/16

Oh - yuk! Must we?Well - not preaching to you, but knowing the science done by some very clever people, will help you. Remember what this thing called Therapy is about - certainly Therapy from The Kairos Centre; all about moving as much from the unconscious, into the conscious - then you get a chance to go after what you can now better see and understand - in order to effect change. Get it!Here it go; and don't shoot the messenger please:At puberty, males Androgen levels (such as Testosterone)

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9:02

Relapse prevention: There should be signs of a...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2022/07/12

You need to keep your guards up. The stuff (which is now in your past), will keep trying to trip you up. You need to apply effort in order to maintain the hard earned and carved out gains; but gains there are; very tangible; very real.You did it. Not a programme. You did it. I could lead the horse to water, but as a facilitator, I could not make it drink. (By the way, I wasn't calling you a horse)! When you drink; when you drank; you made incremental steps toward your best life, without sex,

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9:31

Carve out your Safety Plan for maintaining the gain...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2022/06/28

One such tool - is your Support Structure of people that you can call upon when triggered and the going is tough on a particular day - to get you through that day. Who is in your Inner circle of three close support contacts?Don't go it alone. Don't be an island; "Shame" loves that and rubs its hands with glee - "Got ya".Talk to the three. Tell them your needs. Get agreement to be there for you day and (night!). You will reciprocate in the future. Test the friendship and

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8:53

Sometimes, you just have to R.U.N

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2022/06/07

When all else fails; when all the tools have not helped; when you're triggered and battling the near eleventh hour; when you are about to act out. You know it; it seems inevitable; deja vu. You have been hear before; oh so many, many times. So annoying; so frustrating.You know the morning after the night before, is coming; you know the self recrimination will follow; the guilt; the regret; the increased shame; the self loathing; the remorse is an understatement.Yet, you are on a trajectory

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7:36

Thinking Distortions which the brain tells you - and...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2022/05/17

Know you, know self, know your brain. It is not always your bestest bestest bff. It often is working against what is good for you, at the behest of what it perceives as being right for you - in the moment. But not all your senses have been consulted beforehand.It does not always tell you the whole truth and nothing but the whole truth. In fact, it can very brazenly sabotage what is good for you, in its assessment of what it believes it is doing to protect you from discomfort. It is

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9:08

Negative fundamental & global CORE BELIEFS about self...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2022/04/26

You have heard me repeatedly rabbit on with this mantra haven't you? What you do not understand, you have no hope of influencing; no hope of changing or even embark upon the change process - (and change is a process from A to Z).Why? Because the stuff you don't understand, lives in the unconscious. It works away below the "Mission Impossible" infra red light and no loud alarm is triggering to bring it to your attention.What you must, must, must, must do, is move the stuff from

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9:01

Trauma related Triggers

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2022/04/12

We will say that Sex/Porn/Love Addiction is set up in one of three ways - Opportunity, Attachment issues and/or Trauma. Trauma is not necessarily limited to big events that happen in a war zone.It is also the impact on a seven years old, whose Game Console is taken by a friend and when they knock on the friends door to get it back, a parent slams the door saying "It isn't yours; I bought it for my child". The child runs home crying, but there is not a parent who fights their

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8:18

Change is a process, not a one time event

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2022/03/22

We can't change what we cannot see and do not understand. This is me doing life how I do life. What's the problem? There is no problem (to us), if there is no problem.But the truth is, we know some things are not working right in life, but we don't understand why or what. Change has not and cannot even begin. When we gain greater insight and understanding, then change has become. We have moved the stuff from the unconscious into the consciousness. It can never be the same again. It is

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9:00

EMDR is tussling for its turn

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2022/03/08

Managing triggers is just one aspect of the recovery process. Not unique to sex/porn/love addiction; it manifests in many other trauma areas, such as childhood sexual abuse that keeps on keeping on being triggered in adulthood.How did the triggers get set up. Childhood development holds the clues. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing) may hold the keys.Really? No way? Does it come with a guarantee - this EMDR stuff? What is it about? Go after the setting up of the addiction, rather than

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10:19

Just like cave men and cave women or different?

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2022/02/15

The cave man instinct to protect us from the mammoths & sabertooth cats is alive and kicking in our 21st Century way of doing life, as it played out back then. The dangers have changed, but nonetheless, the brain (our cognition) convinces us of a danger that is not real and the body comes to alert repeatedly through the day, ready to protect us, unless we can calm our thinking and take it off guard duty.Our thoughts, our thinking, our cognition leads to our behaviour. Not the other way round

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8:16

Oh no - not Neuroscience stuff!

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2022/02/01

....but it isn't that complicated! At least not when you read the material from public friendly neuroscientists like Dr Caroline Leaf."The Pleasure Principle" - What's that about? Another very clever Neuroscientist (Dr Struthers) has brought together the individual role played by each of those (neurotransmitters/neuropeptides/brain chemicals/biochemicals - whatever they are properly called). This is where I get ready to run for my bunker, for fear of the wrath of a grieving

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8:08

Childhood development has got questions to answer

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2022/01/03

We do need to pay much attention to those Childhood development stages and how they may have shaped how we go on to do our adult relationships: "Come close; I want you close; I need you close; I need to own you for myself; you're too close; move away; give me space; this is stifling; i need more from you; you're not the one for me; blowing you up". Any of these ringing true or resonate with you? It is called sabotage. Go after the sex/porn/love addiction first and have "

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7:32

I'm not Insecurely ATTACHED at all! How dare you...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2021/12/07

Early years fostered, Adopted, Immigrate, parents separation & divorce, verbal, physical, sexual and/or spiritual abuse, Boarding school, premature birth, incubated, mothers post-natal depression, alcoholic, drug use, parent working away a lot, emotionally absent even when they are home - are just some contributing causes for setting up INSECURE ATTACHMENT - which may later manifest in how the adult child will go on to do interpersonal relationships.We all need a lighthouse that is stable during

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6:07

ATTACH(MENT) to me, but not too close; closer, but...

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2021/11/23

You feel insecure in close relationship with another and so the brain provides strategies to "control" the relationship, but is so unconscious that you deny you are doing any such thing. Attachment is more accurately Detachment; yet a pining to be close to at least one other. Strange contradiction hey!In your quest for sobriety, don't go for long strides and big leaps. Successful recovery and achieving sobriety, is more about small bite size, incremental, but progressive steps. YOU

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11:30

Fight/Flight/Freeze - there are benefits - not!

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2021/11/06

Core Emotional Needs, such as Approval, Attention, Security, Respect (and more) get depleted over time and as human beings, getting them met, and kept topped up, is not optional. We will consciously, but mostly unconsciously Fight/Flight/Freeze in order to get them met.They desire to be met. You are in danger zone for Acting out, as a way to fulfil those needs - temporarily. Yet, temporarily (at the time), is good enough and promises a fix.Fight may take the form of passive-aggressive. You are out

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8:16

Narcissism vs Empathy

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2021/10/19

Just like similar poles of a magnet repel each other, so it is that Narcissism and Empathy also repel each other. They cannot co-exist in the same place together - in unity.Either you will have more of one and less of the other being played out or less of the other and more of one! Get it?Here's the deal. One MUST become less and the other become greater. Which one is the greater in your life?Let The Kairos Centre help you to make EMPATHY the dominant trait that is played out in your

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9:13

SHAME + NARCISSISTIC TRAITS = SEX ADDICTION

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2021/10/07

Do the Maths. Remove shame and sex addiction breaks down. Remove Narcissism; more accurately, transform Narcissism (over time) into Empathy and sex addiction breaks down.Learn how to make shame visible; walk of the page; become touchable - using The Kairos Centre "Shields" exercise. Many clients initially, find it difficult to identify with and own Narcissism until we break it down.Come and learn more about these two dominant features of sex/porn/love addiction. Let The Kairos Centre

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5:42

Taking Responsibility

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2021/09/21

Having completed the extensive History Taking (by asking lots of questions over three sessions) to build a profile of our clients from birth to current age, we then give feedback and diagnosis. That includes an hypothesis as to the Role, Function & Purpose which the behaviours serve.It is important not to hide behind the feedback which finds that something happened to you in childhood development; therefore current behaviour patterns are not your fault. Not true!Not a level playing field, but

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5:54

".....and what about me" (the silent partner affected)

The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast ·

2021/09/07

The Kairos Centre Recovery Programme is about the couple recovery, not only the person with the addiction behaviours - where you are in a partnered relationship.Sit in the seat or walk in the shoes of the partner affected and see life from their vantage point - if you dear - if you can!Difficult to stay with it since to do so means subduing and turning off inclinations toward narcissism. Take a glimpse through their lens before narcissism kids back in. Empathise with their pain. Even that empathy

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174 results

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