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PODCAST

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera

Stacey Herrera - Intimacy & Relationship Coach

Sex talk after 40 for people who want better sex and smarter relationships. Honest conversations you"ve been wanting to have but didn"t know how to start. Host Stacey Herrera talks ED, dead bedrooms, kink, desire, and all the messy realities of intimacy after 40. No Cosmo tricks. No self-help jargon. Just the messy, sometimes hilarious, but always hopeful parts of connection that never make the highlight reel. Instagram: @staceynherrera Subtack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Website:

society & culture relationships

All Episodes

10:29

Sexual Autumn: Embracing Slow Sex and Deep Pleasure

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/04/30

This week on Love Is…, we’re exploring Sexual Autumn—a season that doesn’t get nearly enough celebration. Unlike the urgent heat of summer, autumn brings a slower, deeper sensuality. Touch becomes more intentional. Foreplay is a full-body conversation. Arousal builds in layers. It’s richer and more satisfying. Might even feel otherworldly. In this episode: How to honor your body when it takes longer to warm up Why spontaneity isn’t necessarily the gold standard for good sex What to do if you

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11:03

Sexual Summer: The Season of Desire That Sizzles

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/04/23

This week on Love Is..., we’re diving into Sexual Summer—the season of peak desire. If spring is awakening, summer is full bloom. It’s spontaneous. It’s primal. It’s the kind of hunger that lives in your skin and hums through your whole body. For women over 40, sexual summer might hit hardest in midlife, when pregnancy is no longer a worry, and pleasure becomes a top priority. In this episode, we explore: How sexual summer shows up in midlife (even if it skipped your twenties) What to do when

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08:51

Welcome to Sexual Spring

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/04/16

In this week's episode of Love Is..., we’re beginning a new four-part series called Sexual Seasons—because desire isn’t static. It changes with us. Especially in midlife, when everything from hormones to heartbreak can shift how we feel about sex, touch, and our own bodies. Today, we’re exploring Sexual Spring—that delicious season of reawakened desire. It’s the sudden tingles. The unexpected turn-on. The moment you catch your reflection and think, Oh hey... I remember her. 🌸 Whether you're single,

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03:48

Love That Calls You In

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/04/11

This is a little bonus minisode I had to share while the feeling was still fresh. It’s about the kind of love that doesn’t fix — it holds. The kind that doesn’t shame — it calls you in. The kind that doesn’t keep you company in the dark — it helps you find the switch. And if you’re ready to stop betraying yourself in the name of being nice, needed, or helpful… Me, Again is that kind of calling in. That kind of love. Applications close tomorrow. Apply Now. Links + Resrouces: Me, Again - coaching

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09:04

The Truth About Self-Abandonment

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/04/09

This week on Love Is…, we’re talking about self-abandonment. Not the hashtag version. The everyday, seemingly simple but often repeated moments where we override what’s true. In this episode, I’m dropping gems about : ✨ What self-abandonment looks like in real life ✨ The childhood roots of shrinking to be loved ✨ A relationship story I’ve never shared publicly ✨ And why healing starts with noticing If you’ve ever smiled when you wanted to cry, said yes when your body said no, or stayed quiet to

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09:04

Why Is It so Hard to Receive?

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/04/02

In this week's episode of Love Is..., I’m unpacking something tender and true: the resistance we feel when someone offers us care, love, or support—and how it messes with our nervous systems. We’re exploring: Why “I’ll do it myself” can feel safer than softness. The hidden cost of always being the strong one. And why learning to receive is actually the most radical relationship shift you can make. I also share a story about a client who couldn’t orgasm with her partner because she couldn’t

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10:59

When Your Inner Child Has the Wheel

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/03/26

Hey love, Ever catch yourself in the same argument? Or feel that familiar urge to shut down, chase, or fix—even when you know better? Your inner child might be behind the wheel. Again. In this week’s episode of Love Is, I’m breaking down how childhood survival strategies sneak into our adult relationships, why they’re so sticky, and how to start choosing differently—without blaming your past. Once you know who’s driving, you can gently take the keys back. Want to go deeper? I created a free

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10:55

10 Tips For Talking About Sex

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/03/19

No one teaches us how to talk about sex. That means we learn the hard way —by fumbling or mumbling —which is no bueno. That ends today. This week on the podcast, I’ve got 10 tips for making these conversations a little bit less uncomfortable. From timing it right (not while you’re getting busy) to the build-up (think Eiffel Tower—start at the base, not the tip). You’ll be talking pleasure, desire, and boundaries with confidence in no time! You can thank me later. Mentioned in Episode 25:

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19:18

3 Strategies for Navigating Their Silence

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/03/12

As a kid, silence in my house was heavy. Not the peaceful kind – the kind that sits on your chest and makes you hold your breath. That's probably why I followed my former husband from room to room trying to make him talk it out. Not my proudest moment, but hey, we're all learning here. In this week’s episode, I explain what happens when someone goes silent—they’re probably not rejecting you, by the way. I also share three strategies that will change how you handle the “silent treatment.” Plus, I’m

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09:33

Why Love Hurts So Good

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/03/05

In this week's episode of Love Is..., I discuss a recent challenge in my relationship that had me questioning the real purpose of relationships. Here's what we're exploring: Why relationships bring up our sh*t How conflicts can be doorways to healing What happens when we get curious instead of defensive I share insights from relationship experts Terry Real and Esther Perel, as well as an honorable mention from Marianne Williamson. If you're in the messy middle of relationship growth right

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16:02

What Really Makes Sex Amazing?

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/02/26

Today on Love Is..., I'm getting real about something that might surprise you: the best lovers aren't necessarily the most skilled ones. We're diving deep into: Why emotional safety matters more than technique What happened when a lover actually listened The "work" that transforms sex from good to unforgettable Gentle Warning: This episode contains adult themes (not explicit, but definitely a grown folks' conversation). If you've ever wondered why "technically perfect" sex sometimes feels

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15:47

When Connection is Reduced to a Click

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/02/19

In Episode 21, we're having an honest conversation about unsolicited photos of genitalia and what they reveal about modern seduction (or lack thereof). This is bigger than d*ck pics – it's about how technology has changed the way we approach desire, connection, and intimacy. We’re digging into: The difference between seduction and harassment (with wisdom from Esther Perel) Why quick hits of attention leave everyone feeling empty A fresh perspective on boundaries that puts you back in control

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09:23

Does Your Partner Pass the Sniff Test?

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/02/12

Remember when I promised we'd start getting into the juicy stuff? Well, today we're talking about something rarely discussed in relationship conversations: why your nose might be the most honest matchmaker you have. In Episode 20, I'm breaking down three crucial reasons why odor compatibility matters in romantic relationships (and yes, I'm sharing my own experiences too). We're diving into pheromones, sexual chemistry, and why that "ick" might be more significant than you think. And if you've

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06:22

True Confession… I’ve Been Hiding

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/02/05

There is something I need to tell you… I've been holding back —in my content —on this podcast. Playing it safe. Shrinking to fit. Not bringing my A-game. That ends today. This episode is my line in the sand—a confession, a promise, and a glimpse of what's to come—raw, juicy conversations about relationships, desire, intimacy, and sex—basically the kind of things we share over wine but rarely talk about in public. (And next week? We're diving into what your partner's scent says about compatibility

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04:55

5 Things That Nobody Tells You About Starting Over

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/01/22

When the longest relationship I never had ended (not a typo), someone said to me, “New chapter, new year.” That was so not helpful. Good is not a feeling I’ve ever felt at the end of a relationship. Even when ending it was good for me. I know you get it. This week on the pod, we are talking about five things nobody tells you about starting over. This episode is a shorty — 5 minutes. But it’s juicy! P.S. Are you a regular listener? Leave a review. You’ll definitely rack of some karma credits for

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16:53

“Is Busy Your Perfect Alibi?”

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/01/15

Your calendar might be full, but what's really keeping you unavailable? In this week’s episode, we are talking about why many of us are more comfortable with exhaustion than connection. 🔎 I have a simple practice for you: The Spacious Minute. It might reveal what your busy schedule is protecting you from. No meditation required. 🗣️ FREE Masterclass: Understanding Your Relationship Patterns Date: January 23, 2025 Time: 1pm PST / 4pm EST We'll skip the self-help clichés and dive straight into

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19:56

7 Reasons Why “It’s Complicated”

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/01/08

I spent years mistaking intensity for intimacy, choosing complicated over calm because at least I knew the steps to that dance. When someone consistently showed up—no games, no drama —it felt empty. But it wasn't about them. It was about how foreign safety felt to my nervous system. In this week’s episode, we explore seven reasons why we sometimes distance ourselves from good love, heading straight for the familiar territory of "it's complicated." Sometimes, the hardest part isn't finding good love

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10:13

How Does Wanting Make You Feel?

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2025/01/01

I've been thinking about our desires—not fleeting wishes but longings that remind us there's more to life than comfortable compromises. In Episode 15, we illuminate how many of us are caught in the familiar tension between gratitude for what is and hunger for what could be. There's wisdom in wanting; maybe it's time to stop apologizing for wanting more. P.S. If this episode resonates, you might want to check out Sovereignty—doors open next month. Get on the waitlist. Mentioned in Episode 15:

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10:07

Return to Your Knowing

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2024/12/25

We used just to know things. Remember that? Before we started gathering a focus group of friends and consulting “The Google” at ridiculous hours to search for answers, we used to know things. And by knowing things, I mean we used to trust ourselves. This week, we’re discussing what happens when we trade that knowing for external validation. I share my bookstore epiphany. Some of my biggest downloads have happened in bookstores —go figure. Mentioned in Episode 14: Sovereignty is coming soon -

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12:33

When Anger is Wisdom 🔥

Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera ·

2024/12/18

There is so much to be pissed about. Living in a world that often expects us to manage everyone's feelings while minimizing our own. We’ve spent years trying not to coast on emotional autopilot. The exhaustion is real. In episode 13, we’re taking a deeper look at anger. I’m digging into why that simmering frustration is not a sign of bitterness —it’s proof that it’s time to make shift happen. We’re done apologizing for our feelings. Now is the time to begin trusting our inner knowing. Ready? Let’s

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53 results

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