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PODCAST

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back

Conor Lastowka and Michael J. Nelson are reading books they"re pretty sure they"re going to hate. Read along with us for a podcast book clubs of Ready Player One, Armada, The Eye of Argon, Dan Brown, and more!

comedy books

All Episodes

2:17:43

Episode 29 – What The Hell Was That?

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2019/01/16

Well, the pace sure as hell was unrelenting, folks. We’ve reached the end of TekWar, and there both is and isn’t a lot to talk about. Chest-high walls, disdainful robot pimps, the brief and wondrous life of Sonny Hokori are all just the tip of the iceberg. Thanks to all who hitched their wagons to … Continue reading "Episode 29 – What The Hell Was That?"

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1:51:52

Episode 28 – Al’s House of Lucite

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2019/01/08

If you’d told us way back in Episode 25 – Meetings About Sonny Hokori, if we’d still be having meetings about Sonny Hokori 150 pages later, we would have thrown the book across the room. And yet, here we are. We’re back after the holiday break (feeling kind of glum, guess we just miss Ogden … Continue reading "Episode 28 – Al’s House of Lucite"

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1:39:43

Episode 27 – A Heavy Airquotes Simple Plan

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/12/21

Chapter 22 of Tekwar may be the second stupidest chapter we’ve read on this podcast. The first, of course, being the one in Armada where The Emissary just, you know, cures cancer and every other disease. But this one is close. We will explain why in great detail. We’ll also FINALLY meet one of the … Continue reading "Episode 27 – A Heavy Airquotes Simple Plan"

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1:33:48

Episode 26 – Located in the Exact Center of your...

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/12/11

Roll your cartoon wolf tongues back into your mouths, we’ve got a new episode! This week we finally get to meet the lusted after Beth Kittridge… Well, kind of… Mike also coins a new, revolting portmanteau for our favorite author duo: Shatlart, while Conor does his best to try to pronounce the name Ogden, which … Continue reading "Episode 26 – Located in the Exact Center of your Podcast App"

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1:44:21

Episode 25 – Meetings About Sonny Hokori

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/12/04

Look, we all love Sonny Hokori and Bennet Sands and Dr. Kittridge’s insanely hot daughter. We love to hear Jake discuss those people in quirky alleys with people we’ve never met and probably will never hear from again. But for the love of god, do we need FOUR CONSECUTIVE CHAPTERS of these meetings??? In this … Continue reading "Episode 25 – Meetings About Sonny Hokori"

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1:51:21

Episode 24 – ¡El Pelo Hinchable!

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/11/20

To the inattentive and brainless layman* it might appear that not much happened during this stretch of TekWar. Mostly Jake aka Jonatha and Juanito aka The Android(???) just sat and talked to people about other people we haven’t met yet. Somehow, we discussed this for nearly two hours. Folks stepped up their fanfic this time … Continue reading "Episode 24 – ¡El Pelo Hinchable!"

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1:45:16

Episode 23 – Plasepisode Plastwenty Plasthree

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/11/12

Steeple your chrome fingers against your chrome nose and tell maw to cork it, here’s our first Tekwar episode! We’ve got a ton to cover here: the difference between Airvans and Skycabs. Coppery racism. Oddly specific and ever increasing intervals of time. And printing, my god the printing! A hearty plasthanks to our Patreon … Continue reading "Episode 23 – Plasepisode Plastwenty Plasthree"

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25:09

Episode 22 – Book Four Reveal!

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/11/02

Let’s not delay this any longer: We’ve got a new book picked out to read together, and by all accounts it’s gonna be a doozy. So let’s say goodbye to Norgolia and move on to… Well, you’ll have to listen to find out! We didn’t know the assignment for MYSTERY BOOK REDACTED when we recorded, … Continue reading "Episode 22 – Book Four Reveal!"

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1:36:06

Episode 21 – Mo’ Shamen, Maw Problems

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/10/26

It feels like we just started Grignr’s journey, but it’s already time to finish The Eye of Argon. Fortunately, the second half is just as amazing as the first half, with out of left field seizures, deadly rat pelvis bones, reeking maws, husking femmes, and iycks! We’ll also take a look at how the … Continue reading "Episode 21 – Mo’ Shamen, Maw Problems"

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1:40:23

Episode 20 – Hope You Like Adjectives!

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/10/19

Wow! The Eye of Argon more than surpassed our expectations. Our ovals widened rotundly with every additional sentence Theis crafted. My god, the first four (4.5, really) chapters were only like six thousand words and we spent nearly two hours discussing them! Obviously there’s a lot to cover here as Grignr makes his way through … Continue reading "Episode 20 – Hope You Like Adjectives!"

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33:37

Episode 19 – The Eye of Argon

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/10/12

We teased it in our last episode, but we’re finally ready to reveal to you: our next book is called The Eye of Argon. We figured, what could possibly carry the torch of Ernest Cline’s terrible books, and decided: how about a typo-riddled fantasy novella written five decades ago by a sixteen year old who … Continue reading "Episode 19 – The Eye of Argon"

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9:31

Episode 18 – A Crummy Commercial

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/10/09

We are back! Don’t worry, there is no new Ernest Cline book. But we’ve decided to launch back up to try to tackle some books which may be just as bad or even worse! DO NOT GET TOO EXCITED! There’s no real content in this episode. It is just A Crummy Commercial for our new Patreon. … Continue reading "Episode 18 – A Crummy Commercial"

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1:49:49

Episode 17 – We’ll Do It Live… Or Will We?

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/04/20

Recorded live at Sisyphus Brewing in Minneapolis on April 11th, this is our first ever live show… Is how this post used to start before the recording of our live show was lost in an epic tech meltdown! But never fear, Mike and Conor have reunited to rediscuss the Ready Player One movie, in possibly … Continue reading "Episode 17 – We’ll Do It Live… Or Will We?"

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1:49:11

Episode 16 – And Then All That Happened, The End

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/03/23

When we last left Zack Lightman, he was submerged beneath the Antarctic Ocean, trying to retrieve his father and save the world. But then it was getting close to happy hour, so Ernest Cline decided to just wrap things up and hit publish on one of the most unsatisfying, unbelievably rushed endings we’ve ever seen. … Continue reading "Episode 16 – And Then All That Happened, The End"

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1:29:49

Episode 15 – Some Light, Pre-Apocalypse Boning

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/03/16

As humanity’s potential end draws near, our heroes still have not been allowed to say goodbye to their loved ones back on Earth. So they all do what any normal person would do in that situation: bang the hell of out someone they just met a few hours ago. Mike and Conor’s faces contort as … Continue reading "Episode 15 – Some Light, Pre-Apocalypse Boning"

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1:48:33

Episode 14 – A General Uses the Term “Snackage”

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/03/09

The Europan death armada is just hours away, and mankind’s last defense force is behaving about how you’d expect: grinning, crushing hard, and making references to classic 80s horror anthologies. With only 100 pages left in the book, Mike and Conor are convinced that events that advance the plot forward may soon begin to actually … Continue reading "Episode 14 – A General Uses the Term “Snackage”"

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1:38:09

Episode 13 – Or as it Came to be Known, Episode 13

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/03/02

The calendars may say that it’s March, but to us it’s Clinetober! Here at 372 Pages we’re power-leaping into the month like a terrible Godzilla simile from the classic Toho kaiju flick Godzilla. This week’s reading may have broken the all-time record for most notes scrawled in the margins of our copies of Armada. Conor … Continue reading "Episode 13 – Or as it Came to be Known, Episode 13"

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1:35:22

Episode 12 – The Hot Geek Girl Laughed at my Episode...

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/02/23

Mike and Conor cover an absolutely thrilling stretch of Armada in this episode. Hold your breath because we’re about to discuss all of this: not one but TWO phone contact exchanging scenes, not one but TWO briefings in a large auditorium, and to cap it all off: an EULA acceptance scene!!! We’ll also explore some … Continue reading "Episode 12 – The Hot Geek Girl Laughed at my Episode Title"

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1:27:07

Episode 11 – Insanely hot (but relateable) moms

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/02/09

In this episode we meet Zack’s insanely hot TV addicted gamer mom. Turns out the Hot but Relateable Mom trope isn’t just a Clineian invention, and Conor reveals where he’s seen it turn up recently. Also, Mike was able to pull some strings and secure a scene from the movie version of Armada, a movie … Continue reading "Episode 11 – Insanely hot (but relateable) moms"

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1:19:24

Episode 10 – What Have We Done?

372 Pages We"ll Never Get Back ·

2018/02/02

In this first fifty pages of Armada, our hero sees a flying saucer, reads a giant list of movie release dates, and then goes to work. Somehow we talked about this sequence of events for 1 hour and 20 minutes. We also get caught up on what Conor and Mike read in between Cline novels, … Continue reading "Episode 10 – What Have We Done?"

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