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PODCAST

Social Skills Coaching

While everyone wants to make themselves and their lives better, it has been hard to find specific, actionable steps to accomplish that. Until now... Patrick King is a Social Interaction Specialist, in other words, a dating, online dating, image, and communication, and social skills coach based in San Francisco, California. He’s also a #1 Amazon best-selling dating and relationships author with the most popular online dating book on the market and writes frequently on dating, love, sex, and

society & culture self-improvement

All Episodes

18:14

The Need To Be Liked

Social Skills Coaching ·

2022/10/11

• People-pleasing is a complex learned behavior, but it can be understood and changed. One of the most common underlying causes is the need to be liked.• We can counter this mindset by remembering we are like inkblots (i.e., what people see is about them, not about you) and understanding that your worth does not come from other people’s approval.• When you untangle yourself from other people’s opinions and judgments, you free yourself to ask what YOU want, what you care about, and what you value

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55:09

Nine Types Of Active Listening Responses

Social Skills Coaching ·

2022/10/04

• To this end, we come to the concept of active listening. It’s a way to participate in conversations while being on the receiving end. Most might think that receiving simply means sitting quietly, but that’s a huge mistake. There are nine types of active listening responses we cover, to be used when trying to connect deeply with someone: comprehending, retaining, responding, restating, reflecting, summarizing, labeling emotions, probing with leading questions, and silence.• Oversharing may seem

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01:04:17

Subtly Charismatic: Humor And Misdirection

Social Skills Coaching ·

2022/09/27

• One quick technique is misdirection, where a statement has two parts: the first is expected and ordinary, the second contradicts it with unexpected and comedic results. Sarcasm can be powerful but is best when directed at yourself and used with those you are more familiar with. Ironic humor is similar to sarcasm, but more focused on the observation of the contrast between the expected and the actual.• The world of improv has a lot to teach us about good conversational chemistry. One improv rule is

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36:49

Boost Your CQ (Conversational Intelligence)

Social Skills Coaching ·

2022/09/20

• Being charming is about developing social awareness and conversational intelligence. Much of this depends on empathy, and being able to step outside your own reality bubble and honestly see your own blind spots in conversations.• Try not to ever assume that other people think, feel or believe as you do, or that their conversation experience is the same as yours. “Double click” on what they share with you and be genuinely curious and open minded, rather than making assumptions and guesses.•

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42:50

Questions – An Underrated Superpower

Social Skills Coaching ·

2022/09/13

• In order to interact and engage more fully in conversations, we need to work against our not-so-useful habits and learn better ones.• A non-negotiable habit is becoming a master at using questions. The right questions help people feel closer to us, communicate our attention and care, share our competence, show that we’re aware and paying attention, deepen intimacy, guide the conversation, and make us more trustworthy.• All exchanges, and hence all questions, are typically on one of three possible

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38:59

Dealing With Conflict And Disagreement

Social Skills Coaching ·

2022/09/06

• Arguments are sometimes inevitable but we can argue best if we use “steel manning” rather than attacking a strawman. Create the best version of your opponent’s argument by breaking it down, then help them build that argument, actively arguing on your counterpart’s behalf. You will more quickly reach harmonious agreement, or at least disagree more civilly. • Use the fogging technique to manage people who are aggressive or unreasonable. By giving people a minimal, calm response that they cannot

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36:38

The Power Of Shutting Up

Social Skills Coaching ·

2022/08/30

• What you don’t say is also important. When you speak, remember to include pauses in the right places to convey confidence or emphasis. Give your listeners time to digest what you’ve said.• Use the Pareto principle, or the 80-20 rule, and try to make 80% of the conversation about the other person and 20% about yourself. Listen, ask questions, and pay attention rather than forcing a particular topic, being fake, trying to impress or interrupting.• Be aware of microexpressions (tiny, ultra-rapid

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20:35

The Bedrock Of Good Communication

Social Skills Coaching ·

2022/08/23

• Part 1 of this book is all about the charismatic presence. How might you wish for someone to describe you, and how much does that differ from reality? And then, how do you bridge the gap between these two versions of yourself? Part 1 is more theoretical and introspective, while Part 2 is all about action. How do you actually create the type of interactions that will draw people to you, regardless of your current personality?• Unsurprisingly, it all starts with empathy. When you have empathy, you

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37:00

Understanding Basic Assertiveness Techniques

Social Skills Coaching ·

2022/08/16

• There are many ways to assert your own boundaries and limits without encroaching on others’. Try the stuck record technique (calmly repeating your limit without budging), the “positive no” (reiterate what you are saying yes to) negative assertion or negative enquiry (accepting and enquiring about criticism). • The DESC model can help you stand up for yourself. Describe the facts of the situation, Express how you are being affected, suggest a specific Solution, then finish with a

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32:14

Watch What You Say…

Social Skills Coaching ·

2022/08/09

• Your voice is a powerful nonverbal communicator. Be aware of your pitch, volume, articulation and pace, and practice to ensure you’re having the effect you want.• Neuroscientist Antonio Damasio found that people make decisions not from logic but from emotion – which is what you should speak to when trying to connect meaningfully with others.• You can use open loops to create conversations that feel rich, full, and “complete.” Simply start a story and don’t finish it, so you can return later if the

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26:46

5 Charismatic Traits

Social Skills Coaching ·

2022/08/02

• We can condense the four theories of charisma into 5 distinct charismatic traits: likeability and warmth; power and influence; emotional intelligence; presence, awareness and self-control; and social intelligence and leadership. If we can consistently hit these five notes in our social interactions, we cannot help but boost our “charisma quotient.”• To be impactful, charisma has to be genuine to us. We need to take responsibility for honestly appraising our skills and taking concrete action to

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44:33

Better Conversation Skills

Social Skills Coaching ·

2022/07/26

• One useful conversational skill is chunking, where you vary the level of information you get coming back to you. This way, you can reach an agreement, acquire more and correct detail, or even persuade people to move from one plane of thought to another. Chunk up to gain a broader view everyone can agree on, and chunk down to find detail. Move from general to specific, keeping the other person’s reactions in mind. • Use clean language to discover, explore and work with people’s metaphors without

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35:59

Connecting Beneath The Surface

Social Skills Coaching ·

2022/07/19

• Conversational charm is about connecting genuinely to others. First, get your ego out of the way by suspending judgment and forgetting about agreement or disagreement. Listen actively, pay full attention and avoid the temptation to connect everything they say to yourself!• Move slowly and sequentially through the three stages of rapport by making appropriate disclosures to signal trust and willingness to connect. Light disclosure can be an embarrassing tale. Medium disclosure shares your beliefs

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39:20

Building Real-World Charisma

Social Skills Coaching ·

2022/07/12

• Olivia Fox Cabane explains how there are four charisma types according to the proportion of power, presence and warmth. The focused charismatic (who pays deep attention to others), the visionary charismatic (who communicates their infectious passion), the kind charismatic (who inspires with warmth and compassion) and the authoritative charismatic (who leads others with expertise and power). • Depending on your goals, you can play up your natural charisma strengths or seek to balance out

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31:10

The Power Of Empathy

Social Skills Coaching ·

2022/07/05

• Empathy is a nonnegotiable ingredient in genuine, connected interactions, and one easy way to create it is to give compliments. Make it authentic, meaningful to the person receiving it and specific, Avoid insincere exaggeration or vague niceties that don’t speak to a person’s values. • Learn to recognize “bids for attention” because when you “turn toward” these unspoken requests for connection and validation, you deepen and strengthen relationships of all kinds, and respond with empathy. Turning

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30:48

How To Never Have A Bad Interaction

Social Skills Coaching ·

2022/06/28

• Most people fail to be charming in conversations because they misunderstand what it really means to be charming. But anyone can build their charisma by practicing a few concrete skills.• Firstly, use mirroring to signal connection and understanding. Whether it’s verbally, nonverbally, or even emotionally, mirroring can build rapport between you and the other person.• Use Albrecht’s “rule of three” to help you have more balanced conversations, i.e. ones where you do enough listening. What you say

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43:07

So, What Is Charisma Anyway?

Social Skills Coaching ·

2022/06/21

• Charming people may seem to possess a mysterious quality nobody else does, but charisma is a knowable set of social and emotional behaviors that anyone can learn. • Charisma can be defined as a blend of likeability and influence. Charismatics have presence in a room, can impact and persuade others, can lead, but also know how to put people at ease, are warm, smile often, and get along with anyone. • Practice taking up more space in a room, and examine any core beliefs that may negatively

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36:11

Improve Your People Skills

Social Skills Coaching ·

2022/06/14

• No matter who you are, it’s always possible to improve your people skills and become a more charming and more likable conversationalist. • Start by building more social awareness. If eye contact is often awkward or uncomfortable, try the triangle technique: Draw an imaginary inverted triangle on the other person’s face around their eyes and mouth. During the conversation, change your gaze every five to ten seconds. • Be aware of proxemics as a nonverbal mode of communication. Intimate,

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09:53

The Art Of Body Language

Social Skills Coaching ·

2022/06/07

A lot of the art of body language is, once pointed out, rather intuitive. This is because each of us is actually already fluent in its interpretation. It is merely allowing ourselves to de-emphasize the verbal for a moment to take notice of the wealth of nonverbal information that’s always flowing between people. None of it is really concealed. Rather, it’s a question of opening up to data coming in on a channel we are not taught to pay attention to. Hear it Here - https://bit.ly/readpeoplekingShow

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08:55

Freedom From The Demands Of Others

Social Skills Coaching ·

2022/05/30

We tend to think being agreeable and accommodating are positive traits. They are, but only to a certain extent. Studies have shown that too much of either conveys a negative impression to others—precisely what you want to prevent by not asserting yourself. Thus, it seems to make more sense to assert yourself consistently and stop the need for people-pleasing.Hear it Here - https://adbl.co/3n6a2fzShow notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotesLearn more

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