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PODCAST

Not Actually Film Critics

Welcome to Not Actually Film Critics where not actual film critics critique actual films. Each week, join us as we talk about random stuff, watch movies together and review them. For every episode, we take turns picking movies that fit within a theme, which often leads us to some real hidden gems, or fun oldies that give us a blast from the past! Sometimes we will even release a sync-track of us watching the movie together, so you can sync it up to your viewing of the movie and feel like you"re one

tv & film film reviews

All Episodes

01:05:19

The Man Who Fell To Earth - I Want to Bowiebe

Not Actually Film Critics ·

2021/05/26

The gang is back from a vaccination break spacier than ever. We explore the Trader Joe's mask experiment that Zea and Gibbs are running and ponder if vaccination badges need to be a thing. Gibbs has a Pokemon trade of deep regret that he needs to get off of his chest, while Izzy needs to unload about his superiority complex for his Sam's Club shopping. We wonder if everyone else has also gained pandemic pounds (...or COVID kilo's) since Izzy is starting his intermittent fasting, and speaking of

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01:03:30

Sputnik - Cosmonot Human

Not Actually Film Critics ·

2021/05/12

What's the deal with... all the rampage Mario makes and the mess left behind? And with Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order (which Zea reviews)? And with the lack of good video games in the Star Trek universe? And with Gibbs' apparent slurping? And with Zea thinking Asians eat loudly? And with Zea not finishing.................. her sentences? So many deals to get through this week. Mox then kicks off his chosen theme of Space with the 2020 Russian film, Sputnik, a science fiction-space horror story about a

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01:01:35

Color Out of Space - HP Cagecraft

Not Actually Film Critics ·

2021/05/05

It's a ball-tingling episode as we get straight to discussing cock-and-ball torture and remembering the day we learned about testicular torsion. If that isn't sexy enough for you, Zea shares her first encounter with a bikini barista, and we wonder how other jobs can be sexified. Then it's on to the last of the Nicolas Cage films, 2019's Color Out of Space, where Daddy Cage meets Lovecraftian cosmic horror in a delightfully dark story. Ol' Saint Nic is back to his old tricks of putting weird stuff in

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01:00:20

Vampire's Kiss - Uncage the Cage

Not Actually Film Critics ·

2021/04/28

Surprise, it's another saus fest as Zea sits out what is frankly an exceptionally testosterone-riddled episode. We discuss the misnumbering of musketeers, if unfattening can look good over time, and we're keeping track of all the famous people who are dropping elbees. Then, we watch LIVE with an attached SyncTrack for the 1989 film Vampire's Kiss. It's settled that Cage is best as Cage in this movie, and it's 👍. Support us on Patreon!

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00:07:26

(Bonus Episode) Legend of Zelda Discussion

Not Actually Film Critics ·

2021/04/21

Since Gibbs wouldn't stop talking after the episode we got into an interesting discussion about the Zelda series. Support us on Patreon!

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00:59:02

Mom and Dad

Not Actually Film Critics ·

2021/04/21

You like anime ya nerds? Do ya? I bet you do. Well, we talk about quirks and Narotu, as well as the hottest new game, Amongus. Oh yeah, and memba jukeboxes? And the 80s? They were great. We then talk about the 2017 film Mom and Dad, and Cage is a crazy mudafuga. Def recommend. Support us on Patreon!

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01:03:42

THX 1138 - Numbers Are the Future

Not Actually Film Critics ·

2021/04/07

The gang get straight to it with some hot dick talk, including what it's like to have a double dick and the amazing side effects of vaccination. It's a Millennial Power Hour as we lick our lips thinking back on floppie dicks and the early Internet days. We then review George Lucas' 1971 film THX 1138, which has us amazed at its wondrous futuristic effects... until we find out they were done in 2004. Still, everyone still enjoys Lucas' world building and vision even if the baldies' rebellion is a

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00:51:00

I Care A Lot - Rererevenge

Not Actually Film Critics ·

2021/03/24

Mox turns in an astounding performance on only 5 hours of sleep as we review his 2020 pick, I Care A Lot. Before that, we discuss the pressing question of moan vs. groan: can you use them interchangeably? You decide as we do our best impressions. Izzy explains his misgivings about artificial food coloring. Peter Dinklage makes funny faces and Rosamund Pike is a stonecold "guardian". We... don't care a lot for this film, but it's aite. Movie Review Timestamp: 12:35 Support us on Patreon!

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01:12:50

White God - Heartless Hungarians

Not Actually Film Critics ·

2021/03/10

Disclaimer: WE ARE NOT SPONSORED BY BOSS BABY 2 (...yet) This week we watch the Hungarian White Fang-inspired film "White God" (2014) as we begin our theme of rebel. Zea can't make it this week because of the potentially traumatizing (implied) animal abuse in the film , so the guys mansplain their way through... what Disney has done recently, including Mox's review of "Raya and the Last Dragon" and the shockingly low ratings for "Artemis Fowl" trigger warnings getting vaccines We talk about

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01:13:51

Possessor - Remote Control Assassin

Not Actually Film Critics ·

2021/03/03

The gang goes really dark and talks about... Getting high with your parents Euthanasia designer drugs Bath salts Capital punishment Then we get into the excellent Possessor (2020) and rave about Cronenberg Jr's mental horror film. For once, the gang all agrees on something as a solid movie! Movie Review Timestamp: 20:12 Support us on Patreon!

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01:00:51

Mulholland Drive - California Dreamin and Screamin

Not Actually Film Critics ·

2021/02/23

This week, the gang talks animation with Mox delivering a serious take down of the Disney darling Frozen, while Zea tries unsuccessfully to defend it, and the gang speculates that Toy Story (and every other beloved movie franchise) is being milked dry till all our wonderful memberberries are turned to raisins. Zea gives a 10 word synopsis of our missing episode on the film The Edge. Continuing with Zea's "Lost" theme, we dive headfirst into the David Lynch film Mulholland Drive. There is a general

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01:05:50

Altered States - Tripping Balls Across the Universe

Not Actually Film Critics ·

2021/02/03

The gang discusses FOMO with the Robinhood/Gamestop saga, the guys compare the number of hours they have spent on Hades in a nerd show off session, and Zea paints again. Finishing up our theme on mutation, Gibbs picks the often bizarre and disturbing film Altered States, a movie that follows an eccentric "mad" scientist with no emotions and a fondness for intense psychedelic drugs as he embarks on a journey to have sex with god. Before consummating with Creation though, there are plenty of

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01:08:11

Eighth Grade - Middle School Blows, Am I Right?

Not Actually Film Critics ·

2020/12/23

This week, Mox continues our Adolescence theme and picks Bob Burnham's Eight Grade. Zea vents her frustrations on not being able to play Cyberpunk 2077 as Izzy and Mox gloats over her. Support us on Patreon!

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00:52:14

Passenger 57 - More Nut Shots Than You Would Think...

Not Actually Film Critics ·

2020/11/30

This week, Zea's down for the count via exhaustion from school painting. The rest of the gang talks thanksgiving dinner. Mox picks Passenger 57, the film that kick started one of the iconic action star, Wesley Snipes' carrier. Support us on Patreon!

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01:05:02

Airplane vs Volcano - Volcanos Take Revenge On A...

Not Actually Film Critics ·

2020/11/23

This week, Gibbs decides to take us into the world of mock-buster films from The Asylum. Mox comes back fresh from the Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba movie so him and Izzy unleashes their fan girl power levels. Support us on Patreon!

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01:03:36

Porco Rosso - Pigs Really Do Fly!

Not Actually Film Critics ·

2020/11/16

This week, Izzy picks another Ghibli classic, Porco Rosso. Listen in to Gibbs' and Zea's review of their experience playing (and downloading) Ark Survival. Join us as the gang reveals why Porco became a pig! SPOILERS. Support us on Patreon!

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01:08:57

Deep Rising - The Skull Island Prequel That Never...

Not Actually Film Critics ·

2020/11/10

This week we have Mox's bombastic old school CG action flick, Deep Rising. The gang also discusses the burden of wearing pants, and foodgasms. Support us on Patreon!

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01:09:34

Ponyo - Miyazaki's Masterful Watery World

Not Actually Film Critics ·

2020/10/26

This week, Izzy picks Ponyo, one of Miyazaki's most jaw dropping animation in his filmography. Mox, our modest expert weighs in on just how horrifying Ponyo is to him as an illustrator himself, and how Miyazaki can be a straight up cruel dude! Support us on Patreon!

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01:01:50

The Shape of Water - Fishy Love In a Tub

Not Actually Film Critics ·

2020/10/12

Join us for Zea's pick this week! Guillermo del Toro's The Shape of Water, is one of the most beautiful and surreal romance films we've seen. Support us on Patreon!

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199 results

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