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PODCAST

THE QUACK

The Quack is a comedy blog and podcast featuring real-life facepalm moments & muddled observations told by British contemporary fiction author Mary Newnham. Visit TheQuack.blog. Follow Mary on @marynewnhamwrites.

society & culture personal journals

All Episodes

08:26

HOW TO COMPLIMENT A STRANGER.

THE QUACK ·

2025/03/05

Nobody wants to be the heavy-breathing stalker who whispers to someone, "You have nice long spine." Today's Quack is a muddled observation about complimenting strangers...and why we avoid it. Vist | TheQuack.blog Follow me | @marynewnhamwrites Sound | Soundstripe.com

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07:48

BRACE FACE

THE QUACK ·

2025/02/26

If it wasn’t tricky enough to try and lure a man away from his life of freedom, football, mates and Camden Hells, try adding a brace.This week on The Quack is about the trauma of wearing braces as a teenager, and again as a single woman in her thirties. Follow IG | @MaryNewnhamWrites Visit | TheQuack.blog Sound | Soundstripe.com

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11:22

JUST A DUMB CRYING WOMAN.

THE QUACK ·

2025/02/19

“DON'T YOU DARE SAY JUST. THAT’S THE WOMAN’S CURSE WORD. IT’S JUST…. IT’S JUST...”This week in the Quack, I tell the story of doing a home makeover and all the characters I met, from the Hang Man to the angry sofa man. Skip Intro | 1:38 Sound | Soundstripe.com Follow me | @MaryNenwhamWrites Visit | TheQuack.blog

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11:33

THE AUDIENCE THAT WENT WRONG.

THE QUACK ·

2025/02/12

“I can’t stay any longer. I’m sorry, it’s just not my cup of tea!” This week on The Quack, I reflect on all the times audience members (including myself) have not behaved in the theatre. Skip Introduction | 1:30 Read Here | TheQuack.Blog Sound & Music | Soundstripe.com

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10:55

HAVE YOU GOT ANY WORK EXPERIENCE?

THE QUACK ·

2025/02/05

"I had a striped shirt on because I thought that's what people wore to offices..."In today's Quack, I reflect on the years when I was building up my CV with work experiences...Some experiences were better than others. Read and see photos | TheQuack.blog Skip Introduction | 1:55 Sound & Music | Soundstripe.com Follow me on The Gram | @MARYNEWNHAMWRITES

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07:25

THE LAYOVER

THE QUACK ·

2025/01/29

“You want him to have the pick of the bunch, but he picks you,” Sausage said, waving her fork in the air. Four school friends have brunch and discuss being single in their thirties. Skip Introduction | 1:35 Visit| TheQuack.blog Music | Soundstripe.com

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08:03

THE MUSICAL THEATRE FAILURE.

THE QUACK ·

2025/01/22

🎶Oh, look what I have…. another emotionally unavailable man. 🎶A passion for musical theatre but without the talent. This week on The Quack, Sex-Ed Tom and I go to see the musical Titanique. And it brings back memories of when I dropped out of theatre school...

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08:51

SEEKING APPROVAL FROM MY FARROW & BALL MOTHER.

THE QUACK ·

2025/01/15

She can list the names of Farrow & Ball paints as if they were her nephews and nieces...This week on The Quack, I'm decorating my bathroom with Hermione. 👯‍♀️But will my interior designer mum approve of the colour? 🎨👩 Find me on TikTok @MaryNewnham for an attempted ‘before and after’ time-lapse video Skip Introduction | 1:35 Blog | www.TheQuack.blog Sound | Soundstripe.com

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09:31

#BODYGOALS

THE QUACK ·

2025/01/08

"By 5 pm, I was such a hangry goblin that I could have jumped on someone’s shoulders and ripped their head off like the vampire in Twilight."Gym-uary is here, and everyone is pumped! I may groan, but it's far better than the Size 0 trend that was around when I was a teen. Skip Introduction | 1: 54 Visit | www.TheQuack.Blog Sounds & music | Soundstripe.com

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08:24

HOW TO GET GUTS WITHOUT ALCOHOL

THE QUACK ·

2025/01/01

"I realised that if I was ever going to achieve my goal, I either needed singing lessons.... or alcohol." Happy New Year! Today, I am reflecting on my New Year's resolution to try to gain enough courage to perform karaoke while sober. Skip Introduction | 1:30 Read The Quack | Www.TheQuack.blog Music & Sound | Soundstripe.com Book recommendation | This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol by Annie Grace.

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08:45

A CHRISTMAS TREE FOR ONE.

THE QUACK ·

2024/12/18

"If you want to attract attention to yourself, I highly recommend walking around with a tree."This week's episode features a history-ish lesson about the Christmas tree and a very dramatic journey carrying a tree. Check out The Quack for photos of the journey. Skip Introduction | 1:38 Visit | www.TheQuack.Blog Music & SFX | Soundstripe.com Contact | Mary@thequack.blog

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10:36

'TIS THE SEASON TO FACE THE MUSIC.

THE QUACK ·

2024/12/11

"I’m relieved Spotify Wrapped was not around in my school days because my delicate ego would have been smashed to pieces."This week on the Quack is about Spotify Wrapped and how it exposes your true cringe-worthy self. Skip Introduction | 3:05 Visit | www.thequack.blog Sound | Soundstripe.com

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10:05

THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY 🎄

THE QUACK ·

2024/12/04

If David Cameron were to peep out of his curtain, he would have seen a blob of tangled fairy lights running down the street.The Christmas season is here! 🎄 Today's muddled observation is about how the office Christmas party has changed over the last decade. Featuring a facepalm moment about my first office Christmas party. Skip Introduction | 1:45 Music & SFX | Soundstripe.com Visit The Quack | www.TheQuack.Blog

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09:43

A DOG NAMED CLEMENTINE

THE QUACK ·

2024/11/27

Clementine glared at me as if to say, “Please give her a grandchild.”Today I tell a story about the time Mum adopted an old Cornish Retriever named Clementine. 🐕🦴🌊☀️ Skip Into | 1:50 Sound | Soundstripe.com Blog | TheQuack.blog

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11:29

HOW TO FIND LOVE WITHOUT DATING APPS.

THE QUACK ·

2024/11/20

"DO NOT join a running club!" 🏃‍♀️ Redownloading Hinge. Deleting Hinge. A rejection from RAYA. How to attract someone without the apps? Skip Introuduction | 2:10 Soundtrack and SFX | Soundstripe.com Blog | TheQuack.Blog

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08:23

HOW DID THEY SURVIVE WITHOUT PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES?

THE QUACK ·

2024/11/13

He took great joy in telling me that the word ‘avocado’ translates into ‘testicle’.A muddled observation about the differences between millennials and boomers. Skip Introduction 2:00. Sound | Soundstripe.come Visit the blog | www.thequack.blog

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09:01

ARE YOU STILL IN ❤️ WITH NEW YORK?

THE QUACK ·

2024/11/06

“There are some smells, but surely you can’t hate the city for that?” said the Man in Finance. This week Sausage and I are in a West Village bar, having a debate with a 'man in finance' about New York. SKIP INTRO | 1:30 SOUNDTRACK & SFX | Soundstripe.com READ THE BLOG | www.TheQuack.Blog QUACK MAP | https://thequack.blog/make-the-quack-map-pink/

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09:58

WHY AREN'T YOU LAUGHING?

THE QUACK ·

2024/10/30

“Move ooon!” The woman next to me heckled. An awkward night in a comedy club; Unanswered questions, a heckler, and an audience who didn't want to laugh. Music & SFX | Soundstripe.com Blog | www.TheQuack.Blog Quack Map | http://thequack.blog/make-the-quack-map-pink/

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10:15

BEEN THERE. DONE THAT. GOT THE PHOTO.

THE QUACK ·

2024/10/23

Meanwhile, Sausage and I attempted to be pinpricked by the Empire State Building’s ariel. This week is about photos and holidays 📷. Hear how my face got turned into a cloud at a New York tourist hot spot ☁️, to queuing for a photo booth in East Village. See photos and videos of the trip on Www.TheQuack.Blog SKIP INTO: 2:50 Music & SFX | Soundstripe.com Blog | TheQuack.blog

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09:11

GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE CLUBS.

THE QUACK ·

2024/10/16

We tried to dance, but after two songs we felt like school teachers at an out-of-hand raunchy school disco. A hunt for the perfect club in Soho. Skip Into - 3:00 SFX & Music |Soundstripe.com Blog | TheQuack.Blog

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90 results

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