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PODCAST

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

John Brandon, Jim Banks, Matthew Van Zandt, Vanessa

Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they"re the fun kind of dumb, and that"s what counts.

leisure video games

All Episodes

02:11:56

Live a Live Part 2 - G'Day Mate, I'm Sakamoto Ryōma

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/10/31

Square Roots - Episode 338 Greetings, humans! Welcome to a spookity, horrorish episode of Square Roots! In this dark chunker of Unalive Alive we play through the blood soaked hallways of Edo Japan, the bullet ridden sand of The Wild West, and punch and kick through the death sports of Present Day! Also: - Gotham Knight Cake Boycott - Bee Movie Horror - Johnny Definitely Follows Vanessa's Instructions - They Don't Count as People - Vanessa Invented Skateboard - Xemobab Chromicols and Soccer Frontier

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02:57:44

Live a Live Part 1 - A Sacrificial Mound Near Dino...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/10/24

Square Roots - Episode 337 This week on Square Roots we do, we promise, eventually talk about Live a Live's first two (chronological) chapters: Pre-History and Imperial China. And there's a lot to talk about! Recruiting beefy bois! Lady Gorillas! Even more fart humour! Also: - Liver Live - Matt Damon with a curtains haircut - What's Your Burger Style? - Loading Goes Boop! - Sassy Caveman Hair Flip - Vanessa's Ettiquette Corner - Sweet Sweet Gorilla Beef - But He Was Only Just Alive! This Week: We

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02:14:53

Ōkami Part 6 - We're Just Not That Into Vampires

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/10/17

Square Roots - Episode 336 There's a whole lot of arguing about what time rules Okami uses - is it Looper rules? Back to the Future rules? Lost rules? That aside, we finally finish the ice palace, the boss rush, the clockwork owls - and complete another game! Also: - Perfectly framed webcam - Metaverse finally shows feet - We're just not that into vampires - Folding at home - Vanessa's Out Back - What if Jeff Bezos Takes Away My Ghost Ship - Bon Janus - Moo-my Milkers This Week: We finish Okami

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01:42:57

Ōkami Part 5 - Toooooooobi!

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/10/10

Square Roots - Episode 335 Okay, okay - we said we were going to finish the game this week but Johnny got sick so he couldn't play that much, but we promise that we'll finish next week. For realsies! Okay, so this chunker we mostly concentrate on solving some mysteries and finally reaching the elusive Oni Island! Also: - Suck it, Troy Baker! - Deborah Space - Vanessa's Head Canon Corner - Square Roots: After Dark after the credits - Big League Chew Revelations - The Unearned Pathos of Tobi - A

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02:17:10

Ōkami Part 4 - The Story of a Guide Named Brady

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/10/03

Square Roots - Episode 334 It's the story of a podcast named Square Roots! Which was bringing up four twenty somethings of its own! Some of them have hair of none, just like their fathers, and they were all alone! Also we're playing more of Okami in this penultimate episode, fight some bosses, uncover some crimes, meet some fish, do some sidequests, and play far too much of a terrible bullshuit minigame. Also: - That Stupid Fish Orca! - Johnny In A Garbage Can! - The Voyager Theme Dirge! - Finally,

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01:42:49

Ōkami Part 3 - The Bone Diaries

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/09/26

Square Roots - Episode 333 Welcome to the erotic thrills of the most sensuous of late night syndicated TV shows, Square Roots Presents: The Bone Diaries. We haven't cast it yet but I assume it will have David Duchovny. But also! We play Okami and defeat the big boss, Orochi. But wait... why does the game keep going? Also: - The Hacking Police Uniform - Minnie Mouse Is A Menace - The British Are Less Greasy - Understanding Godhood - That Chef Really Wants To (CENSORED) Orochi - Creepy Lips Like a

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02:30:17

Ōkami Part 2 - An Amazing Person Slash Bird

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/09/19

Square Roots - Episode 332 It's an episode with a... fluctuating cast, but we don't let that experience this downright canine chunker! There's dog fights (but the good kind), a fire cow, a soft boi bird boi, landscape puzzles and so much more! Also: - Vanessa, Mother To Us All - A Week of Almost Too Hot Amounts of Gaming News - Movie Open Source - Thick Zangief - Johnny's Worst Mila Kunis Pun - Squadala! - One Praise For Every Minute This Week: We clear the Gale Ruins! Next Week: We vanquish the

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01:59:23

Ōkami Part 1 - A Circle Looks Like This: O

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/09/12

Square Roots - Episode 331 Vanessa might hit peak sassy in this episode, and that's great. This chunker encompasses a heck of a lot, even if some might think it just involved walking down a hill. There's the peach lady, the orange guy, a boar balancing on a bomb, a bear balancing on a crystal, a little bug guy, a missing dog, and Johnny making the same game mistake three times over 17 years. Also: - Vanessa is the Champagne of Peninsulas - Johnny Deleted His Track, Everyone Point At Him - Tilda

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01:55:51

The Wolf Among Us Part 3 - That Was When Pigs Knew...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/09/05

Square Roots - Episode 330 Mysteries are solved, like who killed Faith and Lilly - but other mysteries go on. The Wolf Among Us ends on a satisfyingly ambiguous note - but did we enjoy the game overall? Or were we too railroaded into decisions and situations? Listen and find out! Also: - A Little Thrusting Music - The G Stands for Great - Vanessa Can Cancel Any Man - Tell Me More About These Sex Idiots - Vanessa Melted Her Dishwasher - Sweet Virgin Nicotine Lips - So Much Bigby Lore This Week: We

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01:48:24

The Wolf Among Us Part 2 - Robocopped by the Tweedles

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/08/29

Square Roots - Episode 329 Oh boy! We find a mysterious head and this leads to all sorts of new adventures. And we've got so many cops here on Square Roots; Vanessa is the good cop, Johnny is the silent / bad cop, Jim is the grey cop, and Matthew is the vape cop. In episode 2 and 3 of The Wolf Among Us we meet interesting people and there's a mystery to be solved. An adventure is unfolding, so why not get involved? Also: - Johnny's Truly Outrageous - Game Scom - They Cannot Afford Timothy Chalomet

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02:03:12

The Wolf Among Us Part 1 - Let's Just All Lower Our...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/08/22

Square Roots - Episode 328 It's a low energy episode today because, frankly, it's just too hot here in the northern hemisphere. We can't wait for fall. But in the mean time let's go on some sweaty Toontown adventures! We explore The Wolf Among Us by Telltale Games and try to solve some crimes! Also: - Do Bob and Marduk kiss? - Stiffly Weird and the Case of the Missing Ghost - "It's Me, Blorko!" - Harvest Valley - Teen Raider - Sorry, Bree - Don't Snoop - Bufkin Neutral - Nolan North Mythology This

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02:14:56

South Park: The Stick of Truth Part 3 - Johnny Is So...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/08/15

Square Roots - Episode 327 Johnny knocked that Abortion minigame out of the park, and definitely wasn't stuck on it for twenty minutes on stream getting madder and madder. He won it the first time, Vanessa said he was the best boy at video games, Trudeau gave him a medal, and everyone clapped. Also: - Vanessa ReTruths the President - I Love the Teens - We All Have to See Mike Myers's Hog At Some Point - Vanessa's Mao Tse Tsung Vibes - Honouring the Wishes of the Prince of Canada - Women Be 'Bortin'

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02:01:57

South Park: The Stick of Truth Part 2 - A Wolf, a...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/08/08

Square Roots - Episode 326 Our hosts seem to be warming to South Park just in time for alien testing, Nazi zombies, appealing to the Goth kids, and finding out the truth about Cartman! Is Cartman not actually as good a dude as he claims?? Find out as we complete Day 2! Also: - Combination Pizza Hut Taco Bells - Johnny is bad with controller mechanics, part 2 - Are bad tutorials a bit? - 2014 Funny - That's What Straight Relationships Are Like - Johnny's Boomer Humour This Week: We Finish Day Two

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02:26:02

South Park: The Stick of Truth Part 1 - Urine: The...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/08/01

Square Roots - Episode 325 You asked for it, you get it: this week your Square Roots pals start South Park: The Stick of Truth! And... some of us really like it? A lot? Especially one who you think wouldn't like it at all? Yeah, that one! Also: - Matthew Refuses to Go to a Used Game Store - No Matthew Life Spoilers - Recasting Taskmaster USA - Too Hot to Dance - Spork & Clork - Benny Hill Racist is Pretty Racist - Vanessa is a Ray of Sunshine This Week: We Finish Day One! Next Week: We Finish Day

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02:30:37

Kingdom Hearts III Part 5 - Vanessa Is Familiar

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/07/25

Square Roots - Episode 324 Whoa! We finished Kingdom Hearts III forever! Does that mean everything in Mickey's Kingdom is happy forever? What about Xemnas?! What happened to Sora? So many questions. Also: - Bugs are a Natural Enemy for Toys - Toot toot? - Jim is a Slut for Powerwashing - It's just like that one Live song - FURRY! FORCE! FOUR! - Every Master Xenahort Voice Actor gets Norted - Ansem is Xemnas's Xenanort - Chereth Cutestory - Living Will, Probate, Death Certificate Fight the Heartless

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02:37:53

Kingdom Hearts III Part 4 - Everything is Crabs

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/07/18

Square Roots - Episode 323 It's a divisive chunker of Square Roots this week: are the Pirates of the Caribbean and Big Hero 6 worlds good? Bad? A bit of both? We navigate carefully talking through the Pirates movies, try to figure out if the Big Hero 6 movie is a secret Disney classic, and note how Sora seems to be given busy work while literally everyone else is busy with actual plot stuff. Also: - Pirates of the Cah-ra-be-un - Comrade Vanessa - Short Jim - Interfering with Democracy - Butte Talk -

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01:56:34

Kingdom Hearts III Part 3 - This Podcast Will Be Used...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/07/11

Square Roots - Episode 322 Oh boy! Johnny gets to experience Frozen in the best way possible: chopped up into Kingdom Hearts cut scenes. The gang heads through Frozen land AND the generic industrial corridors of Monsters, Inc. in a very PS2 style chunker of this Disney Slash Final Fantasy mashup. Also: - Up Yours, Woke Moralists! - Something Called the Unraveled - Sora Amnesia Argument - Four People Inside Sora's Heart, But We Can Only Name Three - Vanessa Hates a Heffalump - Gatekeeping

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02:09:35

Kingdom Hearts III Part 2 - You'll Know When To Wear...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/07/04

Square Roots - Episode 321 On this action packed slammer of an episode, the Square Roots Gang run through two very awesome game worlds: The Kingdom of Corona and Toy Box! That's right, you'll get to relive the events of Tangled AND Toy Story. Also: - The Clussy Talk - A Jay Leno Looking Monster - Coat Corner - A Train Guy, But For Boats - Spaceman Bud and Rancher Wooly from Toy Time - Famous Toupées - You've Got A Pal I Know This Week: We vancquish The Kingdom of Corona and Toy Box! Next Week:

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02:12:26

Kingdom Hearts III Part 1 - Creepy Dolls With Human Skin

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/06/27

Sadly this entire podcast crew is lost due to never having played Birth by Sleep. Except Jim, who did play it. But voters are never wrong! So we here at Square Roots are listening, and we're playing the very first chunker of Kingdom Hearts II! Also: - Megan Mullally's Charmed - Jim's Kingdom Hearts III Flip Flop - Uncontrollable Gummi Ship Related Shuddering - Why is Sora Flexing All The Time Now? - If Sora Hates Gravity Why Is Donald So Crabbity? - Trying to Define Pete and Malificent's

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01:56:49

Xenogears Part 10 - Rules Are Fake, The Listeners...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/06/20

Square Roots - Episode 319 HOLY CRAP WE FINISHED XENOGEARS! It's over. It's finally over. Also: - Space Cheese - Hot Nonsense Simulator - Person of Criminality and Island Time - I'm a Deus - A Real Girlfriend Mommy - A Lot of Green Goo Tubes - Using the Power of Love, and a Gundam - The God Children of Xenogears - Vanessa's Berenstain Universe Moment This Week: We finish the game! FINALLY! Next Week: We play through the first visit to Twilight Town in Kingdom Hearts 3! Our Patreon:

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