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PODCAST

"Fine" Dining

Michael Ornelas

Comedian Michael Ornelas dives deep into the stories behind your favorite chain restaurants like Domino"s, BJ"s Restaurant & Brewhouse, and Long John Silver"s before determining if they are better or worse than Chili"s: the most mediocre restaurant in America.

arts food

All Episodes

01:28:26

We Drove to LAX to Eat Airport Planet Hollywood feat....

"Fine" Dining ·

2023/05/03

It's Turbo Time! Steve Moulton (I Think You Should Leave, Young Rock, Sharknado) joins the boys in going to LAX, one of the busiest airports in the world, to dine at a pre-security Planet Hollywood Garrett orders the worst steak we've ever seen Planet Hollywood has no Hollywood decor?! The Floor Wing RETURNS!! And he's kidnapped (pineapplenapped?) Juicy Jr. Girthy paper straws are WAY TOO MUCH Steve & Garrett time out on The Headline Game A veritable Final Destination is What's Going On Over There

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01:04:57

The Cinnabon Injunction feat. Jessa Day (Twitch)

"Fine" Dining ·

2023/04/19

No service? No problem! The boys make a casual dining exception for Cinnabon Michael sues Garrett in Food Court (the honorable Judge Jessa Day presiding) to block him from ordering Cinnabon desserts outside of Cinnabon Nightmare Jimmy Buffett/dubstep hybrid music permeates the boys' ears as they scarf down their Cinnabon at an abandoned Margaritaville patio table A seemingly unconscious man on his truck bed has the boys wondering What's Going On Over There? JUB will help you manage your emotions

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01:12:34

Applebee's: The Most Mediocre Restaurant in America...

"Fine" Dining ·

2023/04/05

Applebee's scores a 5.00 from one of the boys Michael tells about the time he chauffeured Ron Jeremy Alan Tudyk tags in as Steven's voice for this week's Cheese Review The presence of a Cinnabon-licensed dessert reignites an old debate Brisa reviews Applebee's kids menu in this week's Munchkin Menu Musings JUB wants to make the skimmest milk ever We're now on Patreon! Get a monthly free episode, merch discounts, download access to our music including the 7 singles from our Olive Garden musical,

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01:14:33

Red Lobster: Soaked in Butter feat. Casey Adler (The...

"Fine" Dining ·

2023/03/22

The boys are joined by comedian Casey Adler at Red Lobster The origins of Darden start at Red Lobster Casey recites a monologue on Red Lobster's stage Ollie reviews the Red Lobster kids menu in this week's Munchkin Menu Musings Garrett roams around the restaurant eating at different tables thanks to the You-Must Bowl JUB solves the lack of beverages named after Asians We're now on Patreon! Get a monthly free episode, merch discounts, download access to our music including the 7 singles from our

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01:31:35

Literal Eternity at Benihana

"Fine" Dining ·

2023/03/15

It takes 2 hours for Michael & Garrett to finally get food in front of them A child pyromaniac in this week's "What's Going On Over There?" segment The least charismatic hibachi chef ever Michael & Garrett debate the merits of a restaurant having a minimum and maximum possible score before even walking in Wallace reviews Benihana's kids menu in this week's Munchkin Menu Musings JUB puts your customers to work We're now on Patreon! Get a monthly free episode, merch discounts, download access to our

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01:13:57

"The Cleavage Effect" at Lucille's Smokehouse Bar-B-Que

"Fine" Dining ·

2023/03/08

Lucille's history provides some racial turmoil The You-Must Bowl forces Michael to wear a "Bride-to-Be" sash and tiara The boys enlist some Yelp from Strangers as the boys read their favorite 1 & 5-star Yelp reviews about the Lucille's they visited Garrett speculates that Lucille's is growing its future workforce in back Greta reviews Lucille's kids menu in this week's Munchkin Menu Musings JUB has a bone to pick with a hot security guard's pick-up methods We're now on Patreon! Get a monthly free

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01:13:55

Analysis Paralysis at The Cheesecake Factory feat....

"Fine" Dining ·

2023/03/01

Michael & Garrett get big casino hotel vibes from The Cheesecake Factory The Factory Apocalypse reanimates Cheesecake zombies Colin Mochrie from Whose Line Is It Anyway? voices cheese correspondent Steven's review of the Stuffed Cheddar Burger NEW SEGMENT: Yelp from Strangers, as the boys read their favorite 1, 2, 3, 4, & 5-star Yelp reviews about the Cheesecake Factory they visited Nikki recounts her pervasive Cheesemares™ that haunted her dreams during her tenure as a Cheesecake Factory employee

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46:29

BONUS EPISODE: 20 Restaurants: The Current Scoreboard

"Fine" Dining ·

2023/02/22

Michael & Garrett look back at 20 (+1) restaurant visits and analyze if their scores look correct on the Tchotchke of Mediocrity JUB will help you fill your life with regrets Garrett comes clean about DMing with Gatti's Pizza A full rankings recap at the end We're now on Patreon! Get a monthly free episode, merch discounts, download access to our music including the 7 singles from our Olive Garden musical, the opportunity to get your face immortalized on the Tchotchke of Mediocrity, and more!

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01:06:32

CheeseGate at Chevys Fresh Mex

"Fine" Dining ·

2023/02/15

Michael & Garrett go all the way to south San Francisco just to eat at Chevys Fresh Mex Y'all ready for shits? CheeseGate sets Michael and Garrett off as their server cheeselights them The boys passionately debate the merits of Performance Enhancing Dessert-toppers Pierce reviews the Chevys kids menu in this week's Munchkin Menu Musings JUB sells you the Art of Denial We're now on Patreon! Get a monthly free episode, merch discounts, download access to our music including the 7 singles from our

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01:34:12

The Hooter Bowl feat. Bonnie Gordon (Star Trek:...

"Fine" Dining ·

2023/02/08

It's the HOOTER BOWL!! Grab some chips, sit back, and put on the game as the boys talk wings, waitresses, and what day the week starts on We're on video for this one! Go to our Patreon (link below) to watch this episode in all its true glory! The Hooter Bowl is jam-packed with commercials just like the Super Bowl, but potentially more ridiculous Bonnie Gordon battles noise complaints from Michael's neighbors as she performs "Four Letters (ADHD)" off her upcoming album Con Artist for the Hooter Bowl

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01:31:09

We Took a Teenager to Chuck E. Cheese's feat. Chris...

"Fine" Dining ·

2023/02/01

The boys bring Michael's second cousin (once removed) Emma to Chuck E. Cheese and she makes them feel elderly Chris Hansen from "To Catch a Predator" and the "Predators I've Caught" podcast reviews Chuck E. Cheese's cheesy bread on behalf of Cheese Correspondent Steven Zurita A passion for celery makes way for a Training Day-style Denzel monologue Brand new song "The Patreon Shuffle" is born Emma wins the Headline Game! What does that mean for next week's pick? JUB has a new best-selling item in

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01:03:17

Cheddar's Scratch Kitchen: Greasy & Fussy feat. Tommy...

"Fine" Dining ·

2023/01/25

The boys feel sluggish and greasy as their Cheddar's meal obliterated their bodies Tommy Chong from "Cheech & Chong" reviews Cheddar's cheese fries on behalf of Cheese Correspondent Steven Zurita Garrett's You-Must Bowl punishment - where he can only speak to the wait staff in rhyme - tanks our service Michael's dad also tanks our service experience Bathe yourself in the new perfume scent Mediocrité JUB has a ploy to get all the free wood you could ever want from a Home Depot Additional voices:

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01:04:24

Luby's Gives Off Strong Nursing Home Vibes feat....

"Fine" Dining ·

2023/01/18

The boys get f***ing AMPED about their first cafeteria Pumbaa from "The Lion King" reviews Luby's mac & cheese on behalf of Cheese Correspondent Steven Zurita Michael & Garrett get to the bottom of why Luby's gave up on offering kids menus Michael wears a cone of shame Luby's nursing home feel scores a sponsorship from Old Old Ooooold SO OLD Navy JUB rallies against Goldblumers Additional voices: Ernie Sabella & Jessa Day Get our 5 Survival Tips for Casual Dining at www.finediningpodcast.com!

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01:16:31

Our Lowest Score Ever at GattiTown: A Tale of Two...

"Fine" Dining ·

2023/01/11

It's A Tale of Two Gatti's with the depressing dichotomy between buffet and arcade Michael & Garrett's air hockey game spills out to the entire arcade Garrett gets a huge wad of gum on his shoe Gray chocolate pudding and translucent fruits are a bad sign that this buffet will suck Michael tries desperately to win a blu-ray copy of Croods 2: A New Age and some full-size candy bars JUB will help you overcome the obstacles in your life Additional voices: Sandy Rose and Nick Adams Get our 5 Survival

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53:02

The Chuy's Kids Menu Situation is Dogsh*t

"Fine" Dining ·

2023/01/04

Michael's dad sets the bar too high for Mexican food Elvis lives at Chuy's 10 year-old Wil calls out Chuy's "kids menu" with the mouth of a sailor Fine Dining Cheese Correspondent Steven is not in Texas, so Michael's mom steps in The You-Must Bowl forces 3 mid-meal wardrobe changes 15-year Chuy's vet Kassie recalls The Miracle of the Tortilla JUBcaps and JUBHub comin' atcha! Get our 5 Survival Tips for Casual Dining at www.finediningpodcast.com! Send us your Chuy's stories at

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01:03:24

Michael Ruins His Alaskan King Crab at Pappadeaux...

"Fine" Dining ·

2022/12/28

The fanciest restaurant yet surprises Michael & Garrett Three diary entries from His Majesty, the Alaskan King Crab A busser tries to steal a swimming pool JUB will teach you manners! 11 year-old Willa is too cool for the Pappadeaux kids menu Our waiter spills scalding hot butter on Garrett's hand Get our 5 Survival Tips for Casual Dining at www.finediningpodcast.com! Send us your Pappadeaux stories at finediningpodcast@gmail.com. Follow us on TikTok and Instagram @finediningpodcast Let us

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01:14:07

Midnight Waffle House Is Wild feat. Jerry Springer

"Fine" Dining ·

2022/12/21

Michael & Garrett survive Waffle House on Halloween weekend at midnight Vape Man: Coming to a store near you this holiday season! Cheese Correspondent Steven has special guest Jerry Springer read his review of the Covered Hash Browns Former Waffle House employee Kendyll tells us just what happens at 3am at a Waffle House A Waffle House proposal lasts less than 24 hours JUB wants to repurpose your waffle batter A very special Headline Game: LIGHTNING ROUND! Michael has 2 minutes on the clock to

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01:19:40

Joel McHale Voices Our Review of Bob's Big Boy's...

"Fine" Dining ·

2022/12/14

Michael & Garrett annoint their friend Steven as their Cheese Correspondent Steven's jaw isn't working so Joel McHale reads Steven's review for him (around the 47 minute mark) More You-Must Bowl shenanigans ensued as Michael recruits his mom to make a painting of Bob's Big Boy Michael's mom tells her side of the story when Michael was pulled over by Officer Hot Dog (hear the original story in episode 8!) The boys have truly bad service JUB works inside of the Big Boy statue Garrett takes on

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01:25:47

The $100 Tip at Rainforest Cafe

"Fine" Dining ·

2022/12/07

It's double date night at Rainforest Cafe Garrett inflates a gigantic pool toy at the table because of his You Must Bowl punishment Across the Sky podcast host Matt Holiner drops in to give a weather forecast for the Rainforest...Cafe Michael gives $100 to a balloon animal maker JUB has his own special ways of keeping the animatronics in check 6 year-old Austin tells his favorite joke on the Rainforest Kids Menu in this week's Munchkin Menu Musings Michael & Garrett hand out some high scores Get

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01:20:21

Fantasy Birthday Brawl at Gyu-Kaku

"Fine" Dining ·

2022/11/30

It's Michael's 34th birthday dinner with almost a dozen friends! Michael & Garrett speculate why the bathroom is deafening Garrett sides with the waiter as a Dungeons & Dragons battle breaks out in the restaurant JUB will annoy your friends to ensure they're on time to their appointments 10 year-old Luke was snubbed by Gyu-Kaku in this week's Munchkin Menu Musings segment Michael & Garrett go in-depth on the expansive menu at Gyu-Kaku, even if they aren't always sure what they're eating Get our

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