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PODCAST

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column

Toke up to this whimsical, narrated Cannabis Column that infuses contemporary observations from an old school perspective. The name Stoney Baloney says it all; a weekly grab bag of ingredients that"s sure to be infused with lots of salty flavors to make it taste delicious.

comedy

All Episodes

02:43

#154 - Cursing is Liberating

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/02/28

When venom is coursing through your embroiled veins, it feels good to let out an exultant fuck. In fact, you would be hard-pressed to find any single word in the English language so versatile. Call us unrefined, but when you have such an effective expression that is so interchangeable simply by the tone and cadence with which it is spit, why reach into that bag of expletives for anything else? With fuck as the signature example, swear words can be some of the most impactful of all expressions—the

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02:38

#153 - Sometimes You Fart

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/02/21

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02:42

#152 - Smart Idiots

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/02/14

Most well-rounded people will agree that just because you can effectively navigate your way around a video game, a streaming service, or pretty much anything that has to do with sitting on your ass in front of a screen, it does not necessarily make you worldly. Like, just because you saw a movie scene set under the Eiffel Tower, it doesn’t mean you can escargot there in conversation. Get it? Whatever Becky. The world is full of analytical dweebs who can dissect algorithms, but while this ability of

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02:57

#151 - Competitive Eating is Stupid

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/02/07

Is it just me, or is there nothing more cringeworthy than witnessing a dude shoveling cylindrical meat down his hot dog hole at breakneck speed while a throng of bystanders cheer him on as if he’s accomplishing a feat worthy of applause? I mean, what is the fascination with watching a guy with shark eyes inhaling unholy amounts of poor-quality food to the deepest part of the throat for the sole purpose of simply proving that we have officially reached the pinnacle of species entitlement? Who the

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03:17

#150 - The Purse Purse

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/01/31

Ladies, you’ve got it all figured out. All Hell could be breaking loose, but so long as you’re armed with that imperative satchel that keeps your vitals accessible, you’ll always be ready for the world. This is your most necessary accessory, accentuating the confidence that proves you’re an irreplaceable badass. And one purse is not enough. Only one cannot ensure your command of any room’s attention. Because with reasons and seasons in constant flux, your ability to adjust to any given outing is

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03:04

#149 - The Exploratory Davey Dabs

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/01/24

Davey Dabs was not an exceptional student. He did excel in chemistry, however. Fascinated with the investigation of how substances combine and change and the use of these processes to form new substances. Much of his attention is directed towards the making of hash oil from a small garden of Cannabis plants he nurses with great detail in a grow tent in the garage. With Rachel the Ripper and the swashbuckling shatter brain Shane, he rents a house from Johnny Joints. There is no annual increase on

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02:44

#148 - The Consumption Assumption

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/01/17

Boy, do we take things for granted, or what? I mean, sure we could dedicate our precious moments toward considering the possibility of where we might be if these ant piles called cities weren’t constructed before our birth, but who the heck has time to reflect on the persistence of humanity and how it scratched its way to the top of the food chain when there are malls to scope and Taco Bells to ring? I know what you’re thinking, here we go again with a rant about the annoyances of a complacent

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03:00

#147 - No One Left to Impress

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/01/10

What people think about us is a high priority. So much so, that we will spend our precious time working the algorithm of social sites with hopes of gaining numerous notices. Because the more approval we can generate from our peers, the more awesome we are, right? Not really. And I think that’s become apparent to most of us by now. The social circle is indeed a game, where insecurities are covered up by a display of how great we’ve got our shit together and how amazing we appear. This, however,

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02:43

#146 - The Salad that Changed Everything

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2022/01/03

A handful of times in your life, an event will occur that creates a personal shift and reorganizes your priorities. It is these clear moments of revelation that procure the cornerstones you will one day harken back to, as the rare incidents almost always happen when you are subconsciously ready, but unsuspecting. In an instant, your mind is determined, from opinion to absolute fact, an unequivocal understanding of how your belief system is quantified. What takes place is an utter recalibration of

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03:00

#145 - How Shit Works

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/12/27

The longer you stick around on this cylindrical manifestation of matter in this expansive space of coalescing energy, the more you understand how the forces of alchemy interact to create this experience. And the better you become at surrendering to how the laws of physics and metaphysics cooperate, the better your advantage for remaining upright in this weird amalgamation of organic confluence. It’s that simple. But there’s nothing simple about learning which dangerous obstacles to avoid for

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02:50

#144 - Getting Turnt

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/12/20

Altering your reality by meddling with the synapses in your brain is one of the most common ways to entertain yourself. Whether you’re poppin’ pills or pounding tequila poppers, bending the senses can bring about the most wonderful, kaleidoscopic effects. Or getting turnt. Which is the fun, turnt way of saying turned up. In the early aughts, Allen Greenspan coined the phrase “Irrational Exuberance”. He was the head of the Federal Reserve around the time of the Great Recession. Of course, he wasn’t

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03:07

#143 - The Philosophical Davey Dabs

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/12/13

Davey Dabs has a preposterous theory. You see, although his actions are sometimes perceived as infantile performances aimed at seeking attention, he is not ilsmart. In fact, he is not uneducated. Davey Dabs received his Bachelor of Science with a degree in philosophy at UC Berkeley. And although ilsmart is not an official word in the English language, he loves to use it on backwards day. And when people inform him that not only is the word not backwards, but also not a real word, he calls them

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02:55

#142 - Sorry Alexa

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/12/06

Amazon screwed the pooch. If your name is Alexa, that is. Because thanks to them, there’s now a glitch in the process of assigning an identity to a newborn child, forcing us to rethink how we move forward with the official book of baby names. Now for the next couple generations or five, new mothers will shudder at the annoying thought of confusedly summoning the updated version of Hal from 2001: A Space Odyssey in their living room. I mean, they could have given any name under the spectrum for

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02:50

#141 - Regifting is Selfish

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/11/29

Let’s be frank, getting a shitty gift that is only going to end up in the garage stuffed inside a plastic bin for the next 8 years is a burden you didn’t ask for. Yet, you’re forced to choke out a smile while pretending that a jigsaw puzzle of a flower garden somewhere in Germany has been the missing piece to completing your own life puzzle. Unexpectedly, you are thrust into an acting role, forced to exemplify the positive attributes of an item for which you not only have zero interest, but resent

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02:53

#140 - You Are A Narcissist

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/11/22

People tell me this sometimes. But am I narcissistic, or just really eager to be recognized? A little of both, methinks. Aren’t we all guilty of wanting attention at some level? I mean, at what point are you self-absorbed, or just looking to feel relevant in this glorious human experience of lightning strikes and rolling stones? Because, let’s be honest, every one of us, from an instinctual level, is looking out for numero uno as much as any other living organism. And some of you would argue that

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02:38

#139 - Love Affairs

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/11/15

It’s an oxymoron, really. Because love rarely has anything to do with extramarital activities. It’s easy to confuse love with sex because the emotion you experience with a person with whom you’re sharing bodies makes your heart swell. Or anywhere blood flows for that matter. Infatuation is a different story. And whether it is infatuation with the person, the sex, or the masquerade, there’s an intoxicating element to the drama. But as we know with just about anything that is intoxicating, once the

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03:08

#138 - The Conspicuous Davey

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/11/08

“Davey Dabs has a propensity for the outrageous,” says the Swashbuckling Shatterbrain Shane. “Surprising, it is to me, that The National Weather Service hasn’t yet named a hurricane called Davey.” He understands the absurdity of that statement and chuckles to the posse while the point is made by swinging his arm in a dramatic arch to evoke the mental visualization of a majestic storm. “He whips like the wind, David does, and the direction is completely arbitrary.” Shane can call him David. That’s

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02:37

#137 - Respect the Rat

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/11/01

If it weren’t for the bubonic plague, rats could easily be man’s best friend. And the rat-infested movie Willard didn’t help their reputation, either. You snicker, but what we’re talking about is pretty much just an oversized mouse, right? I mean, if you really put tangible reasoning to our fearful rationale, the rat has never done anything wrong. Like people, they’re hungry, crafty varmints who are scouring the planet in search of leftovers. The biggest difference between us and them is that we

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03:21

#138 - I Share that Sediment

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/10/25

We all know the 10-second rule. When you drop a piece of food, if you pick it up within ten seconds you have beaten the decomposition clock, essentially rescuing the item from the armies of crazed little germs that lie in waiting for food fumbles. In your mind’s eye, these microscopic creatures are blood-thirsty vampires, lurching, smothering it with toxic juices and dripping fangs, rendering your Funyun a potential risk to your body’s wellness. Your taste buds, however, may not excuse your

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02:35

#135 - Staying Alive is Dangerous

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/10/18

Sure, you can sit on your ass all day and pile up the layers of blubber while filling your brain with useless information from the boob tube, but that only goes so far until it’s time to get outside and do shit. And the moment you cross that threshold from front door to sidewalk, the real-life video game begins. Be it driving down roads to licking the backs of toads, unforeseen hazards exist at every turn. Think about it, there just aren’t too many places you can go where the grim reaper isn’t

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313 results

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