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PODCAST

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column

Toke up to this whimsical, narrated Cannabis Column that infuses contemporary observations from an old school perspective. The name Stoney Baloney says it all; a weekly grab bag of ingredients that"s sure to be infused with lots of salty flavors to make it taste delicious.

comedy

All Episodes

02:57

#113 - Apathy is Bliss

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/05/08

There is an art form to truly not giving a shit. But unless you’re born with a personality laser etched with self-entitlement, it is something that takes experience to perfect. Like, getting to the point of absolutely caring less about what the hell happens in any given situation is a mindset that is acquired only through countless failures equating to a battle-worn callousness. They say that Buddhist monks will meditate in the Himalayan mountains for years in the attempts to achieve that flash of a

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01:56

#112 - Morning Would

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/04/30

decision of whether to spring right up and get the day going or hang out to collect thoughts while clenching the bladder. The bladder, it should be noted, was the only urgent matter preventing my ignoring the gleaning sunlight cracking through the blinds by pulling a sleeping mask over the shag and unwittingly drooling onto my pillow for another forty-five to an hour. I did indeed relieve the pressure, but then slipped back into bed. Why you’re most tired right after you’ve slept for eight hours, I

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02:58

#111 - Telling Up a Storm

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/04/23

My mother sent me an animated YouTube video that featured a twerking Smokey the Bear. And for those of you like my oft-clueless mother who may not be familiar with the terminology, twerking is a particular booty bounce popularized by a lip-licking Miley Cyrus during a televised MTV Video Music Awards in 2013. So, I engaged the opportunity to inform my family’s matriarch of this observation in a text-only to be annoyingly incorrectly corrected by autocorrect, substituting the word twerking with the

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02:56

#110 - The World's Giantest Dab

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/04/16

For more than a century, the Guinness Book of World Records has been the documentation for feats accomplished by an infamous lot. And even though the namesake of this formidable publication is branded by a beer company, something in which Davey Dabs never partakes, he has always been fascinated by the odd and amazing achievements that are celebrated through this historic account. Therefore, as a steward for Cannabis, Davey Dabs has plans to propose a challenge to the Wonka company to create a

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02:21

#109 - The Fat Guy That Parties

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/04/09

Everyone has known a fat guy that parties, right? Well, maybe not orthodox religious zealots, but that’s just because they don’t have a buddy who drinks, does blow, drops Molly, and then drenches his clothes with sweat from bouncing erratically on the dancefloor to seizure inducing EDM. Your loss, peeps. Either way, the iconic Blutarski character made popular by John Belushi in the movie Animal House paved the pizza dough for other actors like Chris Farley who captured the essence of the fat guy

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02:37

#108 - Wasting Time

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/04/02

It’s an oxymoron actually, because it is impossible to waste time if you are here and experiencing life. The fact that you are actively conscious means that you are utilizing the energy that motors your body to gain experience. Therefore, the time is not wasted at all, but in fact utilized. And further, how can you waste something that is free? If you gave nothing to get it, then you are entertaining yourself with something that you did not have before you began. But time is a concept--a construct

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02:59

#107 - Grouchlock

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/03/26

There used to be a creepy movie called The Swamp Thing where a slothy creature covered in moss was scaring the shit out of everybody in the nearby town by snatching up hotties to take back to his waterbed. Not to be confused with Oscar the Grouch who shares a similar pelt, only drier. And even though this trash dweller feller prickly postulates in the pursuit of gloom, his articulation is far more advanced than the neanderthal grunts and farts (off camera, of course!) of the swamp hairball with as

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02:48

#106 - The Swashbuckling Shatterbrain Shane

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/03/19

Everyone knows a Shane. It’s inevitable. And when Shakespeare asked if a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, what he meant was that what matters is what something is, not what it is called. But he was referring to roses, not dudes named Shane. Because every guy named Shane strangely has an identity that somehow quantifies him as a Shane. So does a Shane make the name, or does the name make a Shane? I don’t know. But I do know that if you call a fire ant a rhinoceros, it doesn’t make it any

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03:18

#105 - Pinball is Sexy

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/03/12

People are desperate to escape. And the self-administering of mind-altering substances is the quickest method for your surefire jailbreak from life’s doldrums. However, as these poisons are a guaranteed way to stimulate the synapses for easy access into La La Land, sleeping off the hangovers is a bitch. If you wake up at all. But we are weak to temptation, proving that the cheap flight off the reality runway can easily supersede one’s better judgement. Because when the harsh hangovers have you

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02:56

#104 - Star Trek And Rosswell

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/03/05

Television has influenced our daily lives in so many ways. A great example can be credited to a sci-fi treatment that playfully envisioned our future where space exploration was made easy through imaginative devices like the flip phone, automatic sliding doors, and laser guns. So, we are indebted to Star Trek for imagining the first iterations of these luxuries that hadn’t previously existed and have now become commonplace essentials in today’s technology driven world. And how about a virtual High

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02:39

#103 - Siri Broke My Heart

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/02/27

She used to be more fun. You could ask her where to bury a dead body and her reply was playfully non-resistant, on board for a senseless jab. But something happened because she appears to have lost her sense of humor. What, did she get indicted for a murder charge? Did we get married? In the beginning, we had such a fresh love affair, but it’s gotten predictable where the spark of excitement has fizzled into standard maintenance. There’s an odd, suspicious element now--like she’s perpetually

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03:03

#102 - The Cereal Kill

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/02/19

Once, Rachel the Ripper asked Davey Dabs if he was pregnant. Of course, she was being facetious, but because of his unflappable determination to interject his satirical influence into the current landscape of human culture, in some ways it was a logical inquiry were it not for the obvious gender limitations. Also, when purposefully protruding the bulbous belly that morphs into the unmistakable bulge resembling a third trimester mound, one would swear that this hair-covered housing was that of a new

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02:22

#101 - Letterman Jackets are not Awesome

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/02/12

There are some things that just get worse as you get older. And I’m not just referring to air quality and fast-food ingredients, but personal things like your optimism, your waistline, and last but definitely least, your high school letter jacket. That is, if you even earned one. And if you didn’t, then your yearbook will suffice. And if you don’t even have one of those, then I suppose your diploma. And if you don’t have one of those, you can always find a job in the Cannabis business. Speaking of

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02:40

#100 - Fuck Bok Choy

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/02/05

In case you couldn’t tell from the title, I’m not a big fan of bok choy. In fact, I think it’s how you say “fuck you” in Chinese. Mandarin, or Cantonese? Hmmm. I get your confusion, we’re talking about a food item here, not an ex who brought home a surprise STD. Therefore, there’s no justification to treat it with equal vitriol, but it’s just that my hands are experiencing chopstick fatigue from constantly fishing it out of my perfect bowl of pho. At least it was perfect – before I discovered bok

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02:40

#99 - I Talk to Myselves

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/01/29

It’s true and I can admit it. I do it a lot. I mean, not out loud so much … well OK, out loud. But at least I’m hyperconscious about maintaining the flailing arms to conceal any evidence of my attempt to reign victorious in the current internal debate. But doesn’t everyone respond to those nagging inner voices with some form of discourse? I mean, it is part of being human to socially interact whether it is with a person, a pet, or a volleyball with palm shoots for hair named Hanes. Wait, what I

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02:53

#98 - Nostradamus and the Brady Bunch

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/01/22

They say Nostradamus predicted World War III, which is inevitable, so you know he was on to something. According to the legions of believers who ruminate over his prophecies, the dude was a soothsayer if there ever was one. And these believers will tell you that his foresights of the French Revolution to the Apollo moon landings make him the greatest prognosticator of history – changing events since the caveman scribed the coming of a woolly mammoth dropping a load on his veranda. Forecasts have

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03:00

#97 - Jazzercise is Not Jazzy

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/01/15

Back in the 1980s there was a new craze called fitness. I don’t know what the hell people did before that to stay in shape, but I’m pretty sure this was the first time really going for a chiseled bod became an actual phenomenon. There is always so much optimism for things that are new. Time, however, is the great equalizer. And it’s not that we should be embarrassed about committing to emerging trends, but the emerging trends into which we commit. And evidence of our enthusiasm for a fad that shot

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02:39

#96 - The Space Needle is Weird

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2021/01/01

It’s no surprise that the single most identifiable object in the Seattle skyline is a needle. I mean, no one would ever make this connection about Omaha. And not only because they don’t have a gangly retro futuristic statue grazing the clouds downtown, but they also don’t have as many dead rock stars. Or a television show called Grey’s Anatomy named after a hospital. Lot’s of needles in that place. Now, for those of you who have never been driving through this particularly rainy city in the upper

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03:00

#95 - Davey Dabs On The Art Of Dabbing

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/12/25

Davey Dabs does not fuck around when it comes to his favorite past time. No, that is not dabbing, it is collecting Pokemon cards. Dabbing is a close second. But he will inform you that the two go together like chocolate and peanut butter on a caramelized onion bagel with lox, cream cheese with an olive Tapenade schmear. To most, that sounds like a hideous conglomeration of zest, but to Davey Dabs it is quite the contrary. It is his opinion that the clash of flavors inspires the palette to

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02:42

#94 - The Great Hustle

Stoney Baloney | A Narrated Cannabis Column ·

2020/12/18

Tradition is good. Just ask the dude in “Fiddler on the Roof,” who was so bent on toeing The Lord line that he dialed up a show stopping song that the entire town joined in on to validate his point. In the movie, he believes that honoring the rituals of our indoctrination reinforces our culture, which solidifies structure, resulting in a unified society. By the way, he wasn’t Christian. In fact, only one out of every three people in the world are Christian. Yet once again, whether we like it or not,

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313 results

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