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PODCAST

Paleo Bites

Welcome to Paleo Bites, the weekly podcast hosted by Matthew Donald where we make dumb jokes, reference pop culture, derail like crazy, and oh yeah, discuss and rate dinosaurs and other prehistoric animals. Each episode Matthew and a rotating set of guest co-hosts talk about a different genus of primeval critter, explain basic stats, exchange plenty of banter, barely fact-check, and at the end, rate the creature one out of 65 million for any reason, including but not limited to sexiness, mana, and

comedy natural sciences

All Episodes

19:44

Smok, the Polish Dragon

Paleo Bites ·

2025/05/06

(image source: https://alchetron.com/Smok-(archosaur)) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Laura Owsley discuss Smok, a basal archosaur that looks like a dinosaur but apparently is not. Look, it looks like one to me, but I ain’t no scientist. You should listen to them instead of this dumb show. From the Late Triassic, this 20-foot reptile was one of the top predators of its day and one of the largest of its time, facing off against the elephant-sized dicynodont Lisowicia while avoiding the

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32:15

Dinocrocuta, the Terrible Hyena

Paleo Bites ·

2025/04/29

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dinocrocuta by Dmitry Bogdanov) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Allen Brooks discuss Dinocrocuta, which is not an awesome dinosaur/crocodile hybrid like the name suggests but is instead some lame hyena thing. Oh wait, it’s actually a fricking enormous hyena thing? Eh, it’s still not as cool as a dinocroc. From the Late Miocene, this 7-foot hyena thing had a bone-crushing bite and fought off saber-toothed cats like Amphimachairodus, which is pretty

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21:14

Kunpengopterus, the Kunpeng Wing

Paleo Bites ·

2025/04/22

(image source: https://marchan-forest.blogspot.com/2021/) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Ben O’Regan discuss Kunpengopterus, a monkey-like pterosaur in that it had opposable thumbs, which is pretty cool I gotta say. There’s no joke there, I genuinely think that’s cool. From the Late Jurassic, this 3-foot wukongopterid was first thought to be just a run-of-the-mill pterodactyloid before the aforementioned thumbs were discovered, and then scientists got all giddy and it got popular again! A

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17:13

Compsognathus, the Elegant Jaw

Paleo Bites ·

2025/04/15

(image source: https://ar.inspiredpencil.com/pictures-2023/compsognathus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Compsognathus, famously the smallest dinosaur of all but not so famously actually not the smallest dinosaur of all anymore, not even close. It’s been working out, getting yoked and stuff. From the Late Jurassic, this 4.5 foot theropod is now believed to not be part of its own little weird family but closer related to the megalosaurids and might even be even bigger

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20:33

Elasmotherium, the Plated Beast

Paleo Bites ·

2025/04/08

(image source: https://newdinosaurs.com/elasmotherium/) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Jaymes Buckman discuss Elasmotherium, a woolly rhino that’s not the Woolly Rhino but is woolly and is a rhino, so call it whatever you want I guess. From the late Pleistocene, this 18-foot rhinoceratid came equipped with a seriously metal nose horn coming out of its face. Except not literally metal, as like modern rhinos its horn was mainly made out of hair. Isn’t explaining jokes the best? Want to further

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23:00

Homo sapiens, the Intelligent Man

Paleo Bites ·

2025/04/01

(image source: https://www.publicdomainpictures.net/) April Fools, puny humans! Host Emperor Splozzitrox, Supreme Ruler of the Planet Zurkabong, and co-host Karzagloth, the underest of underlings, discuss Homo sapiens, the recently exterminated ground vermin that once overpopulated this hunk of space rock named Earth, a backwater planet in the Goozapeg Sector. From the Late Pleistocene to the Late Holocene, this 5-6 foot tall hominid may not have lived the longest, had the sharpest claws or teeth,

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19:53

Megalograptus, the Great Writing

Paleo Bites ·

2025/03/25

(image source: https://www.darwinsdoor.co.uk/timetour/the-ordovician-period.html) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Megalograptus, another nope of a creature but this time an ocean-bound nope, so it’s slightly more forgivable. Wait, I’ve just been told they can sometimes go onto land anyway? Nope, nope, NOPE! From the Late Ordovician, this 3-foot eurypterid got its bizarre name due to being mistaken for a group of animals whose remains looked like hieroglyphs embedded on

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22:31

Protoceratops, the First Horned Face

Paleo Bites ·

2025/03/18

(image source: https://www.thoughtco.com/things-to-know-protoceratops-1093796)Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Protoceratops, a hardy and stocky fellow with a tubby body and a grumpy attitude. I really relate to this creature. From the Late Cretaceous, this 8-foot ceratopsian lived in the desert with the more famous Velociraptor and the two of them really hit it off. They couldn’t keep their claws or beaks off each other. I wonder if anyone’s captured their interactions on

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31:43

Appalachiosaurus, the Appalachian Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2025/03/11

(image source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/347129083760903111/) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lexi Ryan discuss Appalachiosaurus, a tyrannosaur living on the East Coast like some city slicker sellout. Never forget your Western roots here in Laramidia! Remember who you are! From the Late Cretaceous, this 25-foot theropod dinosaur is the only known dinosaur from its formation, as the fossils over there on the eastern side of North America aren’t really the best preserved. Those ice age

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31:56

Ceratosaurus, the Horned Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2025/03/04

(image source: https://images.dinosaurpictures.org/Ceratosaurus3_1b79.jpg)Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Allen Brooks discuss Ceratosaurus, an almost-famous dinosaur that often gets overshadowed by Allosaurus, which gets overshadowed by Saurophaganax, which just recently got overshadowed again by Allosaurus because the latter is now unfortunately dubious. At least Ceratosaurus itself overshadows poor Torvosaurus. When’s the last time you heard that name? From the Late Jurassic, this 20-foot

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26:50

A. anax, the Usurper of Saurophaganax

Paleo Bites ·

2025/02/25

(image source: https://images.dinosaurpictures.org/Saurophaganax-Paul-Heaston1_2121.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Allosaurus anax, the new lord of the lizard eaters after supplanting the great and now dubious Saurophaganax after a hard-fought duel. There is truly no mercy sometimes in the battlefield of science. From the Late Jurassic, this 38-foot theropod was still basically everything we assumed Saurophaganax to be and therefore just as cool in a practical

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35:29

Temnodontosaurus, the Cutting-Tooth Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2025/02/18

(image source: https://artpictures.club/autumn-2023.html)Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Michele C. Hollow discuss Temnodontosaurus, a rather large marine reptile with potentially the largest eyes of any animal ever at 10 inches wide. Sheesh, my most impressive body part in terms of size is only half that length! From the Early Jurassic, this 30-foot ichthyosaur was discovered by Mary Anning back in the 1810s and was the first ichthyosaur to be scientifically described, which is a neat piece

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23:35

Hippodraco, the Horse Dragon

Paleo Bites ·

2025/02/11

(image source: https://dinosaurpictures.org/Hippodraco-pictures)Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Laura Owsley discuss Hippodraco, a dinosaur with a funny name that makes me think of hippos, horses, dragons, and a shipping portmanteau between Draco Malfoy and the hippogriff he tried to get killed. What a cacophony of emotions this guy brings out, especially for such a boring dinosaur. From the Early Cretaceous, this 15-foot iguanodontid was closely related to that one guy Proa we like to bang-on

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21:38

Magnolia, of Great Excellence

Paleo Bites ·

2025/02/04

(image source: https://fineartamerica.com/featured/styracosaurus-eating-magnolias-with-lambeosaurus-phil-wilson.html)Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Magnolia, another wonderful example of a prehistoric animal we cover on this show in that it is not an animal and is also still around today. It’s okay to break rules if you’re the one who makes them, kids. From the Mid Cretaceous to the Holocene onward, this plant of variable sizes has big paleontological significance, okay

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27:24

Atlasaurus, the Lizard of the Titan Atlas

Paleo Bites ·

2025/01/28

(image source: https://www.minizoo.com.au/eofauna-atlasaurus/)Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Jaymes Buckman discuss Atlasaurus, a lanky and wonky longneck that looks just wrong and quite frankly disgusts me. Look at its proportions, look at it! It’s like if A.I. made a dinosaur. From the Mid Jurassic, this 49 foot sauropod had a shorter neck and more elongated limbs than its cousins like Brachiosaurus, turning it into this abomination. Seriously, I can’t get over how this thing looks. It’s

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23:58

Lokiceratops, the Horned Face of Loki

Paleo Bites ·

2025/01/21

(image source: https://allthatsinteresting.com/lokiceratops-rangiformis) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lexi Ryan discuss Lokiceratops, a dinosaur with asymmetrical horns, much like my relationship with my girlfriend where we’re asymmetrical in our horniness for each other. From the Late Cretaceous, this 22-foot centrosaurine ceratopsid is an example of how bilateral symmetry can be varied among different creatures. I relate, as my left butt cheek is far more swole than my right. I tend to

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32:02

Austroraptor, the Southern Thief

Paleo Bites ·

2025/01/14

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Austroraptor by Fred Wierum) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Ben O’Regan discuss Austroraptor, a dromaeosaurid theropod masquerading as a spinosaurid theropod, because that sentence is comprehensible to more than hardcore dino nerds. From the Late Cretaceous, this 18-foot meat-eating dinosaur snapped up fish in the prehistoric jungles of Argentina, as opposed to Australia like I previously assumed. That’s why I got Ben here to host for me, I thought

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22:37

Heterodontosaurus, the Different-Toothed Lizard

Paleo Bites ·

2025/01/07

(image source: https://paleontologyworld.com/dinosaurs-%E2%80%93-species-encycolpedia/heterodontosaurus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Allen Brooks discuss Heterodontosaurus, a very heteronormative dinosaur in that it had heterodont (or “differently-shaped”) teeth. Canceled! You’re canceled by the woke police, Heterodontosaurus! Love is love! Just ask Caihong, our rainbow-feathered dinosaur ally. From the Early Jurassic, this 6-foot ornithischian dinosaur lived in South Africa before its

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29:21

Pulmonoscorpius, the Lunged Scorpion

Paleo Bites ·

2024/12/31

(image source: https://prehistoricpark.fandom.com/wiki/Pulmonoscorpius)Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Pulmonoscorpius, another nope of a nope that crept and crawled and stabbed and stung. Why don't you stay over there and I stay way over here, you big monster? I think that's an arrangement we can all agree on. From the Late Carboniferous, the 2.5-foot scorpion was an active diurnal predator rather than a sneaky nocturnal hider like its modern counterparts, which is good,

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24:23

Uintatherium, the Beast of the Uinta Mountains

Paleo Bites ·

2024/12/24

(image source: https://www.thoughtco.com/uintatherium-profile-1093289) Merry Christmas! Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host and one of Santa’s elves Snowdrop Jimjam Jollypie discuss Uintatherium, a big hoofed mammal kind of like a rhino but with these weird antler-things on its head like a reindeer on crack. That’s the Christmas connection I’m making, anyway. From the Eocene epoch, this 14-foot dinoceratan stomped about merrily and crushed the skulls of predators much like a toddler crushing

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309 results

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