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ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)

The mission of ESSAY is to serve as a source of information, experience, strength and hope to sexaholics, both inside and outside the rooms of Sexaholics Anonymous. Our vision is to provide a high-quality “meeting in print” that gathers together members from around the world. It can serve as a portable “extra meeting” especially for loners and for members who don’t have access to many meetings. In addition, Essay serves as an outreach tool to carry the message to those who have not yet found SA. We

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All Episodes

4:22

ESSAY December 2025 - Die Wunden in meinem Leben...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/09

Ihre Sponsorin half ihr, tiefen Groll gegenüber ihrer Adoptivmutter zuzugeben. „Rigorous“ bedeutet „extrem gründlich, vollständig oder genau“. „Rigorose Ehrlichkeit“ ist die Verpflichtung zu vollständiger Wahrhaftigkeit in allen Lebensbereichen, auch wenn es schwierig ist oder Konsequenzen hat. Puh. Rigoros ehrlich zu werden, ist ein Prozess, der sich im Laufe der Genesung entwickelt. Diese Süchtige hatte zu Beginn ihrer Reise keinerlei Ahnung, wie man ehrlich ist – und rigoros ehrlich zu sein

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5:16

ESSAY December 2025 - „Wo bleibt deine Ehrlichkeit?“...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/09

DIE SCHRITTE ERSETZEN DEN SUCHTPROZESS DURCH EIN PROGRAMM DER GENESUNG. Es geschah vor fast 20 Jahren, als ich gerade mit diesem Genesungsprogramm begann. Auf dem Weg zur Arbeit fuhr ich langsam, als das Fahrzeug hinter mir plötzlich beschleunigte und mein Auto rammte. Es war nur ein kleiner Zusammenstoß, aber ich dachte: „Das kann ich ausnutzen und etwas Geld daraus schlagen. Ich sage einfach, dass er den gesamten hinteren Teil meines Autos beschädigt hat.“ Ich wusste, dass die anderen Schäden

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5:24

ESSAY December 2025 - Ne rien retenir - Anonyme

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/12/09

Il a appris grâce au programme à être honnête dans tous les domaines de sa vie. Une honnêteté rigoureuse envers moi-même est le meilleur remède contre la maladie car ma maladie naît du déni — mentir à moi-même et aux autres. Avant la luxure, j'ai appris à fantasmer et à inventer des histoires amusantes. J'ai intégré cela dans ma vie quotidienne quand j'ai découvert que je pouvais simplement mentir pour éviter les ennuis ou pour gérer des choses inconfortables.

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5:47

ESSAY October 2025 - A Mirage of Water - Luke H.,...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/10/13

Identifying the problem and stepping out of self allows him to live in trust and in the will of God.I would like to define these terms because I believe that when we accurately define a problem, we arrive at the solution. I understand guilt to be the healthy and appropriate feeling of discomfort I get when I have caused harm to myself or someone else. This is a built-in reminder for me to take action to correct my behavior and make amends (if I have harmed another and can do so without causing

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4:53

ESSAY October 2025 - The Shame—Perfection Connection...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/10/13

The Steps removed shame and perfectionism, a deadly combination that blocked her from being vulnerable. When I feel shame, I feel vulnerable. The definition of vulnerability is “the inability to protect oneself from being wounded, attacked, or ridiculed.” The dictionary also mentions “a person in need of special care, support, or protection.”

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4:58

ESSAY October 2025 - Guilty as Charged - Steve P.,...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/10/13

He experienced a transformation from SA that helps him see is true identity. The Problem is not the problem! When I came to SA in 1999 due to personal, family and relational crises, my feelings were all over the place. I really did not have feelings except anger. I knew exactly what to do and how to quickly solve all the issues in my life and quickly get back to “normal” again, playing the game of Happy Family.

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2:05

ESSAY October 2025 - Directing a Moving Object -...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/10/13

Working the Steps on fear allowed her to take action under God’s guidance. I’ve been married for almost 50 years. My husband has been unbelievably cruel, but I’ve been afraid to leave. My biggest fear has been that I wouldn’t be able to support myself, that I’d be homeless.

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2:33

ESSAY October 2025 - Finding My Humanity - John D.,...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/10/13

SA kepted him sober while therapy helped him heal from trauma and shame. My wife discovered my addiction for the first time before we were married. I promised if she gave me another chance, I would spend the rest of my life making it up to her. That turned out to be a lie. She discovered my addiction for the second time after I got myself into a legal situation. I sought professional help. Unfortunately, the professional treated my addiction only as a compulsion, and he never recommended a

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2:42

ESSAY October 2025 - Fear to Faith - Anonymous

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/10/13

God removed her fear and replaced it with faith with works. My whole life, I’d been so bound by fear, I’d lost hope for freedom. Through working the Steps, a brilliant light at the end of a long, cold, and dark tunnel suddenly shone forth with a comforting warmth. At each step, however, fears continued to loom. Picking up the simple tool of a Fear-to-Faith inventory helped point me back toward God and the Step Two and Three solution

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1:24

ESSAY October 2025 - Editor’s Corner - The Editorial...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/10/13

Fear prevented me from experiencing healthy guilt. Guilt tells me I have done wrong. Fear also prevented me from feeling healthy shame. Shame is a slight embarrassment that others may see my wrongs. But fear primarily stopped me from facing toxic guilt and toxic shame.

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1:48

ESSAY October 2025 - Dear ESSAY - Anonymous,...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/10/13

Dear ESSAY, I am an incarcerated person in California. In the past, several of my fellow incarcerated persons and I have held SA meetings on a regular basis, and I've actually had a sponsor before. However, over the years, things have kind of fizzled out, and we no longer have our meetings, mainly due to members being dispersed throughout the system and some of the participants having been paroled.

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3:34

ESSAY October 2025 - Worldwide Walls in SA - Nicky,...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/10/13

La Liberacion On the last Friday of every month, the SA group "La Liberación" in Bogotá joyfully celebrates the gift of sobriety. Each member is honored with a sobriety coin and a certificate—a powerful reminder of the journey we share. For us, it’s more than a celebration; it's a way to strengthen our culture of sobriety and encourage unity within our beloved group. Grupo La liberación

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4:34

ESSAY October 2025 - Outreach to Professionals, Part...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/10/13

“He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave.” My name is Levi and I’m a recovering sexaholic in central Nebraska in the USA. I have been sexually sober since July 20, 2017.

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4:34

ESSAY October 2025 - What’s Going On in SA - Levi H.,...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/10/13

“He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave.” My name is Levi and I’m a recovering sexaholic in central Nebraska in the USA. I have been sexually sober since July 20, 2017. I am a sexaholic of the hopeless variety. Prior to SA, I tried all sorts of religious exercises, accountability, internet filters and therapy. These helped me stop many times, but I could never stay stopped. I attended my first meeting in late July 2017. The closest meeting was in a community around an hour away

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1:50

ESSAY October 2025 - What Keeps Me Sober? - Kwaku,...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/10/13

A letter of experience, strength, and hope to encourage the Fellowship. Dear friends, There is a strong message that was recently shared in our West African SA fellowship. It comes from Tradition Five in the White Book, page 209: “Each group (SA meeting) has but one primary purpose—to carry its message to the sexaholic who still suffers.” There is a deep meaning in this Tradition.

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1:18

ESSAY October 2025 - Meditation At The Heart - Andrew...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/10/13

A powerful practice that prevents him from reverting to his past ways. Today everything felt serendipitous. I met a couple who were splendiferous. Ladyewell, near Preston, a Holy Shrine. I met a couple who gladdened my mind.

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2:21

ESSAY October 2025 - Flooded With Value and Worth -...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/10/13

She discovered the two things that make up her self-esteem. I learned very early that life was all about being a good girl, pleasing, being obedient and nice. I was being raised to be a good wife in the style of those days. My parents, of course, were blameless, giving me everything they knew to shape me as they had been.

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3:59

ESSAY October 2025 - Weaponizing Guilt Into Shame -...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/10/13

SA taught him that letting go of guilt was not only okay, but necessary Fear and shame were awaiting my entrance into the world. My grandmother was harassed and bullied for her parents’ financial struggles, language, skin color, and country of origin. So she resolved to protect her children from the same fate by refusing to pass down her native language, traditions, customs, or history, and insisting that they marry spouses who embodied her idealized notion of an acceptable national archetype. My

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5:15

ESSAY October 2025 - Addicted to Shame - Amjed B.,...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/10/13

An elder member in SA helped him see that he was addicted to himself. “You’re the most arrogant [person] I have ever met!” Although a more colorful word was used instead of “person,” this statement still saved my life.

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3:06

ESSAY October 2025 - Grateful I No Longer Do That -...

ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of... ·

2025/10/13

His gratitude list was the hammer that crushed his guilt and shame. I didn’t think I was fearful. I was a strong, tough male who had gotten in fights before and played contact sports like football, hockey, and rugby. So I thought that I wasn’t afraid of anything. Then, after completing my Fourth Step fears inventory and talking to my sponsor, I realized and admitted that the fabric of my life was shot through with fear. I had so many fears; I despaired of ever overcoming them! One of my biggest

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