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PODCAST

The Save The Marriage Podcast

Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Learn how to save your marriage and improve your relationship. Stop your divorce and restore a loving relationship. Join Dr. Lee H. Baucom for this impactful podcast that can save your marriage.

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All Episodes

24:35

Beyond Romance

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2022/02/16

For lots of people, this past Monday could not pass fast enough. I heard from a number of people with struggling marriages that told me Valentine’s Day was just one more hurdle. Not a celebration of love, but a moment of further resentment and pain. Does romance just die with “I do”? Some people seem to think so. For others, the waning romantic feelings are one more proof that the marriage is dead, that the love is gone. How did we go to using just the romantic feelings as the basis for love

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18:54

It’s Not About Who Wins

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2022/02/09

I remember saying to a couple on my couch, both claiming they were doing more and working harder for their relationship, “It’s not a competition!" They didn’t much seem to believe me. They were simultaneously trying to win while proving they were losing. Yep, they were trying to win at a game of “who does more and gets less.” I am not sure what the trophy would have been, but the “prize” appeared to be a battered and painful marriage. And they weren’t alone. They AREN’T alone! Lots of couples

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19:46

Dragging a Spouse to Therapy…

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2022/01/31

The email said, “I talked my spouse into going to therapy.” Another one asked, “How do I drag my spouse to therapy?” Oof. The first person was proud of the “convincing.” The second person got my response: You Don’t! (Unless, of course, you want to damn the process from the very beginning… and in that case, drag away!) Marriage therapy tends to be the default response to a marriage crisis (although the stats would not support this as the preferred action). If there is a problem, time to head to

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20:49

Quit Asking “Why is This Happening?”

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2022/01/25

At the beginning of a coaching session, I do a quick “check-in” to see what we need to accomplish in that session. Since coaching is all about moving forward and making progress, I want to make sure we are moving forward toward client success. But what I often hear instead is, “I want to know why this is happening (the marriage crisis).” I get it. There is something about knowing why that is somehow satisfying, if not particularly helpful. What is even more interesting, though, is how often the

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21:43

Discouraged? Here is what to do (5 things)…

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2022/01/19

Discouraged? You are trying to save your marriage and… you can’t get traction. You move a little ahead, only to slide backward. Steps forward and steps backward. And that is why you are discouraged. Am I right? What if I told you that was the nature of the process? What if I told you that almost everyone has moments of frustration? Most people feel like giving up (and many do) at various points in their efforts. This is not a process that follows a steady line of progress. It is more a

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20:44

2 Actions that Do More Harm than Good

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2022/01/12

You know that your marriage is in trouble. Your spouse said so. Maybe it was the “things have to change” speech. Or maybe it was the “I love you, but I’m not in love” speech. Or maybe it was a request to separate or even divorce. It comes into clear focus. Sure, you knew things weren’t great. But you thought they would improve, that you would find your way back together. Instead, the reality is crashing in. Your marriage is in trouble. What do you do? How do you respond? There are 2 actions that

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24:05

“You’ll Never Change!!”

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2022/01/05

Has your spouse said that to you?: “You’ll NEVER change!" Maybe it was at the end of yet another argument, another struggle, another disagreement. Perhaps it was at the end of another failed attempt to do things differently. If you have tried to change and have failed (meaning, every single human alive!), then maybe you wonder whether it is even possible to change. Is it just too hard, too deep, too “baked in”? Or can we actually change? Can we actually make some changes in our life to be better,

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16:11

A Marriage Crisis and Holiday Season

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2021/12/15

When life is hard, Holidays can feel heavy. When there is a marriage crisis, it can be tough to muster the energy to even move forward — especially when all the commercials and movies push the “merry and bright” of a mythic holiday. And here we are, on the cusp of the Holiday season! It cuts across nations and beliefs. The season is here. A client recently told me, “I just want to crawl into bed and get up on January 2nd." What a loss! No chance to find the deeper meaning of the Holidays. No

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21:37

Is Self-Growth a Threat to Marriage?

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2021/12/08

"I just outgrew you," he said to her in my office. But as we talked, I was not convinced that he had actually "outgrown" her. But it was clear that neither felt supported in their own personal growth. He said, "You stifle me," and she answered, "You never care about my interests." And both were right. But both missed the opportunity -- self-expansion as a part of the relationship. They could both grow, both explore, and still stay married. Recent research has shown that one of the leading

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20:54

Are You Trying To Earn Love Back?

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2021/12/01

Sometimes, people tell me that as they are trying to save their marriage, they actually feel like they are trying to earn back the love of a spouse. They want to know if that is what it really is -- earning back the love (and even trust). The short answer is NO, that is not the goal. A slightly longer answer is that if you are working to earn back love, you are also working on building a unsustainable and not-very-healthy relationship. That is my topic for this week's Save The Marriage Podcast:

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13:50

Gratitude and a Marriage Crisis

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2021/11/24

Here we are, right at Thanksgiving Day in the United States. The day we are supposed to be filled with gratitude, feeling thankful for those around us. Which may feel like a tall order if your marriage is in the middle of a crisis (or if you are in any sort of crisis for that matter!). What, gratitude when life stinks? Yep. In fact, gratitude is even MORE important when we are in the midst of a crisis. Yes, it is important every day. But when your life is upside-down, gratitude can help you get

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21:16

“Is This MY Fault??”

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2021/11/17

Maybe your spouse has been saying, "This is ALL YOUR FAULT!" Or maybe it is just you... wondering... torturing yourself... about whether this marriage crisis is your fault. Are you the problem? Let me reassure you that you are not the first person to wonder that. People search about that on my blog. People write me to ask that same question. Many people start our coaching sessions with the same question. So, what is the truth? Are you the problem? Did you cause the problem? Does that even help the

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33:03

Why Forgive?

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2021/11/10

People hear me talk about forgiving (I wrote a book on it). Then they ask, "why should I have to forgive?" Ironically, my point was that forgiving frees the forgiver. I tackle forgiveness in-depth for this week's podcast. In fact, I give you a 6 step process of how to forgive. But of course, this is only helpful if you think you want to forgive. I start the podcast by clarifying what I mean by forgiveness, and why I think it is so important. (Hint: not forgiving is like having a systemic infection

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21:46

Can Separation Save (or Cost You) a Marriage?

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2021/11/03

You want to save your marriage. Your spouse seems to only want to destroy it. That is a pretty common scenario for people who visit my website. And so, I often have the question asked, "Should we separate? Will a separation save my marriage?" Can a separation save a marriage? Short answer: yes, it can. Longer answer: a separation can save a marriage, but it is statistically unlikely. And in my experience, a separation is a step in the wrong direction. Some recent statistics show that

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26:22

Zombie Marriage??

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2021/10/27

Is your marriage infected by the "zombie virus?" Do you find your relationship to be the "walking dead?" Are emotions lost and connections missing? Do you and your spouse respond to each other with "zombie grunts?" The infection can be stopped. You can fight the infection and heal the relationship. Don't allow the big 4 symptoms of a zombie infection to overtake your relationship's immune system. Fight back and restore your relationship to the living and the healthy. Okay, to be fair, this

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29:13

Your Stamp of Approval

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2021/10/20

People are quirky. We all have strange and interesting habits and interests. No two people are alike. In fact, most people want to claim their uniqueness, to be seen as unique, an individual — “being your own person." Yet all of us crave one thing: validation and approval. We did it in high school ("I am SO different, along with everyone else") and we do it through adulthood. In fact, one of the aphrodisiacs of a relationship is feeling validated, approved, and accepted by the other person

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Dealing with Negativity

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2021/10/13

It happens. In the middle of a marriage crisis, you can find yourself surrounded by negativity. A spouse negative about the marriage. Friends and family negative about your efforts to save your marriage. You negative, well, about everything you are doing (it is easy to slip into self-blame and self-doubt). Negativity comes from several sources: fear, protectiveness, anger, resentment, lack of understanding, and lack of clarity. Regardless of the source, you may find yourself reacting poorly

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The Anger/Blame/Shame Dance

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2021/10/06

Do you ever feel like you are dancing with your spouse... and not a fun dance?? Most of the time, couples get into habits. They both know the steps, and they just keep going through them, 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3.... No, the dances aren't particularly helpful. And yes, we keep dancing them, anyway! One dance that many couples fall into is the Anger-Blame-Shame 3-step. And that particular dance? It keeps on repeating. Except that the anger grows. So does the blaming. And so does the feeling of shame

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Why Your Spouse Doesn’t See A Change

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2021/09/29

You've been working hard. You've been trying to make some personal changes, growing and expanding yourself. You've been trying to build a connection with your spouse, slowly and steadily. You feel good about what you are doing. You believe you are gaining grown. But then, your spouse doesn't notice any change at all! What happened? Why can't your spouse see the changes? It can be challenging, frustrating, hurtful, and downright defeating. But there is a reason your spouse isn't noticing (or

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Limiting Beliefs Limiting Your Marriage

The Save The Marriage Podcast ·

2021/09/22

It almost seems redundant, doesn't it? If you have limited beliefs, they could limit something -- say, for example, your marriage. I say IF you have limited beliefs. Full disclosure: We ALL have limited beliefs that are limiting us. We ALL have blind spots, assumptions, even untrue beliefs. We just don't notice them. And we pay a price for that. Especially since we usually fail to notice or address these limiting beliefs. Do you think your limiting beliefs MIGHT be limiting your life and your

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193 results

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