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PODCAST

Untoxicated Podcast

Matt & Sheri Salis

Sheri and Matt Salis just wanted a regular life–regular marriage, regular careers, a regular house, and happy kids. Instead, they lived a life of lies and terror as they struggled with Matt’s alcoholism and emotional abuse. Unfortunately, their experience is quite regular. Sheri and Matt talk to other experts, to roundtable panels, and to each other. No subjects are off limits: The trauma of active addiction, the pain of recovery, the impact of emotional abuse, the “should I stay or should I go”

society & culture relationships

All Episodes

56:38

Ep120 – Hard-Earned Tears with Kathy

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2022/01/03

"I look at the face that looks back at me from the mirror, and it's jarring. I look like I've aged ten years in just this last one. But it's more than superficial. The heartbreak that came with my husband's near death with end-stage alcoholism has cracked open my heart." Kathy has learned so much while she endured tremendous pain, and on this episode, she shares both her experiences, and her passion for change in the way our society views and manages alcohol and addiction. She explains how she sees

en-US

34:25

Ep119 – Beware of the Inevitable Letdown

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/12/27

The week after Christmas offers lots of threats to sobriety and mental health. Family tension, financial strain, an overbooked calendar, and festive expectations all lead to stress and pressure that is not relieved when the holiday celebration is over. The long, cold winter looms, and the aftermath of the holiday lingers. On this episode, Sheri and Matt reassure our listeners that they are not alone, their emotions are real, and that support is available. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your

en-US

52:11

Ep118 – Risks of Making All the Decisions

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/12/20

Sometimes, like in Matt's case, high-functioning alcoholics are also control-freak assholes. Other times, people who abuse alcohol withdraw leaving all the decisions to the spouse or other loved ones. In both cases, there are serious risks associated with making decisions. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk all about it. They also discuss why the holidays cause so many relapses, and the pressures the additional holiday decisions add to the stress on a marriage in active addiction or early

en-US

52:48

Ep117 – Society’s Tolerance for Bad Behavior

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/12/13

"You sure did have a good time at the Christmas party, Matt." When he was actively drinking, Matt heard statements like that more than a few times. But they carried no shame, because our society celebrates those who are good at, well, celebrating. Thinking back to teenage experimentation and 20s binge drinking, getting drunk is actually admirable...until it's not. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the hypocrisy that led to over 15 million American alcoholics. They discuss the completely

en-US

1:14:31

Ep116 – Healing from the Fatal Scars of Alcoholism...

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/12/06

Just over a year after her husband took his own life while firmly in the grasp of alcohol addiction, Dusti Shay is ready to tell her story for the benefit of others fighting to survive this dreadful disease. This episode is tragic and heartbreaking, but it is also powerful and a tribute to the man Dusti married and the incredible love they shared. If you are triggered by discussions about suicide or violence, this episode is not for you. But if those are not your triggers, please don't skip this

en-US

53:53

Ep115 – Saving Alcoholics and Loved Ones with...

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/11/29

Christina Veselak is a mental health nutritionist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a licensed psychotherapist who founded the Academy for Addiction and Mental Health Nutrition, and she agrees with Sheri and Matt that food is medicine. On this episode, she shares her 35 years of experience in the field helping people suffering from addiction - both alcoholics and their spouses and other loved ones - heal using the amino acids available in proteins. She gives colorful examples of why

en-US

41:32

Ep114 – Thanksgiving Dread, Drinks and Drama

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/11/22

Alcohol plays such a prominent role in the Thanksgiving celebrations in our society that the holiday deserves a conversation all its own. On this episode, Sheri and Matt relive their Thanksgivings during his active alcoholism and his early sobriety. They also flex their SNL fanclub muscles, and Matt grosses Sheri out talking about eating the turkey neck. We hope you gobble up this episode (there's the pun you were waiting for). If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from

en-US

1:07:22

Ep113 – Prodependence with Dr. Robert Weiss

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/11/15

Sheri and Matt welcome Dr. Robert Weiss, the author of Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, to the Untoxicated Podcast. Dr. Rob has his PhD (he did his dissertation on codependency) and a masters in social work, and is an expert on addiction and adult intimacy disorders. He explains why codependence is not an actual diagnosis, and the blame and shame that the label carries is damaging to the loved ones of alcoholics. He calls the spouses and family of people suffering from addiction heroes,

en-US

54:47

Ep112 – We Can’t Nurture Success with Negativity

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/11/08

How do we expect positive outcomes in recovery when all of the language we use has a negative orientation? Stop drinking. Fix your spiritual deficiency. Don't be codependent. Focusing on positive outcomes is more than fluffy self-help jargon. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the kinds of fundamental changes required for the recovery community to earn improved success rates. Matt quotes Dr. Abby Medcalf (Untoxicated Ep90) and Dr. Robert Weiss (Author of Prodependence and future Untoxicated

en-US

1:08:37

Ep111 – Haunting Memories of Alcoholic Halloweens

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/11/01

Halloween specifically, and autumn in general, is a season with high rates of relapse and drunken trauma. We are intentionally releasing this episode about haunting memories of Halloweens in early November because we know so many of our listeners have just suffered traumatic alcoholic experiences, and we want to empathetically and supportively share our painful recollections. You are not alone! This episode starts with Sheri and Matt recalling Matt's love/hate relationship with Halloween starting

en-US

1:05:02

Ep110 – The Stigma of Codependency with Dawn

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/10/25

There is no doubt that the loved ones of alcoholics are victims, and that they require healing from the disease as the second-hand drinkers. But the label, "codependent," is often misused to make the loved ones feel blamed and shamed for loving a person who suffers from addiction. Dawn experienced the pain of that blame, and on this episode, she tells Sheri and Matt all about it. Dawn has done the work of discovery, and she shares her struggles with forgiveness and reconnecting. But she trusts

en-US

58:08

Ep109 – Joyless Recovery and Underlying Issues

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/10/18

The first year of his permanent sobriety, Matt felt like shit. It wasn't for lack of recovery effort. His pleasure neurotransmitters that had been hijacked by alcohol just took a year or so to adjust to his sobriety. Even after that year, Matt dealt with secondary addictions as he worked to understand the underlying causes of his alcoholism. A lot of people complain of a joyless recovery and transference of addiction. It is both common and baffling. In this episode, Sheri and Matt address it

en-US

Ep108 – Sex with Sheri and Matt

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/10/11

When Sheri and Matt were seeking expert advise on restoring intimacy and growing closer together in their post-alcoholic marriage, they turned to the Emily's: Dr. Emily Morse of the Sex with Emily podcast, and Dr. Emily Nagoski, author of the best selling book, Come as You Are. On this episode, Sheri and Matt share the core messages from both the Emily's, and relate what they have learned to their relationship recovery work. As promised in the episode, here is a link to Dr. Emily Nagoski's website

en-US

51:45

Ep107 – The Weight of Unnecessary Decisions

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/10/04

Have you, or has someone you love, ever been absolutely determined to be done with alcohol in the morning, only to be drinking that very same evening? One of the major contributing factors to that alcohol-related whiplash is decision fatigue. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the reasons drinking alcohol adds volume and complexity to our decision making leaving us incapable of making good decisions. Alcohol is its own self-fulfilling prophecy. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your

en-US

Ep106 – Confronting and Traversing the Storms with Liz

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/09/27

The popular misperception of an alcoholic marriage is that it always comes down to a frustrated wife trying to decide if she will divorce her alcoholic husband. As is the case with most things related to the disease of addiction, an alcoholic marriage is quite often a great deal more complicated than that. In this episode, Matt reads excerpts from an essay Liz wrote about the stormy year of alcohol, death, job loss, a car accident, depression, health issues, and emotional instability she and her

en-US

47:13

Ep105 – Disconnected: The Needs of a Couple in Recovery

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/09/20

When Matt thought he most needed Sheri's support and sympathy while he was in early sobriety, Sheri was detached and focused on her own healing and independence. It turns out, Sheri's detachment might have saved the marriage. What the alcoholic needs, and what the loved one needs from the recovery process, are counterintuitive and seemingly at odds. That's one of the reasons we describe alcoholism as a diabolical disease. But there is a way to navigate sobriety as individuals, and make the

en-US

1:05:04

Ep104 – Compassionate Relationship Recovery with Karen

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/09/13

Success stories are too rare when it comes to recovering a marriage from the ravages of alcoholism and the challenges of recovery. We are so pleased to have Karen on the podcast to share her discovery path to healing her alcoholic marriage, now three years into sobriety. Karen uses compassion and lived experience to tell her story and inspire others. One of her greatest strengths is finding resources that help in her process, and she talks with Sheri and Matt about one of her favorite books,

en-US

1:03:43

Ep103 – Impact of Gaslighting

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/09/06

The loved ones of alcoholics almost always experience gaslighting - the manipulative conversations alcoholics use to normalize excessive drinking. On this episode, Sheri talks about the impact of Matt's gaslighting on her, and Matt provides an explanation for why gaslighting comes so naturally and is such a universal aspect of alcoholic relationships. They talk about the long-lasting effects of this manipulation - intentional or not. And the couple discusses the road back to healing and trust. If

en-US

59:17

Ep102 – The Worry Hole: Cause or Result of...

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/08/30

Worrying about stuff seems a common characteristic of high-functioning alcoholics. The object of concern can be work related, a family matter, or frankly, just about anything big or small. We use alcohol ineffectively to manage the worries. But this question remains: Does life stress create alcoholics, or does alcohol use create bad stress management skills and techniques? On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss this chicken or egg situation. They share their personal experiences, and ponder the

en-US

1:07:34

Ep101 – Relationship Relapse Part 2

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/08/23

We received so much feedback about "Ep99 - Seven Fourteen Twenty-One: Relapse", that Sheri and Matt felt compelled to address it in this unplanned follow-up episode. Some listeners were surprised to learn that challenges linger in extended recovery. Others empathized with the continued struggle. Still others felt like Matt's insecurities continue while Sheri continues to suffer from his gaslighting. In this "Part 2" episode, Sheri and Matt address all of it. And they discuss Matt's theories that

en-US

299 results

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