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PODCAST

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

01:03:50

Episode 83: How To Fight Fair In A Relationship:...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/12/22

Be honest - if you look back at your last fight with your partner, are you happy with how it went? Was there anything you wish that you had said differently? Or would take back Maybe you were feeling defensive, a little misunderstood, or just plain hurt! It would be nice if there was a referee to throw a flag or call time out when we cross the line in an argument. We reached out to our Instagram audience and found a couple willing to share a fight that they recently experienced. In this episode, we

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01:07:25

Episode 82: The 15 Lessons That Keep Us Saying “I Do”...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/12/15

On December 15th, 2007, a tired girl got dragged to a Christmas party and met a DJ with a heart of gold, and the rest is history. Here we are 15 years later, married and running a sex and relationship business, reflecting back over what it took to get us here. In this special episode, we celebrate our anniversary by sharing on the lessons we’ve taught each other, the revelations we’ve stumbled upon, and what we’ve had to learn the hard way. Join us as we take a walk down memory lane, share some

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01:22:32

Episode 81: Ho Ho Help! How To Survive Holiday Stress

Pillow Talks ·

2022/12/08

It’s (supposed to be) the most wonderful time of the year! The time we get together with our loved ones and celebrate each other with presents, food, and quality time. But what happens when we start to see cracks in the perfect holiday picture we had in our mind? You and your partner start to bicker over budgets. Or maybe your mom’s disappointed that you’re going to your in-law’s this year. Or you’re just feeling like an enormous grinch this year. The truth is that the holidays are an incredibly

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01:13:40

Episode 80: Be A Man And Talk About Your Feelings

Pillow Talks ·

2022/12/01

Ever wondered why the man in your life is so emotionally reserved? Ever been frustrated by how unwilling he seems to be to talk about his feelings? You try to work though an issue in your relationship, but he’s stone-faced and tight-lipped, with nothing to add to the conversation. Or worse, after holding all the feelings in for so long, he has a huge overreaction of epic proportions that leaves you both wondering, “What the hell was that?” You’re not the only one who wishes things would change. We

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49:08

Episode 79: Sex Confessions: The Good, The Bad, And...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/11/23

Need a good laugh today? Everyone knows how stressful the holiday season can be, so if you need to lighten the mood or just chase away the cold weather blues, you’re in the right place. We crowdsourced anonymous sex confessions from our Instagram audience, and cherry-picked the very best ones to share in this revealing, hilarious, and sometimes shocking episode. Get ready for outdoor sex hijinks, dating app mishaps, on-the-job orgies, the trouble with technology, and more mayhem involving mothers

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01:01:21

Episode 78: Initiation: What You And Your Partner Are...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/11/17

Initiation is SUPPOSED to feel sexy and enticing. When we see it on TV, it always looks so easy. One partner looks at the other from across the room, you can see in their eyes how much they want each other, one partner presses the other up against the wall and it’s game on! But for so many of us, initiation feels more like an annoyance than a seduction. We polled our audience on Instagram and discovered that at least half of our audience regularly gets frustrated by their partner’s initiation

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56:19

Episode 77: Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/11/10

There are few things in life we’re more passionate about than orgasms! We want you to understand them, have them, give them, and enjoy them! With so much misinformation out there, it can be tricky to separate fact from fiction. So we decided to create The Orgasm Episode, vulva owner edition! We polled our Instagram audience for all the orgasm questions you want answered. We talk about everything from questions about clitoris size to squirting to wet dreams. Wanna know how to even identify an orgasm

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50:56

Episode 76: How Much Do You Really Want It? The Sex...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/11/03

Do you want a higher sex drive? Bet you said, “yes!” without thinking twice. 74% of our Instagram audience did. Most of us feel self-conscious about how rarely we desire sex, and believe that we’re supposed to have a stronger libido. But if you’re really honest with yourself, do you truly want more desire? Only 8% of our Instagram audience said they’d do whatever it takes to have a higher sex drive. And we’ve found that whenever we offer sex drive resources to our community, very few people actually

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55:09

Episode 75: Am I Being Unreasonable?

Pillow Talks ·

2022/10/27

You love your partner, for better or worse, but there’s just that THING that gets under your skin. Maybe it’s something they say all the time, maybe it’s a bad habit that they refuse to address, or something bigger like house duties. Whatever it is, you just can’t seem to “get over it” and you have found yourself wondering, “Am I being unreasonable?” We reached out to our Instagram audience for their biggest pet peeves and frustrations, and damn did you guys have some good ones! In this episode,

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49:13

Episode 74: Are We…Growing Apart?

Pillow Talks ·

2022/10/20

You come home after a long day, you see your partner, but you don’t say anything more than “hi” to each other. Something hilarious happened at lunch, but you don’t see the point in sharing it with your partner. You sit down to dinner, but have nothing to say to one another. You find yourself thinking, “How did this happen? Is this normal? This can’t be what a relationship is supposed to be like…” Well guess what? Not only has 90% of our Instagram audience admitted to growing apart in a relationship,

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52:31

Episode 73: Do You Ever “Owe” Sex To Your Partner?

Pillow Talks ·

2022/10/13

Have you ever had your partner initiate sex and thought to yourself, “I should probably just do it because I’ve said ‘no’ so much”? Or has your partner been the one reminding you of your track record of responses? Or maybe you’re the one wishing your partner would say “yes” a whole lot more often. Spoiler alert: You should never feel pressured (or pressure yourself) to do something you don’t want to do with your own body. But this issue can get surprisingly complex. Intimacy is one of the

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40:59

Episode 72: The Lowdown On Painful Sex

Pillow Talks ·

2022/10/06

Have you ever been having intercourse and thought to yourself, “Oh, this hurts, and not in a good way…”? Research shows that a whopping 1 in 3 vulva owners said this happened to them the LAST time that they had intercourse. But sexual pain is something that is rarely discussed, leaving so many to suffer in silence. Nobody deserves to feel pain during sex. While the source can be complicated, sometimes a few simple tweaks can make all the difference. Let us walk you though what you may be

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49:55

Episode 71: Ask Us Anything Part 3: Extra Spicy Edition

Pillow Talks ·

2022/09/29

You saw the question box. You dug deep and swung for the fences. Now buckle up, because it is our turn at bat and we are gonna get SPICY in this episode! That’s right, it’s time for “Ask Us Anything”- extra spicy edition 🔥 On Instagram we asked you to challenge us with your most personal questions, and boy did you deliver! Our team gave us a list of questions, and we sat down to record without discussing any of our answers first. We really go there, deep diving into our dating history, favorite

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55:34

Episode 70: How To Keep Stress Low And Pleasure High...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/09/22

Most couples believe that trying to get pregnant will be one of the sexiest, most intimate periods of their relationship. But if you don’t get pregnant right away, things can quickly take a turn - worrying that something is wrong, fear that it will never happen, the medical appointments, the pressure, the schedules… With all that stress, it’s no wonder that your sex life can really suffer while trying to conceive. Today we’re sharing 5 ways to protect your relationship during your TTC journey. It’s

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59:30

Episode 69: What Do Men REALLY Think About… Part Two!...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/09/15

Xander is back in the hot seat today answering the tough questions... What do guys REALLY think about lingerie? Can they handle a woman who makes more money or has a higher sex drive? When it comes to breasts, do they care about size or symmetry? Nipple size or color? We also polled the men in our Instagram community so we could take an even deeper look at the male psyche. And we even talk about the two topics that have caused some serious issues in our relationship. Don’t miss the laughter, the

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47:41

Episode 68: The Ultimate Butt Stuff Episode

Pillow Talks ·

2022/09/08

No, you’re not having deja vu… Butt Stuff is back! We originally released a Butt Stuff episode almost a year ago, and it has consistently been one of our top 5 episodes. It has been so popular that we decided to turn it into a course… conveniently named Butt Stuff as well 🤣 In celebration, we decided to re-record a podcast episode with all of your most pressing questions. We cover everything in this episode! Hemorrhoids, hairy buttholes, safety, straight dudes being on the receiving end, and the

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58:54

Episode 67: Hot Takes: How We REALLY Feel About Your...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/09/01

Definition of hot take: a quickly produced, strongly worded, and often deliberately provocative or sensational opinion or reaction. You guys are always asking us for our “hot takes” on some of the most divisive sex topics like threesomes, strip clubs, pegging, 69, and even the age old spit vs swallow debate, so we decided to put them all together in one episode! We’re getting real and holding nothing back as we dish on over a dozen hot topics that you sent in. (Spoiler alert: we don’t agree on all

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01:01:43

Episode 66: The True Story Of How We Built A Sex...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/08/25

You’ve asked us over email, Instagram, YouTube, everything short of a carrier pigeon… How the heck did we get into the sex therapy business? And do we manage working and living together every day as a married couple? The time has come for us to share all the details about our business, from how we started to where we are now. You’ll hear about it all… Vanessa floundering to figure out her path. Why we moved to Berlin. Xander’s identity crisis. Our most embarrassing moments, and plenty of business

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52:46

Episode 65: How To Overcome Sexual Shame With Our...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/08/18

Let’s talk about the thing that keeps you up at night. The thing that you don’t bring up over drinks with friends. The thing the that you don’t even admit to yourself if we are being honest. Let’s talk about the shame surrounding sex. Our Instagram audience tells us that 74% of us have experienced it in our lifetime, with 30% currently going through it. (But we’d bet real money that both of those numbers are much higher.) There are so many things that plague us when it comes to sex: body counts,

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53:00

Episode 64: Are You Roommates or Romantic Partners?

Pillow Talks ·

2022/08/11

Are you worried you’ve lost the spark in your relationship? We asked our Instagram audience, and the numbers were shocking! A whopping 91% said their relationship has gone through a Roommates Phase, and 46% said they’re in one right now. So why does it seem like no one is talking about the Roommates Phase? In this episode we do a deep dive into what the Roommates Phase means, and how to get out of it before it’s too late. Let us help you end the drought and get back that lovin’ feelin’! (Psst -

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