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PODCAST

Couples Therapy In Seven Words

Dr. Bruce Chalmer

Be Kind, Don‘t Panic, and Have Faith. Psychologist Dr. Bruce Chalmer and educator Judy Alexander talk about relationships, interview fascinating guests, and answer your questions.

society & culture relationships

All Episodes

36:38

You’re Gaslighting Me!

Couples Therapy In Seven Words ·

2023/04/21

The term “gaslighting” is from a 1940s movie in which the Charles Boyer character tries to convince the Ingrid Bergman character that she’s losing her mind. And the term shows up frequently in the context of couples therapy. A listener question from a woman who is frustrated by her husband’s responses to her requests for change led us to this topic. Along the way we talk about what makes for an effective apology, and the worst and best ways to talk to someone you’ve inadvertently hurt. To watch the

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55:45

From Sex Worker to Relationship Coach: An Interview...

Couples Therapy In Seven Words ·

2023/04/14

Hannah Spanke tells us about her journey of healing, a journey that took her through sex work, addiction issues, and relationship struggles on the way to years of personal growth and professional training. She’s the host of the “F*** Yourself Happy” podcast—a title with multiple meanings she explains to us in the interview. To watch the video of this episode, visit https://brucechalmer.com/from-sex-worker-to-relationship-coach-an-interview-with-hannah-spanke/. You can find more about Hannah on

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56:23

Couples Therapy with a Dead Man: An Interview with...

Couples Therapy In Seven Words ·

2023/03/24

Author Billie Best nursed her husband through to his death from cancer, and then discovered that he had been having an affair for years. She writes about her experience in her book How I Made A Huge Mess of My Life: Couples Therapy with a Dead Man. We talk about her fascinating life, and the lessons she’s learned along the way. Billie’s website is https://billiebest.com. Want to suggest a topic or someone for us to interview? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message.. And you can also sign up

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40:33

The Erotic Equation, and More on Husband’s...

Couples Therapy In Seven Words ·

2023/03/17

What is the “erotic equation”? We talk about the idea, first articulated by Jack Morin in his book The Erotic Mind, that eroticism needs obstacles to be hot. Then we revisit the topic of one of our most popular episodes, “My Wife Found Out I Cross-Dress. Help!” One of our listeners commented on the episode from the wife’s point of view, and we talk about her situation. What do you think? Go to https://ctin7.com, and scroll down to the “Submit a Question” button. And you can also sign up for Dr

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40:36

My Husband Complains About My Cleaning. Help!

Couples Therapy In Seven Words ·

2023/03/10

Hundreds of people per month, we see, end up at a particular blog post on Dr. Chalmer’s website from a Google search for something like “My husband complains about my cleaning.” What’s happening? We revisit the letter that started it all and offer guidance on how to handle the issue. Hint: It’s probably not about cleaning. What do you think? Go to https://ctin7.com, and scroll down to the “Submit a Question” button. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. If

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31:25

Seven Words to Jump-Start Your Love Life

Couples Therapy In Seven Words ·

2023/03/03

How can our seven-word formula—“Be kind, don’t panic, and have faith”—help your love life? We talk about how those words can guide you as you do the work—sometimes scary work—of healing your passionate connection with your partner. Bruce’s hilarious rap on the seven words is at https://www.youtube.com/?v=0cF0bO7mGac. What do you think? Go to https://ctin7.com, and scroll down to the “Submit a Question” button. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. You can

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33:58

Do These Pants Make Me Look Fat?

Couples Therapy In Seven Words ·

2023/02/24

What do you do when your partner asks you, “Do these pants make me look fat?” As we discuss, it’s classically asked by a woman of her male partner, and it strikes terror into the hearts of the guy. But we realized—actually, Judy realized—after we did the recording that there’s a great equivalent question that a man might ask his female partner. And we inserted our discussion of that in the episode—cracking up as we did so. (You’ll hear the insertion staring at 21:45.) What do you think? Go to

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42:01

Joy Across Cultural Differences: An Interview with...

Couples Therapy In Seven Words ·

2023/02/17

How can a couple create and sustain joy across cultural differences and histories of childhood trauma? Our guests Nina Kako and Roger Guertin tell us how they did it and continue to do it. We found their energy delightfully contagious, and hope you do too! Roger and Nina’s podcast is the “Head Over Heels Show” (https://headoverheelsshow.com/). As we say in the episode, sign up for Dr. Chalmer's Newsletter! You can do it right from our homepage. And send us your questions and comments! Go to

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43:58

Slow Down and Find the Right Man: An Interview with...

Couples Therapy In Seven Words ·

2023/02/08

Dating can be hard—especially if you’ve had repeated experiences of finding the wrong person for the kind of relationship you want. Our guest in this episode, Charlene Byars, specializes in helping women who are looking for the right man—someone she describes as a “devoted, masculine man.” We ask her what she means by that, and how she goes about helping the women she works with as a coach. Charlene’s website is https://www.charlenebyars.com/. As we say in the episode, sign up for Dr. Chalmer's

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50:53

Mindfulness, Sex, and Vulnerability: An Interview...

Couples Therapy In Seven Words ·

2023/02/03

How can a practice of mindfulness help couples when they’re dealing with sexual difficulties? And what’s the “vulnerability cycle”? We interview couples therapist Wendi Dumbroff about those topics and more. Wendi’s website is https://wendidumbrofftherapy.com. As we say in the episode, sign up for Dr. Chalmer's Newsletter! You can do it right from our homepage, https://ctin7.com. And send us your questions and comments! Go to https://ctin7.com, and scroll down to the “Submit a Question” button. You

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01:00:30

Sexvangelicals: An Interview with Jeremiah Gibson and...

Couples Therapy In Seven Words ·

2023/01/27

Julia Postema and Jeremiah Gibson each grew up in the world of fundamentalist evangelical Christianity, and they each independently became sex therapists and left the fundamentalist culture. They specialize in helping couples with negative religious backgrounds discover sexuality that works for their partnership. We talk about their work, and pose a listener question right out of Bruce's latest book: how can the listener reconcile his lifelong attraction to men with his personal, marriage, and

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56:02

Sex Across Differences: An Interview with Emerald...

Couples Therapy In Seven Words ·

2023/01/20

How do couples have sex when one or both are disabled in some way, be it physically, mentally, or emotionally? How do couples who come from different cultural backgrounds manage to talk about their sex lives? What about differences in sexual desire? Our guest in this episode is Emerald Aueyong, a sex therapist in West Los Angeles who specializes in these issues. As we say in the episode, sign up for Dr. Chalmer's Newsletter! You can do it right from our homepage, https://ctin7.com. When you sign up,

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56:10

Does Divorce Have to Be Horrible? An Interview with...

Couples Therapy In Seven Words ·

2023/01/13

For our 100th episode (yay!), we have an interview with Nicole Quallen, a collaborative divorce attorney in North Carolina. Nicole helps couples navigate their way through the rocky shoals of divorce with a collaborative, rather than adversarial approach. We talk about how that works (and when maybe it doesn’t), and how collaborative divorce can foster healing and cooperation. Nicole’s website, which also includes information about her soon-to-be-launched podcast, is https://twofamilieslaw.com. As

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24:36

A January Look Backwards and Forwards

Couples Therapy In Seven Words ·

2023/01/02

We’re coming up on three years of doing this podcast! We take a January look backwards and forwards. While we’re at it, we review the seven-word formula that gives the podcast its name. As we say in the episode, sign up for Dr. Chalmer's Newsletter! You can do it right from our homepage, https://ctin7.com. When you sign up, you'll get access to the first volume of our Video Vignette series, in which you'll see Bruce and Judy enacting scenes featuring one of the couples from Bruce's book Reigniting

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36:03

Uh-oh! Red Flags to Watch Out For in Your Relationship

Couples Therapy In Seven Words ·

2022/12/23

What are some of the warning signs that you should be alert to in a relationship? And what can you do about them if you see them? We talk about some of the red flags that you should watch out for. As we say in the episode, there's a Call To Action today: Sign up for Dr. Chalmer's Newsletter! You can do it right from our homepage, https://ctin7.com. When you sign up, you'll get access to the first volume of our Video Vignette series, in which you'll see Bruce and Judy enacting scenes featuring one of

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45:48

I Think My Husband is Using Again. Help!

Couples Therapy In Seven Words ·

2022/12/16

Addiction and substance issues come up in couples therapy a lot, even for those of us who aren’t substance abuse counselors. In this episode we talk about how substance issues can affect couples, and handle a question from a woman, herself in recovery, who is worried her husband has relapsed and is angrily denying it. Send us your questions and comments! Go to https://ctin7.com, and scroll down to the “Submit a Question” button. While you're there, sign up for Dr. Chalmer's mailing list! You can

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53:07

Do I Have to Go Home for Christmas?

Couples Therapy In Seven Words ·

2022/12/09

For a lot of people, Christmas is not “the most wonderful time of the year.” If you’ve lost a loved one, or are estranged from some of your family, Christmas can present a painful dilemma: Should you put yourself through family gatherings when they’re likely to be painful? How do you decide? Then we handle a listener question from Lexi, who lost her brother to a drug overdose and is trying to decide whether to go to her in-laws for a family gathering, even though she had heard them make disparaging

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36:58

Fork Me, Spoon Me: An Interview with Food Aphrodisiac...

Couples Therapy In Seven Words ·

2022/12/03

Can foods enhance your sex life? What are aphrodisiacs, and how can they enhance not only a romantic meal, but sexual health generally for both men and women? We talk to food aphrodisiac expert Amy Reiley in a very sexy conversation. Amy’s books are Fork Me, Spoon Me, Romancing the Stove, and Eat Cake Naked. Amy’s website is https://eatsomethingsexy.com. You can find out more about Dr. Chalmer’s new book, It’s Not About Communication! Why Everything You Know About Couples Therapy is Wrong, at

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43:57

How Can I Get My Reluctant Guy to Try Couples Therapy?

Couples Therapy In Seven Words ·

2022/11/18

Are you a woman trying to get your man to try couples therapy with you? You’ve tried asking, pleading, cajoling, threatening, nagging, buttering him up, using all your favorite communications techniques–and none of it has worked. He keeps telling you why he won’t go. But wait–what if there’s another reason? You can find out more about Dr. Chalmer’s new book, It’s Not About Communication! Why Everything You Know About Couples Therapy is Wrong, at https://ctin7.com/books. Like this podcast? Review us,

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39:04

It’s Not About Communication – the Book!

Couples Therapy In Seven Words ·

2022/11/11

It’s here! Dr. Chalmer’s new book, It’s Not About Communication: Why Everything You Know About Couples Therapy is Wrong, is now available. In this episode we talk about the book, and why you need to read it. If you’re in a couple and would like to improve your relationship, you should read this book. If you’re considering couples therapy, or are currently in couples therapy, this book will help you get the most out of it. And if you’re a couples therapist yourself, you should read this book—whether

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