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PODCAST

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous

Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (Enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, tantra and life in general. Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they"ve overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it"s worth it to have relationships that don"t fit in the box.

health & fitness sexuality

All Episodes

14:04

You’re Not Wrong for Wanting More: Let’s End That...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/07/24

Do you worry that your desires make you “too much”?Like wanting more connection, more honesty, or more love means something is wrong with you?You're not broken—you’re just becoming.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m getting all the way real about the internalized guilt so many of us carry when we crave “more” in our relationships. More connection. More truth. More you. And especially inside non-monogamy, where wanting more can trigger every insecurity we’ve ever inherited from

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65:45

Your Brain Gets Polyamory—But What About Your Body?...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/07/17

So your mind gets polyamory—you’ve read the books, done the therapy, had the late-night conversations. But your body? It’s still freaking out when your partner goes on a date. Welcome to the nervous system’s opinion on non-monogamy.In this deeply validating and often hilarious conversation, I’m joined by Dedeker Winston (co-host of the Multiamory podcast) and Orit Krug, a licensed dance/movement therapist, to talk about why your nervous system might not be as on board with polyamory as your

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45:39

Creating Sexy, Safe, and Soulful Community, Ep. 118

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/07/10

What actually happens at sex-positive events? Cuddle parties? Consent circles? Erotic service? 👀 In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous, I sit down with Jamie Love, Executive Director of Sex Positive World, to talk about the radical, healing, and totally human side of building sex-positive community.We cover:How to start a sex-positive space or community near youWhat consent really looks like (hint: it’s not just “yes or no”)Erotic service, safer sex talks, and the power of devotional

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27:34

You Don’t Have to Be the ‘Chill Poly Partner’ to...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/07/03

Feeling like the “easy one” in your polycule?Always chill, never the squeaky wheel?This episode is your permission slip to stop shrinking for connection.We’re breaking down what it means to disappear inside non-monogamy, why boundaries aren’t selfish, and how to recognize when your emotional self-silencing isn’t maturity—it’s survival.👉 Topics covered:What emotional self-abandonment looks like in Ethical Non MonogamyHow "being chill" becomes a trapThe difference between inclusion and

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18:45

Why You’re Stuck in the Same Fight on Repeat (and How...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/06/19

Are you having the same fight over and over in your non-monogamous relationship—and wondering why nothing ever changes?You’re not broken. You’re in a pattern. And until you understand what’s underneath that pattern, it’ll keep showing up again and again.In this episode, we’re diving into trauma loops—how they form, why they’re especially common in non-monogamous relationships, and how to start breaking the cycle for good.💥 Whether you're navigating jealousy, communication breakdowns, or

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18:08

How to Say the Hard Thing Without Burning Everything...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/06/12

You’re not broken. You just never learned how to say the hard thing without burning everything down.In this episode, I’m sharing how to actually talk about the uncomfortable stuff in non-monogamy—without losing your shit or starting a relationship wildfire.Whether you're afraid of hurting someone, scared to be misunderstood, or just tired of swallowing your truth, this is your starting point for braver, clearer communication.What you’ll learn:→ How to understand your silence survival pattern→

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42:52

Tantra, Throuples, and the Best Sex of Her Life at 65...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/06/05

What happens when you go from 26 years in a sexless marriage… to a full-blown sexual awakening in your 50s? This week, I’m joined by Xanet Pailet — a former healthcare lawyer turned tantra teacher, somatic sex coach, and the author of Living an Orgasmic Life.We’re talking about:How she went from disconnected and dissociated… to having the best sex of her life in her 60sWhy pleasure is your birthright (and what to do if that feels impossible right now)Why communication matters more than rules — and

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16:39

Stop Compromising, Start Collaborating: A New...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/05/29

Tired of misunderstandings, silent resentment, or agreements that leave you feeling unseen?In this episode, we unpack the real difference between collaboration and compromise—and how building intentional, values-based agreements in non-monogamy can transform your relationships.💬 Because assuming = conflict waiting to happen.💛 Collaboration = connection, clarity, and care.What You’ll Learn:✔️ Why Assumptions Create Emotional Landmines And how to avoid them with clear, compassionate communication.✔️

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20:28

Why Self-Love Looks Different in Non-Monogamy (And...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/05/22

Do you ever feel like you’re doing everything right in your open or polyamorous relationship—and yet still crumble inside the moment your partner connects with someone else? In this honest and unfiltered episode, I explore what real self-love looks like in non-monogamous relationships—especially when comparison, jealousy, and insecurity hit hard. 🎙️We talk about:Why affirmations fail when your body’s in panic modeHow comparison is actually a survival responsePatriarchal conditioning + why it fuels

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54:44

Love Beyond Boundaries: Jeff Hudson on Throuples,...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/05/15

Send us a textWhat happens when a long-term couple invites a third person into their relationship—and it doesn’t go as planned?In this raw and revealing episode, I sit down with six-time Emmy-nominated TV producer Jeff Hudson to talk about his memoir Deconstructing Us: My Trouble with a Throuple. Jeff shares what it was like to navigate the emotional rollercoaster of a throuple, how jealousy blindsided him, and why non-monogamy cracked him wide open—in the best and worst ways.We explore:Why

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16:01

The Hidden Costs of Comparing Yourself to Your...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/05/08

Send us a textYou know you’re enough—but the second your partner mentions her, the spiral starts. Sound familiar?In this honest, grounding episode, I break down the real costs of comparison in non-monogamous relationships—like the way it quietly erodes your presence, self-trust, and peace.You’ll hear:Why “knowing better” doesn’t stop the spiralHow patriarchy conditions us to compete—even in open dynamicsWhat comparison really steals from youAnd the exact reframe and tools that help you come back to

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53:24

Reframing Jealousy as a Powerful Tool in Open...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/05/01

Send us a textNavigating non-monogamy can stir up some BIG emotions—especially jealousy. But what if jealousy wasn’t something to fight against... but a tool for deeper connection?In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Emma Smith, licensed professional counselor and certified sex therapist, to talk about:✨ How to create emotional safety plans when opening a relationship ✨ The difference between healthy boundaries and rigid rules ✨ Why jealousy isn’t the enemy—and how it can guide your growth ✨ Tips

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42:38

Jealousy to Compersion: Communicating Through...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/04/24

Send us a textEver wondered if you can learn to feel compersion instead of jealousy? Or if talking about opening up your relationship means you're actually ready to do it? This episode dives deep into these questions and more!I'm joined by Ally Iseman, a certified relationship coach and founder of Passport to Pleasure. Ally brings her unique blend of humor, compassion, and practical tools to help couples navigate the complexities of non-monogamy.In this episode, we explore:Why

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14:51

Why You Keep Comparing Yourself to Your Metamour (And...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/04/17

Send us a textStruggling with comparison in your non-monogamous relationship?Whether it’s jealousy, insecurity, or spiraling thoughts when your partner mentions someone new—you’re not alone, and you’re not broken.In this episode, we explore why comparison shows up in polyamory and non-monogamy, how it impacts your nervous system, and what you can do to stop the spiral and build emotional safety.You’ll learn:Why comparison hits hard in non-monogamy (even when you “know better”)How internalized

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50:53

Open Monogamy, Jealousy & Mismatched Desires | Dr....

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/04/10

Send us a textIf you’ve ever struggled with mismatched desires, defining commitment with a partner, or navigating the messier side of non-monogamy — this episode is for you.In this candid conversation, I talk with Dr. Tammy Nelson, sexologist, therapist, TEDx speaker, and author of Open Monogamy. With 35+ years of experience working with couples in both monogamous and open relationships, Tammy brings a nuanced lens to everything from sexual boredom and emotional disconnection to jealousy,

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52:07

Unmasking Ashley Madison: Why People Cheat & What It...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/04/03

Send us a textWhen I was invited to interview someone from Ashley Madison, I hesitated. My first instinct was judgment — but then I realized, that’s the same kind of stigma people apply to non-monogamy all the time.This powerful conversation with Paul Keable, Chief Strategy Officer at Ashley Madison, dives deep into the complex, often misunderstood world of infidelity, emotional disconnection, and unmet needs in long-term relationships.🔍 This episode is NOT about promoting cheating — it’s about

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35:50

5 Simple Tools for Profound Intimacy in Non-Monogamy,...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/03/27

Send us a textStruggling to feel deeply connected in your non-monogamous relationships? Whether you're navigating polyamory, open relationships, or casual connections, meaningful intimacy doesn’t have to take hours of deep conversations or elaborate date nights. In fact, it can start with just five minutes a day.In this episode, I’m sharing five powerful yet simple practices from my Beyond Monogamy 4CNM Method that can help you build stronger, more intimate connections — no matter how complex

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53:16

Thriving in Non Monogamous Social Situations Without...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/03/20

Send us a textThe dinner party where your partner's other partner shows up. The wedding where you're trying to explain your relationship structure to curious relatives. The community gathering where you're juggling attention between multiple partners.Social events in non-monogamous relationships present unique challenges that most relationship advice completely ignores.In this raw and practical episode, I sit down with Danny to unpack exactly how to navigate these complex situations

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41:52

From Should to Could - Designing Your Non-monogamous...

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/03/13

Send us a textHave you ever felt like you're living someone else's version of a "good" relationship? That moment when you realize you've been checking boxes you never actually chose for yourself? I've been there, and it's time we talk about moving from relationship "shoulds" to relationship "coulds."In this episode, I'm sharing my journey from living a picture-perfect life on the outside while hiding a painful reality behind closed doors

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21:18

The Hidden Price Tag of Figuring Out Non Monogamy Alone

Nope! We"re Not Monogamous ·

2025/03/06

Send us a textAre you trying to navigate ethical non-monogamy through trial and error? In this episode I reveal why the DIY approach to non-monogamy often leads to unexpected emotional and relationship costs.Episode Highlights: • Understanding the hidden costs of unsupported non-monogamy • Real stories from couples navigating ethical non-monogamy • Practical solutions for common non-monogamous relationship challenges • Expert strategies for building successful non-monogamous relationshipsThe Real

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