PODCAST

Movie Mastery

Jef Aldrich and Jon Taylor

Jef and Jon review movies by randomly rolling on an audience-submitted list.

tv & film film reviews

All Episodes

69:16

Movie Mastery – Guardians (2017)

Movie Mastery ·

2018/01/26

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/01/movie-mastery-guardians.mp3 It’s time for some superhero action from the Motherland. Russia’s greatest/only heroes must band together to stop the machinations of the evil Dr. Electro-Bane. It’s like if the Fantastic Four were cosmonauts instead (yes I know about Red Ghost and the Super-Apes). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

80:17

Movie Mastery – Suburban Commando (1991)

Movie Mastery ·

2018/01/11

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/01/movie-mastery-suburban-commando.mp3 There was a time when Hollywood was trying really hard to turn Hulk Hogan into a legit movie star. With films like this, though, they skipped the standard process of turning a famous muscle man into a star which usually involves being an action hero and went straight to family comedy. It’s like if Schwarzenegger’s big film break had been Kindergarten Cop. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit

79:22

In Theaters Now – Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

Movie Mastery ·

2017/12/28

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/12/movie-mastery-jumanji-welcome-to-the-jungle.mp3 So this isn’t a reboot or a remake, this is a sequel to the 1995 original Jumanji movie. Which is weird, because they ditch the entire conceit of the original movie where it’s the game invading the real world for a much blander “Sucked into the video game” trope. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

121:08

Movie Mastery – The Santa Clause 1, 2, and 3

Movie Mastery ·

2017/12/25

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/12/movie-mastery-the-santa-clauses.mp3 Merry Christmas, everyone. As a special holiday treat we are giving you a giant-sized gift in the form of us reviewing ALL THREE Santa Clause movies. Just a warning, we get a little punch drunk after recording for two hours so it gets a bit off the rails. But that’s what the season is all about! Or something! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

71:13

Movie Mastery – Deck the Halls (2006)

Movie Mastery ·

2017/12/14

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/12/movie-mastery-deck-the-halls.mp3 It’s time for some seasonal fare with the first of our Bad Dads Christmas movie spectacular. Do these terrible dads not love Christmas enough? Do they love it too much? Not in the specific way the writer/director thinks one should? Well, then, time for them to get dunked on until the realize the error of their ways. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

86:56

In Theaters Now – Justice League

Movie Mastery ·

2017/11/30

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/11/movie-mastery-justice-league.mp3 Beloved heroes will come together in a climactic story that will both shock and entertain you as you see the spectacle you’ve been waiting years for. That’s not until Avengers: Infinity War comes out, though, so for now you can also watch a movie where bad versions of DC heroes get clowned on until they rely on Superman Ex Machina to save the day. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

103:06

Movie Mastery – The Chipmunk Adventure (1987)

Movie Mastery ·

2017/11/16

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/11/movie-mastery-the-chipmunk-adventure.mp3 You might have seen this as a kid and remember that it was a fun musical cartoon movie with characters jetting around the globe. It is that, yes, but it is also so much more. This film exists in a universe that is begging to be unraveled and this episode we tear into the meaty flesh to expose what lies beneath. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

67:17

Movie Mastery – Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties (2006)

Movie Mastery ·

2017/11/02

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/11/movie-mastery-garfield-a-tale-of-two-kitties.mp3 Just as this was torture to watch, so too must this episode be torture to listen to. Sadly the audio equipment malfunctioned on this one. Rather than just lose an entire episode, we salvaged it to a listenable point and present it to you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

91:36

In Theaters Now – My Little Pony: The Movie

Movie Mastery ·

2017/10/19

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/10/movie-mastery-mlp.mp3 Can the magic of friendship overcome the oppressive totalitarian regime of the Storm King and his merchandising? Probably! Special guest James D’Amato from One Shot joins us in picking apart the bizarre implications of the My Little Pony universe. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

76:17

Movie Mastery – Night Train to Terror (1985)

Movie Mastery ·

2017/10/06

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/10/movie-mastery-night-train-to-terror.mp3 God and the Devil must divvy up the souls of the dead in this horror anthology where everything is just super truncated clips from movies that they could get as cheap as possible to repackage. But hey, Richard Moll is in here twice though so…there’s that. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

65:51

In Theaters Now – It (2017)

Movie Mastery ·

2017/09/21

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/09/movie-mastery-it.mp3 Something evil is haunting the town of Derry, Maine. It’s a clown that really likes fucking with the protagonists. Can Jon overcome his love of the original Tim Curry It? Can Jef overcome the fact that he hates horror movies and movies in general? Only one way to find out. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

63:56

Movie Mastery – The 13th Warrior (1999)

Movie Mastery ·

2017/09/08

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/09/movie-mastery-13th-warrior.mp3 It turns out that not every single person that makes a suggestion for the show ends up trying to get us to watch the absolute worst nonsense available. This time we got to watch an actual decent movie adaptation of a Michael Crichton book. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

70:44

Movie Mastery – In The Name of the King: A Dungeon...

Movie Mastery ·

2017/08/24

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/08/movie-mastery-dungeon-siege.mp3 At some point in time Uwe Boll watched The Lord of the Rings and thought to himself, “Hey, I could do that.” Using the barest connection to a video game and some tax loopholes; he was finally able to create the poor man’s LotR. Like, the poorest man. A man so poor he can’t afford to pay attention. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

65:10

In Theaters Now – The Dark Tower

Movie Mastery ·

2017/08/11

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/08/movie-mastery-dark-tower.mp3 There are other worlds than these. In one of those worlds, there was probably an adaptation of this well beloved series that received critical acclaim and went on to be like The Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter. Sadly, this world will probably see this as a one-and-done semi-sequel that most people were lukewarm to at best. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

68:26

In Theaters Now – Valerian and the City of a Thousand...

Movie Mastery ·

2017/07/28

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/07/movie-mastery-valerian.mp3 Most of your favorite sci-fi has likely borrowed something from the hugely influential comic series Valerian and Laureline. Now see the adaptation of the source material that has the bravery to turn intrepid space hero Valerian into a sleazy Pick-up Artist and his competent companion/friend Laureline into a sarcastic bikini model. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

68:03

Movie Mastery – Rock-a-Doodle (1992)

Movie Mastery ·

2017/07/13

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/07/movie-mastery-rock-a-doodle.mp3 Get ready for an animated musical that features all of your favorite things from the genre including: Songs that last 10 seconds, useless main characters, and a total lack of moral or lesson to be learned. Don Bluth presents Rooster Elvis & Sex Chicken: A Musical Love Story. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

71:06

Movie Mastery – Scourge of Worlds (2003)

Movie Mastery ·

2017/07/01

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/06/movie-mastery-dd-scourge-of-worlds.mp3 Join us on a magical adventure where YOU decide what happens! Well…not, you. I mean, WE decided what would happen. We had the controller and all. Anyway, it’s a choose your own adventure style cgi animated D&D movie that looks atrocious and is just as well acted. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

69:54

In Theaters Now – The Mummy (2017)

Movie Mastery ·

2017/06/15

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/06/movie-mastery-the-mummy-2017.mp3 It’s time to enter a new Dark Universe. One where all the old horror movie monsters have been turned into super villains that aging action heroes must combat for the fate of the world. Get ready for car chases, explosions, and Tom Cruise running. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

71:44

In Theaters Now – Baywatch

Movie Mastery ·

2017/06/02

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/06/movie-mastery-baywatch.mp3 Normally seeing that The Rock is in a movie is an assurance that it will at least be somewhat charming, if nothing else. The greatest sin of this movie isn’t the shitty script, lazy jokes, or underwhelming action. No, it’s that they managed to make Dwayne Johnson boring. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

64:30

Movie Mastery – Tiptoes (2004)

Movie Mastery ·

2017/05/18

https://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2017/05/movie-mastery-tiptoes.mp3 Yes, ok, Gary Oldman has great range and can do many characters. That said, making him walk around on his knees and pretend to be a little person is just terrible. You even had Peter Dinklage RIGHT THERE. Goddammit, movie. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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