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PODCAST

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

John Brandon, Jim Banks, Matthew Van Zandt, Vanessa

Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they"re the fun kind of dumb, and that"s what counts.

leisure video games

All Episodes

01:28:37

Xenogears Part 9 - He Was a P8nter Boy

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/06/13

Square Roots - Episode 318 See you later, boys! After you listen to this fantastic, svelte, economical episode of Square Roots! Gather around as we sit in chairs and JPEGs of stuff they didn't have time to make plays on a giant square behind us! Also: - Everyone's Playing Pirates - The Adventures of Fake Paul - I Keep Saying It's a Fountain Scenario! - Fei's Full Frontal - The Chair Oriented Portion of Disc 2 - Elly Gives the Monsters A Good Talkin' To This Week: We reach Paradise, Ed McMahon! Next

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02:41:47

Xenogears Part 8 - Dave Matthews Gave Paul COVID

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/06/06

Square Roots - Episode 317 Will we be learning about what the title of this episode means and how it applies to friend of the podcast, Matthew's coworker Paul? Maybe?! *wink* On this episode of Square Roots Johnny ponders quitting this game, which means it's Rogue Galaxy levels of frustrating. On the plus side they do get to visit a Space Mall, there's a ton of reveals, and... Soylent. Plus Solaris explodes and we totally forget to mention it. Look, there was just a lot of stuff this episode, okay

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01:24:55

Xenogears Part 7 - C-chu-lu Mythos

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/05/30

Square Roots - Episode 316 Please excuse the error we had today where Jim's computer ate the level up and hot gaming news for this week! Fei stops waking up in prison and starts a global journey on sea, land and air in this wide scoped episode of Square Roots! Lots of robot fights, a couple of obnoxious dungeons, and so many Gavel Ministry meetings you might just get annoyed with Johnny's re-enactments! Also: - Cyberbulling Floor Sitters - The Hunt for Intelligent Horses - Bart's Evita Balcony - The

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02:31:42

Xenogears Part 6 - Ouchie Wow Wow

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/05/23

This week's Square Roots is sponsored by Manscaped, please use the promo code SQUAREROOTS at the checkout to receive your discount! Buried cities! Robot guns! People bullets! Reapers, or -Wels-! All this and more in today's Square Roots! We're heading towards the end of Disk 1, and things are just getting more dramatic. Will Fei get out of his Cloud coma? What's the nanomachine Terra all about? Can we get even more Brain Guys scenes? Also: - Is Vanessa Canon in the Callista Flockheart Protocol? -

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02:02:29

Xenogears Part 5 - A Friends IKEA

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/05/16

Square Roots - Episode 314 This week's Square Roots is sponsored by Manscaped, please use the promo code SQUAREROOTS at the checkout to receive your discount! On this week's Tummy Talk, we get to the floating city of Thames, surprisingly while conscious. There we play lots of bullshit minigames, talk with the drunk citizens, rescue a little girl, and get into a whole lot of mech on mech grudge matches. But with Fei out of commission can Bart, Elly and Citan get to the bottom of what the heck is a

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02:04:46

Xenogears Part 4 - Fei Wakes Up In Prison

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/05/09

Square Roots - Episode 313 This week's Square Roots is sponsored by Manscaped, please use the promo code SQUAREROOTS at the checkout to receive your discount! This week on Square Roots we plunge deeper into the complex world of Xenogears! After waking up in prison, Fei finds himself knocked out, waking up in prison. After suffering a strange defeat in the prison battling system, he wakes up in prison. Can he escape?! Also: - Fei Wakes Up in Prison - The Weird English Use of Prom - Blanka's Battle

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02:24:35

Xenogears Part 3 - Eye Carumba

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/05/02

Square Roots - Episode 312 This week's Square Roots is sponsored by Manscaped, please use the promo code SQUAREROOTS at the checkout to receive your discount! Johnny and Matthew are rewarded with their Xenogears diligence with some of the best Gundam style ship destruction in Square roots history! As Fei and Bart's attack on Aveh fails there's the kind of anime complication that Johnny loves. Also: - Vanessa is a Chocolate Cake Gal - Johnny is the Taste Alpha - Batman's Death Toll - Snapping the

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02:01:36

Xenogears Part 2 - Coming Original

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/04/25

Square Roots - Episode 311 This week's Square Roots is sponsored by Manscaped, please use the promo code SQUAREROOTS at the checkout to receive your discount! It's a two-hander as Matthew and Johnny push some big boulders and make their way through the confusing caverns of Xenogears. LOVE the little teeny tiny map characters! LOATHE the terrible camera! LIVE the experience of taking half an hour to figure out how to leave a room! Also: - A Clear Misunderstanding Of How Moisture Wicking Works -

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02:13:48

Xenogears Part 1 - The Climate War of 2023

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/04/18

Square Roots - Episode 310 That's right! This week's Square Roots is sponsored by Manscaped, please use the promo code SQUAREROOTS at the checkout to receive your discount! We promise next week's commercial will be... more succinct. This week on Square Roots we dive into the space fantasy anime that is Xenogears. There's lots of religious imagery. Lots of swinging crosses. Accidental village melting. And big Gundam punchies! Also: - Just what is Angel Dust? - Johnny's Chronic Elden Ring Problem -

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02:19:18

Final Fantasy Tactics Part 6 - Chocobo Funeral Drive-By

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/04/11

Square Roots - Episode 309 Holy crow! We all finished Final Fantasy Tactics! Does this mean we're all pro gamers now? There was no Andraste or anything. Heck, Matthew and Johnny even got Cloud for some pointless reason, as well as War of the Lion's Balthier. Also: - Next Game Announced! - Monkey Ireland! - Blaidd Gaslights Johnny at the Taco Bell! - Letters Too Big To Read! - Surprisingly A Bad Human Guy Turns Into A Big Monster! - Falling Over With Sadness! - I Come From A Cosmic Tinderbox! This

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01:59:36

Final Fantasy Tactics Part 5 - I Am the Chosen One,...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/04/04

Now that we're over the Wiegraf Hunt, it's full speed ahead plowing through the first half of Chapter Four of Final Fantasy Tactics. There's a whole lot of vampirism, oodles of bad guy cutaways, and adorable sprites spewing blood after being assassinated. Also: - Happy April Betrayals - Fred Baddecisions and Lady Realgamer - Ramza's Cakes - A Lot of Lucavi Talk - The Mask was the Killgrave of The Mask - Plus Ten Gravy - A Ranking of Cids - Reverse Cowboy This Week: We recruit Meliadoul! Next Week:

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01:43:51

Final Fantasy Tactics Part 4 - Ein Fluffeldonks

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/03/28

Are you ready for the toughest boss fight in the game? Maybe the toughest boss fight in Square Roots history? Because we are, and friends, Belias The Giygas gets it. In this chunker of Final Fantasy Tactics we march towards Riovaynes Castle and somehow manage to pick up two new party members along the way? Will we use them? Probably not? Also: - When you possess something smaller than a human it will explode its body! - Gushing with ghosts we know are ghosts! - Switcheroo Princess - I AM COME - Let

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01:40:37

Final Fantasy Tactics Part 3 - Belias Dick Energy

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/03/21

Uh oh. Pack the little ones off to bed, because we're a little spicy on this salacious episode of Square Roots: A Rashomon Podcast! So much happens in this chunker of Final Fantasy Tactics: War of the Lions as we try to make sense of which million characters is important, defeat a demon with a mouth tummy, and so much more! Also: - Horny Columbo! - But there's also bunny MEN! - What Matt Does When There's Text on Screen! (NSFW) - Oogie Boogie Demon! - Alma's Super Awesome Invincibility Spell! -

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01:42:20

Final Fantasy Tactics Part 2 - She's the Andraste of...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/03/14

Hooray! We're all back, and there definitely were no arguments edited out of this episode! Instead, we're playing the first chunker of Chapter 2: that's right: you get to find out all sorts of secrets about the Princess! You keep bumping into Delita for some reason! Ramza is a grown up now and he's mad! Also: - No arguments whatsoever! - Matthew denies the existence of both TMNT 2: The Arcade Game *and* TMNT 3: The Manhattan Project! - Fred Savage as Delita, Macaulay Culkin as Ramza! - Matthew's

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56:39

Hot Gaming News Special Episode

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/03/07

So... it turns out that Johnny was the only one really up for recording this week. Instead of doing a one hander, Johnny and Vanessa hang out and do a quick Hot Gaming News spectacular! This Week: ... Next Week: We "rescue" the "princess" from Golgollada Gallows! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter:

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02:01:55

Final Fantasy Tactics Part 1 - Nobody Nose

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/02/28

Alright! We're now onto Matthew's Official Favourite Game of All Time: Final Fantasy Tactics! We're playing War of the Lions, but you can play whatever version you like, depending on if you like your translations Classic or Extra Spicy. There's plenty of talk about classes, class, and classiness this week! Also: - Not Every Moustached Man is Brian David Gilbert - Hugh Can Dance - Matthew's Pleasant ASMR Robot - Watching Dad Shows - Robot Insurance And so much more! This Week: We finish Chapter 1

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02:21:28

Dragon Age II Part 7 - Low Effort Post

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/02/21

We wrap up Dragon Age 2 with a surprise: everyone finished the game! It's a BioWarey miracle! But who lived? Who died? What was this week's Hot Gaming News anyway? Also: - Walter Goblins - Miss McPoogle - Awkward Kissing Angles - Some Language Infomercial I've Never Heard Of - My Dock Is Dry, Baby - Vanessa's Confusing Contest This Week: We finish Dragon Age 2! Next Week: Defeating Milleuda (For Realsies)! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome

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02:17:46

Dragon Age II Part 6 - Square Roots Doghouse

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/02/14

Uh oh! Jim's in the dog house after a computer related episode eating. But we truck on with Episode 302: The Revenge! In it we look at the DLC for BioWare's Dragon Age 2. Also: - Top Bottoms of the Tower - Larry's Pandemic Haircut - Janica's Blue Warden Team Makes it to Regionals - Reacher's Floppy Hog - Another thing Johnny pronounces wrong - Beefy Boy Fountain This Week: We finish the Felicia DayLC and Legacy! Next Week: We finish Dragon Age 2! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

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02:01:47

Dragon Age II Part 5 - National Lampoon's Kirkwall...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/02/07

One mage with a challenge: lose it! One crazy week to make his sexy dream a reality. That's the 1980s sex comedy that is one part of one quest today as we cover the beginning of Act III in Dragon Age 2. Also: - BioWare's Ominous Tilty Cam - A 3D Puzzle Made of Meat - Johnny Joins the PC Police - A brief appearance by Carol Channing - Far too much Hot Gaming News This Week: We complete the Act 3 Companion Quests Next Week: We finish the Felicia DayLC and Legacy! Our Patreon:

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02:20:02

Dragon Age II Part 4 - Vanessa's Stifleverse

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/01/31

THREE HUNDO EPISODES! Even though Jim is still on location this episode is chockablock with Jim related Sqaure Roots Trivia to celebrate this arbitrary milestone! In this episode Hawke's mom gets a new look, you take a quick trip to the Fade, Fenris the Wooby touches peoples hearts, and so much more! Also: - Vanessa's Star Fox Shipping and Anthro Mating Rules - Mother Loves Mister Castle - Feynriel's Anxiety Dreams - Jim Related Trivia Fest - FRIDGE. THAT. MOM. This Week: We finish Act II. Next

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