PODCAST

Writing – DESIRE in CHAINS

David Raffin

Journal of. Published under the auspices of the HiSky* Trust, founded 1957 to promote disorder. (*Hiss-Key)

fiction comedy fiction

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War on Xmas / Bear of the month

Writing – DESIRE in CHAINS ·

2013/12/08

I am ashamed that we used chemical weapons in the war on Christmas. First we used laughing gas–then we used crying gas–then we used laughing gas– then we used crying gas… In the end, people didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. *** Join the bear of the month club. Get a bear delivered to your door every month. December is grizzly. They’re good bears. A little cranky. But that’s just because they’re hungry. Bears have pretty simple rules about eye contact. Reasonable, even

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If just one poem about Llamas and Alpacas will make...

Writing – DESIRE in CHAINS ·

2013/12/03

Llamas and alpacas/will never attack us/as long as we scratch them on the head/they’ll climb up the mountains/and drink from the fountains/and build up a lot of street CRED/for wherever they go forth/be it due South or due North/they never go looking for trouble/I asked one beside me/while it drank some chai tea/how they remained in this karmic bubble/it’s ever so simple/we came from the temple/we aren’t looking for any drama/whatever do you mean/said I, turning green/Oh, that one

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Not how, but why to make a monster

Writing – DESIRE in CHAINS ·

2013/12/01

He’s really quite a lovely fellow/though his skin is green and eyes are yellow/I certainly applaud your use of time/Doctor Victor Frankenstein/ Yes, he is, indeed, very top shelf/I needed a friend so made him myself.

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Mud in your eye, here

Writing – DESIRE in CHAINS ·

2013/12/01

The ‘Mud in your eye bandit’ always screamed “Here’s mud in your eye!” before actually throwing mud in your eye. He said he stood for radical honesty. Really, he just liked throwing mud in people’s eyes.

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Poems about monsters, cake, and coconuts

Writing – DESIRE in CHAINS ·

2013/12/01

There may be monsters in the lake/their image is placed upon a cake/people come from far and wide/their belief in monsters they can’t decide/what they know, they know, yes, in haste/they all agree they enjoy the monster’s taste/its fearsome visage in red and green/I do believe it’s faux buttercream. Some find it appalling/coconuts are falling/the moment one rises from bed/but that’s just how coconuts get ahead. http://davidraffin.com

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sadness machines and camels

Writing – DESIRE in CHAINS ·

2013/11/30

This Black Friday one could find excellent deals on those little machines that measure sadness. Why would one build or purchase a machine which measures sadness? Because otherwise one would have sadness without measure. I’m a tragedian. But, in my defense, I do write delightful poems about Arabian one-humped camels. If I met a dromedary/ I would never make him carry/ packs or parcels here nor there/ nor set him up with a polar bear. http://davidraffin.com

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The existential who’s on first routine:

Writing – DESIRE in CHAINS ·

2013/10/31

Lou: Who’s on first? Bud: No one knows. Lou: Surely someone knows? Bud: What does it matter. This conversation continues until one of the participants dies of a heart attack. Approximately 43 years. Third Base!

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The evil twin conundrum

Writing – DESIRE in CHAINS ·

2013/10/21

Evil twins are unhappy about the loss of half their potential. They never feel as evil as they could have been. This feeling of inadequacy makes them more evil, as the result is they try harder. As their plans get more intricate therein lies the flaw. The chance for failure grows exponentially. Begin again at the start of the paragraph. This is the evil twin conundrum. http://davidraffin.com

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A haircut story

Writing – DESIRE in CHAINS ·

2013/10/18

A few years ago I got a haircut at a home salon which advertised with a homemade sign planted at the side of the driveway. I was sat in the chair and prepped. She started cutting. Within seconds she attempted small talk. “So, you have a girlfriend?” “No,” I said. “Why not!” she said loudly. “Are you the gay?” That is my friend Jodi‘s favorite story about me getting a haircut. But, in all fairness, it may be my only story about me getting a

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When I was but a lad.

Writing – DESIRE in CHAINS ·

2013/10/16

An excerpt from Shards, WIP. When I was but a lad. My cat killed a rat. The rat was left outside the door. I stepped outside the door, wearing no shoes, and ended up with the rat attached to the bottom of my foot. I hopped about on one foot. The other foot, with rat attached, hanging in the air. The rat, dead though it was, would not let go.

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The existential hotel

Writing – DESIRE in CHAINS ·

2013/09/28

In the existential hotel are two rooms with an adjoining door. In one room the door leads in, the other out. It is a point of contention. — David Raffin (@David_Raffin) September 27, 2013

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Obama meets with Bush – a meeting of the minds

Writing – DESIRE in CHAINS ·

2013/09/06

Obama meets with Bush to get advice about how to proceed in Syria. Obama: I don’t understand. I mean, you made it all seem so easy. How do I get approval for military action in Syria? Bush: Your mistake is in asking for permission. If you want to bomb a country, you just do it. Obama: I see. You’re saying “it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than ask for permission.” Bush: Exactly. (Pause) What’s forgiveness?

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Love, Rejected

Writing – DESIRE in CHAINS ·

2013/09/05

By David Raffin My petition for love was denied by the central authority which handles such petitions. It used to be that these standard rejections came by certified mail and were printed in ornate script on fine paper. Today they all come by text message. Still, they carry with them the same tradition. They are summary rejections. And they are form letters. If someone were to travel forward from 100 years in the past they would recognize them immediately. “That is a standard rejection of a petition

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Obama’s old hat (the peace prize president)

Writing – DESIRE in CHAINS ·

2013/09/01

(Originally written when the Swede’s gave Obama the Peace Prize. The Swedish sense of humor is odd. For instance, they let the Norwegians give out the Peace Prize. An indication of how seriously they take it.) Obama’s old hat by David Raffin President Obama, honored with a Nobel peace prize while fighting two wars, appeared to accept his prize. His speech was in some ways a departure from the past but in others it was old hat. The president stood behind the podium and the microphones,

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Sometimes I think of Canada and their doughnuts

Writing – DESIRE in CHAINS ·

2013/08/29

You know, I have never eaten at a Canadian restaurant. So I have never tasted Canadian food, having never traversed the 250 miles to the border. But I have grown, over time, to suspect that Canadian food is mostly doughnuts. And that hardly seems worth the drive. I do get the CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) here and it is mostly hockey games and doughnut advertisements. And yes, I understand they also have fries with gravy on them. And doughnuts. But they are proud Canadian doughnuts, no

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Representations of Muhammad, in, out, and about the box

Writing – DESIRE in CHAINS ·

2013/08/28

by David Raffin If a cartoonist draws Muhammad, he or she invariably will frame that drawing between four straight lines, a graphic representation of a box. Herein lies a problem: Nobody puts Muhammad in a box. Muhammad in the Box was a toy popular in the fifties. You turned the crank and it played a tune. But Muhammad never popped out. Angry parents would take the toy to the manufacturer and complain. The manufacturer invariably told them that Muhammad does not “pop out.” Such would be

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Mourning devotional for two universes

Writing – DESIRE in CHAINS ·

2013/08/23

Every day I am faced with an ethical dilemma. I never look my mirror self in the eye. One of us is evil. It’s best not to know. If I find that I am evil I may have to change my evil ways. As you can imagine, I have a lot of time, money, and effort invested in my evil ways and prefer to think of my ways not as evil but as reasonable and balanced, nay, even, if I may be so bold, necessary. Thus I prefer not to know. If I find I am the evil one I...

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After the singularity, you will look nice

Writing – DESIRE in CHAINS ·

2013/08/15

by David Raffin It was that time of the month and so there I was getting a haircut in my usual barbershop. I can hardly remember getting my hair cut by a person. No– today, like it or not, all barbers are robots. And I don’t like it. And there is nothing I can do about it. Still, I always go to the same shop. Better the robot I’m used to than a strange robot standing over me with clippers and a suction tube. I hate the way the suction tube sounds more than the metallic ting of the

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At the existential sandwich shop, taste is subjective

Writing – DESIRE in CHAINS ·

2013/08/14

In the existential sandwich shop all sandwiches remind you existence is meaningless. But you still have to choose one. If, in the existential sandwich shop, you refuse to make a choice you will be reminded that, also, is a choice. In the existential sandwich shop anything can happen and often does; as long as it, on some level, involves sandwiches. Or the absence thereof. The clerk at the existential sandwich shop was an artist — each of the sandwiches was sad in a different way. They were so good I

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When laughter is outlawed only outlaws will laugh

Writing – DESIRE in CHAINS ·

2013/08/10

Did you know this fascinating tidbit about dental offices: the laughter of children is prohibited therein. They may have all the sugar they want. That’s part and parcel for the business. But laughter is relegated to elsewhere. It’s a serious business. Dentists number your teeth. That’s so, later on, they don’t get lost inside your mouth. Woe to those who return to the dentist only to be lectured about their teeth being “out of order. All out of order.” Sometimes

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Writing – DESIRE in CHAINS

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