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PODCAST

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera

Stacey Herrera - Intimacy & Relationship Coach

Honest conversations about intimacy, desire, and relationships after 40. Sex in Real Life explores how connection, attraction, bodies, and relationships change in midlife and beyond, without shame or clichés. Instagram: @staceynherrera Subtack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Website: https://staceyherrera.com/

society & culture relationships

All Episodes

09:36

Tired of Feeling Like an Afterthought in Your...

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/06/25

If you’re the one they check on after the fact, the person who gets the update but not the invitation, or the partner expected to adjust without being asked, this conversation is for you. This week on the pod, Stacey unpacks what it feels like to be an afterthought, how that pattern often mirrors the way we treat ourselves, and why clarity doesn’t always guarantee change. Whether you speak up or stay silent, the result can feel the same—and it’s exhausting. You’ll hear why being overlooked isn’t

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11:27

Love or Attachment? How to Know What You’re Really...

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/06/18

It might look like love. Might even feel like love. But what if it’s not? In this episode, we’re exploring the difference between love and attachment. Knowing the difference might save years of confusion, resentment, and chasing someone’s potential. Stacey is walking you through what love is (without the fairytale framing), how attachment shows up in your nervous system and choices, and why the two get so tangled in midlife relationships. If you’ve ever been in a situation that made you question

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09:05

Tired of Doing It All? How to Step Back Without...

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/06/11

If you’re the one who remembers the birthdays, plans the date nights, manages the group chats, and loads the dishwasher (because no one else seems to notice it’s full), this episode is for you. In today’s conversation, Stacey opens up about what happened when she finally stopped doing it all and what she learned about herself, her nervous system, and the stories that keep so many women in midlife over-functioning in their relationships. If you’ve ever thought, “If I don’t do it, it won’t get done,”

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10:47

Sexual Winter: When Desire Pauses (But Nothing’s Wrong)

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/05/07

Midlife brings shifts—some welcome, some disorienting. One of the most confusing? When your desire goes quiet for a while. This week, we're talking about sexual winter. This season doesn’t get enough airtime, especially among midlife women navigating shifting roles, changing hormones, and the pressure to always be “on.” This episode is for you if you've ever wondered: Why don’t I want to have sex? Is this just a phase or something else? How can I stay connected to my partner when I’m not

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16:01

Why Midlife Body Changes Are a Mindf*ck and a...

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/05/02

What do you do when your reflection surprises you? When you catch a glimpse and think, Wait… when did that change? In this episode, Stacey shares an unfiltered reflection on aging, intimacy, hydration (yes, hydration), and her evolving relationship with the woman in the mirror. Tender. Honest. Very midlife. In this conversation: The difference between fixing and tending to yourself The soft grief and quiet joy of watching your body change Confidence that comes not from how you look, but how

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10:29

Sexual Autumn: Embracing Slow Sex and Deep Pleasure

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/04/30

This week on Love Is…, we’re exploring Sexual Autumn—a season that doesn’t get nearly enough celebration. Unlike the urgent heat of summer, autumn brings a slower, deeper sensuality. Touch becomes more intentional. Foreplay is a full-body conversation. Arousal builds in layers. It’s richer and more satisfying. Might even feel otherworldly. In this episode: How to honor your body when it takes longer to warm up Why spontaneity isn’t necessarily the gold standard for good sex What to do if you

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11:03

Sexual Summer: The Season of Desire That Sizzles

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/04/23

This week on Love Is..., we’re diving into Sexual Summer—the season of peak desire. If spring is awakening, summer is full bloom. It’s spontaneous. It’s primal. It’s the kind of hunger that lives in your skin and hums through your whole body. For women over 40, sexual summer might hit hardest in midlife, when pregnancy is no longer a worry, and pleasure becomes a top priority. In this episode, we explore: How sexual summer shows up in midlife (even if it skipped your twenties) What to do when

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08:51

Welcome to Sexual Spring

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/04/16

In this week's episode of Love Is..., we’re beginning a new four-part series called Sexual Seasons—because desire isn’t static. It changes with us. Especially in midlife, when everything from hormones to heartbreak can shift how we feel about sex, touch, and our own bodies. Today, we’re exploring Sexual Spring—that delicious season of reawakened desire. It’s the sudden tingles. The unexpected turn-on. The moment you catch your reflection and think, Oh hey... I remember her. 🌸 Whether you're single,

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03:48

Love That Calls You In

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/04/11

This is a little bonus minisode I had to share while the feeling was still fresh. It’s about the kind of love that doesn’t fix — it holds. The kind that doesn’t shame — it calls you in. The kind that doesn’t keep you company in the dark — it helps you find the switch. And if you’re ready to stop betraying yourself in the name of being nice, needed, or helpful… Me, Again is that kind of calling in. That kind of love. Applications close tomorrow. Apply Now. Links + Resrouces: Me, Again - coaching

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09:04

The Truth About Self-Abandonment

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/04/09

This week on Love Is…, we’re talking about self-abandonment. Not the hashtag version. The everyday, seemingly simple but often repeated moments where we override what’s true. In this episode, I’m dropping gems about : ✨ What self-abandonment looks like in real life ✨ The childhood roots of shrinking to be loved ✨ A relationship story I’ve never shared publicly ✨ And why healing starts with noticing If you’ve ever smiled when you wanted to cry, said yes when your body said no, or stayed quiet to

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09:04

Why Is It so Hard to Receive?

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/04/02

In this week's episode of Love Is..., I’m unpacking something tender and true: the resistance we feel when someone offers us care, love, or support—and how it messes with our nervous systems. We’re exploring: Why “I’ll do it myself” can feel safer than softness. The hidden cost of always being the strong one. And why learning to receive is actually the most radical relationship shift you can make. I also share a story about a client who couldn’t orgasm with her partner because she couldn’t

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10:59

When Your Inner Child Has the Wheel

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/03/26

Hey love, Ever catch yourself in the same argument? Or feel that familiar urge to shut down, chase, or fix—even when you know better? Your inner child might be behind the wheel. Again. In this week’s episode of Love Is, I’m breaking down how childhood survival strategies sneak into our adult relationships, why they’re so sticky, and how to start choosing differently—without blaming your past. Once you know who’s driving, you can gently take the keys back. Want to go deeper? I created a free

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10:55

10 Tips For Talking About Sex

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/03/19

No one teaches us how to talk about sex. That means we learn the hard way —by fumbling or mumbling —which is no bueno. That ends today. This week on the podcast, I’ve got 10 tips for making these conversations a little bit less uncomfortable. From timing it right (not while you’re getting busy) to the build-up (think Eiffel Tower—start at the base, not the tip). You’ll be talking pleasure, desire, and boundaries with confidence in no time! You can thank me later. Mentioned in Episode 25:

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19:18

3 Strategies for Navigating Their Silence

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/03/12

As a kid, silence in my house was heavy. Not the peaceful kind – the kind that sits on your chest and makes you hold your breath. That's probably why I followed my former husband from room to room trying to make him talk it out. Not my proudest moment, but hey, we're all learning here. In this week’s episode, I explain what happens when someone goes silent—they’re probably not rejecting you, by the way. I also share three strategies that will change how you handle the “silent treatment.” Plus, I’m

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09:33

Why Love Hurts So Good

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/03/05

In this week's episode of Love Is..., I discuss a recent challenge in my relationship that had me questioning the real purpose of relationships. Here's what we're exploring: Why relationships bring up our sh*t How conflicts can be doorways to healing What happens when we get curious instead of defensive I share insights from relationship experts Terry Real and Esther Perel, as well as an honorable mention from Marianne Williamson. If you're in the messy middle of relationship growth right

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16:02

What Really Makes Sex Amazing?

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/02/26

Today on Love Is..., I'm getting real about something that might surprise you: the best lovers aren't necessarily the most skilled ones. We're diving deep into: Why emotional safety matters more than technique What happened when a lover actually listened The "work" that transforms sex from good to unforgettable Gentle Warning: This episode contains adult themes (not explicit, but definitely a grown folks' conversation). If you've ever wondered why "technically perfect" sex sometimes feels

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15:47

When Connection is Reduced to a Click

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/02/19

In Episode 21, we're having an honest conversation about unsolicited photos of genitalia and what they reveal about modern seduction (or lack thereof). This is bigger than d*ck pics – it's about how technology has changed the way we approach desire, connection, and intimacy. We’re digging into: The difference between seduction and harassment (with wisdom from Esther Perel) Why quick hits of attention leave everyone feeling empty A fresh perspective on boundaries that puts you back in control

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09:23

Does Your Partner Pass the Sniff Test?

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/02/12

Remember when I promised we'd start getting into the juicy stuff? Well, today we're talking about something rarely discussed in relationship conversations: why your nose might be the most honest matchmaker you have. In Episode 20, I'm breaking down three crucial reasons why odor compatibility matters in romantic relationships (and yes, I'm sharing my own experiences too). We're diving into pheromones, sexual chemistry, and why that "ick" might be more significant than you think. And if you've

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06:22

True Confession… I’ve Been Hiding

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/02/05

There is something I need to tell you… I've been holding back —in my content —on this podcast. Playing it safe. Shrinking to fit. Not bringing my A-game. That ends today. This episode is my line in the sand—a confession, a promise, and a glimpse of what's to come—raw, juicy conversations about relationships, desire, intimacy, and sex—basically the kind of things we share over wine but rarely talk about in public. (And next week? We're diving into what your partner's scent says about compatibility

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04:55

5 Things That Nobody Tells You About Starting Over

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/01/22

When the longest relationship I never had ended (not a typo), someone said to me, “New chapter, new year.” That was so not helpful. Good is not a feeling I’ve ever felt at the end of a relationship. Even when ending it was good for me. I know you get it. This week on the pod, we are talking about five things nobody tells you about starting over. This episode is a shorty — 5 minutes. But it’s juicy! P.S. Are you a regular listener? Leave a review. You’ll definitely rack of some karma credits for

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