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PODCAST

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

59:18

Episode 63: Does Your Partner Care Enough About YOUR...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/08/04

Do you ever find yourself feeling kinda… disappointed after intercourse with your partner? Or worse, faking it just to “get it over with”? Maybe you’ve tried talking to him about it and telling them you need more, but he got defensive and nothing changed. This episode has been a long time coming! We hear SO many stories from our audience about how men just don’t prioritize female pleasure as much as they should. There are a lot of reasons why there’s such a huge orgasm gap in male-female sex, so we

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54:40

Episode 62: The Truth About Money and Relationships

Pillow Talks ·

2022/07/28

Are you sick of fighting about money in your relationship? Maybe you’ve even thought you and your partner are incompatible because of how differently you both think about spending and saving. Trust us, you’re not alone! This episode is for you if you feel like you need to keep purchases a secret. Or maybe you’re just exasperated by how much money your partner spends. We know how easily that tension and resentment can build. Today we’ll be addressing money issues within relationships advice column

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42:46

Episode 61: Putting The O Back In Mom: Reigniting...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/07/21

Are you struggling to have a great sex life now that you’re a mom? As women, we wear so many hats and have so many identities. We’re wives, girlfriends, daughters, sisters, friends, and mothers. But what happens when these identities feel like they’re in conflict with one another? A whopping 91% of our Instagram followers said their sex life got harder after kids. We heard things like, “It’s hard to feel confident in my new body,” “Everyone always needs something, and I’m tired of giving,” and, “I’m

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51:36

Episode 60: Help! My Partner Hates Self-Improvement!

Pillow Talks ·

2022/07/14

You read all the books, listen to all the podcast episodes, and do all the meditations and affirmations. But your partner won’t even read a dang Instagram caption! What do you do if you value self-improvement and personal development, but your partner just can’t be bothered - or even flat-out refuses? In today’s episode, we’re giving you the tips and tools to get your partner invested in becoming the best version of themselves. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode60

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45:25

Episode 59: Roleplaying 101: Ditch The Awkwardness...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/07/07

In today’s episode we’re diving into something that 74% of our audience have never done - roleplay! Most people think that roleplaying feels awkward and uncomfortable. They worry about not knowing who to roleplay, not being able to get or stay in character, and generally embarrassing themselves. But we think that roleplaying can be a whole lot of fun - and can even be a great way to feel more present in the bedroom! So in today’s episode, we’re going to give you our step-by-step roadmap for easing

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45:31

Episode 58: The Sex Act You Should Be Doing - But...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/06/30

Today’s episode is about one of the most underrated sex acts that you’re probably not doing… mutual masturbation! Even if your face is already beet red, we’re going to do our best to convince you why masturbation isn’t something you should do alone or in secret. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode58

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48:43

Episode 57: Is This Your Shit Or Mine?

Pillow Talks ·

2022/06/23

“Should I have to stop hanging out with my ex because my girlfriend said so?” “Is it my husband’s job to say something to my rude in-laws?” We’re answering these spicy questions and many more in today’s episode of Pillow Talks! Most of us get annoyed by things our partner says or does — but is it their problem, or ours? Is it their responsibility to fix, or is it something we need to learn how to live with? Today we’re answering the question, “Is this your shit or mine?” Check out the show notes at

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40:02

Episode 56: What Do Men REALLY Think About… ?...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/06/16

Every day we get DMs from women asking Xander what men REALLY think about everything from pubic hair to emotional intimacy. We decided we had to devote an entire podcast episode to this topic, so we gathered your most common questions and concerns, and put Xander in the hot seat. We also asked the men in our Instagram audience for their feedback. We’re giving you an invaluable peek inside the hearts and minds of men all over the world. Topics include: Cellulite How many sexual partners a woman has

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45:04

Episode 55: The 69 Episode

Pillow Talks ·

2022/06/09

Love it or hate it, 69 is one of the most infamous sex acts. We just had to give it it’s own episode, especially since today is also 6/9. We’re sharing how we really feel about 69, plus 6.9 amazing tips for having the most fun in this position. You also do not want to miss the hilarious stories our audience shared with us! But that’s not all! It’s also the 1 year anniversary of the Pillow Talks Podcast! We asked you for your favorite moments and jokes from the year, and we’re sharing some of your

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50:04

Episode 54: Ask Us Anything Part 2: MORE Of Your...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/06/02

We were WRONG. Well, Vanessa was. She thought there was no way our last Ask Us Anything episode would be popular, but it ended up being one of our most listened-to episodes! So we decided to do a Part 2 with more of the most asked and most interesting personal questions we’ve gotten. We’re talking about: What we fight about What we won’t do sexually Vanessa’s ultra-personal therapy update What our families think about us being in the sex therapy business What we keep private from our Instagram

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52:27

Episode 53: How To Spice It Up In the Bedroom:...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/05/26

Have you ever read a romance novel or watched a sex scene and felt turned on by reading or seeing something kinda kinky that you’ve never even thought of doing in the bedroom before? Maybe you like the sex you’re having now, but you’ve heard of some naughty things that make you a little…curious. This episode is your introduction to kink: what it is, why you might want to experiment with it, and how to actually go about trying it in a safe, healthy way!

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50:18

Episode 52: How To Get Your Man To Take Control In...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/05/19

You’re innocently folding the laundry, just minding your own business, when your partner comes up behind you, brushes your hair away from your ear and whispers “I want you. NOW.” They order you to take off your clothes. They push you down onto the bed, and ravage you from head to toe. We’ve all had this fantasy, right? It’s SO sexy to think about your partner taking control. But what is it about this control fantasy that’s so appealing? You might be surprised to find out... If you’ve ever wanted

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50:43

Episode 51: The Art of Flirting (In a Long Term...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/05/12

“Why should I have to flirt with my partner? We’ve been together forever!” A lot of us in long-term relationships feel hesitant to flirt with our partner. It feels awkward, clunky, or just plain unnecessary. But flirting is an amazing way to ignite that spark you once had and remind you of those exciting early days of your relationship. Most importantly: flirting can make both of you feel SO good about the way you see each other. We know it can feel daunting to flirt with your partner, especially if

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44:04

Episode 50: I Don’t Know How To Say This, But...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/05/05

You know that thing you really want to tell your partner but you just... don’t know how? Maybe you’re nervous, you really don’t want to hurt their feelings, or it feels like the time is never right. Well, you’re not alone! Our Instagram audience hit us with alllll the things they wish they could tell their partner, and we’re giving them our best advice for how to keep it real while avoiding the dreaded “we need to talk” opener. Check out the show notes: vmtherapy.com/episode50

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46:18

Episode 49: The Truth About Squirting (And Why Men...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/04/28

Squirting: is it real? Where does it come from? IS IT PEE?! In this episode, we are doing a deep dive on the mystery of squirting: specifically what it is, why it happens, and how we all became so obsessed with it. Join us for a very educational episode and learn why this topic gets Vanessa so fired up! Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode49

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46:05

Episode 48: How To Get Out Of (And Prevent) Dry Spells

Pillow Talks ·

2022/04/21

Can’t remember the last time you had sex? Or maybe you remember the exact day and it’s been... too long. It’s time to talk about one of the most-dreaded issues that comes up in relationships... DRY SPELLS! You might find yourself wondering if there’s an end in sight. Has your relationship cooled off for good? When you do have sex again, is it going to be awkward or bad, leading to yet another dry spell? Or maybe you’re scaring yourself because you don’t even miss having sex at all! Dry spells can

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53:23

Episode 47: What Penis Performance Problems REALLY Mean

Pillow Talks ·

2022/04/14

You’re having a steamy makeout session with your partner, things are getting hot and heavy and leading to sex, but your partner just can’t get or stay erect. (Or maybe their erection isn’t the problem, but their orgasm is.) What does it mean?? For most women, we think the answer lies within ourselves. We’re not hot enough. We’re not experienced enough or lacking technique. Something is wrong with our body, not theirs. What you THINK these performance issues mean vs. what they REALLY mean are two

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36:12

Episode 46: The Hygiene Episode: What To Do If Your...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/04/07

If you’re like many people, hygiene seems pretty basic. Take a shower, brush your teeth, wear deodorant, what’s so hard about that? So you may find yourself confused about why your partner can’t seem to take good care of themselves. How can your partner expect you to want to kiss them, have sex with them, or even be attracted to them in the first place if they haven’t kept up basic hygiene habits? In today’s episode, we’re tackling the topic you’ve been dying for us to address: your partner’s

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43:20

Episode 45: Busting – And Confirming! – The Wildest...

Pillow Talks ·

2022/03/31

Is squirting really just pee? Can pineapple make your vulva taste and smell sweet? What the heck is the deal with belly button sex?? We turned to Instagram to ask, “What’s something you’ve heard about sex and aren’t sure if it’s true?” Some of these urban legends are funny, some of them are damaging and harmful, and some of them are actually true! Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode45

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56:02

Episode 44: How To Get Your Partner To Open Up

Pillow Talks ·

2022/03/24

Do you find yourself wishing your partner would share more about their emotions, or at least just more details about how their day went? If your partner never opens up to you, it can leave you feeling pretty damn lonely. You may even find yourself feeling suspicious about why they won’t share more with you. In this episode, we’re giving you practical tips on how to get your partner to “open up”, once and for all. Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode44

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