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PODCAST

Hello Dysfunction

Hello Dysfunction

Childhood best friends, PataFria: a professional Dominatrix, mommy/grandma and overall jack of all trades, and Crystal: a die hard animal lover, mommy/wife, peacemaker and caregiver of MANY share hilariously dysfunctional stories from their personal lives. Navigating mental illness, familial chaos, awkward sexual experiences, views on current events, a little gossip, the dumpster fire of politics and so much more. “Nothing is off limits and everything is funny”

comedy improv

All Episodes

83:34

188: Your Sleeping Bag Stinks

Hello Dysfunction ·

2022/10/08

It’s our anniversary. Familial masturbation is awkward. Pata Fria’s ghost is jealous again. The wedding was beautiful and Crystal beat a ticket! Be grateful for everything, even the hard lessons. Carolyn needs a phony inspection. Dreams are getting crazy and we have serial killers. Check out this week’s sponsor! • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on! The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added

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98:14

187: Small Town Girl

Hello Dysfunction ·

2022/09/25

If you don’t like us, we feel you. Pata Fria was given a defective vagina, Crystal used to love morning after pills and there’s a fine line between subtle enhancements and full on transformation. Crystal lasered herself a new face and loved telling everyone all about it. Men flirting is really cringe. Sexual dysfunction is stressful and Crystal is NOT from Steel Magnolias. For bonus content and additional episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG:

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87:40

186: Her Shoes Don't Fit

Hello Dysfunction ·

2022/09/17

Pata Fria is a bio hacker. Roasting yourself is empowering! Bring back pink popcorn, more lavender foods and bad moms are a popular theme this week. It’s Latinx heritage month! Scarface is cancelled and don’t give your child a ridiculous name. Check out this week’s sponsor! • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on! The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly. If you need to wind down there are also

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69:55

185: One, Two, Three, Six

Hello Dysfunction ·

2022/09/10

Happy Birthday Peez!! Hers a big girl and is already acting like it. The Queen has passed. Now return the stolen artifacts. We’ve been having record breaking temperatures, don’t share my goodbye letter and tape your mouth shut. Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s

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75:02

184: It's Ramen Time

Hello Dysfunction ·

2022/09/03

CHREEEEEEEES!! We feel sick. Crystal is a woodworker. Don’t sleep with your dead pets and Pata Fria is opening a Montessori school. Be patient with your neurodivergent partners and learn your love/apology languages. Forgiveness develops with time. Growing up in the 90s was so incredibly toxic and have you made a virginity promise to your dad? Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG:

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94:00

183: Murder Was The Case

Hello Dysfunction ·

2022/08/29

The kids are back to school and bringing home germs, yay! Crystal is a contractor specializing in residential renovations. The local Starbucks needs to train their employees on proper protocol. Bukk is here. Beater Boys. Please keep your pets away from onions and garlic!! Check out this week’s sponsor! • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on! The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly. If you need

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87:33

182: Not Classy And Kind Of Annoying

Hello Dysfunction ·

2022/08/20

Happy Birthday Crystal!!! Camping was a shit show, trouble follows us everywhere and influencer drama has us in a chokehold. Reviewing some unnecessary write ins, not the good kind. Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG:

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89:08

181: Contist

Hello Dysfunction ·

2022/08/11

Leo season is upon us. We’re recording in a bed. Is Pata Fria’s ig gone forever? Crystal’s house and nerves are in disarray, Pata Fria and Will started fasting and talk shows in the 90s were AWFUL. Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com

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105:38

180: He Was On Demon Time

Hello Dysfunction ·

2022/08/04

We’re doing our best. Crystal’s house is all over the place, Pata Fria is a carpet cleaning professional, stop leaving your lashes everywhere. We’re still waiting on Uncle Jimmy, let’s all take monkey pox seriously and always plead not guilty on your tickets. It’s worth a shot. Check out this week’s sponsor! • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on! The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly. If you

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95:43

179: Don't Call CPS

Hello Dysfunction ·

2022/07/28

Is the Choco Taco really saying goodbye? Kids, finish your raisin water, snap peas and blackberries. Shaving Cream has a lot of uses! Your name coulda been Elvis. Stop wasting paper towels and wash your rice? Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on

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105:23

178: Mexican Violence Juice

Hello Dysfunction ·

2022/07/21

Welcome to grow tf up everything isn’t funny. Carolyn might be getting a roommate, Pata Fria is becoming a gamer and we might move to LA. Never leave your kids unattended, follow these notes on how to be a good wife, zebras in CA is true. Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO Join our Patreon!

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76:10

177: Slugging

Hello Dysfunction ·

2022/07/15

Back loving the Blood Mary’s. Let’s all get new haircuts. We live in hell, boric acid is not for everyday use and if you’re into skat play safe! People flashing their lights in the daytime are friends! And Crystal won’t even cheat with a doll. Check out this week’s sponsor! • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on! The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly. If you need to wind down there are also

en

80:22

176: Dickfished

Hello Dysfunction ·

2022/07/09

In person is always better. Everything in moderation, even the good stuff. If you love me, play dead. Loss of a pet is insanely rough. If you’re gonna dress up your siblings at least take pics. Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG:

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87:53

175: Betty Gotta Go

Hello Dysfunction ·

2022/07/04

We’re so happy to be back. We would like a Raisin Bran sponsorship. Now Bunny has Covid. Be careful driving cars that backfire. Bladder botox is ridiculous and we miss our grandmas. Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG:

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102:12

174: Tweeker Pooh

Hello Dysfunction ·

2022/06/23

We’re back! Crystal and family had Covid, Pata Fria ran away to Florida. iPhones are messy, don’t make new videos of dead loved ones, Crystal will never stop seeing dad d*ck and got a hot new bathing suit! Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed

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72:21

173: Don't Come Here Clean

Hello Dysfunction ·

2022/06/10

Pata Fria got a Mexican denture and surprised herself with how creative she gets while hurt. Crystal got a special voicemail and visit right when she needed it. Nightmares are among us, after 2.5yrs Crystal finally got Covid and blocking ppl is about self preservation, not you. Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s

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73:03

172: Roach Girl

Hello Dysfunction ·

2022/05/27

It’s hot. Roaches are never welcome. Crystal is a caring death doula and guns are outta control. Pata Fria is more prude than you’d expect, thank god for growth, use water in the bathroom and dnt be gross. Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG:

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97:45

171: We Be Havin' Thangs

Hello Dysfunction ·

2022/05/20

Happy Birthday Pata Fria. Don’t call me “lil mama”. Be extra nice nice to the ugly produce and Aunt Debra is a damn fool. Being a woman is annoying, not everyone can breastfeed and Crystal’s singing has to stop. Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com

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70:16

170: Little Wet Friend

Hello Dysfunction ·

2022/05/13

We’re almost 4 years old!! Pata Fria is back from Mexico. Carolyn might have a keepsake for sale and we have a new beauty secret to share. Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on! The characters feel like real people with real

en

108:39

169: Just Date Crows

Hello Dysfunction ·

2022/05/05

Crystal is an adult cheerleader. Keep politics out of our vaginas. Hyper sexual children are more common than some realize and love at first month is totally possible. Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: hellodysfunction@gmail.com

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