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PODCAST

Paleo Bites

Welcome to Paleo Bites, the weekly podcast hosted by Matthew Donald where we make dumb jokes, reference pop culture, derail like crazy, and oh yeah, discuss and rate dinosaurs and other prehistoric animals. Each episode Matthew and a rotating set of guest co-hosts talk about a different genus of primeval critter, explain basic stats, exchange plenty of banter, barely fact-check, and at the end, rate the creature one out of 65 million for any reason, including but not limited to sexiness, mana, and

comedy natural sciences

All Episodes

22:22

Dacentrurus, the One with the Tail Full of Points

Paleo Bites ·

2023/06/06

(image source: https://dinopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Dacentrurus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Dacentrurus, a dinosaur from Europe that had a bunch of points at its end and a set of symmetrical plates on its front, kind of like if a dinner table was a dinosaur. From the Late Jurassic, this 30-foot stegosaur is one of the best known of its family from Europe, and also is incredibly awkward to say. No word should ever have “ruru” in it. Except for the Kanohi Ruru, the Mask

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21:15

Peltephilus, the Armor Lover

Paleo Bites ·

2023/05/30

(image source: https://dinopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Peltephilus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Cici Eilert discuss Peltephilus, a large armadillo with the squarest ass you’ve ever seen. Seriously, there’s just flesh and fur one inch and then none the next. From the Oligocene epoch, this 6-foot xenathran mammal was thought to be a predator at first until they realized it was like regular armadillos and ate bugs or whatever. Or rolled into balls. Except this one couldn’t; look at its big square

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23:50

Diplodocus, the Double-Beamed One

Paleo Bites ·

2023/05/23

(image source: https://a-z-animals.com/animals/diplodocus/) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Ben O’Regan discuss Diplodocus, the longest of long boys and the absorber of the awesome but sadly now dubious genus Seismosaurus. Earthquake lizard go kaput. Sad. From the Late Jurassic, this 100-foot sauropod lived in the golden age of its family with so many damn longneck dinosaurs that it’s hard to keep them all straight. Why is Supersaurus still valid if Seismo isn’t? Sorry, it’s a bit of a sore

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28:57

Mammut, the Mastodon

Paleo Bites ·

2023/05/16

(image source: https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.2208044119) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lawrence Mack discuss Mammut, also known as the American mastodon because this is one of those creatures that has a generic name as well as a scientific name, like why we called lions lions instead of P. leo like we do T. rex. From the Late Pliocene, this 10-foot-tall mammutid isn’t really closely related to mammoths but gets confused with them a bunch, which makes sense as they look really similar

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19:20

Halszkaraptor, the Thief of Halszka Osmolska

Paleo Bites ·

2023/05/09

(image source: https://dinopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Halszkaraptor)Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Laura Owsley discuss Halszkaraptor, a relative of those monstrous raptors more akin to a duck or goose, which is actually far more terrifying. From the Late Cretaceous, this 2-foot dromaeosaur had numerous adaptations for fishing and a semi-aquatic existence, which sounds like a peaceful life. Because we all know people who fish to be the most chill and laid-back of folks, especially if they have a

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25:13

Geosternbergia, of George Sternberg

Paleo Bites ·

2023/05/02

(image source: https://dinopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Geosternbergia) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Ben O’Regan discuss Geosternbergia, a pterosaur that really wants you to know it’s named after George Sternberg as its binomial name is Geosternbergia sternbergi. How much did the Sternberg estate pay for this, I wonder? From the Late Cretaceous, this 24-foot-wingspan pteradactyloid was thought for the longest time to be another species of Pteranodon, but now it’s generally regarded as being its

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20:10

Saurophaganax, the King of the Lizard Eaters

Paleo Bites ·

2023/04/25

(image source: https://images.dinosaurpictures.org/saurophaganax_maximus_by_atrox1-d4ff5qy_b2a7.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Saurophaganax, the biggest and baddest Jurassic predator that truly makes Allosaurus the “other lizard” that it’s so named. And by that, we means it makes Allosaurus its bitch. From the Late Jurassic, this 42-foot-long theropod might actually have been a giant Allosaurus species rather than its own, although the consensus is still contested

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19:48

Genyodectes, the Jaw Biter

Paleo Bites ·

2023/04/18

(image source: https://images.dinosaurpictures.org/Genyodectes-maniraptora_be4c.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lawrence Mack discuss Genyodectes, a dinosaur no one’s heard of and no one cares about so therefore no one should complain when we assumedly and repeatedly mispronounce its name throughout the episode. From the Early Cretaceous, this 22-foot ceratosaurid was one of the first dinosaurs ever discovered in South America, but it certainly wouldn’t be the last. It seems these days

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29:51

Paleoparadoxia, the Ancient Enigma

Paleo Bites ·

2023/04/11

(image source: https://a-z-animals.com/animals/paleoparadoxia/) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Laura Owsley discuss Paleoparadoxia, a marine mammal with a pretty on-the-nose name in that it’s a paleontological paradox. At least in the enigma sense; we don’t think there was any time travel involved. From the Miocene epoch, this 12-foot desmostylian looked like it should have been able to walk on land, but was actually completely marine-bound due to being too heavy. I can relate. To the too

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18:34

Torosaurus, the Perforated Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2023/04/04

(image source: https://bit.ly/3K1kgNM) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Ben O’Regan discuss Torosaurus, a dinosaur very distinct from Triceratops regardless of what Jack Horner tells you in a wide variety of ways that I cannot think of right now. But Horner can’t win! We won’t let him! From the Late Cretaceous, this 30-foot chasmosaurine ceratopsian had the biggest known skull of any land animal in Earth’s history, which means it was either very full of itself or genius-level brainy. Except

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9:03

Tanidromites nightwishorum, the Crab of the Band...

Paleo Bites ·

2023/03/28

(image source: http://bit.ly/3ZjI592 and an edited stock photo)Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Tanidromites nightwishorum, a crab named after the Finnish symphonic metal band that has nothing whatsoever notable about it and is thusly the first truly bite-sized Paleo Bites episode. We might have more of these to discuss species with very little info about them but are still notable somehow. I mean, it’s in the name of the show! From the Late Jurassic, this little decapod

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26:45

Herrerasaurus, the Lizard of Victorino Herrera

Paleo Bites ·

2023/03/21

(image source: https://fineartamerica.com/featured/herrerasaurus-ischigualastensis-sergey-krasovskiy.html)Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Herrerasaurus, one of the earliest dinosaurs and yet still a rather big boi that I would not want to mess with. Look at dat boi! I’m hip, bro. From the Mid Triassic, this 20-foot carnivorous dinosaur was so primitive the closest we can get to its taxonomic placement is that it was a saurischian, or lizard-hipped. Looks like this boi was

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28:15

Coelophysis, the Hollow Form

Paleo Bites ·

2023/03/14

(image source: https://dinosaurpictures.org/Coelophysis-pictures) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lawrence Mack discuss Coelophysis, the archetypal early dinosaur despite some rather advanced features compared to earlier dinosaurs, one of which we’ll talk about next week! A bit of a sausage sizzle there for the listeners. From the Late Triassic, this 10-foot theropod was initially thought to be a cannibal, then it was found to not be, until it was found to be a cannibal once again! C’mon,

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26:06

Pezosiren, the Walking Manatee

Paleo Bites ·

2023/03/07

(image source: https://dinopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Pezosiren)Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Laura Owsley discuss Pezosiren, a hippo-like ancestor of manatees when they weren’t quite sea cows but sea-ish cows. Semiaquatic cows. Except not cows. From the Eocene epoch, this 7-foot sirenian mammal lived quite the peaceful life in its lagoon habitat, floating and grazing the fronds of seagrass… at least when it wasn’t being violently torn apart by crocodiles, sharks, and early whales. Mmm… sea

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21:42

Gigantoraptor, the Gigantic Thief

Paleo Bites ·

2023/02/28

(image source: https://dinosaurpictures.org/Gigantoraptor-pictures) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Gigantoraptor, which, like the name suggests, is a gigantic raptor. A big Oviraptor, not Velociraptor, since they’re two totally different families. Pay attention. From the Late Cretaceous, this 26-foot oviraptorosaur browsed from trees and plucked poor creatures off the ground like the demonic ostrich it was. That’d be a much better name for it than “gigantic thief,” I

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17:40

Carbonemys, the Coal Turtle

Paleo Bites ·

2023/02/21

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carbonemys)Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Carbonemys, an enormous super predator that gives Raphael a run for his money in terms of turtle aggression and edginess. From the Early Paleocene, this 10-foot turtle chomped on crocodiles and fought giant snakes such as Titanoboa, which is freaking wild. A fitting start to the Age of Mammals; not with mammals, but with giant monstrous reptiles. Sort of like how the Age of Dinosaurs

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30:53

Iguanodon, the Iguana Tooth

Paleo Bites ·

2023/02/14

(image source: https://dinosaurpictures.org/Iguanodon-pictures)Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lawrence Mack discuss Iguanodon, a dinosaur that’s not an iguana nor known for its teeth, so its chosen name is a real mystery. From the Early Cretaceous, this 30-foot ornithopod was one of the first dinosaurs discovered and was a bulky bro for sure, able to get in some good licks and slashes with its spiked thumb and burly arms. What a real man! Toxic masculinity, ain’t it great? No, it’s not, not

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19:00

Protoavis, the First Bird

Paleo Bites ·

2023/02/07

(image source: https://dinopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Protoavis) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Ben O’Regan discuss Protoavis, a highly controversial fossil that might disrupt the entire evolutionary line leading to birds, but also, probably not. From the Late Triassic, this 1-foot reptile might have been an early dinosaur, another type of archosaur, or something completely unrelated, but one thing it certainly was not was a bird. Even if it was the actual progenitor of the avian evolutionary

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27:58

Mussaurus, the Mouse Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2023/01/31

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mussaurus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Laura Owsley discuss Mussaurus, a teeny tiny dinosaur in a family of giant dinosaurs, except those tiny fossils were actually of babies and the adults were fairly large anyways. Your one novelty was a lie, Mussaurus. From the Early Jurassic, this 20-foot sauropodomorph had a fairly cute name that was also fairly unrepresentative of its actual being. I mean, this was neither mouse nor lizard, and was far

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16:35

Tullimonstrum, the Monster of Francis Tully

Paleo Bites ·

2023/01/24

(image source: http://bit.ly/3QDvTx7) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Tullimonstrum, an anomaly and enigma in every sense of the word and proof that evolution has a twisted sense of humor. From the Late Carboniferous, this 1-foot… thing has been suggested to be from a multitude of different lineages. Personally, I think it was an alien. Some sort of terrible extraterrestrial race invaded Earth in the Late Carboniferous and this was the result. They didn’t take over the

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