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PODCAST

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back

Conor Lastowka and Michael J. Nelson are reading books they"re pretty sure they"re going to hate. Read along with us for a podcast book clubs of Ready Player One, Armada, The Eye of Argon, Dan Brown, and more!

comedy books

All Episodes

1:54:37

Episode 41 – Handsome Buttocks

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2019/05/14

Who’s ready to get British and horny?? This is our first episode devoted to The Mister by EL James, and it’s obviously unlike anything we’ve read on here before. We’ll examine the author’s clever methods for padding out the book length, as well as some very surprising similarities to the works of Ernest Cline. We’ll … Continue reading "Episode 41 – Handsome Buttocks"

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30:59

Episode 40 – Book Number Seven

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2019/05/06

Time to start our seventh book together! This one promises to be quite the journey. Don’t want to ruin this surprise, so get listening! Oh and by the way, our Patreon supporters have been reading this book all weekend because they get every episode early! Lucky them…? If you want to join them, we really … Continue reading "Episode 40 – Book Number Seven"

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27:42

Episode 39 – Broken Camera Blues

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2019/04/25

We are back after a week in Nashville! While we were there, we figured that we would take advantage of the opportunity to record face to face. So we recorded a dynamic, hilarious, touching video rattling off some potential Next Book candidates (it was well shot too.) Unfortunately, Mike had a checked bag mishap with … Continue reading "Episode 39 – Broken Camera Blues"

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1:42:13

Episode 38 – 160 Pages We’ll Never Get Back

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2019/04/11

Thank god this book was not 372 pages long. Neither of us could have handled that. Bob Honey was fortunately only 160, and even so, managed to have three different characters crap their pants, two of them in this final section. It’s a fitting metaphor for something, but we’ll be damned if we’re going to … Continue reading "Episode 38 – 160 Pages We’ll Never Get Back"

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1:30:41

Episode 37 – I Laugh a lot When I Write

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2019/04/04

Our favorite unreliable narrator who is also a toilet salesman/mallet assassin is back to bring his book into the homestretch! We’ve got brand new onomatopoeias, lipstick smeared on teeth, and of course, boatloads of alliteration. There’s also a literal boat, which our hero uses to abandon Hurricane Katrina relief effort volunteers to their death. (this … Continue reading "Episode 37 – I Laugh a lot When I Write"

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1:46:39

Episode 36 – We’re Baffled By The Cherry Water

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2019/03/27

The enigma that is Bob Honey continues to baffle and frustrate us. From offering guests a drink that no human has ever consumed (and they accept??), to possessing a secret preternatural scuba diving activity, to being unable to comprehend basic figures of speech. Oh, and he’s a literal superhero we find out too! So that’s … Continue reading "Episode 36 – We’re Baffled By The Cherry Water"

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1:55:57

Episode 35 – Uh… OK?

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2019/03/19

Sean Penn certainly has written a collective of words arranged into sentences! There’s a lot to discuss in our first episode diving into Bob Honey Who Just Do Stuff. There’s the mysterious backstory Penn created for the book, the maddening alliteration, and the book’s strange ability to make you dislike stuff you previously thought you … Continue reading "Episode 35 – Uh… OK?"

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37:56

Episode 34 – A 160 Page Self-Own

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2019/03/11

Well, here is the new book we all get to read together! We apologize for nothing!! And hey, a bunch of listeners requested this one, so if you want someone to blame we will name names! But in all seriousness, this should be very fun, and will be a welcome change of pace from the … Continue reading "Episode 34 – A 160 Page Self-Own"

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2:12:35

Episode 33 – Checkmate

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2019/02/27

All good things must come to an end. On a completely unrelated note, this book also must come to an end. And what an ending it is! After pages and pages of repeated text and detailed descriptions of the families of characters who are never mentioned again, we get some actual, honest to god plot … Continue reading "Episode 33 – Checkmate"

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2:03:43

Episode 32 – Ctrl-V, Repeat

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2019/02/19

Who is the Sheriff of 372 Pages? Sorry, just trying out our new catchphrase. Nobody better be laughing!! We have an absolutely jam packed episode this week, because despite maybe 40% of this week’s assigned reading being the same block of typo-ridden copy/paste text, there was a lot to talk about. Potential suspects! Power couples … Continue reading "Episode 32 – Ctrl-V, Repeat"

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1:41:33

Episode 31 – I, Titus Uno

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2019/02/12

Assemble your various financial certification acronyms and have Veronica Jackson clear your schedule, because we’ve got a doozy of an episode! So much to unpack here in our first discussion of The Forensic Certified Public Accountant and the Cremated 64-SQUARES Financial Statements. We’ve got kidnapped mascots, hi-tech spy gear, and world record fast marriage proposals. … Continue reading "Episode 31 – I, Titus Uno"

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37:05

Episode 30 – Manifesto in Book Form

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2019/02/04

Well, we’ve found a new book to read together, and it certainly appears to be something special. More in the vein of “Eye of Argon”, this is one that was never going to hit the best seller list. But based on early scans it seems like it will be a lot of fun to dive … Continue reading "Episode 30 – Manifesto in Book Form"

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2:17:43

Episode 29 – What The Hell Was That?

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2019/01/16

Well, the pace sure as hell was unrelenting, folks. We’ve reached the end of TekWar, and there both is and isn’t a lot to talk about. Chest-high walls, disdainful robot pimps, the brief and wondrous life of Sonny Hokori are all just the tip of the iceberg. Thanks to all who hitched their wagons to … Continue reading "Episode 29 – What The Hell Was That?"

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1:51:52

Episode 28 – Al’s House of Lucite

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2019/01/08

If you’d told us way back in Episode 25 – Meetings About Sonny Hokori, if we’d still be having meetings about Sonny Hokori 150 pages later, we would have thrown the book across the room. And yet, here we are. We’re back after the holiday break (feeling kind of glum, guess we just miss Ogden … Continue reading "Episode 28 – Al’s House of Lucite"

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1:39:43

Episode 27 – A Heavy Airquotes Simple Plan

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/12/21

Chapter 22 of Tekwar may be the second stupidest chapter we’ve read on this podcast. The first, of course, being the one in Armada where The Emissary just, you know, cures cancer and every other disease. But this one is close. We will explain why in great detail. We’ll also FINALLY meet one of the … Continue reading "Episode 27 – A Heavy Airquotes Simple Plan"

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1:33:48

Episode 26 – Located in the Exact Center of your...

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/12/11

Roll your cartoon wolf tongues back into your mouths, we’ve got a new episode! This week we finally get to meet the lusted after Beth Kittridge… Well, kind of… Mike also coins a new, revolting portmanteau for our favorite author duo: Shatlart, while Conor does his best to try to pronounce the name Ogden, which … Continue reading "Episode 26 – Located in the Exact Center of your Podcast App"

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1:44:21

Episode 25 – Meetings About Sonny Hokori

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/12/04

Look, we all love Sonny Hokori and Bennet Sands and Dr. Kittridge’s insanely hot daughter. We love to hear Jake discuss those people in quirky alleys with people we’ve never met and probably will never hear from again. But for the love of god, do we need FOUR CONSECUTIVE CHAPTERS of these meetings??? In this … Continue reading "Episode 25 – Meetings About Sonny Hokori"

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1:51:21

Episode 24 – ¡El Pelo Hinchable!

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/11/20

To the inattentive and brainless layman* it might appear that not much happened during this stretch of TekWar. Mostly Jake aka Jonatha and Juanito aka The Android(???) just sat and talked to people about other people we haven’t met yet. Somehow, we discussed this for nearly two hours. Folks stepped up their fanfic this time … Continue reading "Episode 24 – ¡El Pelo Hinchable!"

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1:45:16

Episode 23 – Plasepisode Plastwenty Plasthree

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/11/12

Steeple your chrome fingers against your chrome nose and tell maw to cork it, here’s our first Tekwar episode! We’ve got a ton to cover here: the difference between Airvans and Skycabs. Coppery racism. Oddly specific and ever increasing intervals of time. And printing, my god the printing! A hearty plasthanks to our Patreon … Continue reading "Episode 23 – Plasepisode Plastwenty Plasthree"

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25:09

Episode 22 – Book Four Reveal!

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/11/02

Let’s not delay this any longer: We’ve got a new book picked out to read together, and by all accounts it’s gonna be a doozy. So let’s say goodbye to Norgolia and move on to… Well, you’ll have to listen to find out! We didn’t know the assignment for MYSTERY BOOK REDACTED when we recorded, … Continue reading "Episode 22 – Book Four Reveal!"

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