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PODCAST

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column

Toke up to this whimsical, narrated Cannabis Column that infuses contemporary observations from an old school perspective. The name Stoney Baloney says it all; a weekly grab bag of ingredients that"s sure to be infused with lots of salty flavors to make it taste delicious.

comedy

All Episodes

03:00

#174 - Pinky Swears Are Binding

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/07/18

Yes, pinky swears are a lighthearted agreement rarely enforced, but we all know that there exists a code with the intention of not being broken. Because in this sue happy world of painful litigation, if we don’t respect the sanctimony of a real deal, then why agree to it in the first place? Locking pinkies is a silly way to execute blood brotherhood without the pricks. And I’m not referring to the kind of pricks who purposefully cut you off in traffic, but the kind you make on your finger by

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02:44

#173 - The Shit We Do When We're Drunk

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/07/11

Make bad decisions. End of story. Well, there’s more actually. See, we all know that It’s difficult to think clearly when gazing through the glowing lens of beer goggles. Because when everything in your periphery is enhanced by fuzzy Glamour Shot lighting, the miscalculation alarm can be severely compromised when your weaker senses are enticed. Suddenly, casting caution to the wind makes perfect sense, and you are down because you’ve just unlocked the jailed trap star who runs the city. That

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02:56

#172 - Flattery Will Get You Everywhere

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/07/04

Everyone loves being told they are wonderful. That simple sound of adulation flowing off another person’s tongue can have the most pleasing chemical rush on the brain, pushing the dopamine swiftly to the receptors, instantly unlocking any tension while lifting the corners of the mouth towards the stars, loosening the jaw, and warming the refrigerated heart. Even the prickliest of Ebeneezers loves to hear how wonderful he is, though you know he’s likely to shrug off the compliment as a waste of air

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02:54

#171 - A Jar is Ajar

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/06/27

‘Twasn’t it Shakespeare who wrote ‘a rose is a rose is a rose is a rose’? Whether he did or not, it’s a play on words. And from what the history books tell us, he was the best at making plays out of words. Or organizing words into a play. What we learn from this is that as useful as language can be, it can also prove confounding. Through all the channeling to the place in the brain where comprehension is gained by translating your senses into images or ideas, there is always the opportunity for

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03:04

#170 - Your Time Is Now

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/06/20

Humans have been walking upright for nearly 200 million years. The average life span of a Neanderthal was 32 years. The number of people that have existed over this course of time is, well, a shitload. And through all of that, you are here now. The fact that you are reading this now is proof. Yes, your imagination can do wonderous things, but transcend the physical plane of time is not one of them. You have consciousness and you have the body to transport it through this reality, which means you

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02:43

#169 - Getting Socks As A Gift

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/06/13

There’s not a damn thing wrong with socks. Hell, life without them just wouldn’t be as cozy. In fact, I can’t say that there’s a more soothing sensation than pulling up a brand spankin’ new pair of cotton fluffiness over the feet. It’s a reward for those soldiers, a way of thanking them for taking a pounding and being the trusted vehicles that get you from point P to point Q. Did you know that your feet are among the heaviest producers of sweat in the body, and socks are there to soak all that up

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02:41

#168 - Hitting The High Notes

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/06/06

If you’ve got average talent, but your dream is to be a successful recording artist, here’s today’s splendid reality check--you can be painfully average at singing, but still rack up a shitload of downloads and streams enroute to becoming a star. In fact, many would agree that if you don’t take advantage of the revolutionary studio tool called Autotune, you are putting your chances of success at a major disadvantage. And for those of you luddites who’ve never heard of Autotune, it’s a recording

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03:01

Episode #167 - Mullets Are Religion

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/05/30

What is a mullet? Well, it’s a mud sucking, bottom feeding fish which rightfully became the namesake of the confusing hairstyle that has prevailed as a badge of honor for those who feel compelled to demonstrate their white trash fashion. The Mullet Magnate is a classic rock outlaw. Forgetful but not forgotten. You know the song Eye of the Tiger? Well, it’s about him. And he loves how this appearance keeps people guessing. Hmm, is he a Chevy or Ford guy? Budweiser or PBR? This struggle that it

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02:42

#166 - The Tramp Stamp

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/05/23

There’s a butterfly on the lower back and bow-tie garters behind each thigh. This branding of ink, so carefully chosen as to place you in an identifiable class of lady, is the telltale mark that distinguishes you as someone who is open to making spontaneous decisions. These unpremeditated life choices are generally fueled by mind altering substances that conceal the issues of abandonment from a father who was more interested in hanging at the bar with the boys than spending time with his little

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02:47

#165 - Venus and Mars

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/05/16

I think it’s time we rebranded these planets. I’m thinking Penis and Mons. I don’t know. A guy named John Gray wrote a bestselling book in 1992 called Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus and the term quickly became a popular catchphrase that captured the world of differences between the two sexes. I never read the book, but it would be assumed that there’s a distinction made between the two planets that align with the tendencies of gender. And planets aren’t the only inanimate objects that

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02:50

#164 - Wookies

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/05/09

The brain needs oxygen so the body yawns. And upon rising from the pillow one overcast morn, there was a gurgled effect and a peculiar pitch out of the mouth that seeded my core with suspicion. Oddly, it resembled an anxious Chewbacca sending a ‘let’s get the fuck outta here’ to his not so trusted friend Han Solo who invariably induces motion sickness from the erratic movement of dodging asteroids to the smell of burnt Wookie dingleberries from laser beam near misses. I panicked. Had some strange

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02:37

#163 - Let's Taco Bout It

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/05/02

Who doesn’t love tacos? I mean, this juggernaut of Mexican culture easily rivals the hamburger when competing for most delectable item in the food pyramid. And whether you like your fillings grilled, deep fried, or sauteed, there is only herding the ingredients into a tortilla and wrapping that baby up to convert your hand into a flavor shovel of extreme awesomeness! Think about it. Tuesday would be Bluesday if not for the amazing taco. And not just because the two are alphabetically compatible,

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02:39

#162 - Club Meda

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/04/25

Meda is the new mega. I know, how could anything be bigger than mega. Mega is…well, it’s as monstrous and amazing as anything can get. Which is why if you ever go to Mexico and hear radio ads the only word you are likely to understand over the crackly speakers is MEGA, MEGA, MEGA! But what is Meda? Well, if you know anything about the 1980’s, you know that one of the hottest vacation destinations spread around the globe was called Club Med. The identity of the business was built on the idea that

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02:52

#161 - Problem Solving is Easy

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/04/18

I’ve got a secret for anyone paying attention. So long as you’re alive, you’re always going to be dealing with complications on some level. Yes, sometimes more than others, but there is no avoiding the hard cold fact that there will never be a day when you don’t have to generate a solution of some sort. It’s true. You’ll never be challenge-free at any point in your life. And as you resolve things, there will inevitably be fresh obstacles to overcome. That’s actually not a secret at all. Finding

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02:43

#160 - Father Time is Undefeated

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/04/11

No matter how well you take care of your body, gravity will eventually pull you back to earth to be reclaimed by the soil. And although very smart people on this planet have developed stunning scientific methods to prolong the everlasting blink, when your train is whistling into the station, you’ll need to politely disembark to clear space for new passengers. This is the end of the line--no pill, no surgery--no more birthdays. But you can’t be mad. Being atop the food chain doesn’t mean you live

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02:59

#159 - Trigger Happy

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/04/04

It sure seems like everyone has a trigger or fifty these days. Not to say that people haven’t always been fragile, but now we have classified the proper terminology that pinpoints that moment where something clicks like a slipped disc in your mind and propels you down a rabbit hole of displeasure. Obviously, the term generates from the trigger of a gun, activating an emotional response that equates to a heightened reaction. The catalyst kind of hits you like a bullet, too, creating an abrupt shock

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02:58

#158 - Boogers Are Influential

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/03/28

The finger reaches into the hole. And why not? Although this appendage often sits idle, like an old motor, it is a tool best maintained with regular use. And as the subconscious wanders into aimless thought while tediously inching through rush hour traffic, the instinct directs the fingernail toward an accessible area of the anatomy in need of grooming. Sure, this exercise serves some low-level maintenance to the nostril, but at the same time there is an element of achievement in withdrawing that

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02:53

#157 - Pickle Juice is Underrated

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/03/21

If you’re baked just about anything tastes incredible. But there’s a big difference between the stoner who stares into a bowl of Fruit Loops like it’s the glowing briefcase in Pulp Fiction and the sadomasochist who invites the pungent pucker of pickle juice straight to the larynx. This is an extreme difference in personality profiles for sure, but then it takes all types to make up the human clusterfuck called society. The rest of us lie somewhere in between. Down for taste testing new items so long

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02:46

#156 - Urine Love

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/03/14

Discussing urine sounds disgusting. After all, what we’re referring to is liquid waste that is excreted from your body. And it’s generally yellow. If you’ve taken your vitamins, that is. But when you really break it down, it’s just water that regulated your system so that it functions optimally. And the facts are that urine is about 95 percent clean. So clean that some people drink it. And are proud of it. Let’s not get into why, but the question must be asked--what is this fascination with

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02:55

#155 - Exercise the Demons

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/03/07

I’m going to be the voice of reason right now by telling you that you gotta get your cardio in. That’s just how it is. You see, the reason we have bodies at all is because gravity pulls matter toward the earth and your muscles have developed into what they are today because of that resistance which forces you to battle against that incessant tug. Honor your spacesuit. You are consciousness in this rare form for an allotted time and then it’s over. On to another manifestation of energy. So, get it

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313 results

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