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PODCAST

The Overwhelmed Brain

Paul Colaianni: Relationship and Emotional Abuse Expert

Get to the root of emotional issues and learn the best way to relate to yourself and others by honoring your personal boundaries and making decisions that are in alignment with what"s most important to you. This is not a "common-sense" personal growth and development show. You won"t be told to think positively or create affirmations. The Overwhelmed Brain is about accessing that deeper mental and emotional strength inside you so that you can decrease or even eliminate old fears and evolve into the

health & fitness mental health

All Episodes

01:21:13

What's the point of the day to day just to feel...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2022/08/07

Going about your life shouldn't be a constant stress on your system. Sometimes we let our fears override our values. When that happens, we end up with results we don't want more often than not. I talk about that in today's episode and I also answer a question about how to respond to the emotionally abusive person who may not realize they are being emotionally abusive.

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01:07:07

Stuffing who you are way down can make you numb

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2022/07/31

Is there a part of you that you can't necessarily feel fully? Do you think you could be happier than you are? Sometimes we stuff emotions down so far that we forget they're there. When that happens, a part of us can actually shut down or become numb. It's important to restart that part to give ourselves the opportunity to experience the full spectrum of who we are at the deepest level.

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58:31

Giving up happiness because someone holds something...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2022/07/24

What can you do if someone is holding something over your head and you feel stuck unless you kiss their butt? Is there a solution to this kind of abusive situation? It's a "do what I say or you'll never get what you want" scenario that can crush your soul if you're not careful.

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01:14:50

Email grab bag 5 - Codependent and stuck - New on the...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2022/07/17

Hundreds of emails, so little time. I tackle three messages. One from a woman stuck in a codependent relationship wanting to know how to find peace. Another from someone trying to connect with people at a new job. Then I talk about steps to take to get a raise. Then finally, the third email from someone getting ambiguous signals while dating. This episode is packed!

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01:09:02

Some dysfunctional people don't like when you're...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2022/07/10

It should be celebrated when you start honoring yourself and standing up for yourself. It should be seen as a gift you give yourself that leads to happiness. But some people see your empowerment as a threat and aren't ready for you to change. When that happens, you might have to start changing the rules to show others just how worthy of healthy behavior you are.

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53:32

Is it worth the risk to seek a romantic relationship...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2022/07/03

Sometimes the friendship is so great, you wish you could feel this way all the time. So perhaps the thought of taking the friendship further comes to mind. But are they interested in you? And if they aren't, will the friendship be awkward moving forward? Also, is there a way to tell that perhaps it's a good or bad idea to move forward with a relationship? Whether you're in a relationship or not, this episode has something for everyone.

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50:08

The toxic relationship ended but I can't forgive...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2022/06/26

A toxic relationship is one where at least one person is hurtful to another when there is supposed to be love, kindness, respect, and support. A woman wrote to me and said she was in a toxic relationship for far too long and is now trying to figure out how to forgive herself and move on. That's a great idea. I do my best to help her do that in this episode. We talk about that and more so I hope you get a chance to listen to the whole thing.

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55:45

Putting an end to your own passive aggressive behavior

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2022/06/19

A listener was told she was passive-aggressive and she didn't realize it. She asked how to identify it in herself and how and why it comes about. I address this great topic in today's episode. I also talk about a very difficult situation where a disabled partner is also an abusive partner and his wife doesn't know what to do about it. It's a packed episode today.

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57:57

Apologizing to the ex… good idea or bad?

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2022/06/12

If you acted badly toward someone in your past, is it a good idea to reach out and apologize years later? What if they're a past romantic partner you hurt and they've moved on, do you think they'll want to hear from you? I try to answer that question and also talk about judgment in relationships in this packed episode.

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01:12:33

Do you let the breadcrumbing toxic family member back...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2022/06/06

A woman blocks her mom because of her years of toxic behavior. When she unblocks her, the mom reaches out, never mentioning being blocked, and never apologizing or taking responsibility for her hurtful behavior. Is it time to accept someone like that back into your life? What if they send you gifts but no apology? Is it worth taking the risk? I talk about that and more in this packed episode.

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52:31

Say what you mean. Mean what you say.

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2022/05/29

When you say what you mean, you get a lot more done than most people because you leave little room for interpretation. Is there a way to do this elegantly and effectively so you don't sound like a total jerk? Sometimes when you show up as the person you want to be, some people may not want you to be who you are. I talk about that and apologizing for messing up when things have been going so well.

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01:06:22

Will you ever be good enough?

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2022/05/22

When you are mistreated in some way and made to feel less than dirt, do you accept that you are as you are treated or that you are as you choose to be? Don't let other people's perceptions of you define you. Hold yourself to a certain standard and watch everyone else change or leave. It's not easy, of course. But it is very useful.

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01:01:29

The rut of waiting for someone else to decide before...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2022/05/15

If you're waiting for someone to make a decision so that you can figure out which direction to go, you might be waiting a while. Some people are very comfortable in their indecision and don't mind how long they stay in the rut. Sometimes they never decide and that means there's a point where you have to move because they never will. I talk about that and also talk about apologies and forgiveness, which can sometimes go hand in hand with being in a rut.

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31:22

Carrying around the burden of someone else's secret

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2022/05/08

What do you do when someone you care about tells you a secret that affects other people you care about? Do you follow your heart or your values? Does your moral compass activate and make you express the secret to those who should know? A dilemma like this seems like it has no real good answer.

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01:02:44

Getting stalked online and there's something about...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2022/05/01

I got a letter from someone who is being stalked online by her ex-boyfriend's wife. She has nothing to do with this person, yet she is a target. Is there a way out of this crazy mess? In segment two, I talk about a message I received about making a decision on the relationship after feelings change. This is a packed episode.

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56:18

When you're "on" too much for others but not enough...

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2022/04/24

When you're always "on," it means you put on your game face in every interaction with others. It's like being in customer service and having to smile at every single customer that walks in the door. Do this all day and you'll probably want to crawl inside your shell when you get home. In today's episode, I talk about what this is like from celebrities to baristas to anyone that feels like they need to be "on" all the time.

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01:15:38

Pretending to be the person you're not

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2022/04/17

Pretending is draining. When you're unwell and you show the world you're doing great, you lose energy, dissolve relationships, and turn people off. This episode is about learning what a pretender is to help you avoid sabotaging your own path to happiness.

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54:54

Stopping the head games

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2022/04/10

When someone plays head games with you, they're not telling you the whole truth. Perhaps they are lying altogether. The problem is, you can't always pinpoint what they're doing, you just know something's not right. What to do... I try to tackle that today.

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55:04

When is it time to wean your parents off of you?

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2022/04/03

There's a point where you've left the nest and started living your own life. But some parents haven't let you go. Some tell you how to live your life. Some are just toxic and won't leave you alone or stop telling you what to do. And some just don't want to let go of the parenting role because they think you can't handle life. There's a point you have to help them let you go.

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01:13:16

To compromise, sacrifice, or support no matter what

The Overwhelmed Brain ·

2022/03/27

When it comes to relationships, I think it's best to support the other person as much as possible. The trick is doing so while you disagree with what they're doing. Choosing to instead reject or deny what they want to do for themselves could lead to tension and changes of behavior you may not like. Is it best to sacrifice who you are for them? Or can you reach a compromise? Sometimes even supporting someone you love isn't enough.

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