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PODCAST

Paleo Bites

Welcome to Paleo Bites, the weekly podcast hosted by Matthew Donald where we make dumb jokes, reference pop culture, derail like crazy, and oh yeah, discuss and rate dinosaurs and other prehistoric animals. Each episode Matthew and a rotating set of guest co-hosts talk about a different genus of primeval critter, explain basic stats, exchange plenty of banter, barely fact-check, and at the end, rate the creature one out of 65 million for any reason, including but not limited to sexiness, mana, and

comedy natural sciences

All Episodes

22:24

Sciurumimus, the Squirrel Mimic

Paleo Bites ·

2022/08/30

(image source: https://bit.ly/3QdUyqU) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Christina Eilert discuss Sciurumimus, a predator with a squirrel-like tail that was probably real cuddly if it didn’t have all those needley teeth and claws coming out of it. From the Late Jurassic, this 3-foot tetanuran theropod didn’t have buckteeth or stored nuts but was still sciurine enough for paleontologists to name it such, although depending on your belief on dinosaur genitalia it might have stored its nuts

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28:26

Afrovenator, the African Hunter

Paleo Bites ·

2022/08/23

(image source: https://dinopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Afrovenator) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Matt David Seivert discuss Afrovenator, a dinosaur that got its title of African Hunter stolen by Carcharodontosaurus, then Dinofelis, then lions, then poachers, then lions again because evil never wins. From the Mid Jurassic, this 25-foot megalosaurid prowled the heart of the continents just as they were splitting up, a messy breakup story if there ever was one. Don’t worry, they’re projected to get

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19:19

Megapiranha, the Giant Piranha

Paleo Bites ·

2022/08/16

(image source: https://river-monsters.fandom.com/wiki/Megapiranha) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Megapiranha, a really freakin' big piranha. Duh. From the Late Miocene, this 3-foot serrasalmid fish was basically a B-movie monster in real life, although it’s still not nearly as horrifying as that one fish from the same river that swims up your urethra. And that one’s not prehistoric either, but in the modern Amazon, threatening unwary pissers even as you listen to this

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28:52

Suchomimus, the Crocodile Mimic

Paleo Bites ·

2022/08/09

(image source: https://www.extinctanimals.org/suchomimus.htm) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lexi Ryan discuss Suchomimus, a dinosaur that despite its genus name’s suffix doesn’t look anything like the other ostrich dinos, almost like it’s in a completely different family or something. From the Early Cretaceous, this 36-foot spinosaurid didn’t have a sail like its family’s namesake nor a large forelimb claw like Baryonyx, but at least it was big! And hey, sometimes being big is all you need

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22:54

Zalambdalestes, the Lambda-Like Robber

Paleo Bites ·

2022/08/02

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zalambdalestes) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Christina Eilert discuss Zalambdalestes, a furry little hopper with a long snout and a rat tail, like if a rabbit and a rat had a baby; a rabbrat, if you will. From the Late Cretaceous, this 7-inch eutherian mammal lived alongside Velociraptor and Protoceratops, meaning it was witness to that event where those two dinosaurs died mid-combat and got fossilized together. Why didn’t it try and save them,

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27:34

Fukuiraptor, the Thief of the Fukui Prefecture

Paleo Bites ·

2022/07/26

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fukuiraptor) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Matt David Seivert discuss Fukuiraptor, a Japanese dinosaur with a name where the jokes write themselves, but it’d be silly and unprofessional for us to make those jokes. From the Early Cretaceous, this 16-foot megaraptoran theropod is an awesome dinosaur, and if you don’t agree, well, Fuku! …iraptor. What? I said it’d be silly and unprofessional to make those jokes, not that we wouldn’t do them! Have

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20:45

Glossopteris, the Tongue Fern

Paleo Bites ·

2022/07/19

(image source: https://bit.ly/3nzXfXg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Glossopteris, an ancient tree that… wait, where are you going?! C’mon, not every episode can be about scary dinosaurs with big pointy teeth! From the Permian period, this 100-foot tall seed fern helped paleontologists first propose the idea of continental drift, due to being found all over the southern Gondwanan continents… yeah, you’ve already left, haven’t you? Eh, I don’t blame you, I’m just

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22:10

Thylacinus, the Tasmanian Tiger

Paleo Bites ·

2022/07/12

(image source: Public domain photo from 1906. Suck it, copyright laws) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Thylacinus, the most recently extinct creature I’ll allow, as anything later would make this show far too depressing. From the Early Holocene, this 4-foot marsupial first evolved in the later parts of the Ice Age before dying an unceremonious death in a zoo in the 1930s. Ugh, it’s episodes like this that make you root for the COVID-19 virus. Want to further support the

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27:22

Megatherium, the Great Beast

Paleo Bites ·

2022/07/05

(image source: https://www.thoughtco.com/megatherium-giant-sloth-1093238) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Christina Eilert discuss Megatherium, a creature whose full scientific name literally translates to “Great American Beast” but this isn’t 4th of July-related due to it not being that America, so sorry, USA-ians. From the Late Pleistocene, this 20-foot ground sloth dope slapped some Smilodon populator to death to keep said Smilodon populator from doing too much of their namesake

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16:11

Koparion, the Surgical Knife

Paleo Bites ·

2022/06/28

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Koparion) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Koparion, a really old member of its family that's known by its teeth, kind of like my great uncle from Oregon we all try to avoid. From the Late Jurassic, this 3-foot troodontid is getting paleontologists ever so close to discovering that elusive Jurassic era dromaeosaurid, but alas, we have not found it yet, just close relatives. Paleontology's like your crush sometimes: mysterious,

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27:05

Paraceratherium, the Near Hornless Beast

Paleo Bites ·

2022/06/21

(image source: https://animals.fandom.com/wiki/Paraceratherium) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lexi Ryan discuss Paraceratherium, a huge mammal that looked like the result of a mad scientist combining a rhino, giraffe, and elephant into one. From the Oligocene epoch, this 22-foot-tall indricothere is perhaps the largest land mammals could ever get due to their endothermy and bone density... and yet they're still nowhere near the size of the biggest dinosaurs. Once more, dinosaur superiority

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23:41

Stegouros, the Roof Tail

Paleo Bites ·

2022/06/14

(image source: https://bit.ly/3xmzAyh) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Stegouros, a dinosaur that decided club tails or spike tails weren't cool enough so it went with a mace tail, and let's be honest, it's pretty frigging cool. From the Late Cretaceous, this 6-foot ankylosaurid had enough of predator's crap and smashed its spikey mace-tail-thingy directly into their hearts and ruptured their internal organs... at least if this was a movie. In real life it probably just

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19:58

Australovenator, the Southern Hunter

Paleo Bites ·

2022/06/07

(image source: https://bit.ly/3thtE8t) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Ben O'Regan discuss Australovenator, an Australian predatory dinosaur, which is kind of obvious when hearing its name, so I don't know why I bothered to say that. From the Early Cretaceous, this 20-foot megaraptoran theropod was retroactively added into Walking with Dinosaurs as the "dwarf allosaur" after its description in 2009, proving the BBC have the gift of foresight. They should have a crack at that whole future

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24:28

Gastonia, of Robert Gaston

Paleo Bites ·

2022/05/31

(image source: https://bit.ly/3kssKkC) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Laura Owsley discuss Gastonia, a dinosaur with a French-sounding name despite being American; kind of like French fries, except those actually originated in Belgium. From the Early Cretaceous, this 18-foot nodosaurid is the source of many a Disney joke, including in this very episode, so listen to hear some! I bet you can already predict ten of them. God, this show’s so cringey. (Apologies about the bad audio quality

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30:40

Homo erectus, the Upright Man

Paleo Bites ·

2022/05/24

(image source: https://reinoanimalia.fandom.com/es/wiki/Homo_erectus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lexi Ryan discuss Homo erectus, an early form of human whose name makes us all giggle hearing it, and don’t you dare deny it. From the Late Pleistocene, this 5-foot-tall hominid was the first human to speak, wield fire, develop tools, and even take on seafaring, which is all amazing and fascinating stuff… never mind, you’re still snickering about its name, aren’t you? Eh, me too. Hehe, gay

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25:40

Leaellynasaura, the Lizard of Leaellyn

Paleo Bites ·

2022/05/17

(image source: https://images.dinosaurpictures.org/Leaellynasaura_new_118a.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Ben O’Regan discuss Leaellynasaura, a genus name damn hard to spell and even harder to say due to that blasted “e-a-e” at the beginning. From the Mid Cretaceous, this 4-foot ornithopod dealt with harsh winter conditions and frozen hellscapes, which is kind of odd for a dinosaur. Then again, dinosaurs dealt with snow all the time; it wasn’t all jungles and lava back then! Only

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22:14

Archaeoindris, the Ancient Indris Lemur

Paleo Bites ·

2022/05/10

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Archaeoindris) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Archaeoindris, the lemurs’ answer to Gigantopithecus, if that makes a lick of sense. From the Late Pleistocene, this 6-foot paleopropithecid lived its merry lemur life until roughly 2,000 years ago, dying around the same time as Christ Himself. Where’s the Archaeoindris religion then, huh? Who’s to say this lemur didn’t die for our sins?! Ugh, I’m going to Hell for sure. Want to

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26:54

Giraffatitan, the Titanic Giraffe

Paleo Bites ·

2022/05/03

(image source: https://images.dinosaurpictures.org/500px-Giraffatitan_3380.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Laura Owsley discuss Giraffatitan, an African longneck that paleontologists previously confused with Brachiosaurus, which is odd, as its name clearly says it’s a titanic giraffe. From the Late Jurassic, this 70-foot sauropod lays claim to the tallest mounted skeleton in the world, thanks to its display in the Berlin Museum. Wow, that truly is a big giraffe. Titanic, one might say

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21:23

Ichthyostega, the Fish Roof

Paleo Bites ·

2022/04/26

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ichthyostegalia) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Ichthyostega, one of the first vertebrates to crawl onto land, so if you hate modern things like war, taxes, or reality shows, you can blame this guy. From the Late Devonian, this 5-foot stegocephalian inadvertently paved the path forward for all land vertebrates including humanity. Kind of like that time in 1918 a Private had a limping soldier in his sights and refused to shoot

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28:23

Pendraig, the Chief Dragon

Paleo Bites ·

2022/04/19

(image source: https://bit.ly/3J7dSSK by James Robbins) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lexi Ryan discuss Pendraig, a little Welsh dinosaur that’s a bit small and ordinary for a creature named after the legendary King Arthur bloodline, but good on it for having ambition. From the Late Triassic, this 3-foot coelophysid was merely the predecessor of all the great dinosaurs to come, meaning this thing was probably named more after Arthur’s father Uther. You know, the guy who banned magic from

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