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PODCAST

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

Hosted by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Megan Hunter, MBA, It’s All Your Fault! High Conflict People explores the five types of people who can ruin your life—people with high conflict personalities and how they weave themselves into our lives in romance, at work, next door, at school, places of worship, and just about everywhere, causing chaos, exhaustion, and dread for everyone else. They are the most difficult of difficult people — some would say they’re toxic. Without them, tv shows, movies, and

business management

All Episodes

20:00

What is the Difference Between Alienation &...

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People ·

2022/10/27

In high conflict divorce, accusations of parental alienation are common and cause tremendous distress for everyone involved, including the courts. But is it truly alienation? Or is it estrangement? What’s the difference? It’s important to understand the difference.In this episode, Megan quizzes Bill on the similarities and differences and Bill talks about the theories he’s developed and written about in several books, most specifically in Don’t Alienate the Kids: Raising Resilient Children

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21:26

What are the 4 Fuhgedaboudits When Interacting with...

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People ·

2022/10/20

Interactions with someone with a high conflict personality often become contentious and you may eventually get upset, storm off, or simply feel inadequate. We’re often left wondering why our best skills don’t work in these interactions. A primary reason for this is because we often respond in a way that doesn’t work — our own defaults that work well with most people. There are 4 Fuhgedaboudits in high conflict interactions that will revolutionize them. They are necessary but we often forget

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18:04

What is the High Conflict Personality Theory?

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People ·

2022/10/13

People with high conflict personalities have a pattern of high-conflict behavior that increases conflict rather than reducing or resolving it. This pattern usually happen over and over again in many different situations with many different people. The issue that seems in conflict at the time is not what is increasing the conflict. The “issue” is the high-conflict personality and how the person approaches problem-solving. The pattern of behavior includes a lot of:blaming othersall-or-nothing

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22:51

When to Stop Trying with Someone with a High Conflict...

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People ·

2022/10/06

Interactions and life with someone with a high conflict personality can be trying. Some will keep trying until they’re completely burned out while others give up quickly. How can you know when to stop trying? Is it when you find yourself in depression? Banging your head on the wall out of frustration? Over-reacting outside your norm? When you feel like giving up, giving in, or lashing out?In this episode, Bill and Megan discuss the options that each individual can explore when encountering

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44:03

Parental Alienation in Divorce with Dr. Amy J.L....

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People ·

2022/09/22

High conflict divorce and separation in the family courts consumes the majority of the courts’ time and resources and provides the most frustration and confusion. This is the second of a two-part episode with Dr. Amy J.L. Baker in our new High Conflict Divorce series, in which we interview leading experts from the high conflict divorce world – attorneys, counselors, custody evaluators, researchers, mediators and those within the courts themselves. In this episode Dr. Amy J.L. Baker,

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28:29

Parental Alienation in Divorce with Dr. Amy J.L....

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People ·

2022/09/15

High conflict divorce and separation in the family courts consumes the majority of the court’s time and resources and provides the most frustration and confusion. This is the first episode in our new High Conflict Divorce series in which we will interview leading experts from the high conflict divorce world — attorneys, counselors, custody evaluators, researchers, mediators, and those within the courts themselves. In this episode – the first of two – we talk with renowned parental

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43:22

REBROADCAST: Domestic Violence in Family Law: Part 1

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People ·

2022/09/08

REBROADCASTDomestic ViolenceMegan and Bill are joined by the Honorable Karen Adam and Annette Burns to discuss domestic violence. This is part one of this conversation.Links & Other NotesTHE VIDEO THAT WAS DISCUSSED IN THE EPISODEConversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 ExpertsBIOSBios for Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., Honorable Karen Adam, and Annette Burns, J.D.DOMESTIC VIOLENCE EXPERTS INTERVIEWED IN THE VIDEOAbi Ajibolade, Executive Director, The Redwood, Toronto,

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38:29

REBROADCAST: Using BIFF Responses

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People ·

2022/09/01

REBROADCASTIn today’s episode, we talk about how to tackle hostile communications with BIFF Responses.What is a hostile communication? It usually contains blame and personal attacks. You read it. Your heart rate doubles. You either want to blast back or instantly delete. Mostly, you never want to hear from that person again. It was far less common pre-electronic communication. Now it’s a matter of daily life, especially on social media or even more so when the communication is coming from

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39:30

REBROADCAST: High Conflict Emotion Contagion

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People ·

2022/08/25

REBROADCASTThe challenge of being emotional creaturesDid you know that emotions are contagious? We like to think we are in complete control of our emotions, but lots of research shows that emotions are contagious and it’s how we handle our own emotions once we’re emotionally hooked.In this episode we’ll break down emotion contagion. If you’re a brain nerd like us, or you simply want to have a better understanding of human behavior and the impact of unmanaged emotions on others, you’ll enjoy

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30:18

REBROADCAST: Part 2: Borderline Personality Disorder...

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People ·

2022/08/18

REBROADCASTFamily members (and friends) of someone who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD) are typically mystified about how to interact with them, walk on eggshells around them, and generally feel overwhelmed and defeated because they don’t know what to do.In this episode, Bill and Megan continue their discussion with BPD expert Amanda Smith, LCSW, founder of HopeforBPD.com. Amanda is a highly skilled BPD and Dialectical Behavior Therapy expert, having helped countless

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43:36

REBROADCAST: Narcissistic High Conflict People

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People ·

2022/08/11

REBROADCASTWhen an HCP is a Narcissist...Do you know someone whose moods swing wildly? Do they act unreasonably suspicious or antagonistic? Do they blame others for their own problems? When a high conflict person (HCP) has one of five common personality disorders – borderline, narcissistic, paranoid, antisocial, or histrionic – they can lash out in risky extremes of emotion and aggression. And once an HCP decides to target you, they’re hard to shake.Most everyone has been around a

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33:54

REBROADCAST: Who Are High Conflict People?

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People ·

2022/08/04

REBROADCASTIn today’s episode, we look at what makes up a high conflict person and talk about EAR Statements.Blamers. Narcissists. Accusers. Ragers. These are all people who may fall into the category of High Conflict Personality. Most of us don’t act this way, but these people don’t often realize they’re acting this way and can’t control themselves. So should you engage? Or should you learn how to deal with them? If you guessed the latter, you’d be right.Many people say these people are

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29:57

Are Personality Disorders a Mental Illness?

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People ·

2022/07/28

Personality disorders are widespread but not always seen as a mental disorder. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders published by the American Psychiatric Association indicates that over 10% of adults have such a disorder, based on studies from several countries.These are huge numbers, yet few people know much about personality disorders and many do not see them as a mental disorder. Information found online is often misleading. Ultimately, many people simply get angry

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22:48

Narcissists: The Great Dividers

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People ·

2022/07/21

If you aren’t sure whether you’ve met a narcissist, think back to an interaction in which you went away feeling small, inadequate or even insecure. It’s possible that you may have been around someone with a narcissistic personality. They are often puffed up about themselves and get triggered when they aren’t getting the attention they think they deserve... or are entitled to. Then they go into action, making those around them feel small.But did you know they are also the Great Dividers

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23:46

What If I’m High Conflict?

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People ·

2022/07/14

Have you wondered if you are high conflict? If you have, you’re not alone.Many people contact us with a concern that they might be high conflict after learning the 4 key characteristics of the high conflict pattern:unmanaged emotionsextreme behaviorsall-or-nothing thinkingblaming othersBill and Megan will discuss:whether you can tell if you have high conflict patternswhat you can do if you have these patternswhether you should tell friends/family that you believe you have a high conflict

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28:16

Can People with High Conflict Personalities Change?

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People ·

2022/07/07

As we know, change is hard for everyone, but if you’ve had a high conflict individual in your life, you know that change for them is seemingly impossible. Our minds tell us that they’re doing it on purpose or at least partially so; and that they can change if they’d just choose that route. But is that a reality? If we start with the premise that people with high conflict personalities don’t even know they have such a thing, why would change?In this episode, Bill and Megan talk about:whether

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34:44

Q and A Lab: Paranoid Personalities

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People ·

2022/06/30

This Q &A Lab focuses on two questions about possible paranoid personality behaviors and high conflict behaviors, including:Combative, Aggressive, Violent, Blaming 19-year-old SonThe parent of 19-year-old with combative, aggressive, violent behaviors (including spitting on his parent) and demands that the parent admit abusing him as a young child. Bill and Megan will discuss:What can this parent do when the son becomes infuriated when the parent won’t admit to the false allegation that

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37:39

A Conversation with Amanda Ripley: a Best-Selling...

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People ·

2022/06/23

In 2021, we noticed a new book that was gaining a lot of attention—titled High Conflict. Of course a book with that title grabbed our immediate attention and piqued our curiosity, as high conflict is what we think about all day every day. After reaching out to the author, Amanda Ripley, we were quickly intrigued by her research and perspective and have since spent time getting to know each other’s work.We are enormously pleased that Amanda has agreed to come on our show and happy to

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36:59

On Being a Megaphone: Should You Tell the Judge,...

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People ·

2022/06/16

To tell or not to tell. That is a question on the minds of many who deal with high conflict situations. In a court situation, is it is a good idea to tell the judge that the other person is high conflict or has a personality disorder, whether diagnosed or suspected? The same goes in the workplace. Should HR be told? And the same question applies in any setting, such as the education environment, in mediation or even in families.It’s tempting to want to tell everyone what you suspect you’re

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36:35

High Conflict in Education: Chaos, Attrition, and...

It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People ·

2022/06/09

Throughout the pandemic, which we’ve now been in for a little over two years, the fight has been “on” in the education world. Education – especially public education – has always been at the crossroads of many social and cultural changes, from bussing students across town, to benchmark academic standards for school funding, to which books are approved for teaching classes.Then with Covid, the conflict flame grew even brighter as parents, schools, unions, and more fought over – and continue

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