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PODCAST

Untoxicated Podcast

Matt & Sheri Salis

Sheri and Matt Salis just wanted a normal life – normal marriage, normal careers, a normal house and happy kids. Instead, they lived a life of lies and terror as they struggled with Matt’s alcoholism. While their experience sounds rare, with over 15 millions problem drinkers in America, their alcoholic marriage was all too normal. Matt has been writing about their experiences in alcoholism and recovery for years. On the Untoxicated Podcast, Sheri and Matt talk about it, too. No subjects are off

society & culture relationships

All Episodes

51:53

Ep93 – Vacations and Holidays in an Alcoholic...

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/06/28

When Matt was actively drinking, Sheri had to deal with three unappealing characteristics of her alcoholic husband when on vacations or celebrating holidays: his moods were unpredictable, he was needy, and the alcohol accentuated his insecurities. There was nothing festive, and very little that was enjoyable, about vacationing with an alcoholic. Now, in significant sobriety, life continues for Sheri, while Matt is curious why she isn't more enthusiastic about the improvement. On this episode, Sheri

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1:10:31

Ep92 – Progress and Laughter with Nickie and Josh

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/06/21

Nickie knew she and Josh had relationship problems. When he first declared himself an alcoholic, she couldn't believe it. She didn't want to even think about a drinking problem until they had their marriage on good terms (little did she know at the time that the alcohol was the cause of the relationship troubles). Josh's friends told him he was fine, his coworkers kept inviting him to drink, and everything he knew about being a man told him alcohol after a hard day of work was an adult's

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58:53

Ep91 – Safety to Speak Your Truth

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/06/14

Rebuilding trust in an alcoholic relationship requires sobriety, and it requires time. There are no shortcuts, but there are things we can do to create a safe environment in which trust has a fighting chance to flourish. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the things that held Matt back from creating a safe environment in his active alcoholism and his early sobriety, and why things are different now. The importance of this safe environment extends far beyond romantic relationships. The couple

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1:06:30

Ep90 – Your Communication Problem is Really a...

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/06/07

Sheri and Matt welcome Dr. Abby Medcalf to the podcast. Abby is an author, a podcast host, a speaker, a psychologist, a recovery survivor, and has over 30 years of experience working with relationships and people in recovery. She tells Sheri and Matt why couples who think they have a communication problem almost always have a competition problem, and she explains why the person in the relationship in the most pain has to change first and give 100%. Abby's enthusiasm and vibrant story-telling matches

en-US

45:58

Ep89 – Trust Starts with Predictability

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/05/31

All the loved ones of alcoholics want is peace, stability and predictability. How do you think that meshes with the wildly swinging pendulum of euphoria and misery that we call active alcoholism? And when the loved ones express the need for peace, the alcoholics get their feelings hurt. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the link between predictability in sobriety, and rebuilding trust in a marriage. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with

en-US

1:14:38

Ep88 – Surviving the Progressive Decline with Toby

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/05/24

Do you ever look at your spouse and wonder what they are thinking or how their drinking spiraled the way it did? Have you ever wanted to tell your story, but the shame and shyness prevents you from finding the words? If so, then this episode might be for you. Toby (husband of Jane from Ep54) explains his innocent yet insidious decline into the grasp of alcoholism. He also shares what he is learning about himself and his marriage on the way back out. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your

en-US

58:22

Ep87 – Getting Unstuck when You’re Deep In It

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/05/17

People almost universally believe what they are going through is unique when they are deep in the trauma and stress of an alcoholic marriage. Sadly, being deep in it is tragically common. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the signs they see, over and over again, that indicate a person is deep in it even when the sufferer is unsure of their predicament. They also discuss the best tools to get unstuck. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with

en-US

45:04

Ep86 – Why are We Together?: The Subtle Discovery of...

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/05/10

Sheri took Mother's Day off from recording this episode, so Matt spends a lot of time talking about her...in endearing terms. Our listeners will surely miss Sheri's laugh, and miss resonating with her tears, but Matt tries to make up for that by explaining the love the couple has found in the subtlety of sobriety - a love that was unavailable when alcohol was impacting the relationship. We hope you'll listen all the way through, because the juicy part, and the lesson they learned, is at the end of

en-US

56:08

Ep85 – The Mental Health of Mediocracy

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/05/03

Most people are aware of the violent swings in the emotional and behavioral highs and lows of active alcoholism. What surprises many is the self-medication that the loved ones of alcoholics engage in to manage their own emotional highs and low. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the equally serious, although less obvious, pain and damage suffered by the loved ones of alcoholics, Sheri makes up her own word (that we later realize is a real word), and Matt compares himself to arguably the world's

en-US

54:46

Ep84 – My Alcoholic Lies: Innocent or Evil?

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/04/26

When Matt was in top form as an alcoholic drinker, he was also extremely proficient as a lier and gaslighter. And yet, with piles of evidence to the contrary staring him in the face, he was adamant about how thoroughly honest he was. How can that be? Sheri, on the other hand, knew the real truth about the denials and excuses. She fluctuated between anger and disgust as she watched Matt spiral deeper into addiction to alcohol. Were the lies evil? Where they innocent? Can Matt and Sheri both find

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1:07:08

Ep83 – Our Own Worst Enemies: Triggers and Solutions

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/04/19

Beating ourselves up when feeling less than worthy is a common part of the human experience. Once culture and society warp our childhood innocence, our self-worth deteriorates. As an alcoholic, Matt drank to make the low self-confidence go away. As the loved one of an alcoholic, Sheri threw herself into projects and cleaning to mask her pain from unrealized expectations. They both had unhealthy patterns of self-criticism, and they both dealt with them in unhealthy ways. On this episode, Sheri and

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54:04

Ep82 – Stuck Behind Booze on the Alcoholic’s Priority...

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/04/12

From taking the family to see ice skating princesses, to venturing into the wooded mountains to cut down a Christmas Tree, Matt was all about spending time with his family. They were his first priority, after all. At least that's how it looked to anyone outside his immediate household. But Sheri knew the truth: that alcohol was always his first priority, until sobriety replaced it atop the priority list. In both cases, Sheri and the family remained second to the consumption and aftermath of alcohol

en-US

59:21

Ep81 – 5 Universalisms of HFAs thru the Eyes of the...

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/04/05

Universalisms: Things we believe to be virtually universal as we grow in our understanding of how alcohol impacts brains and relationships. Here are five really important ones. Do these apply to you or your alcoholic loved one? On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about childhood trauma (even in idyllic childhoods), work success justification, alcohol as a coping tool, elusiveness of purpose, and the value of therapy. If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from

en-US

1:15:25

Ep80 – Breaking the Cycle of Codependence with Jessica

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/03/29

As the daughter of an alcoholic, Jessica had plenty of experience with codependence. When her husband's drinking was spiralling out of control, she had to make unimaginably difficult decisions with her family's survival hanging in the balance. Alcohol abuse and a compulsive need to control are such a common story, but one we don't talk enough about. Jessica joins Sheri and Matt to talk about the trauma her family suffered, and the progress they are all making in recovery. And now Jessica is using

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55:28

Ep79 – Why the Shame of Early Sobriety Wrecks Marriages

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/03/22

Early sobriety is full of shame for high-functioning alcoholics. Often, the spouse has a very hard time understanding the depths of the shame. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about gender roles, societal influences, piles of resentment, and Matt's various identity crises from his red shoes to his topless Jeep in the winter. Things that might be hard for the loved ones of alcoholics to understand are very real in early sobriety. And they are a real threat to the viability of the marriage. If

en-US

1:09:37

Ep78 – ComYoukneekashon Mistakes

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/03/15

Sheri and Matt agree that the single greatest barrier to loving recovery that most couples face when trying to yank their alcoholic marriages out of the ditch is communication. On this episode, they discuss the seven mistakes they consistently made when trying to communicate. See if you can hear the one of the seven that still plagues them over four years into Matt's sobriety. Here's a hint: It's the one where they stop laughing and sound unsure of themselves. Then, Sheri and Matt offer the most

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1:00:05

Ep77 – Connecting Trauma and Health with Catherine Craig

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/03/08

Catherine Craig (LSCSW, 1000YT) joins Sheri and Matt to talk about Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE Study), attachment theory and the trauma of experiencing an alcoholic marriage. They discuss that trauma doesn't have to be severe enough to make a good Law and Order: SVU episode in order for it to do us massive harm, and we have to stop downplaying the impact trauma and stress have on our health, not just our mental health. Catherine points to high ACE scores and chronic stress as causes of

en-US

1:02:37

Ep76 – Introducing the Marriagevolution

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/03/01

The third section of our book, soberevolution: Evolve into Sobriety and Recovery Your Alcoholic Marriage, is all about saving your marriage from the destruction of alcoholism. Today we announce our new interactive program based on the marriage recovery section of soberevolution. Introducing: Marriagevolution. In this episode, Sheri and Matt layout the format for the 90 minute sessions to be held once per month. They talk about the five parts of the marriage recovery cycle. They also share the

en-US

1:25:51

Ep75 – We Are Recovery with Anna and Mitchell

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/02/22

Mitchell is a gratefully recovering addict of everything (and more of everything), and Anna is the wife of an addict in recovery who is recovering from codependency herself. Together, they publish their "We Are Recovery" facebook page full of videos and other resources for those suffering from addiction - either as the drinker/user, or as the loved one. On this episode, Anna, Mitchell, Sheri and Matt discuss shame, the power of boundaries, processing resentments, trauma triggers, mourning the

en-US

59:08

Ep74 – Arrogance to Sobbing Puddle: The Attraction of...

Untoxicated Podcast ·

2021/02/15

Everyone knows childhood trauma or major tragedy often leads to alcoholism. But that was not part of Matt's story. Matt's dependence on external validation from career and financial success drove his dependence on alcohol. And Matt's particular brand of alcoholism led to arrogant highs and slobbery lows of depleted self-esteem and depression. And who was left to deal with the disgusting ups and the pathetic downs? Sheri, of course. In this episode, they talk about how much damage the need for

en-US

272 results

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