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The 100 Word Stories Podcast

Laurence Simon

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1:13

George wasting time on facebook

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/03/31

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He spent most of his time on Facebook, telling his friends about his adventures. Instead of actually doing anything. You know, like pillaging, looting, and plundering. This annoyed the hell out of his shipmates, and they cut off his access to the ship's WiFi. But even the Guest access could access Facebook. "It's so that the people we kidnap for ransom can beg their relatives for money," said the captain. "Or they can start a Kickstarter or

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8:44

Weekly Challenge #988 – Give it all, Empty,...

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/03/30

Thomas Richard Lisa Serendipidy Norval Joe Tom Planet Z The next topic is Server RICHARD --- Cross words --- Today's crossword was fiendishly difficult. I'd spent twenty minutes trying to figure out six across: 'Beginning with Spanish dippers, at Brazilian barbecue?' I didn't have a clue. My wife peered over my shoulder, "Churrasco!" she said brightly. "What?" "The beginning of Spanish dippers… churros, and the Brazil barbecue thing… churrasco." She smiled

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1:15

George the best man

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/03/29

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. You know how there's no such thing as "bad" pizza or blowjob? Well, don't ask George to handle your bachelor party. Rummy Bill learned that lesson the hard way. One pizza. One stripper. And the stripper turned out to be his fiancee's sister. She ate all of the pizza and threatened to tell her sister about the party. Rummy Bill paid her off, but the next day, the wedding was off. The sister snitched. As Best Man, George felt relieved. Renting a

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1:13

George outsourced

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/03/28

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Which is why the captain teamed him with a group of H1-B foreign workers, who asked him a lot of questions and took a lot of notes. "You're going to outsource my job, aren't you?" George asked the captain. "No, I'd never do that" said the captain. Instead, he replaced George with a robot. The foreign workers programmed it with everything George did. The problem was, George did everything wrong, so the robot did everything wrong. When the robot

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10:21

Weekly Challenge #987 – Visceral

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/03/23

ThomasRichard Lisa Serendipidy Norval Joe Tom Planet Z The next topic is PICK TWO Give it all, Empty, Churrasco, Fiendishly difficult, Click NORVAL JOE Billbert’s mother, her superpower being incredible efficiency, asked, “Have you spoken with her?” He felt a conflict deep inside himself. How could he not lie to his mother and also be true to Sabrina. He couldn’t. “Yes. She said she wants to be left alone.” Calabassa perked up. “You know where she is?” Billbert

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1:18

How is George doing?

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/03/22

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate.How many pirates do you know that hand out comment cards while they pillage, loot, and burn? "On a scale from one to five, how would you rate this pirate's behavior?" The problem isn't that George fails to specify whether one is the best or the worst on the scale. It's that he never has a pen or pencil handy when the person asks to borrow one. "I'm the one stealing from you, not the other way around!" snarls George. And then he swipes the

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1:25

George votes

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/03/21

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He also wasn't very informed on the election. "Who are you going to vote for?" pollsters would ask George. "I don't think I can vote for either candidate," said George. Operatives from both parties wined and dined George, showering him with gifts. "Vote for us," said one party. "No, vote for us," said the other party. And they spent even more on George. When Election Day came, George didn't vote, and he stayed home. "I still don't think I can

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1:20

George and the reckless and young

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/03/19

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. When we were young, we thought we could do anything. George, not so much. He knew his limits. He knew he wasn't immortal and powerful like we were. As we were reckless and living life to the edge. George would watch us with this sadness. Not out of jealousy. Or envy. But pity, because he knew. He knew we were so wrong. And as we died young, one by one, in battle, in bar fights. Buried with eye patches and peglegs and hooks for hands. We proved

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2:02

George and Tourist Season

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/03/18

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. During tourist season, he worked for a water taxi service between the islands. People snapped selfies with him, and he'd give his best pirate leer or he'd draw his cutlass and demand their gold and jewelry. They'd laugh, and gave him excellent reviews on the comment cards and Yelp. "George is the best pirate ever," they said. "If only the islanders were as charming as George." At the end of the season, George returned to his ship and showed his

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1:15

George the Spammer

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/03/17

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He liked to send a lot of unsolicited email, and people reported him as a spammer. "I'm a pirate, and we pirates loot and pillage towns and ports," said George to his hosting provider. "And sometimes I notice that when some of my shipmates can't get it up when they're ravishing and raping, I make a note to send them an email about this herbal remedy I distribute." "Sounds reasonable to me," said the administrator, and they turned his account

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14:44

Weekly Challenge #986 – TV in the background

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/03/16

Thomas Richard Lisa Serendipidy Norval Joe Tom Planet Z The next topic is Visceral THOMAS The TV is always on in the Background. The TV in the kitchen is always on, even when no one’s watching. It hums softly as Mom rolls the dice in Monopoly and Dad grumbles about losing again. My brother trades two railroads for Boardwalk while Grandma stirs her tea, shaking her head. Between turns, we talk about the neighbors. Mrs. Parker’s new beau, Mr. Lee’s talking dog, the

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1:28

George the cultured

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/03/15

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. While the other pirates went to the taverns, George went to the theater, ballet, and opera. "Landlubber tripe!" his mateys said, and they laughed. George didn't mind them. But George did notice a man at the ballet who bore an odd resemblance to the captain. "My niece is the lead dancer tonight," said the captain. "Not a word." To keep him quiet, the captain let George be captain for a day. The crew, terrified of what might happen, spent that day

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1:06

George passes the bottle around

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/03/14

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Shipwrecks had fallen to rot and rust on the blood-soaked beach. With every wave, bodies washed ashore. A few, he recognized. Collect wood to start a fire. Sit a while, warm your hands. Pass the bottle of whiskey around. Tell stories of the old days. Great battles and massive treasures. We could have lived like kings. If only... if only... When is enough enough? George looks around the fire. He is alone. Tossing the empty bottle into the

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1:29

George the bear

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/03/13

Tomorrow, Ann was going off to college. It wasn't easy deciding what to take and what to leave behind. She wouldn't have enough room for everything. This poster stays, this blanket comes with. She looked at the shelf with her teddy bear collection. Every one, her father had given her after he returned a business trip. She held the bear with the eyepatch and bandanna. "This one is from Puerto Rico," he had said. "George," said Ann. "His name is George. George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good

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1:09

George and the pirate street signs

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/03/12

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. Even though stores in New Orleans sell replicas of the street signs, people want the real deal. So, George went out with a hacksaw and a burlap sack to collect the actual street signs. After George filled his burlap sack, he got lost because there weren't any street signs. "Siri, how do I get back to the ship?" he asked his iPhone. No response. The battery was dead. After he got arrested by the police, he used the police station's phone to call

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13:54

Weekly Challenge #985 – Ashlar

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/03/09

ThomasRichard Serendipidy Norval Joe Tom Planet Z The next topic is TV in the background THOMAS ASHLAR The Lithuanian masons of Novakouskis & Sons were unmatched in their craft, their ashlar walls stood like timeless monuments. Their office, a short walk from Ford Funeral Home, saw frequent visits from the solemn Mr. Ford. One evening, he arrived at Novak’s with an unusual request—discreet disposal of a hundred buckets of unclaimed cremains. Mr. Novakouskis

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George the useful idiot

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/03/08

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He heard stories of Blackbeard, who put candles and cannon fuses in his beard, giving off a thick black cloud that made him look like a demonic figure. So, before the next battle, George covered himself with candles and cannon fuses, and lit them. George was quickly engulfed in flames, and he ran around screaming. The men on the other ship thought George was a demonic figure and quickly surrendered. George's shipmates knocked him overboard,

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George forgets

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/03/07

George was a pirate... Well, more like he used to be a pirate. George was always forgetting things. But it became much worse over the years. He'd just stand there, confused. Right there in the middle of battle, in his underwear. "Oh, right," he'd say. "Yes." And just stand there. "Early onset dementia" is what the doctors said. His shipmates came to visit him in the home. "I'm Rummy Bill, remember?" said Rummy Bill, offering a swig from his jug of rum. He didn't remember. Now, they say George was a

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Quiet George

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/03/06

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. He had a lot of knowledge about piracy, but it was book knowledge, not experience. For some things, you need that practical hands-on knowledge and years of experience. Piracy is one of those. Heck, George even read that in a book. So, George put the book down, and started to pillage and loot the library. "SSSSSSHHHHHH!" hissed the librarian. George apologized, and tried to pillage and loot quietly. After a while, George became an expert at

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George on wings of glory

The 100 Word Stories Podcast ·

2025/03/05

George was a pirate, but he wasn't a very good pirate. While good pirates swing from ropes to board a vessel, George was obsessed with doing this with a hang glider. Usually, he'd get stuck in the rigging. Other times, he'd jump too soon, and end up crashing into the ocean. Or a gust of wind would carry him miles away, and then he'd crash into the ocean. "Why can't you swing from a rope like everybody else, George?" asked the captain. So, George got a rope. And tied it to his hang glider. He crashed

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