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PODCAST

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

John Brandon, Jim Banks, Matthew Van Zandt, Vanessa

Square Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they"re the fun kind of dumb, and that"s what counts.

leisure video games

All Episodes

01:39:33

Dragon Age II Part 3 - An Apology to Sweden

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/01/24

In this chunker of BioWare's Dragon Age II we start with a heartfelt apology to Sweden. We promise to never again mention The Normal Chef. It's a two hander with Johnny trying his best to host as they tackle Varric's Tale. Also: - The Hottest Hot Gaming News in a Decade - Gum Songs - Everyone's a Celebrity in England - Aveline's Dating Skills - Eluvian Repair Kits - A Lot Of Stuff Happening, Also Nothing Happening This Week: We complete The Long Road, Mirror Image, Dissent, Black Powder Courtesy,

en

50:20

Talkin' Age with Mark Darrah

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/01/21

Jim and Vanessa talk to Dragon Age II's executive producer, Mark Darrah on the creation of Dragon Age II as well as the state of the industry. Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

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02:14:31

Dragon Age II Part 2 - I'm A Deadus, I'm a Deadus

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/01/17

Get Deep Roads deep into Dragon Age II with us in this spelunking episode of Square Roots! We recruit Isabella, don't recruit the Qunari mage, and at least for one of us a party member dies! Also: - I want sonic to help me put on underwear - Vanessa's Felicia Day Beef and Felicia DayLC - A 10 Minute Cullen Chat - Croissandra With A Side of Sour Cream - A man with some kind of gutters - It Was Sassy Frassy This Week: We complete the Deep Roads Expedition! Next Week: We complete The Long Road, Mirror

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01:57:26

Dragon Age II Part 1 - AKA Ted Donker

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/01/10

Everyone is here for the start of Dragon Age II, a game that is still widely available to play but figuring out how to get the DLC to work takes some doing. Still, has BioWare's divisive installment of Dragon Age improved with time? Or are its limits still as frustrating as ever? Who is Ted Donker? Find out the answers to these and much more on this week's Square Roots! Also: - Maybe Too Much Hot Gaming News? - No One Knows What Ever Crisis Is - I'm Here To Kill Chaos - We Just Rag On Neelix For

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49:37

Square Roots New Year 2022 Extravaganza!

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2022/01/03

Hi! COVID wrecked our efforts to put out a Dragon Age II episode this week, but we do have a very special end of the year episode for you all to enjoy instead! This Week: We celebrate the end of 2021! Next Week: We recruit all five extra party members in Dragon Age II! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter:

en

01:35:33

Metal Gear Solid Part 2 - GFH: Glasses Floppy Hair

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2021/12/29

NOW WITH 90% LESS CHIPMUNK VOICES! You probably saw this one coming: it's a two hander! Johnny and Matthew dig through the second disc of Metal Gear Solid, with Johnny finding it brisk and fun and poor Matthew feeling like it takes forever. But you've got some iconic boss fights, weird jokes, and completely reconstructed cut scenes between the original PlayStation version and the GameCube Twin Snakes. Also this episode: - Muscle Milkers - Metal Gear as Metroidvania - Matthew Can't Handle The Master

en

02:03:40

Metal Gear Solid Part 1 - Those Legs Are Connected To...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2021/12/20

Sure, it's not an RPG, but Konami's Metal Gear Solid IS a classic. And on this special holiday season of Square Roots we venture with Snake to Alaska, pretty close to where Santa lives. We try to make sense of the metal gear lore, talk about neuropeptides like we know what they mean, and Vanessa writes in an analysis of Meryl's big acting scene. Also this week: - Trashing the PS Classic - Twin Snakes Versus The Original - Has Kojima Ever Talked To A Woman? - Those Legs Are Connected To A Butt -

en

02:07:14

Tales of Vesperia Part 8 - Noted Floppy Haired Boy...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2021/12/13

For some reason Tales of Vesperia decides to squeeze about twenty hours of content into five hours of game, meaning there's a lot of reveals, narrative shifts, insane twists, and the most homoerotic wrestling match ever. But will Yuri and pals save the world? Is there really a final Necron? Who is the actual Sephiroth of the game? Also this week: - Can you vore a ghost? - Noted floppy haired boy Brian Doyle Murray - The The Doctor Is A Woman Twist - Yuri and Flynn Play Wrestle - The Insane Patty

en

01:57:36

Tales of Vesperia Part 7 - Wonton Violence

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2021/12/06

Oops! It’s all Sephiroths when we try to figure out just who will be the big bad of this chunker. Will it be the white haired Sephiroth with the magical sword? Or the other white haired Sephiroth with a magical sword? Or will it be that one guy who looks like Ginger Spice? There’s some apocalyptic action as we dive through this penultimate chunker! Also this week: Johnny & Vanessa Breakout Episode: Oops All Bad Games Aloysius, Frank Miller, and Dinosaur Entelexeia Cellphone Julia Louise-Dryfus’s

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02:05:13

Tales of Vesperia Part 6 - Teen Wolfhard

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2021/11/29

Alright, let's start off by saying I'm sorry for derailing this episode with increasingly cursed and horny acrostics. I made a mistake, and I'm sorry. Please put your little ones to bed before playing this episode. Also, things start getting dramatic on this spicy talkthrough of Namco's Tales of Vesperia. Betrayal! Twists! A bad guy is revealed! Also this week: - Estelle's Hamster Ball - Zap! It's News Time! - Cowboy Beep Boop - Hey, So What Happened Next? - There's A Bell Up On A Dais - Everyone Is

en

02:35:31

Tales of Vesperia Part 5 - S-Step Yuri?

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2021/11/22

Will Yuri's trail of murder ever end? With an additional body count of two it doesn't seem to be stopping. Do we like his dark turn? Will Estelle stop murdering magical creatures? Will Karol stop complaining? (Jk jk we love Karol) Find out on this big ol' episode! Also this week: - Repede is my Hat Now - Pigeon Milk - Yuri's Hate Crimes - Don Whitehorse's Failson - A Reverse Whale Argument This Week: Arrival at Phaeroh's Crag! Next Week: We finish the Heracles! Our Patreon:

en

01:20:01

Tales of Vesperia Part 4 - Hee Hee Hoo Haw Is German

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2021/11/15

It's a rare Johnnyless episode as Vanessa, Jim and Matthew tackle this darker middle chapter of Tales of Vesperia. Yuri takes a dark turn, you learn even more about the guilds and the gang stars a whole new one - Brave Vesperia! Also this week: - Yet Another Ghost Ship - You Don't Marry a Magician - Punisher Yuri - Where's the Body? - KAROL SEDUCES A GUARD - Is Jim a Bootlicker? This Week: We get to the desert?! Next Week: Arrival at Phaeroh's Crag?! Our Patreon:

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01:44:47

Tales of Vesperia Part 3 - Cut That

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2021/11/08

Things happen this episode. Vast political movements. Intriegue. Subterfuge. Swapped letters. And we have a tenuous grasp of all of it as Tales of Vesperia's plot starts to really get going. I mean, we're still not even sure how to pronounce "Ragou". Also this week: - Dump Cake - Vanessa's Shocking Level Up - Too Many Sephiroths - Johnny is Distracted By A Broad Chest - No One Wants To Hold Out For A Heroic Mail Delivery This Week: Yuri flies away!? Next Week: We get to the desert?! Our Patreon:

en

02:11:36

Tales of Vesperia Part 2 - Yakety Sucks

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2021/11/01

Let's just get this out of the way: we can't sing Yakety Sax. No matter who tries, we're just terrible at it. I'm not sure why this is an important part of this episode of Square Roots or what it has to do with Namco's Tales of Vesperia, but that's just the way it is. Also this week: - Inn-teresting - Talkin' About Blastia - The automaton's giant stone wiener - A sudden Matthew appearance - That's Cumore! - More Hot Gaming News - Gene "Wonderchef" Parmesan This Week: Our boat sinks!? Next Week: Yuri

en

01:39:54

Tales of Vesperia Part 1 - The Jerpig Pen

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2021/10/25

It's Halloween down at the Square Roots house, so we're playing the spooooooky classic JRPG, or Jerpig, Namco's Tales of Vesperia! It's like a cozy comfy blanket of JRPG comfort food, and we enjoy it. So when we're not debating Yuri's hair colour, we guide the party from a splurging fountain to a magical tree town that does NOT explode. Also this week: - Catchphrases - The Great Pumpkin Deposition - Less Than Jokes - The Cosmic Horror of Baby Fresh Eyes - Matthew Makes Us Feel Bad - The Hottest

en

02:03:34

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Part 6 - She Sells See Shors

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2021/10/18

This week on Square Roots we blaze through the ending of the main questline like a dragon spewing fire! So much blazing! We defeat Alduin, and then things are... happy? Maybe? Also Grunk, Rimjob and Presto get Animal House end title cards. What would Gojira's end title card be? Consumed by Alduin? Also this week: - What Happens When We Don't Heckle Jim - A Spooky Fair - Click Click Blam - Guest Host Ira Glass - Spicy Tuna Cakes - Making a Bad Dragon Mould - Drauger Karens - Hakon Sprinklerhead This

en

01:51:57

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Part 5 - In the Back of...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2021/10/11

Oh shit! Square Roots has a beach episode! But, sadly, it's the kind of beach episode where all your favourites go on vacation! That's right: you got RimJob becoming a werewolf, Presto Kazaam meets up with her past self, and Johnny becomes a real Prince of Thieves. Also this week: - Delita is a Fvckboy - Regretting Just Playing Dragonball - Vanessa Murders Her First Wife - "He IS the Daedric Prince of Madness!" - Or is he the Daedric Prince of Great Prices? - Sexy Robot Kazoo Whistles This Week:

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02:04:39

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Part 4 - Ray Romano's In...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2021/10/04

We're gonna be honest here: this is either going to be a really long chunker for you or a really short chunker depending on whether or not you choose a side or choose that delicious, delicious third option. But you wouldn't skip all these questlines that Bethesda worked so hard on, would you? Also this week: - Muscle Garfield - Alduin, World Tooter - Vanessa's Letter to Bethesda - Why Boys Not Hot? - We Are All Master Negotiators This Week: We either pick a side or negotiate a truce in Season

en

01:50:17

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Part 3 - Alfland in...

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2021/09/27

Oh boy! It's time for further adventures of mural exposition, with Joan Allen calling Max Von Sidow a big nerd for caring about second age tryptarchs. On this chunker of Bethesda's Skyrim we need to get our hands on one of those fancy Elder Scrolls. But how?! By talking to a sexy Orc librarian, heading down to a magical mushroom kingdom, solving a spinny puzzle, and so much more! Also this week: - Who wins in a fight, the Eternals versus the Inhumans? - Conjure Flame Astronaut - It's Your Inn Now -

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06:44

Square Roots September 2021 Patreon Vote!

Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast ·

2021/09/21

Hello! We are having a vote! On our Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Our choices: Vanessa - Deus Ex: Human Revolution (2011) Jim - Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch (2011) Johnny - Alpha Protocol (2010) Matthew - Tales of Vesperia (2008) So join our $5 tier and vote! YEAH!

en

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