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PODCAST

Untoxicated Podcast

Matt & Sheri Salis

Sheri and Matt Salis just wanted a normal life – normal marriage, normal careers, a normal house and happy kids. Instead, they lived a life of lies and terror as they struggled with Matt’s alcoholism. While their experience sounds rare, with over 15 millions problem drinkers in America, their alcoholic marriage was all too normal. Matt has been writing about their experiences in alcoholism and recovery for years. On the Untoxicated Podcast, Sheri and Matt talk about it, too. No subjects are off

society & culture relationships

All Episodes

1:00:24

Ep132 – What are YOUR Needs?

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2022/03/28

If you are the loved one of an alcoholic, it may be hard to be truthful and authentic with your partner who is dealing with or recovering from addiction. You're vulnerability has probably been used against you in the past, you might think your spouse has too much on his plate to be burdened by your problems, and he might have the habit of offering quick fixes to brush you aside. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss how important it is for the loved ones to stop picking up the alcoholic pieces,

en-US

59:22

Ep131 – The Differences between Boundaries and...

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2022/03/21

"You do what I tell you or else," statements rarely work, and they create additional friction while weakening our relative positions in relationships. In this episode, Sheri and Matt share their personal experiences with ultimatums and boundaries, and they discuss best practices for couples still in the heat of battle with addiction. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

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1:00:38

Ep130 – Disastrous Communication in the Aftermath of...

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2022/03/14

More than anything else, recovering a relationship from alcoholism is a huge communication problem. And it isn't just a problem with the words we choose, it is the modes of communication that keep us stuck as well. If you are texting your spouse about anything deeper than who is supposed to pick up milk on the way home, that is a huge red flag for Sheri and Matt who bring all the technological advancement of their flip phone and sliding keyboard to this discussion. Marriage communication is hard

en-US

52:47

Ep129 – Regret is where the Shame Lives

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2022/03/07

For alcoholics, there is a direct relationship between the shame from past behaviors, and a tangible liquid called alcohol. For the loved ones of alcoholics, spouses in particular, the source of shame is far less direct and recognizable. The shame for the loved ones grows diabolically out of regret. It is a complex web that keeps people stuck, and Sheri and Matt talk all about regret and how to break free. What would you say if we told you regret was actually a good thing? If you love or loved an

en-US

50:57

Ep128 – Love Hurts: Pain Inflicted Between Generations

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2022/02/28

Do you remember a correction, disciplinary action or criticism from years or decades ago that still hurts? We bet the person who delivered those words doesn't remember. Have you ever delivered a message that someone will never forget? Pain inflicted between people who love each other, often between parents and their kids of any age, is common. Just because we reach the age of independence doesn't mean we don't care what our parents think. And just because our kids don't need us anymore doesn't mean

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1:10:46

Ep127 – The Power of Speaking Your Truth

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2022/02/21

There is an enormous relief that comes with shining a light into the dark corners and letting the truth be heard. And it is more than emotional and mental relief - it is vitally important to our physical health to find an outlet for the truth. It is not as easy as it sounds - especially in an alcoholic relationship where the stories are woven together. But like Ellen says, the truth always wins. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who

en-US

54:38

Ep126 – Surviving the Silence with Kate

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2022/02/14

Active alcohol addiction is not always loud and chaotic. Sometimes, the silence of the person suffering the pain of addiction causes a different kind of trauma. On this episode, Sheri and Matt welcome Kate to the podcast. She shares her experiences with insecurity, strategizing her communication, and a willingness to do whatever it took to end the silence. At the end of the episode, Kate explains why having these conversations out loud is so important to her healing process. If you love or loved an

en-US

1:08:41

Ep125 – How did Addiction and Sobriety Feel for Sheri?

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2022/02/07

Experiencing the addiction and early sobriety of a loved one can feel painful, lonely, chaotic, traumatic, isolating and terrorizing for the spouses of alcoholics. On this episode, Matt asks Sheri to recall the emotions she experienced in different stages of the process. The first step to recovery is to realize you are not alone. If you are married to an alcoholic, and you are stuck in painful confusion, this episode might start to unlock a path forward. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your

en-US

49:15

Ep124 – Conquering the Two Pitfalls of Early Sobriety

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2022/01/31

The healing that comes for some in the recovery from alcoholism is the result of hard work. We have to want sobriety for ourselves, and not to appease someone else. We also have to want sobriety because of the immense benefits, not because we are running away from something we can no longer have. In this episode, Sheri and Matt explain that there is nothing subtle about the differences in approaches taken by those who find success in recovery, versus those who get stuck, unable to make it over the

en-US

1:00:39

Ep123 – The “Hot Mess” of Intimacy in an Alcoholic...

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2022/01/24

Trust and alcoholism can't coexist. Intimacy is impossible without trust and vulnerability. So, alcoholism and intimacy are mutually exclusive. If you are in an alcoholic relationship, something important is missing (but you already know that). On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the two paths sexual contact can take in an alcoholic marriage. They explain the childbirth fork in the road, and challenge their own assumptions about maturity. The couple discusses why it is so hard to communicate

en-US

1:00:57

Ep122 – The Pain of “Helpful Advice” that Hurts with...

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2022/01/17

Our family and our friends mean well when they give us advice about our alcoholic marriages. The problem with well-meaning advice from people who have never walked in our shoes is that it often misses the mark. In fact, it often ads significantly to the pain we are already enduring. No one explains it better than our guest on this episode. Dawn shares her writing on this topic, and discusses the pain of "helpful advice" with Sheri and Matt. The three of them brainstorm alternative ways to support

en-US

57:52

Ep121 – The Blame Game Keeps Us Stuck

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2022/01/10

As an active alcoholic, Matt put a lot of the blame for their dysfunctional marriage on Sheri. In early sobriety, he blamed himself for the overwhelming shame he felt. The whole time, Sheri was convinced Matt and his drinking were to blame. Once the couple learned to blame the alcohol, treat alcoholism like the disease that it is, and think of the addict as a third person separate from Matt, there was some relief. But sobriety doesn't fix anything, and that realization is where the work started. On

en-US

56:38

Ep120 – Hard-Earned Tears with Kathy

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2022/01/03

"I look at the face that looks back at me from the mirror, and it's jarring. I look like I've aged ten years in just this last one. But it's more than superficial. The heartbreak that came with my husband's near death with end-stage alcoholism has cracked open my heart." Kathy has learned so much while she endured tremendous pain, and on this episode, she shares both her experiences, and her passion for change in the way our society views and manages alcohol and addiction. She explains how she sees

en-US

34:25

Ep119 – Beware of the Inevitable Letdown

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/12/27

The week after Christmas offers lots of threats to sobriety and mental health. Family tension, financial strain, an overbooked calendar, and festive expectations all lead to stress and pressure that is not relieved when the holiday celebration is over. The long, cold winter looms, and the aftermath of the holiday lingers. On this episode, Sheri and Matt reassure our listeners that they are not alone, their emotions are real, and that support is available. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your

en-US

52:11

Ep118 – Risks of Making All the Decisions

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/12/20

Sometimes, like in Matt's case, high-functioning alcoholics are also control-freak assholes. Other times, people who abuse alcohol withdraw leaving all the decisions to the spouse or other loved ones. In both cases, there are serious risks associated with making decisions. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk all about it. They also discuss why the holidays cause so many relapses, and the pressures the additional holiday decisions add to the stress on a marriage in active addiction or early

en-US

52:48

Ep117 – Society’s Tolerance for Bad Behavior

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/12/13

"You sure did have a good time at the Christmas party, Matt." When he was actively drinking, Matt heard statements like that more than a few times. But they carried no shame, because our society celebrates those who are good at, well, celebrating. Thinking back to teenage experimentation and 20s binge drinking, getting drunk is actually admirable...until it's not. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the hypocrisy that led to over 15 million American alcoholics. They discuss the completely

en-US

1:14:31

Ep116 – Healing from the Fatal Scars of Alcoholism...

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/12/06

Just over a year after her husband took his own life while firmly in the grasp of alcohol addiction, Dusti Shay is ready to tell her story for the benefit of others fighting to survive this dreadful disease. This episode is tragic and heartbreaking, but it is also powerful and a tribute to the man Dusti married and the incredible love they shared. If you are triggered by discussions about suicide or violence, this episode is not for you. But if those are not your triggers, please don't skip this

en-US

53:53

Ep115 – Saving Alcoholics and Loved Ones with...

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/11/29

Christina Veselak is a mental health nutritionist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a licensed psychotherapist who founded the Academy for Addiction and Mental Health Nutrition, and she agrees with Sheri and Matt that food is medicine. On this episode, she shares her 35 years of experience in the field helping people suffering from addiction - both alcoholics and their spouses and other loved ones - heal using the amino acids available in proteins. She gives colorful examples of why

en-US

41:32

Ep114 – Thanksgiving Dread, Drinks and Drama

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/11/22

Alcohol plays such a prominent role in the Thanksgiving celebrations in our society that the holiday deserves a conversation all its own. On this episode, Sheri and Matt relive their Thanksgivings during his active alcoholism and his early sobriety. They also flex their SNL fanclub muscles, and Matt grosses Sheri out talking about eating the turkey neck. We hope you gobble up this episode (there's the pun you were waiting for). If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from

en-US

1:07:22

Ep113 – Prodependence with Dr. Robert Weiss

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/11/15

Sheri and Matt welcome Dr. Robert Weiss, the author of Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, to the Untoxicated Podcast. Dr. Rob has his PhD (he did his dissertation on codependency) and a masters in social work, and is an expert on addiction and adult intimacy disorders. He explains why codependence is not an actual diagnosis, and the blame and shame that the label carries is damaging to the loved ones of alcoholics. He calls the spouses and family of people suffering from addiction heroes,

en-US

271 results

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